One day, Sandy walked into the Krusty Krab.

"Ahoy there, land squirrel!"

"Howdy, Mr. Krabs."

"To what do I owe the fine pleasure of your company?" He kissed her paw. "Ya still gotta order something."

Sandy giggled. "Oh, Eugene… Acturally, I just want 2 Krabby Patty value meals to go."

"Squidward, ring this fine lady up."

"Oh joy of joys. I get to ring up a customer. My life is complete," Squidward said sardonically.

"I love you too, Squiddy." She took her bags and left. "Bye, Squid. Bye, Mr. Krabs. See you later, Spongebob!"

"I wonder why she wanted two," Spongebob said.

"Maybe she was really REALLY hungry," said Squidward. He laughed. "Ha, ha, hahaha. Hungry. Haaaa ha ha ha."

"Maybe she bought one patty for her boyfriend."

Squidward looked back at Spongebob. "A BOYFRIEND?" Squidward had always held a soft spot in his heart for the squirrel, who had been his inspiration for many a nude painting.

Mr. Krabs skittered over, saying, "What's the matter, Tentacles? Wish it was you?"

Eager to regain his composure, Squidward lied: "No. I just always thought she was a lesbian."

"What's a lesbian?"

"A lesbian is someone who likes women."

"Ohhhhh….. so I'm a lesbian?"

Mr. Krabs slapped himself in the head. "What's the feller's name?"

"I think it's something with an 'S'. Samuel, Shamu…"

Squidward gulped. "Squilliam?"

"Yeah, maybe that was it."

"Are you sure?"

"Or maybe it was Sheldon."

Mr. Krabs screamed at the top of his lungs in language so foul I cannot repeat it without changing the rating to "NC-17."

"TELL me it wasn't Sheldon. Tellmeitwasn'tSheldon!"

"Okay, it wasn't Sheldon."

"Oh it was Sheldon!"

"Who's Sheldon?"

"Sheldon is the first name of me arch nemesis!"

"The health inspector?"

"Plankton!"

Spongebob gasped audibly.

Mr. Krabs rushed over to the Chum Bucket, where Sheldon was about to take a big bite of the Krabby Patty. "NOOOOOOO!"

"What? I'm just eating it."

"Ye landlubber! What were ya thinkin' giving me worst enemy a Krabby Patty?"

"It's not like he can tell the secret formula by eatin' it, Eugene."

Plankton shook his head.

"Oh. Well then, don't I feel like an asshole. Carry on!"

They shrugged as Mr. Krabs left, and finished their sandwiches.

"Mmmm…. That hit the spot."

"Sandy, I have something to tell you."

"You're impotent?"

"Yes. I mean no! No. God, it's not like I'm Bob Dole. Sandy, what I'm trying to tell you is: I love you."

Sandy started giggling.

"I didn't think it was THAT funny." He turned and began to walk toward his lab.

"No, Sheldon, wait…." He turned around. "I love you too. More than a slice of Texas sky."