Peter Pettigrew wasn't the brightest Galleon in the pouch, but even he could tell that something was off about Remus Lupin.

He didn't want to be rude or anything; Remus was his best friend. Remus was more understanding than James and Sirius, he never complained when Peter needed help with homework, and he was a brilliant teacher. Peter actually looked forward to doing schoolwork with Remus, who could always make him laugh, no matter how daunting the task at hand or how difficult the material. Peter felt excited about school rather than scared now that Remus was there to help him. He'd never found learning fun before.

And thanks to Remus, Peter's spell-casting had improved exponentially. He had enough confidence to pull of marvelous feats of magic. And he enjoyed it!

Peter's mum had always told him that he shouldn't celebrate himself unless he deserved it, that only people who did good things deserved good things, that nothing in life would ever be handed to him on a silver platter. But Remus told him that he was clever and witty and fun to be around. Remus said he wasn't stupid. Peter and Remus had inside jokes. Peter made Remus laugh. And Remus had told Peter, in complete secrecy, that he was his favorite—not the brilliant James or the popular Sirius. The thought still made Peter happy. Maybe life didn't hand things to Peter on a silver platter, but Remus did, and Peter loved it. Wasn't that friendship?

But still. Peter did wonder sometimes.

Why would someone like Remus stoop to his level—poor, pitiful Peter Pettigrew who was dumber than a troll? Perhaps it was sympathy. Remus seemed to feel the same way when he spent time with Sirius and James—small and insignificant. How glorious it was to be friends with the brightest, most brilliant, most popular first-years in the school! Peter knew that his heart would break if he ever lost them. Older students came up to him to ask him about James and Sirius—older students! It was phenomenal.

But that didn't seem to be the reason that Remus had been drawn to the Marauders, and certainly not the reason that Remus had been drawn to Peter.

Remus was so different from Peter, and not just because he was brighter and funnier and kinder and more hard-working. Remus completely ignored the other students who liked him because of his ties to James and Sirius. Remus avoided crowds of people. Remus was... well, Remus was Remus.

Peter would never admit it, but he was jealous of Remus often—Remus had a tragic backstory that made James and Sirius want to be close to him. Remus was mysterious and aloof, and James and Sirius loved him for it. It wasn't fair—why should they like Remus more, even though Peter had tried so hard to do what they wanted all the time?

And Remus was very two-faced, Peter had noticed. Sometimes he begged for their attention; sometimes he avoided them entirely. It was like their friendship depended on Remus' mood, and Peter didn't like that. He wanted to be liked all the time, not only when Remus felt like liking him. Peter was jealous and resentful of Remus sometimes, and he hated himself for it.

Now it was the evening of January thirty-first: three Marauders were in the dormitory, and the fourth Marauder, Remus, was missing. Again. "Where do you suppose Remus is?" asked James.

Peter put down his book and looked at Remus' empty bed. Remus always helped Peter with schoolwork around this time, and Peter was feeling betrayed. What was more important than Peter? Peter had thought that he was Remus' best friend. Nothing should be more important. "I was counting on him to help me with my Astronomy drawing," Peter said sullenly, voicing his concerns.

"Don't be selfish, Peter." said Sirius, apparently disgusted. Peter cringed. "He's either ill or visiting his ill mum." Sirius dropped his voice and added in a tone a little above a whisper, "D'you suppose his parents... I dunno, hit him?"

"What?" James sounded horrified. "Where'd you get that idea?"

"He looks scared before visiting them! He always looks scratched and bruised when he gets back! Isn't it obvious?"

Peter thought about it. Maybe? He'd never thought about it before. That seemed terrible for Remus... but also gave him a sort of kinship with Sirius, whose parents hated him (though Peter didn't think that they hit him). Peter felt jealous for a moment, even though it didn't make any sense to be jealous that someone's parents might hurt them.

"No," said James firmly. "His parents love him."

"How do you know? Maybe he's lying. He seems like he lies a lot."

That part was obvious, at least. Remus would scrunch up his shoulders and talk to the floor sometimes instead of making eye contact. He would act... well, small. Like something inferior. Like a kid in trouble. And he'd rub the back of his neck a lot and look to the left or right, and he'd twiddle his thumbs and fiddle with his robes: classic tell-tale signs of lying. And he did it even when he was saying run-of-the-mill things—just simple stories about his mum and dad or what he was talking with Professor Dumbledore about. He couldn't be lying about that, could he?

"I think he's just awkward," said Peter quietly. "I don't think he's lying."

"I think he lies about some things," James mused. "But yeah, you're right, Pete. He's just awkward. But his parents love him. I nicked one of his letters the other day—look."

Peter peered over James' shoulder to read the letter and felt a rush of irritation that James was angling it towards Sirius slightly. Remus would angle it towards me, he thought sourly. The feeling of betrayal that Remus had left him flooded his chest once again.

