A/N: This chapter is out reasonably quickly for two reasons. One, I felt bad for taking so long with chapter 8, and two – well, I really didn't wanna study for my Geometry test. Which means I'm gonna fail this semester, because I got a 77 on my last test… (breaks into sobs) WAAAAAAHHHHHHH! Why is my teacher so MEEEEEEEEEEEAN?
Disclaimer: Hey, who's to say that Sailor Moon doesn't belong to me? Maybe I'm actually Naoki Takeuchi writing here under an alias because I'm currently hiding from the aliens whose lives I based the Sailor Moon series on. Or maybe I'm actually Ryan Seacrest, who can only write fanfiction in anonymous communities because if the secret got out that I liked Sailor Moon, everyone would think I was gay. Or maybe I'm Paris Hilton's clone, and I like writing about girls in short skirts as much I like wearing them. (Wearign short skirts, I mean, not wearing girls who wear short skirts, because that would just be creepy and really difficult to do.)
Or maybe I'm just a poor Sailor Moon fan who doesn't know how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.
The world may never know.
(I really need to lay off the Mountain Dew, don't I?)
Subject To Change
"Motoki, I need a double cheeseburger, STAT!" panted Serena as she barreled into the arcade and flopped down in the booth beside Ami and Rei. "And a chocolate milkshake with a splash of vodka, if you can manage it."
"I'll see what I can do," promised Motoki with a laugh. "Why the huge appetite?"
"I didn't eat lunch or breakfast today," answered Serena somewhat woozily.
Motoki's eyes widened as he watched her sway slightly in her seat. "Oh, God! Quick, Ami, pour some of those sugar packets in her mouth, I'll bring the food as soon as I can!" He disappeared behind the counter.
"Serena, Serena," sighed Ami as she tore open a couple of sugar packages and leaned across the table to empty their contents onto Serena's tongue. "When are you going to start being more responsib – ew, ew, ew, you just licked my finger!" Ami shoved her briefcase at Rei, holding the "contaminated" finger away from her at arm's length as though to keep any of Serena's saliva germs from jumping onto her head. "Quick, Rei, I've got disinfectant wipes in the front pocket – "
Rei rolled her eyes and began rummaging through the briefcase.
"Ididanmeenodoah," protested Serena with the sugar still piled on her tongue. She swallowed and sighed, laying her cheek tiredly on the tabletop. "It was just an accident."
"Here." Rei tossed a wipe to Ami, muttering under her breath, "Freak."
"I heard that!" snapped Ami, scrubbing her finger vigorously. "At least my odd quirks haven't gotten me arrested like a certain arsonist."
"They never proved that it was me," said Rei stubbornly, crossing her arms. Smoke began to rise from her armpits. She hastily uncrossed her arms and blew on her slightly glowing hands, trying to cool them down. "Oops."
Serena giggled slightly, face still pressed to the table surface. "That's why most people wear deodorant, Rei."
Rei flushed. "Shut up, you!"
"Here's your food, Usa-chan – hey, were you guys burning stuff over here?" Motoki set the overflowing tray or burgers, fries, and shakes down on the table and waved a napkin around in the air, trying to clear the air. "It smells like smoke."
"That's my – uh – hair," said Ami quickly, shooting a scowl at Rei.
"Your hair?" Motoki asked blankly.
"Yes. I, um….accidentally set the hair dryer up too high this morning!" Ami exclaimed with a nervous titter. "You know how it goes, one minute it's just blowing and then – POOF! – your hair's on fire."
"Actually, I didn't know that, but, um, I'll file it away for future reference." Motoki backed away from the table. "Uh – call if you need anything else, okay, Usa-chan?" He turned and fled.
"I think you scared him, Ami," remarked Rei. "What do you think, Serena?"
