SNOWSWEPT

by CuddleFae

Dr. Lauren Lewis has been assigned to oversee the opening of a new hospital. Overwhelmed by all there is to know and learn in an unfamiliar land, she crosses paths with a mysterious woman with a dark past - a past that has caused her to live by one rule. Trust no one. Thrown into a desperate struggle, can they overcome the barriers between them in their fight to survive?

24. Chapter 24: Lessons from the Past

A/N: Hello All! Chapter 25 will post quickly behind this Chapter 24, so be aware if you don't finish this chapter all in one read.

I was asked if I would do an Earp story. The truth is, I love the writing on WE and am enjoying it as written. At this point, I have absolutely nothing to add and cannot think of a better world for any of the characters. Maybe that will change but for now there will not be an Earp fiction in my foreseeable future. Sorry if that's a disappointment, but my process requires a vision and there's just nothing there. I anticipate each episode of the current WE storyline from the show's exceptional writers. There are plenty of WE ff stories, though so check them out!

As for Supercorp, while I do watch, I won't be writing for that show either. My reasons for that are… let's just say complicated.

I hope this post finds you all in good health or recovering while finding time to do the things you love. Thank you so much for your ongoing support in the form of reviews, DM's and the like. Take care and be safe no matter where you are… especially those of you working in healthcare. The world is grateful for your service and your willingness to take care of our loved ones – especially those in their last moments when we cannot be there.

So, let's head back to BoLo in Alaska and escape the realities of COVID, our jobs and anything else we need a break from! Best wishes to you all. Cuddles.

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Chapter 24: Lessons from the Past

Lauren's apartment, five hours later…

Mary woke with a startle when she heard the wind against the back windows rattle the glass. She looked around, not seeing any sign of her youngest daughter. She looked down to the find the book she had been reading about Boston, Massachusetts. She smiled, remembering the pictures of the city where the doctor grew up and lived before making the decision to make Alaska her home. Knowing that the woman had put down roots here only reassured the mother that the doctor was sincere in her desire to make amends for her earlier behavior and move forward in her life with Bo. Still, they would speak again so that Mary could hear what the doctor had come to realize from the words her daughter had spoken while in her sickened haze.

Mary stood, the room swaying as it always did these days. She tried to steady herself but fell back onto the couch once again. She waited for the nausea to pass before sliding down to the arm of the sofa and trying again, using the end of the furniture for stability. This time, she was able to retain a vertical position, though the wave of nausea continued for another minute or so. She whispered,

"Please Spirits, give me the strength and Doctor Lewis the wisdom to keep me here for these children until they no longer need me."

Finally, she managed a deep breath and a steady gait. She moved forward, heading to Lauren's room to see if she could find her child. Mary smiled when her eyes landed on Rudy curled into the blonde. The love the child had for the doctor was equal to that of her older sister. For Rudy's sake, Mary hoped that Bo and Lauren could work through the latest bump in their road.

She advanced further into the room, her brow furrowing when she noticed the faint odor of something burning. Looking around, she noticed a lamp with a shirt over it and rushed to turn off the light and remove the garment from its perch. She could feel a crusty spot on the material and noted the precarious positioning of the lamp at the tables' edge. This was her daughter's handywork, she was sure. She retreated quietly to the kitchen, turning on the light to check the damage to Lauren's shirt,

"Oh, Rudy. You ruined it." She whispered, tracing the burn mark on the cloth. She was just grateful the youngster hadn't started a fire. Mary was all too aware the building she was in had been burned to the ground by her husband's men.

She pulled out her phone and took a picture of the label inside the collar of the shirt. She would order a new one at first chance. Tossing the garment into the trash can, she moved back to Lauren's bedroom to retrieve her youngster. With Rudy in her bed at the clinic, the doctor would have a peaceful night rather than having to deal with the youngsters rough sleeping habits. Of course, that plan went south when she noticed Lauren's arms wrapped protectively around the child. Apparently, they were spending the night since she would be unable to remove Rudy without waking the blonde.

Mary's eyes remained focused on Lauren, grateful her instincts about the doctor had been correct. This moment brought her a sense of comfort in the knowledge that if this disease she had was eventually fatal, Rudy would have two parents who were strong, female role models. She knew that being raised by Bo and Lauren meant Rudy would be both a warrior and a scholar, kind and strong, compassionate and protective.

She chuckled softly, wondering if her elder daughter and her parter had ever taken the time to realize that they were the perfect final piece to the others' puzzle. Together, she had no doubt the pair would be one of those power couples she had read about in the magazine at the doctors' office. Regardless of what happened between them, she was sure that Lauren would always be there for Rudy.

A tear trailed down her cheek as her mind was once again forced to push back against the fear of not raising another daughter to adulthood. She wiped her face and whispered softly into the dark room,

"Great Spirits, carry my words to the young doctors' mind that she may hear them when she needs them most." She knelt by the bedside, "Daughter of Healing, no matter your path with the Daughter of my heart, know that the two of you are the strong women who will serve this child with resilience, commitment, honor and compassion no matter how difficult the road ahead. I trust you with the heart, soul and life of my child, Lauren Lewis. May the spirits bless you and keep you in her life for as long as you walk this earth, and may you continue to watch over her when your spirit soars into the world of the Ancient Spirits of the Athabascan Warriors."

With some effort, Mary stood, the dizziness striking with vigor. She used the dresser to steady herself until the nausea passed, then raised both hands to her lips before stretching them out over the sleeping pair,

"Great Spirits watch over them as they sleep. Drive their bad dreams into the darkness and bring peace and love into the light."

With one final glance she smiled, closing the door before moving to the kitchen once more. She needed a distraction and cooking had always been the perfect solution to a cluttered mind. Looking through the contents of the kitchen, she smiled,

"Let's help Kenzi with breakfast. The weather will make it difficult for her to deliver the daily meals, so I can at least help with that."

She pulled her phone from her pocket and called the young hotel owner,

"Hello my not-Mother. What up?"

Mary smiled through her reply, "Hello, my not-Daughter. How would you like me to cover the breakfast rounds at the clinic? I have enough here in Lauren's kitchen to make pancakes for the staff and any patients who are permitted food." She pulled open the freezer and smiled, "And she has a large bag of frozen berries as well."

"You're a life-saver, BoMama. We are getting our asses kicked with the full house here. My chef can barely keep up with the orders. Apparently, everyone's internal alarm clock is set to earlier-than-Kenzi-wants-to-prep-breakfast time."

"I'm happy to help. Is there anything I need to know?"

"Well, grab a pen and paper, Nurse Dennis. There's some patient dietary restrictions we'll need to discuss…"

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Lauren awoke, unable to move one arm. She opened one eye to find that while she had gone to bed alone, a little Rudy had joined her at some point. She smiled, imagining how hard it must have been for the youngster to remain quiet enough not to wake her. She carefully smoothed the wild curls away from her face, kissing the top of the sleeping child's head before carefully removing herself from the body tangled up in her arms. She wasn't sure what time it was, but she was fairly certain her absence was likely noticeable in the clinic considering they were now short-staffed.

As she showered, she thought of seeing Bo this morning. She hoped that the brunette's session with Faith had gone well and that she had worked through a few more of her past memories. At the same time, she was ready to get back to work. For Lauren, science was therapy and staring at a virus in a microscope searching for a potentially new anti-viral medication as a side job would be a nice mix with doing patient rounds – especially since her fiancé was one of those patients.

Shutting off the water, she opened the shower curtain and found Rudy sitting on the toilet,

"Well, good morning, Rudy. I'm sorry if I woke you." Lauren smiled, wrapping a towel around her torso and then her hair.

"My body woke me. I have to pee. Can I take a bath yet?"

Lauren stopped, toothbrush hanging from her mouth for a moment as she watched the youngster rub her shirt sleeve against her skin. She finished brushing and rinsed her mouth,

"How about I give you a special bath that will help to stop the itching?"

Rudy looked up, her face hopeful, "Really? A bath can do that?"

"Uh-huh." Lauren replied, swallowing a handful of water before wiping her hands dry.

"Good. 'Cause it's itchy all over."

Lauren smiled, "That means you're starting to heal, sweetie."

She considered the child for a moment before she asked, "Are you just sitting there or do you actually have to go to the bathroom?"

Rudy shrugged, "I have to, but It burns when I go pee pee."

The blonde sighed, "Did Doctor Mallie check down there?"

Rudy nodded, "I have the pox there too. They're everywhere, Lauren. I think I'm gonna be one big itchy, scratchy ugly pox."

Lauren chuckled, "I don't think that will happen, but chicken pox lesions do have a way of finding many places to hide."

"Well, I usually like playing hide and seek, but the pox are winning and I hate to lose." She said, scratching at her belly.

Lauren pulled some salve from the medicine cabinet, "Stop scratching."

"I can't!"

Lauren smiled, gripping her wrist to stop her, "You can. Here. Put some of this on some toilet paper and wipe before you go. It will help and it will wash off slowly in the bath."

Rudy nodded, watching Lauren prepare some paper for her, "I'll be right back."

Lauren went into her bedroom and quickly dressed before drying her hair and hanging her towels. She would use a blow dryer later if she had time. Otherwise, it would be ponytail day in the clinic.

She went into the kitchen where she found Mary cooking what looked like a very large breakfast.

"Wow, what's all this?"

Mary shrugged, "I thought I would make pancakes, but then I decided the staff and any able-bodied patients could use some as well. I used all of the berries."

Lauren smiled, "That's fine. It's for a great cause. Thank you so much. Some of the patients have…"

"Dietary restrictions, I know. Kenzi went over them with me. Nothing that I use will be an issue. You look like you had a good nights' sleep."

Lauren nodded, pouring herself a cup of coffee, "I had a little cuddle bug to keep me safe and warm."

"She didn't keep you awake?"

Lauren shook her head, "Her body is likely still working on getting the medications out of her bloodstream. Speaking of her situation, she said it burns when she urinates. I had her use some petroleum jelly on the area before she relieved herself to make it a bit more comfortable. If it's okay with you, I'm going to draw a bath for her. She itches terribly and I don't want her to start picking at the scabs until they've fully healed. Some are still weeping and if she opens them, they'll leave ugly scars at this point, not to mention the risk of infection."

Mary nodded, "I can make something…"

Lauren waved her off, "No drugs - oatmeal is what we use for chicken pox. It will stop the itch and dry up the pox. It goes straight into the bathwater, then you just let her soak. Be sure the water is hot but allow it to cool down before she gets in so that it's warm for the duration."

"Are you going somewhere?" Mary asked.

Lauren nodded, "I want to get an early start."

"I thought you could at least stay and have breakfast with us. I made all of this food."

Lauren stopped and looked up at Mary's hopeful expression and smiled, "Of course. I'll go handle Rudy's bath while you finish up."

"Good." Mary replied, "I'll take this container down with some syrup and paper plates. I'll be back shortly."

Lauren nodded, "I don't know if Bo wants to hear it, but… well, please tell her good morning for me and let her know that I'll be down after I give Rudy her bath and eat breakfast with her."

Mary smiled, "I'm sure she'll love to hear that."

Lauren grabbed the container of oatmeal before heading back into the bathroom. She found Rudy already running the hot water in the tub. She was using a wet washcloth to scrub her skin… hard. The doctor quickly stopped her,

"Rudy! Stop, sweetie. You can't rub at your skin like that."

"But it itches so bad!" She said, looking up at Lauren, her big, sad eyes filled with tears that streamed down her pox-covered cheeks.

"I know, sweetie. I'm sorry, but you'll open the sores and then you could get an infection." Lauren explained, dumping the oatmeal beneath the running water of the bath before cooling the temperature at the tap just a bit, "This will help. I promise. Just give it a moment longer."

She took the washcloth and squeezed it out, hanging it from the hook over the spigot, then laid out a towel on the floor. She ran her hand back and forth in the tub, spreading the oatmeal around the water before turning back to Rudy,

"Ready?" Lauren asked.

The youngster nodded, rubbing her neck, "I'm eating my oatmeal out of the bathtub? How am I 'spposed to eat all that?"

