James, Sirius, and Peter sauntered into Transfiguration ten minutes late. "Hey, Minerva!" said James. "Good to see that Evans and Snape are no longer holding hands."

Remus glanced at Evans, whose face was as red as her hair. He felt awful.

"Fifteen points from Gryffindor," said McGonagall. "Sit."

"Will do, Minerva," said Sirius.

"Five points from Gryffindor."

"Sorry, Minerva," said Peter.

"Five points from Gryffindor."

The three sat near Remus, and Sirius and James high-fived each other under the table. Peter tried to join in, but Sirius and James ignored him. So Remus smiled at him and gave him a mini high-five under the table, too. He didn't want to encourage their behavior, but Peter desperately wanted to be included. It couldn't do much harm, could it?

Transfiguration passed slowly. Remus managed to achieve a near-perfect score on the test, which earned him a few points from McGonagall towards the Competition. Peter passed, and he was elated. Sirius got a full marks, plus a point extra credit. James got the extra credit point, too—but he tried so hard to show off that he got a few points taken off.

"I shouldn't have gotten those points off," grouched James as they were leaving class. "Just because my needle was red and gold doesn't mean it wasn't a needle."

"But she said sewing needle," Remus reasoned, "and that was an acupuncture needle."

"Which is much more impressive magic! I should have gotten a hundred and twenty! At least!"

"You got a ninety-eight," said Peter. "Remus only got a ninety-seven. I got a seventy-three. Stop complaining."

Sirius leaned very close to James' ear and whispered: "I got a hundred and one." James pushed Sirius away, and Remus was disturbed that he had not learned his lesson from the staircase debacle that morning.

Suddenly, Remus caught Evans' scent. He turned around, and her arm was outstretched, as if to tap him on the shoulder. "Oh, Lupin! I... I wanted to... can we talk alone?"

James was sniggering. "Ooh, is Remus next on your list of hand-holding mates? Did you dump Snape for Remus? Forbidden love!"

"A scandal!" Sirius said.

"An affair!" James said.

"Gossip!" Peter contributed, but quailed under Remus' look.

"Shut UP!" snapped Evans, and she pulled Remus away forcefully.

By his left arm.

Remus yelped and felt tears come to his eyes. "Evans... Lily... let go! Please!" he said, but Evans was too focused on getting away from Remus' friends to hear him. Shooting pain was traveling up his arm, it felt like it was going to fall right out of the socket, and Remus was seeing stars and couldn't breathe... Evans wasn't that strong, and she certainly wasn't trying to hurt him, but she was doing so all the same. "Evans," he begged, and she finally noticed his pleas and released him, looking a little concerned.

"Are you all right?"

James poked his head around the corner. "Nah, he's just a fragile china doll..."

Remus shot sparks at him, and James ran away, laughing.

"He's such a git," Evans fumed. "A specky annoying horrid git. How do you put up with him?"

"He's nice," said Remus lamely. "Really fun when you get to know him. He's just..." Remus reiterated what he'd told her before, but with more detail. "Remember how you told me that Snape had an odd sense of humor that people didn't always get? And that he sometimes insults people—not on purpose, but because it's just his personality? James is like that. It's no excuse, but it's a reason, at least..." Remus trailed off at Evans' look. He was rather afraid that she would start shouting at him again about his lack of human decency.

"James is nothing like Sev," said Evans crossly. "And neither one of them would appreciate the comparison, I think. Anyway, I didn't come here to scold you... I came to apologize. I didn't mean to yell at you like that."

"It's all right."

"Truly? I know we're not friends, but I just have an awful temper and I can't stop once I've got started..."

"We all say things we don't mean sometimes in anger. My dad's like that, too."

Evans covered her mouth. "So is Sev's dad! He doesn't... he doesn't hurt you?"