From the parts that Peter could make out, Remus' parents had the same sense of humor as Remus. They were kind, just like him. They were fun and clever. Peter wondered what he might've been like if he'd had Remus' parents instead of his own complicated home life.

"I just don't get this part," said James. "It's from his dad. Just be careful, please. You know how important it is that no one finds out. Finds out about what?"

"I don't know," said Sirius, "but you're right, he doesn't sound like my mum at all. And Remus loves his mum, anyway. I know he does; he was telling me about her only a few weeks ago, and he didn't sound resentful. They don't hit him, and it was a stupid thought really. But still... something's off. He's so secretive."

"He avoids a lot of questions, and he disappears a lot," said James. "Yeah, something's off. Suppose he really is dying?"

"He wouldn't lie about that," Peter said. "I... I hope he wouldn't, at least."

"Looks ill enough," said Sirius. "But there's obviously something he's not telling us. Merlin's beard, I thought we were his friends."

"He's been so distant recently," said James sadly. "Talking to the professors all the time. I tried to find him for a Valentine's Day prank, and he was in the library. I never know where he is. He's just so... on-and-off."

Peter agreed.

And the conversation didn't drop for a while. They talked about Remus a lot when they were alone in the dormitory, and sometimes, when Remus was showering, they talked about him then, too. Occasionally the water would ominously shut off—almost as if Remus had heard them. But that was impossible, wasn't it?

Then the Whomping Willow incident happened. Peter hadn't seen Remus so terrified in a long time—he was even holding Peter's hand, which was kind of funny. Peter loved that Remus was depending on him like Peter so often depended on Remus, and he felt an odd sense of superiority being the calm one. And why wouldn't he be calm? James and Sirius wouldn't get hurt. They were clever.

"Ow!" Peter said when Remus' nails dug into his skin. Remus let go of his hand hurriedly and Peter popped his bleeding finger into his mouth. Remus religiously clipped his nails once a week (which seemed like overkill to Peter), but his nails could still cause damage when Remus was as distraught as he was. Remus apologized profusely, but he was too focused on James and Sirius to check on Peter properly (another fact that made Peter feel a little betrayed).

Peter didn't quite understand why Remus was so upset; after all, James and Sirius looked like they were having fun. And Dumbledore wouldn't have planted the tree if it wasn't safe. What reason would Dumbledore have to plant a lethal tree on school grounds? "They're not going to get hurt, you know," said Peter. "They're Sirius and James."

"They're not invincible," said Remus sharply. "They're eleven and twelve. They're not invincible at all."

But weren't eleven- and twelve-year-olds invincible? Peter heard of bad things happening to adults, but not so much children. Peter had known adults who had died, but he hadn't known any kids who had. Obviously kids weren't invincible, but things generally wanted to hurt them less. Peter had always felt that the universe kind of gave a free pass to children. Be stupid. It's okay. You won't get hurt.

But someone—or something—had hurt Remus. Remus tried to deny it, but he was always covered in scratches... fresh ones, too. Something was hurting Remus. Maybe that was why he was so worried about James and Sirius—Remus' universe hadn't given him a free pass, so he didn't expect James and Sirius to get one.

James and Sirius started walking away from the tree, and Remus visibly relaxed. They were jabbering on good-naturedly, and it was the sort of thing that usually made Remus smile.

But Remus wasn't smiling.

"You both almost died," said Remus. "You could have had your skulls bashed in, or broken a bone, or been beaten to a pulp."

"Do you have to be so dark, Remus? It was fine!" said Sirius laughingly.

"No, it was not fine. The only reason that you survived was dumb luck."

Peter had never heard Remus like this before. He was almost angry, and Remus never got angry.

Remus kept talking. "Getting hurt isn't funny. Being scared isn't funny. And the Whomping Willow is not a game. Just... stop being so stupid. Can't you just appreciate the fact that you're at Hogwarts and try to stay there? I don't need a bunch of dead friends on top of everything else..."

Oh, now Remus was touching on what James and Sirius had been trying to figure out. Was Remus finally about to tell them? Did he trust them?

"On top of what else?" said James—much too quickly. Peter sagged. James had blown it.

Sure enough, Remus' tone got a little more panicked. "My mum! She's ill! And so am I!"

Sirius and James tried to argue with Remus, but he merely took off towards the library, clutching that ugly scarf of his and looking at the ground. He was acting small again, Peter noticed.

As soon as he was gone, Peter turned to James. "He was almost angry," he said.

"Yeah, but it was weird," said James. "He was still speaking all calm and evenly, you know? Like he was just making observations. Remus doesn't get upset. It's weird."

"I think he gets upset on the inside more than the outside," said Peter.

"That's so stupid," scoffed Sirius, and Peter laughed at the joke.

"I thought the Willow thing would cheer him up," said James. "Sometimes he likes doing stupid things with us. And he's been down recently. Haven't you noticed?"