"You're not going to eat it, silly. You're going to sit in it." Lauren explained.

"What? You mean I'm like the blueberries Mom puts in my oatmeal?"

Lauren nodded, "You're the blueberries… well, one giant blueberry. Are you ready?" Lauren smiled.

"To be cereal? Sure. I've never been breakfast cereal before." Rudy smiled.

"Okay then." Lauren smiled, lifting her into the tub, but immediately coming away with slippery hands, "What do you have on you?"

Rudy shrugged, "The jelly stopped my pee-pee from itching, so I put it where my other itches were."

Lauren sighed, shaking her head, "Well, we'll have to wipe that off first. Water is repelled by petroleum jelly, so the oatmeal won't get to your skin."

She lifted Rudy back out of the tub, walking her to the sink. She lathered up a washcloth and began wiping down her skin,

"I've never had a bath before my bath."

Lauren smiled, "Well, I've never had a patient use petroleum jelly like we use lotion."

"I didn't get to my belly yet, so at least you don't have to wash there."

Lauren laughed, rinsing the washcloth, "There. Did you put it anywhere else?"

Rudy shrugged.

"Rudy?"

"Between my toes. They itch really bad."

Lauren shook her head and went to work on her feet. She took a deep breath knowing that she was being a little short with the child. It wasn't Rudy's fault that she was cranky over a lack of sleep, the loss of her employees, being stuck in a clinic rather than doing heart surgeries and the self-destruction of her love life.

"Lauren? I think they're clean." Rudy said, tapping Lauren on her back.

The blonde stopped what she was doing, realizing she had zoned out, "Right. Sorry."

She lifted Rudy up again and placed her in the tub. The youngster sat down and immediately heaved a sigh of relief,

"That is so much better."

"Good." Lauren smiled, grabbing the cup from the container and spooning the mixture from the tub over Rudy's skin repeatedly.

It took several minutes, but the youngster finally laid against the back of the tub, "The itching is almost gone."

Lauren smiled, "Well that's a good thing. For a minute there, I thought you were going to rub all of your skin off!"

Rudy laughed, "I'd look pretty funny running around like a skeleton, huh?"

"Wherever would your organs go?"

Rudy pondered the question for a moment before she raised a finger and replied, "I could put 'em in a pack and wear them on my back!"

"Ewww. That's gross." Lauren replied with a sour face, "Let's just keep your skin on, okay?"

Rudy nodded, "Good idea."

"Your Mom made us berry pancakes."

"Yes!" Rudy said, giving a tug with her fist.

"She took some down to the nurses and doctors."

"And my sister?"

Lauren shrugged, "I'm not sure if Bo is well enough to eat yet."

Rudy frowned, "Is my sister going to be okay?"

Nodding, the doctor replied, "She'll be fine, Sweetie."

Rudy smiled, "We should make pancakes for everyone."

"Your Mom did. It's just that not everyone can eat since some are sicker than others. The nurses will make sure the people that can eat them get them."

"Good. Because my Mom's pancakes will make everyone better. Did you know that berries have anoxens in them?"

Lauren contemplated the word for a moment before she chuckled and replied, "Do you mean antioxidants?"

"That's what I said! They fight all kinds of nasty critters in our bodies."

"They do." Lauren agreed with a smile, feeling absolutely no need to get into the specifics of what antioxidants actually do in the body. She put the cup on the shelf and sat back down on the towel, "So, do you want me to read to you?"

Rudy shook her head, "No. Do you love my sister?"

Lauren nodded, "I do. Are you okay with that?"

Rudy nodded, "Did you know there are people that think two women loving each other is gross?"

"Yes, unfortunately, I have heard about those people. What do you think?"

Rudy smiled, "I think it's cool. I hope I love someone the way you love my sister someday."

Lauren nodded, "I'm sure you will, Sweetie."

"Why do people care who people love? Aren't we all supposed to love everybody?"

The blonde shrugged, wishing Mary would come back right now, "Well, there are different kinds of love. I some people have been taught that some forms of love are not okay."

Rudy scowled, "But why in the world would anyone ever teach someone that love is wrong?"

Lauren shrugged, "I really don't know, Rudy. I think it might have to do with what they were taught to believe."

"Well, I think they need new teachers. I'm taught that the Athabascan Spirits believe we are all one with the earth. People, animals – everyone! And that we should all love one another, right?"

Lauren smiled, "That's what I believe too."

"Lauren, do you have any bubbles?" Rudy asked.

The doctor sighed, "Sadly, if we put bubbles in, you'll probably start to itch again."

"Oh. Then no bubbles. Do you have anything I can play with? You know, so we can talk and play?"

Lauren smiled, "Let me see what I can find. Be right back. Keep your head above the water."

"I know how to swim, silly!"

"Well, see that you do."

Lauren gave the little girl a small splash. Rudy screamed and the doctor ran off laughing in search of a toy. When the blonde came back, she was carrying markers and a sponge.

"What do I do with these?" Rudy asked as Lauren handed her pink, blue, green and orange markers.

The doctor smiled, "Well, I always have some bathtub markers on hand because I learned a long time ago that I get some really good ideas in the shower. With these, I can write them down and then sponge them off the wall after I type them into my laptop."

Rudy pulled off one of the caps and started to write on the tile wall, "Cool! I can draw our house!"

Lauren watched as the young girl turned towards the wall and began to draw the homestead. Things were always different through the eyes of a child. Lauren knew she would draw the house, the river, the trees, the barn, the sled entrance and kennel but Rudy started with her Mom in the backyard, arms over head near the river.

Ever the doctor, Lauren took the opportunity to check out the scabs on Rudy's back. Most of the lesions were still an angry red rather than being scabbed over. She made a mental note to be sure the nurses did not allow her to sleep on her back. The scabs would never form if they didn't get air. She also needed more frequent oatmeal baths. All of the patients did.

They had plenty of snow that they could boil for clean water – the problem was tubs and privacy screens. She decided she would call LJ and ask for a few troughs. They were big enough for a person. They could hang sheets from the ceiling using fishing line and paper clips. Desperate times called for rigging things like they had in the tents during the war. Lauren's thoughts traveled to her time in Afghanistan which in turn led to the horrid memories of soldiers being rushed into her infirmary. Medical school had never prepared her for working on bodies that were mangled beyond recognition. She could hear the screams of the victims and the shouts of the soldiers who desperately wanted her to save their brothers.

A splash and a 'whoop' from the tub pulled the doctor from her past. She rubbed her eyes before forcing her thoughts back to the patients in her clinic. Everyone could be discharged once their fevers broke as long as they didn't live alone. They would be more comfortable at home where they could bathe in the privacy of their own bathrooms unless they lived off grid and had to tote in their own potable water.

She reached for her phone but realized she didn't have it. As a matter of fact, she hadn't seen it since last night. She began to retrace her steps in her mind but couldn't think of where she would have left it. The last thing she remembered was… she shook her head, and whispered,

"Faith, you little stinker." She said, rolling her eyes as she remembered the doctor holding a phone to Bo's ear right before Lauren went upstairs to her apartment. She was playing the recording for her. The blonde sighed, wondering if Bo would be upset that she had recorded her.

"Look! All done! See our mountain?"

The blonde looked up to see Rudy standing up, her arm reaching way over her head to draw the peak of Denali as high up on the wall as she could. Lauren chuckled, holding out her hand to catch the youngster if she slipped,

"It's beautiful, Roo."

"Uh-huh! And look – the river and my puppy and there's the garden… I mean, not now but in the spring… and there's the seed hut and that's the fish wheel even though I know it's not that close to the house. Oh, I didn't draw the barn or the sled! I forgot to put Harper with you and Mom and Bo! She's always with either you guys or the puppies. Oh - and I didn't draw the big trees! And then our food cache…" she turned towards Lauren,

"Hey! We haven't checked the fish wheel! We need salmon for the winter. Bo said it's really important!"

Lauren smiled, "Relax, sweetie. Your big brother Tosh is checking on the wheel, so don't you worry."

"Oh." Rudy said, sitting back down. She put her elbows on the tub and rested her chin on her arms, looking at Lauren, "I want to spend more time with my big brother."

The doctor smiled, propping her head up on her hand, "Oh? Why's that?"

"I like him. But I don't really know him. Do you think he'll ever move here from Anchorage?"

Lauren shrugged, "Well, his business is there."

Rudy shrugged, "But he could take the train down in the morning. Or he could drive or take a sled."

"I don't know, Roo. It's a mighty long drive to do twice a day every day. Some nights he's open really late."

"Oh. I heard when people get older they do something called tiring? Is that because they're tired?"

Lauren grinned, "It's called retirement and I suppose they are a bit tired. My friend Stephen is retired and so is his partner Betsy."

"But they work for you, don't they?"

"They work with me… for now. They're just getting the hospital up and running. After that, they probably won't be around as much."

"Bummer. I like his stories and Miss Betsy has been like everywhere in the world!"

Lauren smiled, "She has been to a lot of good places."

"Maybe my big brother can… what's it called?"

"Retire?"

"Yes! Maybe he can do that and come live with us. Michael can run the store like LJ runs the kennel."

Lauren nodded, "Well, you'll have to talk to your brother about that. Let him know how you feel."

"Mom said it's not my place to tell a grown man what to do."

The blonde nodded, "I see."

"I can't disobey my Mom. She'll be very upset. I don't think she would ground me for talking to my big brother, but she wouldn't be very happy with me."

"Well, you wouldn't want that."

"But you're a grown doctor. She can't tell you what to do. Will you talk to him for me?"

Lauren smiled, "I'll tell you what. Why don't you talk to your sister? I'm sure she and your Mom talk about it."

Rudy nodded, "The bath is cold."

"Ready to get out?"

Rudy shrugged, "Will I start to itch again?"

Lauren shook her head, "Not for a little while. The oatmeal dries things up. As long as you don't scratch, you'll feel okay until lunch. We'll give you another bath then or smother you in calamine lotion."

"I'll leave my markers here then."

Lauren smiled, "That's fine."

"Can we have pancakes now?"

Lauren nodded, "Of course we can."

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Clinic, One Hour Later…

"Good morning, Doctor Lewis. We heard we have you to credit for the surprise pancake breakfast?" Kelly smiled, holding up the plate of pancakes she had just begun to dig into.

"That was all Mary. I just gave the okay. You're just eating now?" Lauren asked.

Kelly shrugged, "There was a line at the microwave. I can't eat cold pancakes."

"Right. We can't have that." Lauren smiled, "Mary makes the best pancakes in Alaska."

Shannon dropped a chart into the file, "I won't tell Kenzi you said that."

"Don't worry. I'll tell her myself and tell her to get Mary's recipe. Kenzi loves her pancakes, so if she's not eating the best there is, I'm sure she won't hesitate to pass a new recipe on to her chef."

Carolyn stepped up to the desk, handing a chart to Lauren, "I heard that was the last of your fresh berries. Is that true?"

Lauren shook her head, "The last that I have here, but Bo has plenty frozen at the homestead. We have enough for at least two months, I'd say. Of course, with winter coming early now, I wish we'd have gathered more."

Shannon shrugged, "Bo's shed berries grew last year. I mean, they were the tiniest things I've ever seen, but they were tasty. She also said she was building a greenhouse for this winter. She and that Doctor Gray were talking about it this morning. Who is that anyway?"

Lauren shook her head, "Yea, well I don't know that there will be time for building a greenhouse at this point. She's got a lot going on. Being sick right now is putting her behind in her training schedule, then there's the store, building the hospital, building her race equipment, photo shoots for her Iditarod sponsors and planning a wedding. I have no idea when she'd build a greenhouse, plant and then still finish the fishing to fill our cache for winter."

The three women laughed, whispering to each other while Lauren reviewed the chart she'd been handed. While they thought the blonde hadn't noticed, they weren't that lucky,

"Yes?" Lauren asked.

Shannon and Carolyn straightened their posture, suddenly serious but Kelly laughed,

"I was just wondering – while Bo's working her ass off, what do you do?"

Lauren crossed her arms over her chest and scowled, looking at the couple to her left, "I take it she didn't get the memo?"