Remus paused. Did Snape's father physically hurt him? It would certainly explain why Snape got so worked up about the comment Remus had made, worked up enough to attack him... and it would certainly explain Evans' earlier comment about his parents, right before she ended their friendship... Remus suddenly felt awful again. "No, but Dad... he can't help insulting people... even when it's dangerous. He's gotten into loads of trouble." That was true, at least. Remus conjured up images of sheep in his mind to replace Greyback. They were funny-looking and fluffy enough to calm his beating heart.

"Oh. Yes, I'm probably in loads of trouble with Questus, myself." She laughed nervously. "You looked scared back there... did I really hurt your feelings that much? I don't even remember what I said. Something about human decency...? I think you're decent! Of course I do! And it wasn't your fault; you weren't even there when Potter hexed us. I know that now. Is your mum okay?"

"Yes," said Remus. "She's fine, thanks."

They stood in silence for a bit. "We should probably get to lunch," said Evans. "And, Lupin... I'm really sorry I can't be friends with you. You're nice and clever and... and decent. But you have to understand, Severus is my best friend, and he doesn't like the company you keep. If you ever change your mind, you're welcome to, well..."

"Ditch them?" finished Remus. "No. I'm sorry, Evans, but I could never. And Snape doesn't have to dictate your life, you know. He's only your friend, not your... master or something."

"I know! And he's not! But I couldn't make friends with one of his enemies, I just couldn't!" Evans stamped her foot a little and made a face.

Remus' friends hadn't been angry with him when he was friends with Evans. But he didn't say so. James, Sirius, and Peter weren't model examples of friendship themselves. "I know. I get it. And I'm sorry. But maybe we could be... civil? Not friends. But civil."

"Yes, please," said Evans. "But Severus is still my best friend, Lupin, and if you and your gang ever do anything to him then I will yell at you."

"I understand. And..." He hesitated. "I'll talk to them about it. I really will. I... I promise." Evans gave him a thankful smile and nod. Remus began to walk away, sensing that the conversation was over, but she called him back.

"What bothered you so much back there? You looked really frightened. Ill, almost. Do you just not like being yelled at?"

'Er, yeah," said Remus. That sounded like the perfect excuse. "Never had friends before Hogwarts; I'm not used to it."

Evans' mouth dropped open. "Never? Never ever?"

"I had my parents," said Remus. "And books."

Evans pursed her lips. "Well, for what it's worth..." She looked like she was trying very, very hard to force the words out. Remus giggled a little at her face, but immediately repented when she furrowed her eyebrows. "I'm glad you have friends now. Even if they're gits. Please, please don't turn into a git, Lupin. I mean, you kinda already are... but don't be a Potter."

"I won't be a Potter," said Remus. "I'm awful with clay."

He left before Evans could even register what he had said (which was good; it had been a stupid thing to say, but he'd panicked). Honestly, though, James was relatively kind—sometimes—and overall a good person. He had human decency, thought Remus with a twist of his gut. It was better to be James Potter than Severus Snape. Or even Remus Lupin, probably, though there was nothing that Remus could do about that.

It was better.

Wasn't it?

Lily Evans had certainly given him a lot to think about.

Astronomy was awful. The moon was well on its way to waning itself dry, and Remus was painfully aware that the next full moon was only twenty-three days away. He had only just gotten out of the Hospital Wing. Twenty-three days felt like such a short period of time that Remus felt a bit nauseous when he thought of it.

Sidus came around to collect the moon drawings, and Remus noticed that he was standing further away from Remus than he had any other student when he arrived at him. "Lupin? Do you have your drawing?"

Remus shook his head and felt his cheeks turn a little red. "Er, no, sir. I forgot. I'm sorry."

Sidus's lips turned into a single line. "See me after class."

Remus nodded and ducked his head. He could feel Peter's eyes on him. Remus never forgot his homework. Peter was probably starting to suspect something, and then he'd track Remus' disappearances, and then...

No, Remus wouldn't allow himself to think like that. He busied himself with his telescope and pretended to listen to Sidus with rapt attention.