Serena glanced innocently up at them, her eyes barely visible because her cheeks were crammed so full of food. She gulped – the lump as the food made its way down her throat was clearly visible ("Ew," said Rei disgustedly. "Which chipmunk are you, Serena, Chip or Dale?") – and opened her mouth. She seemed about to say something, then changed her mind and stuffed more French fries into her mouth instead. Rei and Ami sweatdropped.
"Y'know, I can't remember exactly what we came here for, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't to watch Serena slowly turn into the Nutty Professor," Rei said to Ami.
"No, we didn't," replied Ami. Her eyes, however, were still fastened on Serena, who had moved from on from the fries to the mozzarella sticks. "But I bet a lot of people would be willing to pay money to see this sort of thing."
"Hmm…" Rei stroked her chin thoughtfully. (Or perhaps she was actually stroking an invisible goatee – we'll never know.) "I like the way you think, Mizuno."
"Stop, Rei, you're making me turn red."
"Aw, stop being so modest, Ami – "
"No, really, your fire giving me a sunburn." Ami fished a piece of ice out of her coke and held it to her flushed face. "Stop trying to forge a sword out of the napkin dispenser."
"Darn." Guiltily, Rei hid the glowing piece of metal behind her back. "Foiled again."
Ami, however, wasn't paying attention to Rei. She had her mini-comp out and she was watching Serena with an expression of growing horror on her face. "SHE'S GONNA BLOW!" the bluenette yelled suddenly, diving under the table and yanking Rei down with her. "DUCK FOR COVER!"
BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRP!
Ami and Rei – hair sticking out at all angles from their heads – peeked tentatively over the top of the tabletop.
"What the heck, Odango!" yelled Rei. "If I had been burning something right then, this whole joint would've exploded!"
"Sorry," said Serena sleepily, laying her head back on the table and yawning…
"Oh, no you don't!" exclaimed Ami, grabbing Serena by the shoulder and jarring her awake. "You can't fall asleep yet! We still have You-Know-What business to discuss! And you haven't even started your Geometry homework yet – "
"Oh, no!" exclaimed Serena, jolting fully awake. "My Geometry homework! I left my bag in Miss Lanai's room! Why MEEEEEEEEEEEEE - ?"
"Calm down, Odango, I've got your bag right here," came Darien's voice. He appeared beside their table.
Automatically, Serena cocked a fist and let out a retort. "And I've got your knuckle sandwich right here, Shields – wait, you have my homework?" She pounced on the bright pink bag he held out and snatched it, hugging it tight to her chest. "Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou – oh, wait, never mind. Stupid jerk." She glared at him. "You probably went through all my stuff."
"Why would I do an idiotic thing like that?"
"Because you're an idiot, duh." Serena clamped her mouth shut and beckoned to Ami and Rei. "Come on, guys, let's go. We don't have the time to waste talking to this creep." She led them imperiously towards the door, then froze and darted past them and Darien back to the table. "Oops, forgot to pay!" She fished a wad of bills out of her pocket and threw them on the table, then stalked past Darien, making sure to flick a ponytail in his face as she did so. "Let's bust this joint, guys."
"Okay, you guys, time to be serious," said Ami as they staked out their place around a bench next to the lake at the park. She pulled her glasses out and pushed them up onto her nose, a sure sign that she was preparing to go into her Way Ill-Tempered Cruel Hag mode, or W.I.T.C.H mode for short.
"Uh-oh," whispered Serena to Rei.
Rei nodded in fervent agreement and elbowed Serena further down the bench in order to put some distance between her and W.I.T.C.H. Ami. Rei kept elbowing, and Serena kept scooting, until finally there was no more bench left. Then Rei elbowed her one more time.
"OOF!" rushed the breath from Serena's lungs as she landed on her butt for the umpteenth time that day. "OW! REI!"
"What?" asked Rei innocently.
"You pushed me off the bench!" pouted Serena, sticking out her upper lip and rubbing her bottom tenderly. "Now it's gonna be all bruised…"
"Well, look at it this way," said Rei pragmatically, "maybe it'll swell up too, and you'll have a butt like J. Lo!"