Shannon shook her head, "I'll talk to her."

"Thank you. I'm going to go do my rounds."

With that, Lauren turned and walked away to get started. Shannon and Carolyn glared up at the younger Nurse who shrugged,

"Boy is she in a bad mood."

Shannon tossed a box of gauze at her, "We told you last night – her personal life is now off limits. We've caused too many problems in her relationship with Bo and she wants us out of it. Respect it or she'll ship you off to the hospital in Anchorage and you'll never see Kurt."

"She wouldn't do that." Kelly laughed.

Carolyn nodded, "Oh yes she would and if she doesn't, I will. It's time to grow up, Kelly. We've been telling you for years, but it ends now. You're messing with people's lives and if you don't stop it, we're going to do it for you."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Kelly asked.

Shannon stepped closer to her young friend, "It means we'll let it slip to Kyle about that little one night stand you had with the chick from the bar last weekend. She'll tell her brother and you will have given up the best relationship you've ever had."

Kelly's eyes went wide as Carolyn added, "And then I'll transfer you so that he doesn't have to see your cheating ass ever again."

"I didn't cheat. We just made out and got a little handsy. It was nothing."

"Kissing and touching when you're in a relationship is definitely cheating, Kelly. So either knock it off or break things off with Kurt now before you break his heart." Carolyn pleaded, "He's too nice of a guy to be led on if you're not serious. If you're really interested in being with that woman, then do it, but cut Kurt loose first."

Shannon nodded, "And don't lead her on either. It's not fair if she thinks she has a chance when she doesn't. If you want to play both sides, then be honest about it with both of them."

"Fine. I know. It's just… there's so many beautiful people and…"

"And I'd like you to remember that you won't know a soul in Anchorage because we certainly won't be there. It would be a new start, but it would be a lonely one for you and all of the beautiful people."

"Fine."

"Fine what?"

"Fine… I won't gossip and I'll be faithful to Kurt."

Carolyn sighed, sitting back in her seat, "If he's what you want, Kelly. He's been glued to you for eight months. You've been talking marriage. Be honest."

"I am!" Kelly replied, "Most of the time."

Carolyn shook her head, "You don't deserve that boy."

Kelly scowled, her eyes down on the counter as she contemplated what her friend had said. It wasn't the first time she'd heard it. Hell, even Lauren had told her that and she's usually too polite to say anything negative. They were right about him – he was an incredibly kind and gentle man. He worked his butt off and was so proud of being an emergency medic and chief of the rescue squad. She didn't know why she slid back into her old ways last weekend, but she needed to figure it out or one thing was for sure – she would lose Kurt and what might be her one shot at happiness.

"Are you going to get back to your patients anytime soon?" Carolyn asked.

Kelly turned away, but hesitated. Turning back she asked, "Why do you guys think I cheated?"

Shannon shrugged, "Because you're a slut."

Carolyn immediately slapped her partner hard on the arm, "Stop it. Honestly, I think it's because you're afraid."

"I'm not afraid." Kelly replied.

"I'd suggest you have a look at your college psych books then because that was such a quick response, it sort of sounded like denial." Carolyn laughed.

"Yea. It ain't just a river in Egypt, ya know." A laugh came from behind the trio. They turned to see the older woman standing at the counter. She had sat with Bo most of the night.

"That was a good one! De-nial! I get it. Not just a river in Egypt! I'll have to use that one sometime." Shannon laughed.

Kelly nodded and asked, "And you are?"

"I'm Doctor Faith Gray, Child. And you are?"

"Kelly. Kelly Chapman. ICC Nurse… I mean, I used to be an ICC Nurse. Now I'm an all-around everything Nurse."

Faith nodded, "I see. And do you enjoy stepping outside of your former specialty?"

Kelly looked around the clinic, "I do, actually. I mean, when the hospital is built, I'll be happy to get back to some days in the ICC, but this place has really grown on me. Are you working here now?"

The elder doctor shrugged, "Only as my services are needed. I have a private practice in Anchorage. You should stop by and see me sometime, Nurse Chapman."

"I'm not sick." Kelly replied.

"Yes. You should definitely stop by and see me." She smiled, turning to the other two, "Hello, Ladies. I believe you would be Carolyn Donahue and Shannon McCarthy, though I don't know which one is which."

Carolyn raised her hand, "I'm Carolyn. Can I help you?"

Faith nodded, "I'm looking for Mary. She wasn't with Rudy or Bo. Did she leave?"

Carolyn nodded, "She headed over to the General Store for a bit to check if Rudy's friend Elise wanted to come over for a bit. Doctor Mallie said it would be okay since she was vaccinated. Janie got the pox, but she and her Mom are staying at the hotel."

"Why not stay in their home?" Faith asked.

"The Mom just started a new job at the hotel, so in order for her to be there and take care of Janie, Kenzi gave them a room until she's better. When the Mom is working, Kenzi or Molly check on her. Elise sits with her and they play board games, but they both mentioned missing Rudy, so they both agreed that at least one of them should come over and see her."

Faith smiled, "Such sweet children."

Carolyn smiled, "They really are. We call them The Three Musketeers because they're always up to something that tends to land them in a bit of trouble."

"A little mischief is good when you're a child… as long as you grow out of that phase as an adult." She replied, her gaze landing on Kelly as she spoke.

Shannon had her suspicions, but she asked anyway, "So what is your specialty, Doctor Gray?"

"I'm a Neurologist and Clinical Psychiatrist." She smiled.

"Both?" Carolyn asked.

Faith nodded, "Yes, but I haven't cracked open a skull in… oh, I supposed about nine years now. My hands aren't as steady as they used to be. No, I just do consulting on cases as needed, but I do still have a clinic in Anchorage for Psychiatry."

"Oh, so Bo is…"

"Interested in building a greenhouse." She replied, "I have the largest private greenhouse in the whole of Alaska. She helps me out there several times a month and in trade, I am allowing her to study the irrigation system, heating system and various structures so that she can begin building her own."

"Begin? But Bo told me she was going to build one for winter." Shannon replied.

"A small one, yes of course. But what she's planning will make mine look like a dollhouse." Faith smiled, "That Bo is an ambitious one."

Carolyn smiled, "I just hope she doesn't take on too much."

Faith shrugged, "The three of you really must have more trust in the bond between your friends. They will always work things out – as long as they don't have to deal with outside interference."

The three looked at each other before settling their eyes back on Faith. It was Carolyn who spoke,

"We understand."

Faith smiled, "That is my hope, Child. Now, where are those pancakes? Your patient is awake and would like some and so would her friend."

Kelly volunteered, "I'll help you. Follow me."

The doctor winked at the couple behind the counter who gave her a thumbs up in return,

"Do you think it will work?" Shannon asked when the pair were at a safe distance.

Carolyn shrugged, "I have no idea, but if anyone can get through to her, it's Doctor Gray. People around here aren't going to tolerate Kelly's behavior much longer. She's starting to make enemies."

"Yea, well I hope that Lauren doesn't catch on to our meddling." Shannon said, watching the pair at the makeshift breakfast buffet.

"Well, I would hope that Lauren would agree with us on this one. If not, we can explain this one away on professional grounds. We're referring a friend and colleague for mental health services."

Shannon sighed, "I hope you're right."

"Me too." Carolyn replied, "Flip you for who gets to check on Bo?"

Shannon smiled, pulling out the coin they had left on the desk for such occasions. Tossing the coin in the air, Carolyn called out 'tails'. Catching the piece of metal in her hand, Shannon flipped it onto the back of her hand,

"Shit."

"Language." Carolyn chuckled.

"Well, I've lost the last three coin tosses. Even the laws of averages are against me with Bo."

Carolyn shrugged, "Maybe the laws of averages want you to learn patience with your patients."

"Ha. Ha." Shannon replied, pulling Bo's chart, "I'll be back…" She walked from the Nurses' Station, whispering over her shoulder, "…as soon as humanly possible."

Carolyn laughed, "Patience, dear."

She watched as her partner walked away, tilting her head to get a good look at her ass. She loved that firm round backside, but here in Alaska, it was usually hidden under parkas and snow pants. There were times she really missed the beaches of Cape Cod and cookouts at Lauren's house. She sighed, looking towards the frosted windows. This is the life they had chosen and honestly – she still believed they had chosen well. There were good people here, the scenery reminded you that human life on this planet is small and that life also short. Somehow, she felt they'd found a better quality of life here. As she scanned the larger-than-average clinic, noting the full bays of patient beds, she knew the work they were doing here was special. She felt she had all she'd ever wanted. Of course, a vacation back east once a year or so would definitely be in order.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Bo, you need to lay back down. You still have a fever, you are highly contagious and you haven't eaten for days." Shannon said, sternly to her patient, placing a hand on her shoulder.

"Remove your hand, please."

"Bo, I will remove my hand when you lay back down."

"I said… remove your hand. Please." Bo replied again, this time more forcefully.

Shannon sighed, "Do I have to put you in restraints?"

Bo laughed, "I'd like to see you try."

"Bo, you can't remove and I.V.! You'll bleed out!"

"Fine! Then make it so I won't bleed out! I'm leaving and you can't stop me!" She said, looking up at the nurse, her eyes filled with desperation as she yanked the needle from her arm.

"BO!" Shannon yelled, slamming her hand over the wound, "Carolyn! Help!"

Carolyn ran for the bed, arriving just as Bo tried to stand, "What the…"

The brunette staggered, but Shannon moved quickly bending over to try to support her weight while Carolyn caught her on the other side. The pair pushed her back onto the bed, laying her down,

"Gauze. I need gauze!" Shannon yelled, moving her hand back to the point where the artery was spurting blood.

Carolyn worked quickly, ripping open gauze packets with her teeth and handing them to her partner one at a time. Shannon piled one on top of another until finally, the bleeding stopped coming through the fibers. Carolyn wrapped two pieces of surgical tape over the wound before the pair visibly relaxed.

Shannon looked down at Bo, "I'm done! Do you hear me? I'm done! If you want to try to kill yourself, go do it at home! You want to leave? There's the door! Don't let it hit you in your stubborn, stupid, ass!"

"Nurse McCarthy!"

Both women looked up as Lauren stormed over to the bed, "That is completely inappropriate!"

Shannon glared at Lauren, "Yea, well tell your fiancé that not following orders and ripping needles out of her arm when a friend is trying to help her is inappropriate as well." She stopped what she was doing and looked up at Lauren, saying flatly, "I quit."

Lauren's mouth dropped open as Shannon pulled off her I.D. and tossed it in Bo's face before turning and heading towards the door of the cold room. Lauren looked at Carolyn who shrugged,

"I'm sorry, Doctor Lewis, but this patient was being rude, uncooperative and was physically resisting Nurse McCarthy's attempts to prevent her from ripping out her I.V.," Carolyn replied, nodding towards Bo's arm, "Nurse McCarthy was overpowered, and the patient caused an arterial bleed. We managed to get it under control but had to physically lift her onto the bed before we could begin emergency first aid on the wound. She lost a good deal of blood… all over the floor, bed… and us."

Lauren gave Bo a disapproving glare, "Is that true?"

Bo shrugged, "I don't want to be here, Lauren."

The blonde shook her head, "Sucks to be you. If you are going to be disrespectful to my staff, you will not be welcome in this clinic. That means you will be forced onto the street and left to your own care. It is eighteen degrees outside, the snow is now over eight feet deep. The trails are covered over. You haven't eaten for almost three days except what was being given you through the I.V. you removed. If you think you have the strength to stand, let alone drive a sled back to your homestead, be my guest. However, despite you being the great and powerful Bo Dennis, I believe we will find your frozen corpse about half a mile from this clinic."

Placing a final piece of tape over the re-wrapped limb, Lauren added, "Your choice."

Bo laid back in the bed, "So you don't want to marry me?"

Lauren shook her head, "Is that what this was all about?"

"I just needed some space. I needed to get away from here and think." Bo replied.