At the end of class, Remus stayed after, just as he had promised. "You don't have to do the assignment, Lupin," said Sidus in the uncomfortable tone of voice that he always used when speaking to Remus. "I know that it's difficult for you. I have alternate assignments."

"I can do it," said Remus forcefully, and Sidus flinched. Oops. Remus' voice had probably been a little too forceful—after all, Sidus still wasn't comfortable around him. "I'm sorry. I know I can do it. I should have done it, I just forgot. I have the means and the method, I only... forgot. I promise. I'll do it next month."

"In that case, I'm going to have to give you a zero," said Sidus. Remus nodded eagerly.

"Yes, of course, sir. I'll do it next month."

"Next month," mumbled Sidus, and Remus knew that he didn't believe him. "Very well. You're dismissed, Lupin."

Remus left to find his friends, and, sure enough, Peter was very confused by Remus' memory lapse. "You forgot your Astronomy homework?" he asked him the evening in the dorm while Remus was getting changed behind the curtains. "Like, actually forgot it?"

"No, Peter, I wanted a zero," said Remus sarcastically.

The sarcasm was lost on Peter. "Why did you want a zero?" he asked, and Remus immediately regretted the sarcasm.

"He was joking, Peter. Obviously," said Sirius impatiently. "You really forgot your homework, Remus? You never forget your homework."

Remus did not feel bad about being sarcastic with Sirius. "What, you think Peter's lying to you?" he said.

"I'm not lying!" said Peter, and Remus felt guilty again.

"I know, I was only joking. It wasn't a very good joke, though. Truth is, I was worried about my mum, and I couldn't see the moon very well from my house. So I... forgot."

"But you did all your other homework," said James. "And you never fall behind, even when you visit your mum."

Remus felt a little panicked. He tried to control himself—he had to control himself!—but he could feel the stupid fight-or-flight instinct, and he wanted to fight—which made him feel so animalistic that he panicked even more. He took three deep breaths—in through his nose, out through his mouth. There, that was better.

"My mum was worse this time, James. It was... really bad. I was nervous, and I forgot."

"Okay, okay," said James. "I'm sorry."

Fiddlesticks. What if James noticed that Remus was missing every single full moon assignment? What if he noticed that Remus had missed the last one, too? What if he already knew and he was waiting to attack Remus when his back was turned...

Peter touched Remus' shoulder—the right one, thank goodness—and Remus calmed down. If they had known, they wouldn't be touching him. Unless they were trying to kill him, that is. So they didn't know. "Are you all right? We're sorry; we didn't mean to bring it up."

"Don't speak for me, Pettigrew. I'm not sorry," said Sirius. Remus gave him a stricken look. "Sheesh! Only joking! How come no one can take a joke today?"

"That was rather insensitive, mate," commented James.

Sirius frowned. "Okay, fine. Sorry, Remus."

"And...?" prompted Remus, grinning.

Sirius looked as if he were in pain. "Sorry, Peter."

Peter beamed, and Remus felt normal again.

Remus visited Hagrid that evening, and it was just as lovely as he thought it would be. Their conversations were free of werewolves, Fang did not jump on Remus again, Hagrid told stories that made Remus laugh aloud, and Remus talked about his friends. The visit put Remus in a wonderful mood all of Thursday.

On Friday morning, the Marauders were absolutely hysterical. James was struggling to read one of Sirius' mother's letters aloud, but he was laughing much too hard to be coherent. Sirius' head was down in his arms, stifling his laughter. Peter was giggling and leaning against Remus, who was having trouble breathing—but in a good way.

"You... are an absolute... stain on our family..." James laughed. "A mutt among... oh, Merlin's beard, this is hilarious... a mutt among pure-bred... show dogs!"

"A mutt, that's me," came Sirius' muffled reply.

"I'd say more of a pug," said Remus, and Peter's face turned a little blue.

"Nah, he looks... more like a... dachshund!"

"A Chinese crested!"