Serena gasped in horror. "But I don't want a butt like J. Lo's!"
"Why not?" demanded Rei. "People pay thousands of dollars every day for butt implants so that their butts'll look like J. Lo's."
"Michael Jackson spent millions of dollars on plastic surgery, too, and look where that got him," Serena retorted. "And why are you so obsessed with J. Lo's butt?"
"Wouldn't you like to know?"
Serena wrinkled her nose. "Not really." She thought for a minute, then scooted across the grass further away from the bench Ami and Rei sat on. "I don't think I feel comfortable transforming in front of you anymore, Rei."
"SERENA!" Turning red – with anger or embarrassment, who could tell? – Rei dove for Serena, who yelped and jumped into Ami's lap.
"Ami, save me! Oh, where's Tuxedo Mask when you need him?"
"STOP IT!" bellowed Ami, shooting to her feet.
Serena tumbled to the ground, and Rei – who had been lunging for Serena – smashed nose-first into the back of the bench. "Ow…"
"I told you two it was time to be serious," growled Ami, the light from the streelamps glinting sinisterly off her glasses. She pointed a finger at them. "Behave. Now.
Or I'll tell Luna on you. She should be here in a few minutes."
Rei and Serena whimpered, the former clutching her nose and the latter rubbing her rear. "Yes, ma'am."
"Good." Ami pulled a handkerchief out of her pocket and spread it out on the bench. She smoothed it out and sat down, muttering to herself. "Who knows what kind of displays of public affection could have taken place on this bench…"
"Nice work, Ami." A small dark shape leapt onto the genius' lap. "It's not often that anyone can make the two of them shut up. Maybe I should have made you leader." The cat flicked a pointed cinnabar look at the blonde on the ground.
"Here's an idea," said Ami, lowering her face to the cat's level so that her menacing spectacles brushed against Luna's whiskers. "How about we START THIS STUPID MEETING!"
"I second that motion," inserted Rei, raising a hand. "The sooner we get this done, the sooner I can get home and watch Summerland – I mean, finish my chores!"
"SILENCE!" thundered Ami.
"T-t-thank you, Ami," said Luna shakily, still trembling from the bluenette's earlier bellow. "Er – okay. We need to talk about last night's battle. Things did not go well, to put it mildly."
"About as mildly as Tobacso sauce." Rei snorted. "Me and Ami end up unconscious and one of Tuxedo Mask's roses kill a youma? That was either one really wimpy youma or Tuxedo Mask was in a really bad mood."
Serena opened her mouth to say something, thinking of the fury she had seen smoldering in his eyes, then thought better of it and pressed her lips together. They're already suspicious of him, and I don't want them to be mad at him until we find out what's up. She brought her knees up to her chest and knotted her arms around them, watching the others' conversation.
"I'm not so much worried about Tuxedo Mask as I am about how we got knocked out without even seeing out attacker," said Ami. "Serena, you said you didn't see what happened to us?"
Serena shook her head. "I was kinda busy with Zoicite." (A/N: Get your minds out of the gutters, you hentai!)
"So it must have been the youma," said Ami to Luna. "But usually youma aren't that competent…I just don't see how it could've snuck up on us like that…"
Serena resisted the temptation to point out that the Senshi hadn't exactly been at their best during the last couple of battles. After all, it would be sort of like the pot calling the kettle black, wouldn't it?
"There's a very good chance that it was Tuxedo Mask," sad Luna abruptly. "After all, you told me that Zoicite had you for at least three minutes, correct, Serena?" Not waiting for an answer, Luna continued, "Based on past experiences, Tuxedo Mask has usually arrived to do his knight in shining armor bit well before that, but he didn't show up until the very last minute last night. I think we should consider the possibility that he was the one who knocked out Ami and Rei."