Carolyn shook her head, "You bitch."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me. Shannon has done nothing but be accepting of you. She's been there for you, cared for you on multiple occasions, honored all of your fiancé's wishes – even when it wasn't as a boss – and defended you at every turn. Just now, you treated her like shit. She just quit her job, Bo. A job she moved here to take – largely because she wanted to work for Lauren. I don't expect you to understand, but Nurses can search a lifetime for an opportunity to work for a doctor who respects their knowledge and judgement. We found that in Doctor Lewis. We found a friend in her and the extended family we've found here is just a bonus. You've been pushing her buttons for days. We're flipping a coin at the Nurses' station to see who has to care for you each day. So, yes – you're a cast iron bitch."

She looked up at Lauren, "I'm sorry, but I can't do this. I have to go try to talk Shannon down, but I don't know if it'll happen this time. I can't speak for Kelly, but if Shannon goes, I go."

With one last look at Bo, she said, "I know you've been through hell in life, Bo but if you ever stopped to listen to anyone else's story, you might have noticed that this trio of Nurses didn't come from the most supportive of families. Kelly's Mom was a drug addict and her Dad abandoned her when she was eight years old. It's why she and Kenzi get along so well. She's a little rough around the edges, but she's got a good heart. She worked really hard in school and got a scholarship to college. She comes off like a social misfit but she's super smart and has saved more lives than I can keep track of…"

She shook her head, "Shannon was in and out of detention centers and foster homes all of her life. When she was sixteen, her Biology teacher sat her down and talked to her about her future, then put her into a special program where she met Lauren. In her mind, if it weren't for your fiancé, she would probably be doing a life sentence in prison right now."

She closed her eyes, "You think you're the only one who's had it tough in life and frankly, I'm sick and tired of you playing the poor me routine. You're really so tough? Well then, it's time to put on your big girl pants and deal with the hand that life has dealt you – each and every day of your life. We all have good days and bad days, Bo. Right now, you're in a hospital bed with a contagious disease. You're here because you almost died – again. You've been too sick to keep food down, so we're feeding you through the I.V. you ripped out. We were feeding you through that I.V. to keep your immune system strong enough to continue to fight. Shannon was by Lauren's side the entire time they fought to save you and now you want to throw it all away and leave here before you're well. If you want to be an idiot and do that, go right ahead. God knows you've been trying to kill yourself since we met you – might as well finish the job and put us all out of your misery."

"Carolyn!" Lauren shouted.

"Sorry, Lauren but she messed with the wrong woman. She would do at least the same to me if I treated you the way she just treated Shannon and you know it." She turned back to Bo, "It's hysterical that your little sister is taking this all in stride – but you, the damn grown up – can't seem to cope. Learn a little gratitude, Bo. Maybe then you'll find some damn happiness inside of that frozen heart of yours."

With that, Carolyn looked up at Lauren, "I'll be taking some emergency time off but will try to find someone to fill our shifts. Not for you or Bo, but for my colleagues who are going to have to pick up the extra load due since you two can't seem to get your shit together and keep your drama out of the clinic. We'd love to honor our part of the bargain, but when you bring it here yourselves, there's not much we can do. Frankly, it's unprofessional, Doctor Lewis. You need to have a chat with your fiancé so that she understands that we're here to do a job. You're the boss and owner of the company in a town where your fiancé is not the most well-liked person by some. Your business is going to go under if the two of you don't get on the same page and start supporting each other's careers – both personally and professionally."

She took a step, but then turned back, "And by all means, if anything that I've just said offends your sensitivities, feel free to fire my ass. It'll be worth it just to have finally gotten all of that shit off my chest. If you do decide to fire me, then I have one last bit of advice. Lauren, you always want to run at the first sign of trouble. You use work as an excuse all the time. There was no reason for you to come here to do research the other night. You could have done it all from home. Stop running. Bo, this woman just dropped everything she's ever known to be here for you and you have the audacity to doubt her. If you're serious about joining society, you've got to start trusting people and trusting the woman you intend to marry is a good place to start. In short, it's time for the two of you to grow the hell up."

With that, she turned and walked to the Nurses' station to inform the rest of the staff that she and Shannon would be taking the rest of the day off. Mary, Kelly and Faith stepped into the space where Carolyn had been standing. Kelly spoke first,

"I'll be taking the rest of the day as well." She looked at Lauren, "You know I have to stand with my friends."

She turned and left the clinic as Mary spoke next, "I think Carolyn said everything that needed to be said. I'll be with Rudy."

Faith smiled, "I believe you should take Bo home, Lauren. It's where she wants to be and Carolyn is right – she is harming your professional life. There are many patients who are sick and you cannot tend to them if you are here at Bo's bedside tending to your personal lives. I know that Mary plans to stay here with Rudy, so you'll have the homestead to yourselves."

Bo shook her head, "Lauren won't be able to drive back and forth. It's too bad out there."

Faith shook her head, her eyes fixed on Bo, "I believe you must remember what we discussed. Marriage is a partnership, not ownership. Lauren is a grown adult with adult responsibilities."

She turned to Lauren, "You sided with your partner – when she was clearly in the wrong – over your employees and friends – at least that's the way they'll see it since you didn't say anything in support of their stand against Bo's behavior. Marriage doesn't mean investing in mindless agreement with the other."

She folded her hands, looking at the pair, "I believe those three ladies are the most loyal friends the pair of you have. I also believe it would be prudent for Lauren to make every effort to see them as soon as possible. Regardless of what they choose to do with regard to working for you, as long-time loyal friends, you at least owe them an apology. However, it is my believe that given a day or two, you will be begging them to return. I used to be the head of Psychiatric Medicine in Seattle, Lauren and they are three of the most dedicated, intelligent, efficient, compassionate, honest and loyal employees I have ever had the pleasure of working with.

She looked around the room, "It may be a good idea for you to take a few management courses as Stephen suggested. Right now, you're a surgeon who owns a clinic and hospital. You need to become an owner, manager and doctor who does occasional surgeries – for the sake of the company, the employees who will rely on their jobs here and for your patients… not to mention your financial statements. Hospitals don't stay alive if they operate in the red. Bo, your Mother raves about what a fantastic student you used to be. Maybe it's about time you took management courses for your business as well. You rely heavily on Kyle and LJ to run the business, but it's your name on the products."

Faith looked between the pair, "Maybe some time on your own for a few days is just what the doctor should be ordering. Since you've begun hiring for a hospital that isn't yet open, you've got plenty of employees you can call in to replace you for a few days. You are the boss, after all. Your partner is sick and needs care. She wants to go home. I'd ask you why you're truly keeping her here. If not to the homestead, at least to that apartment you keep. Just some thoughts."

With that, the doctor turned and walked to the next patient bed, greeting them with great cheer. Lauren, on the other hand, slumped into the chair by Bo's bed… silent.

"She's right, you know. So were Shannon and Carolyn." Bo said.

Lauren nodded, "I know."

"So can I go up to the apartment?"

Lauren shook her head, "No. First, you're going to practice sucking it up and putting on your big girl pants like Shannon and Carolyn suggested. Consider it part of your treatment. You ripped out an I.V. against the orders of your nurse. You yelled at her and it led to her resignation and the loss of three nurses from my staff today. I'm going to go call in a doctor and three nurses to cover the missing employees."

"Great. So we'll go upstairs when you get back?" Bo asked.

Lauren shook her head, "No. You'll stay right where you are and do exactly what you're told. I am also tired of the "poor me" routine, Bo. Faith is right. I'm the boss and I'm setting a bad example for the other doctors. You're sick and you're going to stay in that bed until such time as I'm free to get things set up in the apartment. Then, a nurse will help you upstairs and someone from the staff will treat your bed in the apartment as one of the active clinic beds during the day until such time that I'm free to come up there. For now, I'm going to replace my staff and then I'm going after my girls."

"But…"

"No buts, Bo. They're my friends – my only friends who aren't attached to you or your family. They matter to me – they have mattered to me for almost a decade. They've been part of my team and have seen me through some of the most difficult times of my life including these last few days. They've had to put up with you at your worse and me at my worst – usually because of things with you. I owe them a chance to vent their frustrations. I owe them an apology and an open heart and mind as they talk. You owe them all at least the same."

"Lauren…" Bo began, but the blonde was already up and walking away. She dropped her head on the pillow and sighed, looking down at the bandage on her arm, "Okay. You're right." She whispered.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The Hotel, Three Hours Later…

Kenzi looked up at the sound of the ringing of the bell above her door to see a visitor shrouded in a large white fur coat. The hood was up and covered in snow. When the hood, googles and respirator were removed, she was shocked to see Lauren standing there.

"Doc! What the hell are you doing out in this weather? Bo's gonna be pissed."

Lauren shrugged, "I really don't care. Where are my Nurses?"

Kenzi scowled, clawing at the air, "Raargh. Someone's got her claws out today."

"I don't want to talk about it right now, Kenzi. I really need to talk to my nurses."

Kenzi shrugged, "Well, before they went up to your room, I was told they quit their job and they did not want to talk to you right now."

"Kenzi, I really need…" Suddenly, it hit the doctor, "Oh. Um… can I have the key to my old room? I believe I left something in the safe."

"The safe?" Kenzi asked, confused.

Lauren nodded, "Yes, I hid a safe beneath the floorboards in my room and until now, I had no need for the papers in it. I need to retrieve it."

Kenzi turned and pulled the key to Lauren's old apartment from the wall, "The other key is with the current renters. They won't be staying there much since they just bought a house."

"They bought a house?" Lauren asked.

Kenzi nodded, "They decided it was time to put down roots and make a life here together. Now, they're worried, but hope they can get jobs at the new hospital working in a different department or in Fairbanks or Seattle."

"Seriously?" Lauren asked.

Kenzi shrugged, "They're unemployed. They can't pay a mortgage without jobs."

"Where's Kelly going?"

"They have an in-laws quarters on the property, so she's going to rent that from them for now. If things pan out with Kyle, then she'll decide what to do then."

Lauren nodded, her face showing obvious disappointment.

"What's wrong, Doc?"

"Bo was just talking about building a few more homes along the river for anyone in the family who wanted to live near us. I wish I would have known. They could have lived mortgage free."

Kenzi shrugged, "I don't think they'll want to live anywhere near you and Bo right now. I'm not sure what happened, but they are not fans."

Lauren nodded.

"Do I get a free house on the river?" Kenzi asked.

Lauren smiled, "Naturally Bo would love to have you right next door, but she's afraid you'll say no because of the hotel. I suggested that you won't be running the hotel for the rest of your life, so maybe she should save that plot of land for you."

Kenzi smiled, "It's nice to know she still thinks of me as a friend."

Lauren frowned, "Of course she does. Why wouldn't she?"

"Lauren, do you honestly have to ask me that question? I never hear from Bo unless she needs something. She never comes for meals anymore. We never go out anymore. I literally don't see her or hear from her unless it's for business or trouble with her love life."

The blonde nodded, "I'm sorry, Kenzi."

"You don't have any reason to be sorry, Doc. It's not your friendship I'm worried about. You still come down here for lunch a few times a week."

Lauren nodded, "Yes, but I could have been more aware and suggested that Bo needs to find some balance in her life."

The blonde paused before looking up at Kenzi, "She does, you know? Need balance, I mean."

Kenzi nodded, looking at the doctor with scrutiny. There was something off about her demeanor, but Kenzi wouldn't quite put her finger on the problem. She decided to take a more direct approach,

"What's on your mind, Lauren?"

The doctor shook her head, taking a long pause before she spoke again, "I just need to focus on talking to the girls right now. I should have stuck up for them to Bo and I didn't. I was on the wrong side of this one and I need to make it right. They're my friends and I've hurt them."

Kenzi nodded, "It sounds like Bo's putting you on the wrong side of a lot of things lately." Lauren's head snapped up, her eyes meeting Kenzi's as the younger woman continued,

"In a way, I miss the old Bo. She was so simple back then. Everything was black and white – right or wrong. She had a schedule – well, a routine, anyway - and you could always count on her to do what she promised. You could also count on her to protect what was right – no matter what it cost her. I miss that Bo."

Lauren nodded, "Me too."

Kenzi placed a hand on Lauren's, "So what are we going to do about it?"

"Put back what's missing in her life."

"Oh? And what's that?" Kenzi asked, "She seems to have everything now."