The laughter subsided a bit. "What on earth is a Chinese crested, Remus?"

"I'll show you a picture in the library," said Remus. "It doesn't have hair."

"But I thought Sirius was a mutt," said James, cracking up again. "I don't think... that dogs... are allowed in the library!"

Remus, normally, would have found that very unfunny and a little too close to home. But today, the fact that he was technically a canine one night a month and spent more time in the library than anyone else only made him laugh harder.

"You're a weed among roses!" said James, his voice getting higher and higher: Remus could tell that he was no longer reading the letter. James Potter was good at many things, and improvisation was one of them. "Broccoli among chocolate cake! The training wheels on the bicycle of life! A bush among trees!"

"A vomit-flavored Bertie Botts'!" contributed Peter.

"Rain on a snow day!"

"A missing house key!"

"John Questus at a beauty pageant!"

"What the heck, James? I did not need that image."

"An inkwell with no ink!"

"A lamp with no bulb!"

"What's a lamp?"

"Muggle thing that lights up."

"Oh, okay. What about... Remus without a book!"

"James without a broomstick!"

"James the owl without a letter to deliver!"

Remus was drawing in a shuddery breath when he caught Professor Dumbledore's scent. He was standing right behind Remus. Remus turned around and wiped his eyes a little. "Morning, Professor."

"Morning, Albus Percival Wulfric Brian!" said James, before falling out of his chair with a crashing sound.

"I'm glad to see that you four are so merry today," said Dumbledore. "Has Christmas come early?"

"Heyyy, that's a good idea," said James. "We should do Christmas early! For Sirius!"

Sirius lifted his head; his face was bright red with mirth. "Yeah! Whatever you lot cook up will be better than a dinner party!"

Dumbledore just smiled. "Well, I'm afraid I must pull Remus away from the festivities. We need to discuss his Christmas vacation."

"Because of his mum?" asked Peter quietly.

"Afraid so. He can tell you all about it later. Come along, Remus, and don't worry about missing Potions. We have a lot a talk about; I'm sure you can make it up." Dumbledore turned to the other three Marauders. "Would one of you be so kind as to take notes for your friend?"

"I will!" offered Peter.

"He won't be able to read your handwriting, Pettigrew," said Sirius scornfully.

"Are you offering, then?" asked Remus.

Sirius repented immediately. "Peter it is."

Dumbledore chuckled a little, and Remus picked up his bag and followed him out of the Great Hall with one last look at his friends. James was reading another letter already, Sirius was laughing, Peter was choking, and Remus felt slightly left out. "I'm glad that you were having so much fun," said Dumbledore, and Remus jumped a little. "May I be so nosy as to ask what you were laughing about?"

"Er..." Remus knew that Sirius' "secret" wasn't much of a secret. Everyone knew that Sirius' mother was unpleasant, even people who didn't know Sirius. But Remus still didn't feel comfortable sharing Sirius' personal information with Dumbledore. "James was just doing dramatic readings with a funny voice. It wasn't anything special." There, that was perfect. Not a lie, but also not divulging too much information.

"Anything that makes the four of you so happy is special," said Dumbledore seriously. "Especially since three of you are—and excuse my assumptions—very stressed this time of year."

"Three of us?" Remus knew why Peter would be stressed—teachers tended to assign tests and homework right before Christmas vacation. Poor Peter had been nervous for weeks. Sirius, obviously, was stressed about going home. But Remus couldn't think why James (of all people!) would be stressed. It was like Sirius had said: James seemed to have the perfect life. Remus suddenly felt very remorseful that he did not know more about his friend.

"Sirius, because he is going home for the holidays," said Dumbledore. "Peter, because of the academic load. I notice quite a lot about my students, Remus."

"But... James...?"

Dumbledore cocked his head slightly. "I believe I said 'three of you'."

Oh. "I'm not stressed!" said Remus, looking around him for potential eavesdroppers and finding none. "I only just got out of the Hospital Wing! There are a full twenty days before... December thirty-first. I'm not stressed at all. This is the easiest time of the month!"