"Like when he was sleeping in my bed the other night," Peter reminded him. "That was weird."

"Yeah. Something's bothering him, but he doesn't talk about it."

"Maybe it's because his dad told him not to in the letter?"

"Remus is away from his parents. They're not around, so there's no pressure to do what they ask of him if he really doesn't want to," said Sirius.

"Some people obey their parents, Sirius. Not everyone is you," said James, ruffling his hair again. "And it's a right brilliant thing that they aren't."

"Oi!"

And just like that, things were back to normal.

Remus was nowhere to be seen—not until supper—and Peter went to his detention that day feeling very lonely.

His finger still hadn't stopped bleeding.

He visited the Hospital Wing later, when his finger was still bleeding profusely. "Madam Pomfrey," he said.

"Yes, Pettigrew? Sit down. I have to finish caring for this girl who got her hair caught on a broomstick." The girl was moaning in pain, and Peter took a seat on a bed, holding his bleeding finger.

Madam Pomfrey finished with the girl and sent her back to class. "There," she said. "Now, what seems to be the matter?"

"Well, I hurt my finger a few hours ago, but the bleeding hasn't let up any."

Madam Pomfrey peered at it. "That's odd. How did you hurt it?"

"Remus was holding my hand because he was scared, and his fingernail accidentally cut me." Peter hesitated. "He's not in trouble?"

Understanding dawned on Madam Pomfrey's face, and Peter wondered why. "Ah—no, of course not. Why would he be? But... you'd best not... mention it to him; any child would feel horrible about this." She pulled out a bottle from her cupboard. "Here, let me just put this on your finger... it should help at least a little."

It burned Peter's finger a little. "Ow," he commented. "It got in the cut."

"Yes, that's rather the point." Madam Pomfrey rolled her eyes. Even she treated Peter like he was stupid.

The bleeding slowed. "It should heal up. Seems... he managed to nick a vein. But you'll be okay. This is... normal. It'll let up in a bit."

"Thanks," said Peter, hopping out of bed.

"Oh, and you should wash that hand thoroughly. Before you see Remus next."

"Why?"

"I... don't know the long-term effects of Dittany..."

"Is that what this is? Dittany?" Peter glanced at his hand. "Mum's used this on me, but it felt different. Never had to wash it off before."

"Experimental strain," said Madam Pomfrey in clipped tones. "There's a tap in my office."

"Thanks."

After Peter washed his hand, Madam Pomfrey wrapped it in a bit of gauze. "You'll be alright," she assured.

"I know, Poppy, it's just a cut finger."

"Don't call me Poppy."

Remus was in the library all day on Saturday; he'd even skipped breakfast. "Reckon he's mad at us?" asked Peter.

"Who cares? We're the only ones he's got. He'll get over it," said Sirius. "Oh, I got a letter from my dad. My dad doesn't send me letters as often as my mum. Will you read it first, James? I'm not sure I'll like what's inside."

James opened the seal and scanned the letter quickly. His eyes narrowed. "That's odd," he commented.

"What?"

"Your dad says, in his loving and flowery sort of way, that..." He suddenly stood up and pulled Sirius out of the Great Hall. Peter followed. He felt almost like he was just a fly on the wall as he walked behind James and Sirius—they were whispering, and Peter, who couldn't quite keep up, was a ways away.

Finally, they arrived in the dormitory, and all three boys Knocked on the door before entering. Peter loved the Knocks. It really made him feel like part of a club. But he could only ruminate on this thought for a brief moment before James interrupted his bliss with, "Your dad saw Remus at the Werewolf Registry, Sirius."

"Huh? Why would Remus be there?"

"Well," said James. "I think I know. But we need to..." James made a face. "Visit the library. Can you distract Remus, Pete?"

Peter wanted to tell them that he was good at research. He wanted to say that he wanted to be part of a group. He wanted to ask if Sirius could do it instead. But he didn't, and he just let them leave him out once again. "Sure."

"Great," said James. "Sirius, wait up for me for a bit... I need to go change into my disguise. Can't have anyone knowing it's me in the library; that's embarrassing."

As Sirius and James went to solve the mystery, Peter went to find Remus, sulking. Remus was Peter's best friend, and James didn't even think Peter worthy to tell him what was going on.

Remus was in the library, so Peter coaxed him into the common room so that they wouldn't interrupt James and Sirius' research. Remus was no longer angry, and Peter felt one hundred percent better talking and laughing with Remus than he did with James and Sirius. After all, Remus looked him in the eye, thought of him first, and never said anything rude.

Even if there was something was off about Remus Lupin, Peter didn't care.

But... his finger still really hurt.

AN: If any of you have read my other story (the one about the Latin), then some of Peter's internal dialogue might sound familiar. That's because it is. This is blatant self-plagiarism. But it's okay, because it's fanfiction, which is also a form of plagiarism. You're welcome!