Lauren shook her head, "She has more than she's accustomed to and she doesn't know how to balance it all. She does want to protect – just as she always did – but there are too many people for her to protect them all at every moment and I believe that's where her fear comes from. The fear of not being there for any or all of us when we need her."

Kenzi raised her eyebrows, "Wow, Doc. That's… that's actually really good… I never thought of it that way."

Lauren nodded, "It just sort of came to me on the way over here. She's lost her sense of self. She needs to get that back."

Kenzi shrugged, "Okay, so how do we help her do that?"

Lauren smiled, "We help her get better first. Then, we let Harper handle it just like she always has."

"Harper?"

Lauren nodded, "It's time for Bo to start training again. She's behind and she's not focused. I'm going to ask her if she's running the Iditarod this year and I'm going to get everyone else to ask her as well. She wouldn't usually be around much at this point, right?"

"Well, you've got a point there. She's usually got all of her traps set and she's finishing up her fishing for the winter. With all of the extra people in her house, she's going to need twice as much as she usually gets to stock her cache for the winter. In addition, there are people that count on her filling their orders and last I spoke with her a few months back, she hadn't stocked most of them yet."

Lauren shook her head, "I think she needs to take some alone time."

"Doc…"

"I'm not talking about a breakup here, Kenzi. Just a little break – long enough for her to get her life in order."

"Lauren, that's not gonna fly."

The blonde shrugged, "Why? Last year at this time, I was the one who had to wait while she ran off and lived her life the way she always had. Why is it that all of a sudden, she's not living her life anymore?"

Kenzi nodded, "I see your point. I'm just saying she won't be happy about it."

"And that's my point. I think that when she gets out there, she'll find herself and find her happiness again."

"Well, just make sure you let me know when you plan to break this brilliant plan to her because I want to make sure I block off a couple hours in my schedule after you tell her."

Lauren nodded, "I hope we can be a united front on this, Kenzi. I think this is really the only way for us to get the old Bo back. I think it's also the only way she's going to run the Iditarod again. I'm worried that she'll give it all up. She's very good at making excuses right now and if all of us are the reason she quits, she'll be blaming us for the rest of her life that she quit too young."

Kenzi sighed, "Okay, well you have a point there. She wants that record."

Lauren nodded, "I know. When I was talking to your Mom, she asked if Bo had ever run other races. I only remember the Can-Am and the Yukon Quest."

Kenzi nodded, "She did the Can-Am and won that once. She won the Yukon Quest two years ago, but the following year, two of her females were pregnant, so she withdrew. She decided to focus on the Iditarod for the last two years, but I know it's been her dream to compete in the World Series."

Lauren scrunched up her face, "Baseball?"

Kenzi laughed, "No silly. The Arctic World Series."

"Okay, so explain." Lauren replied.

"There's this biotech company from Norway that makes dog food – well, supposedly really good dog food. They've been trying to get Bo to try it, but she prefers her own blend. Anyway – they've been trying to get this race going for years and nagging Bo to be the big name that draws in other racers."

"So what's the difference between that and the other races?" Lauren asked.

Kenzi explained, "Well, there's four races. There's the Beargrease, the FemundlÆpet, the Volga-Quest and the Iditarod."

"Beargrease?" Lauren asked.

"The guy who the race is named for was John Beargrease. He was Ojibwe Anishinabi from Minnesota and ran a mail route with his brothers across the north shore along Lake Superior his whole life. It's a way to honor him."

"Oh. And how long is that race?"

Kenzi replied, "I think it's just under three hundred miles, so nothing like the big one."

"Then what's this Femund… whatever?"

"It's in Norway which might give you a hint as to why she hasn't run the race yet."

"A plane is required?"

Kenzi nodded, "Anyway, from the way they describe the weather, it sounds a lot like the climbs of Denali she's done. One minute everything is clear, the next it's forty-five below zero in white out conditions. You have to carry a lot more mandatory equipment, so it's a bit more pricey."

Lauren nodded, "What's after that one?"

"The Volga Quest follows the Volga River in Mother Russia." Kenzi smiled, "I volunteered to travel with her for that one. I could go back to my old stompin' grounds and see if any of my old buds are still around."

"I suppose that's cold as well."

"Hello? Sled dog races kind of require snow or at least ice so… duh."

Lauren nodded, "And how long?"

"That's about three-fifty, I think. And then you know the Iditarod."

Lauren nodded, "So the Yukon Quest isn't part of the Arctic World Series."

"Nope."

Lauren nodded, "Okay. Well, I'm going to go up now."

"Fair enough. Good luck. Try not to break anything."

Lauren rolled her eyes and headed towards the main staircase.

"You staying for dinner, Doc?" Kenzi called to the blonde.

Lauren nodded, "Save me a seat at the bar. I'll be down at some point."

Kenzi nodded, "Bring the gang. We'll have some fun."

"I'll try." Lauren replied, resuming her climb up the steps, her mind now wondering why she'd never heard Bo talk of her dream to run any of these other races. Honestly, until this point, Lauren had never considered that there were other big races. She decided that a web search was in order tonight. She'd check for any shorter warm-up races Bo could use to get back into the swing of things and ask her why she didn't run any of them.

She arrived at the door of her old apartment and knocked twice before standing to the side so that no one could see her in the keyhole. When there was no response, she used her key and opened the door. She came face-to-face with Kelly whose eyes went wide,

"You really shouldn't be here, Doc. They do not want to talk to you right now."

"Well, I'm sorry to hear that. I'm not one to put off discussions with friends when there are things that need to be said."

Kelly shrugged, closing the door, "Carolyn is taking a shower, Shannon is in the den writing reports."

Lauren nodded, moving down the hallway past the bathroom, turning right into the den. She sat in the chair that backed up against the window. She stared at Shannon, hunched over the desk, head down.

"Shannon?"

The Nurses' head flew up, spinning around, her eyes coming to rest on Lauren's, "What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to talk to you."

"Well, I don't want to talk to you. Not yet."

"That's fine. I'll talk. I hope you'll listen."

Shannon crossed her arms over her chest but remained silent.

"Okay then," Lauren began, "I know that I was wrong not to defend you in front of Bo, but I had not heard everything that was said, so was playing catch up as you spoke. I'm not at liberty to discuss Bo's private issues but she has been working very hard with Doctor Gray to overcome some of those. I also know that you believe you can draw some parallels between Bo's life and your own, but I would ask you to remember that you've always had people to talk to – people around. Whether you chose to talk to them was your choice. Bo wasn't given that choice. She was completely alone in the wild. You remember when the Iditarod crossed the Alaskan Range? You know how barren it was. You saw it first-hand. Imagine that place being your home… every day, all day, for almost a decade. I don't think there is any comparison."

Shannon's face seemed to soften at Lauren's words, but her arms remained crossed.

"She's lost, Shannon. She is truly and completely lost. She doesn't know how to function socially. She is basically a toddler in that respect. She's going to make mistakes. Kenzi has been her only real friend for a decade. Kyle, Tamsin, Dyson and Hale were just… hell, I don't even know what they were. Her control factors, maybe? She usually took their advice but if she didn't agree, she went back out on her own. She's never had to conform to any social norms. She doesn't even know what they are. If you want to know how bad it is, just watch a movie with her sometime. It will show you just how far outside of acceptable social behavior she really is."

Lauren shook her head. She hated talking about Bo like this… like she was a patient,

"Everyone in town was afraid of her, so she always got her way. I'm not defending what she did today, but she's not accustomed to having to share a space with all of those people milling around. She's not accustomed to confined spaces. That's why, I believe, she designed the homestead as she did. Large roof windows, huge open-beam ceiling and large panes of glass all the way around on the second floor. A deck all the way around the upper floor accessible through our two bedroom doors. I've found her out there sleeping on more than one occasion. I think it's the only way she can survive living in a home."

Lauren paused, hoping for some sort of reply, but when none came, she continued,

"I believe she just holds her breath every day and does the best she can to slap a smile on her face and do her jobs. I think she wants to be loved as much as she's grown to love all of us, but she feels she has to earn that love. She feels like if she doesn't keep earning that love, it will be taken from her."

Lauren shook her head, "When you left, I told Bo that you were right. Carolyn had even more to say and I told Bo that she was right as well. Kelly said… well, Kelly just sort of followed the leaders, but she was right to do so as well. Listen… I've been a shit friend lately, dumping all of my issues on you and then asking you not to talk about them. Then Bo basically releases our entire personal life on the clinic. I was stunned and furious and… well, I had no idea what to do. So I just stood there… until after you left."

Finally, Shannon spoke, "Does Bo know you're here?"

Lauren nodded, "I told her I needed to come and apologize to all of you. I told her that I was wrong not to agree with you while you were yelling at her. I told her that she had the choice of going up to the apartment when I got back or to the homestead, but that she was not going to be staying in the clinic. I told her that she was rude and that you were right."

Lauren shrugged, "I'm sorry I didn't say it to you right away."

Shannon nodded, "Well, thank you for that."

"You're welcome."

"I don't know if I'll be coming back to work at the clinic, Lauren. I'm stressed and… well, frankly Kelly is driving me crazy. It's why I'm in here. I just… need to get a little separation from the clinic right now."

Lauren frowned, "Kenzi just told me that you two bought a house and that Kelly is going to be living with you?"

Shannon sighed, "It was Lynnie's idea to have her live in the guest house. It's basically one of those tiny houses but built on the ground instead of a trailer. I know she only has us and Kurt, but she's just as obnoxious as ever and it's starting to impact the other relationships that Carolyn and I have been building."

"Guilt by association?"

Shannon nodded, "Something like that."

"So why don't you have Carolyn schedule you for different shifts?"

Shannon shrugged, "She needs us for transportation."

Lauren nodded, "I see. Where did you buy?"

"Down in Trapper Creek, so not too far. We didn't want to buy up here. It's more expensive and we want to have enough money to have fun before we start having kids."

Lauren nodded, "That's understandable. Did you move yet?"

Shannon shook her head, "Actually, the guy just called us today. Due to the weather, they're backing all of their settlements back, so we're probably looking at about six weeks until settlement now."

"So how did you find the place? I didn't realize you were looking." Lauren said, the hurt visible.

Shannon shrugged, "Well, as you know, we haven't exactly had any alone time with you. We never get together. I can't think of the last time when we had a meal together, just the three of us, so no, Lauren. We didn't include you in the conversation. It's clear we're more employees than friends at this point."

That stung.

"Anyway, to answer your question, we were looking for land, but then found this small house on the water with the small cabin. Carolyn fell in love with it… well, the idea of the house on the water more than the house itself. It needs a lot of work. Roof, floors… okay, it's a shack, but we'll make it work just like we made that shit apartment in Boston work. Plus, we'll have a space for friends to stay when they visit, but for now, Kelly needs the space, so…"

Lauren nodded, not feeling it was appropriate to pry after all that had been said, "Well, I wish the two of you the very best. No one is more deserving. If money is the reason you resigned…"

Shannon shook her head, waving the doctor off, "Can I be honest with you?"

"Always." Lauren replied, "Were you not being honest before?"

"Actually, no. I wasn't."

"Well, that's why I'm here. Speak your mind, Shannon."

"I don't like the work we're doing. I mean, Carolyn is your assistant and is great with all of the scheduling of staff, scripts and procedures you order, keeping everything straight and doing the minor surgeries or procedures that allow you to spend time on the big stuff."

"She is exceptional with all of those things and much, much more. I literally don't know how I could have done my job all of these years without her."

Shannon nodded, "But you brought me on staff to be your head surgical nurse… in a critical coronary care unit. It was my dream job. When you made this move and we were all forced to work under Nadia… well, leaving there was a no-brainer. When we got here, it was new and exciting. I was learning so much about a completely different way of life that I had no idea that I even missed the CCICU. Then this children's plague hit and – well, I'm just so tired of doing wound care. I'm supposed to be handing you rib spreaders, clamping arteries and suctioning blood, not taking temperatures, giving oatmeal baths and slathering calamine lotion all over people."