"But that's stupid," Serena interrupted. "Why would he bother rescuing me if he was knocking out my friends? That doesn't make any sense."
"What about any of this makes sense?" muttered Rei. "Ami's hair is blue, my eyes are purple, we flounce around town in miniskirts and high heels at least three nights a week getting rescued by some guy in a tuxedo who throws roses, and we're sitting here talking to a cat."
Serena sent Rei a sour glance. "I'd like to point out that you're the only one who wears high heels," she said. "Me and Ami wear boots. And we don't flounce. We skip with purpose."
"Oh, Holy Spirit," muttered Luna. "Enough of this, you two. Serena, I know how you feel about Tuxedo Mask, but at this point in time we have to regard him as an enemy."
"But why?" demanded Serena, biting her lip to hold back the tears that inexplicably sprang to her eyes. "He would never hurt us, Luna. He wouldn't!"
"But he can," snapped Luna. "Maybe you think he wouldn't, Serena, but he is capable of it now. Before, I let your little crush on him go because I thought that he was just some wannabe superhero prancing around with roses. But now you tell me that yesterday he pulled a bladed weapon out of thin air – and what's more, he killed a youma all by himself! He's not a harmless bystander anymore, Serena, he's someone who wields some sort of power that we don't know anything about. If he has the power to destroy a youma on his own, then he has more than enough power to take on one of you three, and that's what I'm worried about."
Luna's eyes bored into Serena's, daring her to defy her will. Serena kept the contact for only a moment, then sighed internally and looked away, defeated. What's the point, anyway? Luna didn't think her opinion wasn't worth listening to – she never did. And maybe most of the time, Serena's opinion really wasn't worth listening to. After all, she was just a naïve, not particularly bright fifteen-year-old. But she had a feeling about this, an emotion entrenched in her gut, that Tuxedo Mask was someone she could trust. Not an enemy – never an enemy.
But – she sighed again – maybe that was just what she wished was true. The memory of his infuriated, burning blue eyes floated into her mind's eye again. Maybe he was their enemy. But if he was, why had he rescued her so many times before? Why hadn't he just left her to her death? And that time at the office supply store – surely he wouldn't have said those things to her if he hated her. Would he? Maybe had had just been acting, to coax her into liking him so that he could betray her. Serena automatically cringed away from the thought. No, it would be better if he hadn't bee flirting with me at all that for that to be true. Yes, that's what. I just misread his intentions, and he really wasn't flirting with me at all…after all, why would he? Stupid Serena, how could you even think he liked you back? You're an idiot, just like the jerkwad says, not even a llama would look twice at you.
"I…guess you're right," Serena conceded quietly to Luna. She stood and brushed off her skirt. "We can't risk him hurting us." Although it's already too late for that.
"Good girl," said Luna reprovingly. "I knew you wouldn't want to risk the Scouts getting hurt just because of a silly crush."
Serena's eyes flew wide open as a wave of guilt crash into her. Oh my God! I didn't even think about the Scouts! Oh, God, I'm so selfish… Feeling like a scumbucket, Serena mumbled, "Yeah."
"Well, time to go!" Rei bounced to her feet. "Jesse McCartney, here I come!" She sped away into the dusk.
"I'll be off too," said Ami, rising and plucking the handkerchief from the bench. She dropped it in a nearby trashcan. "I'm sorry it turned out like this, Serena."
No, no, I'm sorry I'm such a horrible friend. Serena forced a smile. "No, it's okay. Don't worry about it, Ami. Just study hard for that Chemistry test tomorrow! I'm sure you'll ace it."
"I sure hope so," Ami sighed. "Well, bye."
"Yeah." Serena waved half-heartedly. "Bye."
A/N: You know, I just realized that if I fail Geometry, my parents aren't gonna let me write fanfiction anymore…oh man, I better go cram, quick…
Please please please please please, review! Tell me if the humor here is on par with the first couple of chapters, I don't know if I'm funny anymore.