Dumbledore stroked his beard thoughtfully. "That's a very mature way of looking at things."

"Do you just assume that I'm always stressed, sir?" asked Remus, and Dumbledore laughed a little.

"Yes, I do. I would be if I were in your position. But you are a lot better at dealing with such things than I am."

Remus did not want to imagine Dumbledore in his position. He felt like he had to say something, though. "I'm sure that's not true," he said, and then lowered his voice even further to contradict Dumbledore's statement. "Evans said something the other day and I nearly passed out."

"Yes, Professor Questus did mention that. I do believe that your emotions were merited, though. I can see how a comment like that would catch you off-guard."

Remus wondered exactly how much Questus shared with Dumbledore. Or... oh, fiddlesticks, what if all the teachers knew? What if they all shared information? What if they all knew everything about him? It was an uncomfortable thought.

"I was the only one he disclosed the information to, by the way," said Dumbledore, sensing Remus' fears. Remus immediately relaxed.

They arrived at Dumbledore's office. "Blood Pop," said Dumbledore, and Remus flinched a little at the word. Dumbledore did not seem to notice—and if he did, he ignored it.

"You don't think I'll make it to Potions today?" said Remus once they were seated. Dumbledore smiled pleasantly.

"No. Unless you'd like to learn to brew Wideye Potion with your classmates."

Remus' stomach dropped out of his chest. Wideye Potion contained wolfsbane, and that would be a definite issue. "I can see the problem, Professor," he said.

"You seem to know your potions ingredients well enough that you don't need to take the class, then," said Dumbledore, eyes twinkling. "I wanted to speak with you about your plans for Christmas holidays while you had some time on your hands. What are your thoughts on returning home?"

"Mum and Dad told me that they think I should stay here," said Remus slowly, "since last month was so bad. But I don't want to impose..."

"Madam Pomfrey has decided to stay at Hogwarts for the holidays. You must understand, Remus: many of Hogwarts' staff members don't have much family. Being a Hogwarts professor tends to take over one's life. When we're at school, the students are our family. That's how I feel, at least—I don't believe I have the authority to speak for the other teachers."

"I think that Professor Questus would call that sappy," said Remus gravely, and Dumbledore chuckled.

"Just between you and me, I don't think that Mr. Filch would quite agree, either. My point is: you are not imposing. Madam Pomfrey enjoys your company very much."

"I suppose I should stay, then," said Remus. "I don't think my family wants to... deal with me, come New Year's."

"Your family would be happy to see you. I'm sure they miss you very much."

"So I should go, then?"

"Remus," said Dumbledore, shaking his head, "what I am trying to tell you is that this is your decision, and yours alone. What do you want?"

Remus felt very panicky all of a sudden. "I want to go home, but... but I can't!"

"Whyever not?"

"I just can't... new places to transform are always worse... and the last one was so hard that I... Oh, I know it's selfish, but I can't do that again! I need... I need an easy one. For once."

"That's not selfish at all," said Dumbledore. "That's sound logic."

"It's not sound logic, sir... It's because I can't do it again. Were you listening? I know my parents want to see me, but I can't do it!"

"Your parents want you to be happy," said Dumbledore, "and I don't believe that anything makes them happier than seeing you healthy. It's not as if you'll never see them again, Remus. It's only one Christmas."

Remus' breathing slowed a bit. "Yes, sir. I want to stay, then."

"Good," said Dumbledore. He clapped his hands a single time and smiled. "Now that that's all settled, why don't you and your toad come and help me coax my phoenix down from the Ravenclaw tower? She's been spending a lot of time up there lately, and I miss her company. I wonder if it's because I've been playing a lot of Muggle audiobooks lately. She doesn't seem to like them very much."

AN: Nor do I. Audiobooks are great and all, but my mind always drifts and then it's too hard to rewind.