Lauren offered a tight smile and a nod as Shannon's shoulders slumped,

"You think I think I'm above it all." She concluded, but Lauren quickly shook her head,

"Not at all, Shannon. Do you really see me as loving my current job?"

"But you bought the clinic. I thought it's what you wanted."

Lauren chuckled, "I hate to admit it, but I sit there every day at that damn desk praying for someone to fall off a mountain, run a snow machine into a lake or have a heart attack just so I have something to do other than put bandaids on cuts and hand out antibiotics. I'm bored out of my skull. It's horrible, but I find myself grateful that Mary's mystery illness is giving me something to work with another physician on."

Shannon nodded, "By the way, I showed her test results to Doctor Mallie. I hope you don't mind."

Lauren shrugged, "I was going to do the same, I just… decided to have a brief meltdown instead." Shaking out her thoughts, the doctor asked, "What did she think?"

"Just what you thought. It's a progressive, degenerative condition. It's not infectious or contagious. She thinks it's a slow acting poison but it's unlike anything she has ever seen. She believes it was likely combined with another agent."

Lauren nodded, "I've been analyzing all of the homeopathic ingredients Mary uses, but it's a slow process. I'm trying to take them without her knowing."

"Wouldn't it be a lot easier if you just asked her? I mean, she knows what's in the stuff she makes. That skin cream would make her a mint back home."

As Lauren considered how she would approach Mary, Shannon frowned, "Sorry. Carolyn says I shouldn't say that anymore. This is our home now."

Lauren smiled, "I do it too."

"Sometimes I'm not sure."

"About Alaska being home?" Lauren asked.

Shannon nodded, "I mean, sometimes it just feels like we're on a working vacation. Other days, we're doing something with a new couple we met, having fun and it feels like it could be home. Then there are the bad days."

"Like today?"

Shannon nodded.

"I'm sorry that Bo and I were the cause of your bad day. If it helps, I have those days too. All change takes time. I think it's easy to use work as an escape so that you don't really notice that you're not as happy as you try to convince yourself you are." Lauren admitted.

"Is that what you do?"

Lauren shrugged, "I hadn't really thought about it until today. Now I have all sorts of thoughts running through my head."

"All change takes time." Shannon repeated.

Lauren nodded, "I think it will just take time to call Alaska home. I think we all need to get out and have more fun."

"I talked to Doctor Gray for a few minutes. She's going to take me as a patient. Please don't tell Carolyn."

Lauren sighed, tilting her head to one side, "Shannon…"

"I know. I'll tell her. I just… I just know she'll ask me what we talked about after my appointment and I don't want to tell her."

"Well, she shouldn't. Of all the people who work in healthcare, Carolyn knows the rules better than most. I would think she'll respect that you need to talk with someone, so you are."

Shannon shrugged, "I'm afraid she'll take it personally that I don't want to talk to her about my shit."

Lauren nodded, "Naturally, we all want to be the one who can solve all of our partners' problems. The truth is, we simply can't be everything. She knows that and she'll move past it. Trust her as you do with all other things, Shannon. She'll work it out."

"Thanks." Shannon replied, "So, you've been miserable at the clinic too?"

Lauren laughed, "I wouldn't say miserable. Bored is probably a better word. But I know the hospital will be finished this summer and then things will be back to somewhat normal. Besides, last winter was actually pretty exciting."

Shannon chuckled, "Yea, well we don't have a mob of crazy people around anymore, so brace yourself for boredom."

Lauren shook her head, "Well, now that we have the new staff, the three family medicine doctors will be running the clinic. They'll have one emergency room doctor on call at all times. I plan to go back to fixing hearts full time and until then, I'll be working cases they call me for, overseeing their work and helping Carolyn – or her replacement - with charts, equipment, lab and pharmaceutical orders and any other things that come up."

"Like building the new lab?"

Lauren nodded, "Bo's subcontractors are already on top of that. The old feed store behind Kenzi's landing strip is being renovated so we don't have to go through permits and such. It sounds a lot like your house, come to think of it."

The nurse couldn't help but laugh, "I guess they don't build things to last around here."

"Well, all of that snow is bound to take its toll no matter how well-built the structure. Besides, if there are any problems, I know this chick who works in construction."

"Oh?" Shannon grinned.

"Yup. Actually, she did explain a little about why they build the way they do."

Shannon laughed, "And you actually listened?"

Lauren smiled, "Hey! Be nice. I'm actually interested in what Bo does."

"Okay, so what did she say?"

Hesitating, Lauren replied, "She said it has something to do with the weight of the structure since they always have space between the permafrost and the building base. So, concrete is a no-no in certain parts. Plus, if you build expensive and an avalanche happens, there's no getting your building back. She also said… well, a lot of other stuff that I can't remember. My eyes sort of glazed over when things got technical."

Shannon laughed, "I thought so. Regardless, it sounds like they're a lot smarter about how they build here than back east. All of those people building those multi-million-dollar homes on the beach that get wiped out by hurricanes every few years then expect to be bailed out. It's crazy."

Lauren laughed, "I missed out on being a coastal insurance agent, eh?"

Shannon gave a chuckle before there was a moment of awkward silence. Finally, Shannon decided to address the big issue between them,

"So, if Carolyn and I were to work for you in the new hospital. What would that look like?"

Shrugging, the doctor began, "Well, I haven't spoken to Carolyn about the role that I want her to play, but I will… I mean, if she wants to hear about working for me. No offense, but I'd rather discuss it with her directly. You're welcome to be part of that discussion if she's interested in hearing it."

"I can respect that. What would be your plan for me?"

Lauren leaned forward, "That would depend on you."

"Me? Why?"

"Well, I'm not sure how you would feel about not being in the thick of things in a surgery, but I'll need a Head Cardiothoracic Surgical Nurse for the hospital. Financially, it's a big bump all around and the workload will certainly be much more administrative, so you wouldn't have as much surgical time. I'm not sure how you would feel about that, but we might be able to work something out by redefining the traditional position. If Kelly is on board, she could possibly take on some of the smaller responsibilities of your job so you could do more surgeries. We would have to talk."

Shannon nodded, "And if I chose to take a sabbatical until the hospital opens?"

Lauren shook her head, "I'm afraid I would need your help in other aspects of the business before then."

"Working at the clinic." Shannon slumped.

"Only if I needed an assist in the clinic on an emergency case. Otherwise, I would need you to oversee the building and installation of equipment at the new lab when I'm not able to be there. Then you and Carolyn would need to oversee the installations at the hospital. They were on schedule to finish the exterior so that they could work inside through the winter, but with the snows being what they are, I'm sure they're on hold. I just need eyes on the installations so that the"

"So we'd what – be paid hourly?"

Lauren shook her head, "No, it's a salaried job and your salary year would begin when you start."

"Benefits?"

Lauren nodded, "All parts of your current contract would be included. Full benefits, three weeks of paid vacation, ten sick days a year, three emergency personal days and, of course, bereavement days as needed. If you decide to have kids down the road, you'll have family leave benefits as well."

"Can we bump the sick days to fifteen? I mean, it's Alaska – roads close, we'll be living further away…" Shannon asked.

Lauren hesitated, "The problem with adding to your existing leave package is that the two of you will tend to be missing at the same time. Even when you have been sick in the past, it's something you shared. It would leave me short two senior staffers for an extra five days a year. Can we play the need for late arrivals or additional sick leave on a case by case basis?"

Shannon nodded, "Deal."

"I would want you to sign your contract before the building is finished just as Stephen is expecting everyone else to sign. He actually wanted to have a big party where everyone would sign contracts together – the two of us as well."

"So he's coming back to work?"

Lauren shook her head, "No, no. That won't happen. He doesn't trust his hands to be steady enough anymore. We've decided we're building a teaching hospital. He has almost finalized the agreement with three Universities. He's going to be running the interns ragged."

Shannon laughed, "Just like he did you, huh?"

Lauren nodded, "But we'll have great surgeons in all departments. Hopefully the best of the group decide to stay with us."

"Wow. What a great idea. A self-fulfilling payroll."

Lauren shrugged, "Evony always complained that finding quality doctors here was a real problem. In Boston, over ninety percent of the students are college bound. Here, it's substantially less, so there are less students to choose from. Betsy plans to run for the school board once they get settled here."

"Wow. They're moving here?" Shannon asked.

Lauren nodded, "I know. Can you believe it? They've had so much fun every time they've come here and when I talked to Betsy this morning, she said they'd made their final decision. She started telling me all of these plans – I could hardly keep up. It's like they're thirty years old again. She said the best part is that Stephen is actually getting up and outside again. They're going for walks and he wants to take tours, see museums. It's really great."

"I'm so happy for them."

"Me too." Lauren smiled, "I'm not making assumptions here, Shannon. The three of you quit today and I'm not going to assume you'll just walk back onto my staff. Take some time and think about it… talk about it. Oh, and of course, I would also want one of you to teach nursing students each semester. That can be at the hospital, the clinic or on campus."

Carolyn stepped in the door, put a finger on her nose and said, "Dibs NOT!"

Shannon laughed and did the same before the two nurses looked towards the door. They waited a moment before sharing a long glance, then burst into laughter, wrapping their arms around each other. Lauren watched as their lips melted into a long kiss, Shannon deepening it as Carolyn fell back against the wall.

Lauren lowered her eyes, quiet again. This couple had shown her all along what real love looked like. What she had with Nadia had never held a candle to what Shannon and Carolyn shared. Now, she knew she had that with Bo. Still, she had taken her three top nurses for granted and now they'd walked away because of that very relationship. It was funny that she'd never allowed her personal and professional lives to mix before. Now, everything was all tangled together and… well, she supposed she had no right to talk about Bo losing her balance when she had lost her center as well.

"Lauren?"

The doctor's head flew up, "Sorry. Did you say something?"

"She said she's worried about you. We both are." Carolyn said as she sat down on the desk, making sure her thick white robe was covering all of the important parts. She re-wrapped her hair in the towel that Shannon had managed to shake loose.

Lauren nodded, "I just realized I've never been in love before. I'm so totally head over heels in love with Bo that I don't see her faults. Hell, I don't even see my faults anymore. I'm not able to separate my professional life from my personal life, I'm ignoring my friends and I'm not doing the things I truly love to do. I mean, I have a bike hanging up in my apartment that I haven't ridden since I got here."

Lauren looked through the window to the wintery landscape, "I guess I won't be doing that anytime soon."

She shook her head, "I haven't gone for a trail run because I'm afraid of running into a bear. The only books I've read cover to cover are medical books and other than the few times Bo has taken me out, I've made a new state my home, but haven't gone sight-seeing at all."

"Uh… sorry to interrupt. Lauren, I think your phone is ringing in your jacket pocket." Kelly entered the room, holding up her coat.

She looked between the three women before asking Kelly to sit, "Please. My phone can wait."

She watched as Kelly hung the coat up over the top end of the door then moved to sit in the corner chair. She couldn't stop the tears that welled up in her eyes as she gazed upon the faces of the three most cherished women in her life. She struggled to speak. These three women were the most important part of her life for the last two years. While she held them at a distance in the hospital, when the workday ended, they were there for her. When things with Nadia got bad, they invited her to dinners when they sensed she didn't want to go home. She never let on just how bad things were, but the beauty of their friendship was that they never asked. They invited her out for drinks and made sure she got home rather than hop the train or a taxi. They had cared for her, worked for her and been true friends to her. Okay, so Kelly was a bit awkward to handle with the crush and all, but the youngest nurse made her laugh when she needed it most. She considered her more of a little sister than a friend.

Gathering the courage to let down her walls, she began,

"I'm not going to say this right. I mean… I will fumble my words… badly. You all know that I am not one to wear my emotions on my sleeve. I have spent most of my life playing the role of the consummate professional. Work, work, work… that was my life. But here in this strange and wonderful land, I've found something new… something… more. I'm new to love. I'm new to family… real family. I've never had friends aside from the three of you and let's face it, the work slash friendship thing is always a fine line. Still, somehow we've always managed."

A tear escaped rushing quickly down her cheek. She immediately wiped it away, embarrassed about her lack of emotional control,

"Sorry. I'm afraid my armor has a chink in it." She smiled and the three women laughed.

"Is that a bad thing?" Carolyn asked.

Lauren shrugged, "Honestly, I don't know. I mean… it's against everything I was taught."

She stood, walking to the window where the sun was beginning its descent. The days were getting shorter and soon, they would be in darkness most of their waking hours,

"Sit up straight, Lauren. Don't pick at your food, Lauren. You lost a point on your math test, Lauren. You need to study harder, Lauren. Ivy League schools don't just take anyone, Lauren. Your pants are torn, Lauren. Why can't you play like normal girls, Lauren? Why don't you find a nice boy, Lauren? Are you crying? Big girls don't cry, Lauren. A Lewis never cries, Lauren."

The three stood staring at the blonde before Shannon and Carolyn shared a concerned look,

"Lauren?" Carolyn asked, standing to step towards the blonde, but the doctor waved her off,

"I'm fine. I guess my mind just… drifted." She took a deep breath before clapping her hands together and continuing, "Anyway, I have been… distracted… lately. I mean, between hours at the clinic, taking on ownership of Evony's empire with Stephen, dealing with all of Stephen's ideas and rapid pace, building a new hospital, renovating a building for a lab and then dealing with stuff with Bo and her family… I just seem to have lost my bearings. I don't know how to prioritize all of this and obviously, neither does Bo. I suppose it's just a case of the blind leading the blind."

"Well, I'm sure it's not easy having the Mother-in-Law in the house with a young sister." Kelly said, earning a glare from her friends.

Lauren smiled, "I love Rudy to pieces. Most days, I can't wait to get home so I can spend some time with her. She's so curious and energetic. Bo's Mom is so cool. She's got so much knowledge and this ancient wisdom that's been passed down from generation to generation is fascinating to me. She's so calm and so skilled in living off the land. I could sit in the garden with her for hours learning about the herbs and plants. The way she uses them – well, we would never think to combine things the way she does… not in Boston."

Shannon chuckled, "If I didn't know better, I'd think you wanted to quit your job, have little Bo babies and spend the rest of your life living off grid."

Lauren dropped to the chair, exhaling a long breath, "It would be amazing."

Shannon's smile dropped, her eyes going wide, "Seriously?"

Lauren laughed, "Come on, Shannon. You know me better than that. It would be amazing, but you know my first love will always be the human heart."

Carolyn smiled, "Ironic, isn't it?"

"It is." Lauren smiled, "But the reason I'm sharing all of this with you is because I want you to understand that your boss… or ex-boss as it were… is just a little lost right now. Despite that, I believe that – until now – I have never let you down. I have always fought for you, supported you and been an open-minded boss for you. Could you agree to that?"

The three nodded, a small look of remorse on each face.

"Now, any sense of guilt brought on by my words should be released. I don't want your guilt, but I do ask for your patience and understanding as I adjust to this new life… and my new responsibilities. Kelly, you've been a rookie for years now and I'm still remaining patient with your fairly regular mistakes because there is real brilliance in your work. No matter where you end up working, please heed this advice. Focus on building relationships with your patients and their families at work and you will be less distracted by the people around you who matter less to your professional life. You'll have plenty of time to meet people after hours. I would, however, remind you that Kurt is in love with you. Madly, deeply, profoundly and hopelessly in love with you. He is a very good man and he wants a family with you. Be honest with him each and every day. It's all we can truly ask of those we love. It's the right thing to do."

"Yes, Doctor Lewis." Kelly nodded, her cheeks tinged with red as she realized Lauren had caught wind of her antics.

She turned to Carolyn, "I should have said this a long time ago, but I want you to know that you are the single most important person on my staff." She looked at Shannon, "No offense."

"None taken. She is pretty damn special." She grinned, kissing her partner's hand.

Lauren continued, "So many people would have died if I didn't have you, Carolyn. You always managed to get everything scheduled in the perfect priority order with the right timing to get everyone onto my table before it was too late."

Carolyn swallowed hard, shaking her head, "I wasn't good enough for Daria Blake."

Shannon gripped her lover's hand while Lauren spoke, "There was nothing you could have done, Carolyn. We've been through this a hundred times."

"I should have checked the forecast before I sent you home."

Lauren shook her head, "No. I won't let you do that to yourself. I left her three hours after surgery because Nadia insisted I get home. We all knew there was a winter storm warning. I should have stood my ground with my then-wife. I didn't have the guts to stand up to her. I left because Doctor D'Artangelo was in the hospital covering my patients. I briefed him thoroughly on Daria's condition and know that you did so as well… or at least tried to."

"I did try to tell him..."

"Carolyn, we all knew that Dominick D'Artangelo had an ego the size of the Atlantic Ocean. He 'thought he had it' – just like he always did. He didn't take Shannon's advice. As always, he believed a nurse was 'beneath' him. She urged him to use the non-invasive procedure. He chose to go against her recommendation and opened her up. His second mistake was not double checking his work. He would have seen the deep vein he knicked if he had. His third mistake was when all of you warned him that her post-op vitals seemed low and his fourth mistake was taking his time getting to the recovery room when her vitals plummeted."

"I still can't believe he took that call instead of going right to the recovery room." Carolyn said, shaking her head.

Shannon spoke, her eyes down, "I should have stopped Tara from doing CPR. All she did was force the blood out. I knew there was something wrong. Daria's saturation rate, her blood pressure… everything just hit bottom too fast for it to be her heart. There had to be a bleeder. I should have split the chest open again myself."

Lauren shook her head, "First, he told Tara to begin CPR while he waited for the paddles to charge. You suggested cracking the chest. He told you it wasn't necessary. You had to follow his orders. He was the doctor. He was responsible for the decision. He was responsible for her life. He was responsible for her death. The autopsy proved that."

Kelly shook her head, "I can't believe Chicago actually hired that idiot."

Lauren shrugged, "He gave them a forged letter of recommendation from me."

"What?" The three said in unison, their eyes wide.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Shannon asked.

Lauren shrugged, "Evony. Court order."

Carolyn grinned, "Until now."

Lauren nodded, "The release letter was on my desk this morning. Patrick dropped it off himself?"

Carolyn's eyes went wide, "Ohmagosh! I'm so sorry! I totally forgot. I was going to…"

"Carolyn, one missed letter is the least of my worries." Lauren smiled, "Anyway, I could write a book now if I wanted to – and totally dime him out."

"I'll get your phone. You should totally call the President of that hospital." Kelly spouted.

Lauren shook her head, "I already have. I explained everything and suggested that she have all of his surgical fatalities reviewed. I also told her to send any bills to Evony. She's the one who would not allow the information to be disclosed. The President apparently called Patrick about twenty minutes after we got off of the phone to verify the situation. He sent all of the necessary documentation Evony signed admitting to wrongdoing."

"You're totally going after his license." Kelly said, a wicked grin on her face.

They all smiled as Lauren nodded, "I'm totally going after his license and all of Evony's nest egg."

"You are SO my idol!" Kelly said, standing up and doing a few running man steps while the rest of the group laughed.

Lauren shrugged, "Aw, it's nothing."

"Nothing?" Carolyn said, "Evony's going to do some serious time now!"

Lauren shrugged, a wide grin on her face, "Don't get too excited. It's a white-collar crime. Her jail cell will probably have a water view."

"Whatever. She'll be broke and we love it! We totally need to celebrate!" Shannon said, "Kenzi's bar is open and it's right downstairs!"

Lauren smiled, "I'm afraid I do have to get back to the clinic at some point, so I can't drink. But I'll certainly sit with you all for a while."

Shannon jumped up, "Lynnie, get dressed! I'm just going to go shower away the chicken pox creepies."

She rushed from the room, while Kelly stood, "I have to go find something to wear! We're going out! Yes!" She took a few steps, but then turned back, "I mean… we're going down, but anywhere that's not in this room is out to me!"

Carolyn yelled to her just as she reached the door, "Uh, Kelly dear?"

"Yes?" Kelly replied, leaning against the door frame.

"Your promise?"

Kelly grinned, "Kurt's coming. I mean, he's just dropping off bags of oatmeal since Kenzi gave all of hers to the clinic, but he'll be here, so I want to look nice… even if I only see him for a few minutes. I just want to tell him I love him. The rest can wait until I see him for real."

"Good girl." Carolyn smiled before turning back to Lauren, "I'll talk to Shannon, Lauren. She loves working with you and I'm sure she doesn't want to take a train to Anchorage or a flight to Seattle every day. I'm even more sure she doesn't want to work in Fairbanks."

"So she really has been looking for another job?"

Carolyn shrugged, "She's felt this way for a few weeks. Today it just all sort of boiled over. She thought Bo was a friend - a really good friend. So when she wouldn't listen to her…"

"Yea, well Bo is an equal opportunity offender when it comes to not listening to those she claims to love."

"She seems to listen to you well enough." Carolyn replied.

Lauren shook her head, "Actually, that's not true at all. She doesn't really listen to anyone. Well, except Faith Gray. She does listen to her."

"We met her today. She's awesome."

Lauren nodded, "I knew her years ago. We met at a convention and then saw each other almost yearly. Do you remember Mr. Selenky?"

"Oh, that poor guy. He lost his wife after fifty-eight years together." Carolyn frowned before smiling at the lesson she had suddenly remembered from his case. She and Shannon had stayed up most of the night talking about it, "That was when you taught us that dying of a broken heart is a real thing. You diagnosed him with Broken Heart Syndrome before anyone believed your research on the subject… then he had his first heart attack."

Lauren smiled, "He didn't want to live, but the Faith you met today is the same Faith who talked to his daughter who he hadn't seen for years."

"I remember! She had the three little grandkids – all little blondies with amazing blue eyes." Carolyn grinned.

"Faith talked his daughter into the olive branch and just like that, his condition completely turned around."

Carolyn nodded, "It was a pretty amazing case. Just goes to show the power of the human mind over the body."

Lauren shrugged, "Or the power of love over all of us."

The pair were silent for a long moment, Carolyn watching her friend's uneasiness. She'd noticed it since she stepped into the room. Lauren was nervous and preoccupied. Every time the nurse had seen her like this, Evony was trapping her into doing something she didn't want to do.

Mustering her courage, Carolyn asked the question that only she could ask, "Lauren, you've been like this for weeks. Uneasy… preoccupied… what's going on with you?"

"I think I need to take a trip to P-town. Hang out at the beach house for a week or so. I have to get away… I have to think."

Carolyn nodded, though her concern over Lauren's mental health was increasing by the day, "You know I'll support you no matter what you decide."

The blonde gave a single nod in reply, "Unfortunately, I don't think there's any way you can help me."

"Lauren, I'll come back to work for you. I'll help you manage the next couple of weeks so that you don't feel so overwhelmed. You know that no one knows better what you're carrying on those shoulders of yours."

The doctor smiled, "If you ever decide to write a book, it will certainly be a tell-all. You know things about me and my life that even I don't know."

Carolyn laughed, "I have had an all-access pass for the past decade."

"I don't know, Lynnie. I suppose I should just suck it up and deal. I mean, I chose to start this company with Stephen, I chose to stay at the clinic until the hospital was built and for that matter, I chose the hospital here, in Alaska… and… I chose Bo."

Carolyn nodded, "And are any of those choices becoming regrets?"

Lauren paused for a long moment, "Honestly, I don't know."

"Well, for now, you're going to come downstairs with us, have some light chatter and a glass of water with lemon. We'll chat and laugh like old times. Then you'll go back to the clinic refreshed. You've had very little sleep in the last few days, Lauren. It may just be that you're tired."

Nodding the blonde replied, "You're right. No rash decisions."

"No rash decisions." Carolyn smiled, holding her pinky out to Lauren.

The blonde rolled her eyes, but wrapped her pinky around her friend's, "I swear."

"And I swear to hold you to it." Carolyn said, "I mean it, Lauren. No running unless you talk to me first."

Lauren nodded, "I know the drill."

The blonde moved to release her hand, but Carolyn pulled her back, making Lauren cringe,

"I know you're the strong, independent type and I'm fairly certain that one of the things you're not telling me is that you're nervous about tying the knot with Bo."

"I… I…"

"No talking. Just listen. This is me, Lauren. Your right hand. Boston clubbing partner from days gone by." She placed a hand on her shoulder, "You are commitment shy because of Nadia… because of who you always thought you were."

"Oh yea? And who was that?"

Carolyn smiled, "A loner."

Lauren sighed, her lips pulling into a tight grin as she dropped her head, "Okay, so you may have a point there."

"Are you kidding me? I'm right on the mark. If you need to take some time, then so be it. Go back and finish finalizing all of the papers and meetings a few weeks early. I'm sure if you told Patrick you wanted to do it all now, he'd be more than willing to cram a few nights to get it all finished. It will give you an excuse to get away from here, it will give you time at the beach and you would be alone with your thoughts."

Lauren nodded, "I suppose that's a good compromise."

Carolyn grinned, "And that's why if I come back, you're going to give me a raise."

"I am, am I?"

Carolyn nodded, "You are and Shannon too. I'll leave Kelly up to you. We never got the moving expenses Evony promised and we lost our security deposits for breaking our leases early."

"You didn't tell me that!" Lauren said, her brow furrowed.

"Well, I'm telling you now."

The doctor shook her head, "I'll take care of it, I promise. You'll either get a huge bonus or a pay increase or both. Remember that I'm not alone in this venture, so I can't just go throwing raises at people without talking to Stephen first."

"Understood." Carolyn nodded, but Lauren held up a finger,

"Of course, if you take the new position at the hospital, you would be guaranteed a raise… but it would also be more responsibility and more hours. You would have almost no surgical time and you wouldn't be working directly with me… or Shannon, for that matter."

Carolyn nodded, cautiously, "I'm listening."

"Really?" Lauren asked.

The nurse shrugged, "Shannie and I have been talking about working separate departments for a little over a year now. I'm just not comfortable being her superior anymore. How can our life together be on equal footing if I'm her boss eight to twelve hours a day?"

Lauren nodded, "I see your point. I could still put you on parallel shifts so that at least you would get to travel to work together."

"That would be great, Lauren." Carolyn smiled, "So what would this job be?"

"I would like you to be the Chief Nursing Officer at the new hospital. Shannon can tell you about what I would like the two of you to do before the hospital opens. I believe you overheard that we're moving to a teaching hospital format, so you would be responsible for hiring the Nursing staff to work with the Nursing students. I believe you're more than qualified. If you aren't interested, then I would ask you to fill the Director of Nursing position."

Carolyn smiled, "I'm… flattered, Lauren. Are you sure?"

"It was Stephen's suggestion. He believes that all Head Nurses need to learn your system for triage, patient scheduling and… of course, physician scheduling." Lauren laughed, "He wants to be sure that doctors are not left to schedule more golf course time than surgical time. Apparently, you are capable of getting the hospital more 'bang for their buck' from the salaries we're paying doctors to come here."

Carolyn laughed, "I love that man. He has no problem saying exactly what he thinks."

Lauren nodded, "He says that at his age, he has to say what he wants to say before he's no longer here to say it."

"Good point, I suppose." Carolyn replied, her eyes set on Lauren who had turned to the window, "Lauren?"

When the blonde didn't turn back, Carolyn stood and walked to her, "You'll miss him when he's gone."

Lauren nodded, her eyes still set on the bitter cold world outside, "He's the closest thing to a real Father I've ever had. He's really my only family… and Betsy."

Carolyn placed a gentle hand on her shoulder, "You've got us, Lauren. Whether or not we're working together, you will always have us."

Lauren lowered her eyes, "You know, I considered not offering all of you jobs… for selfish reasons. I thought that maybe if we didn't work together, we could still be friends."

"We will, Lauren. But you know we all want to work for you. I think you just need to be back in your element… in surgery where you belong."

"I suppose you're right." The doctor replied.

"Of course I am. Now, Shannon and I will talk about this over the next few days and let you know, okay?"

Lauren looked up at her friend, "Take your time and be sure, Lynnie. I mean it."

"What about Kelly?"

"If Shannon takes the position I've offered her, Kelly will step into her shoes."

"Really?" Carolyn asked, surprised.

Lauren nodded, "She's gifted, Carolyn. She's a young version of Shannon. Honestly, I think she's bored. If she has more surgeries and more serious post-op responsibilities to handle, she won't have time to get into trouble socially. Did you watch her do those sutures on that snow machine victim?"

Carolyn chuckled, "I did. Even Shannon had to admit her stitching was faster, tighter and more symmetrical than her own."

"Wow. Shannon actually admitted that?"

"She choked on the words, but yes, she did." Carolyn laughed, "But she'll get a raise too?"

Lauren nodded, "More responsibility, more money. That's the norm. Again, Stephen and I will talk. Shannon has a few more details, but we'll discuss those at the bar."

Carolyn nodded, "Okay then. What do you say I finish getting ready, we go get our coats on and go have some fun? The hairdryer stopped, so Shannon must be just about ready."

Lauren nodded, and followed Carolyn towards the exit,

"Lauren?"

"Yes, Carolyn?"

"Be gentle with Bo, okay? She may not be too happy about you going back to Boston early."

Lauren nodded, pausing a moment as Carolyn walked ahead. She leaned against the door frame and looked back towards the window. The truth was, she had no idea how Bo would react right now. They were on pretty thin ice despite how they felt about each other. One thing was for sure – if she told Bo she was leaving early to go do paperwork in Boston, she would see right through the lie. All she could do was hope that the brunette would agree that some space would be a good thing right now.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Well, aren't you ladies whooping it up over here." Kenzi said, bringing three more beers and a hot cup of coffee to the table.

"Girls night is always a reason to whoop." Kelly smirked, "Well, for the three of us, anyway. Lauren's got to get back to the clinic soon."

Kenzi laughed, "Every party has got to have its pooper."

Lauren shook her head, "Ha. Ha. Would you rather I leave Bo alone with Dr. Mallie for another hour?"

Kenzi shook her head, "God no! I love my bestie, but you leave her alone with General Chicken Pox and Bo will start calling me again!"

Everyone laughed – except Lauren, "Is it really that bad?"

"Only when I'm busy and only when she's whining about being stuck there. She says your new Doc is bossy." Kenzi explained.

Lauren shrugged, "She's not bossy, she's just… serious. I guess I could take her back to the homestead."

"She said she's going to stay in your apartment until she's released. Was she hallucinating that?"

Lauren nodded, "No, she wasn't hallucinating. Mary and I can take care of her there and Rudy should be released tomorrow so she'll keep her entertained."

"Wow. All four of you in that apartment?" Kenzi asked.

Lauren nodded, "We'll give Rudy and Bo the bed. I'll sleep with Mary out in the living room. She can have the couch and I'll sleep on the air mattress on the floor."

Kenzi scowled, "Now why wouldn't you just use the pull out on the sofa?"

"You want Lauren to share a bed with her future Mother-in-Law?" Kelly asked.

Kenzi shrugged, "This is Alaska. You sleep anywhere there's heat and a bed. You only resort to ground level if there's no other option. The floor is cold – even two stories up."

"We'll figure it out." Lauren replied, "Kenzi, can I get this in a go cup?"

"In a hurry?" Kenzi asked, standing up and taking the cup and saucer.

"I have a phone conference in twenty minutes, so have to get going."

"Got it. Be right back." Kenzi waved, walking to the back. Lauren turned to the nurses,

"Well, thank you for this, ladies. Despite what's going on with our professional lives, I'm happy that you can still be in my presence as a friend."

Carolyn smiled, reaching across the table to take Lauren's hand. Shannon put hers on top of Carolyn's and Kelly on top of Shannon's.

"I'm sorry that my relationship and my professional choices have made things so difficult for you all. I hope you'll each consider my offers and let me know what you decide as soon as possible. Running the clinic without all of you will require more new hires and… well, in my absence, we'll need all the help we can get."

"In your absence?" Shannon asked, looking between Lauren and Carolyn until Kenzi's voice drew the doctor's attention,

"I'll see you all soon." Lauren smiled, standing and giving Carolyn a nod, "Feel free."

"Thank you." Carolyn replied, "We'll be in touch tomorrow or day after."

"I appreciate that. I appreciate all of you. I know I don't say it enough. Just trust that I stand corrected on many points after today. I plan to set things right."

Lauren's eyes welled up with tears as she took in the faces of her friends one last time before turning to Kenzi. She took the offered cup and raised it to the raven-haired woman,

"Thank you, Kenzi. And thank you for listening to Bo when I wasn't around to do so… or just didn't make myself available."

Kenzi nodded, "Doc, you can't be too hard on yourself. Bo's got stuff she's dealing with and it's not your responsibility to drop everything and run every time she calls. At some point, she's got to learn to deal with her own shit. I know her life is a lot more complex than it ever was, but remember that she chose this… all of it. She either has to learn to deal or she has to start clearing her plate to make room for the new things that life is offering her."

Lauren nodded, before Kenzi added,

"Same goes for you, Doc."

Lauren smiled, "Everything is new for me, Kenzi. Absolutely nothing here is familiar. What I wouldn't give for a chest to crack open so I could get some normal. I think that's the one difference that most people don't seem to see. I'm the strong, steady, intelligent, well-armored doctor who no one around here has ever seen crack. Well, right now…" She shook her head, "You know what, it's not important. I'll see you soon. Thanks again for the coffee."

"Lauren." Kenzi replied, reaching out to grab the blonde's hand, but missed, "Lauren!"

The door closed, leaving Kenzi standing there with her hands planted on her hips. She released a heavy sigh before walking back to the bar,

"Stan! Stan! I'm going out!"

The younger barkeeper came out, a plate of food in his hand. She shook her head, "I swear when I hired you, I had no idea that you would be taking additional tips in food and beverages. That's the last plate of stew tonight, you hear?"

"Yes, Ma'am."

"I told you not to call me that. You sound like you're talking to my mother and trust me, you wouldn't want to talk to my mother."

Stan stuttered a bit, "Are-are you gonna be somewhere I can… you know… reach you? Just in case I have a problem?"

Kenzi looked over at the three women, "Carolyn! Are you three going to be here for a while?"

"Yup!"

"I'm going over to the clinic so I can put my foot up Bo's ass. Can you help Stan out if he has any problems?" Kenzi asked, walking closer to the women as she pulled on her coat, "There won't be any. He's just nervous because the last time I left him here along, Angela McNichol came in and hit on him. He gets very flustered around girls."

The three women laughed, Kelly asking, "Doesn't he like Angela?"

"Oh, absolutely. He just likes her from a distance where he doesn't actually have to talk to her."

"Awww. That's adorable. We can absolutely help him with that kind of trouble!" The younger nurse grinned.

"Kelly." Carolyn warned.

"What? Now you know that helping young men to talk to young girls is my absolute specialty!"

Shannon shrugged, "She's got a point."

Carolyn sighed, "Fine. But introductions only."

"Cross my heart." Kelly smiled, giving Kenzi a wink.

"Thank you, ladies."

"Good luck, Kenz!" Shannon shouted before turning back to Carolyn,

"Okay, so what did Lauren mean about not being around?"

Carolyn released a bit sigh, then took a long swig of her beer. Turning to the other two women, she started with a disclaimer that Kelly was not to discuss this with anyone. She gave a last wave to the hotel owner before she began.

Kenzi took a deep breath, turning back to the door, "I hate when you people make me go out in this crap. It's not like I have an inch of body fat to insulate my bones."

She stepped out into cold, instantly pulling her hood tight and shielding her eyes from the wind. She didn't think she would need googles and a mask – she was wrong. She took a moment to pull both out of her pocket and put them on before heading up the street to the clinic.

It was time she had a long, face-to-face conversation with her bestie before she lost the love of her life. Lauren was struggling – it was very apparent from their earlier conversation and the words she had begun to speak before she left the hotel. Kenzi only hoped they could get some alone time. She saw the bakery and coffee shop up ahead with the lights on and smiled, "Just what the doctor ordered… and if she's not allowed to eat yet then it's what my doctor ordered."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The Clinic…

Lauren entered the cold room and took off her outer layers and mukluks. She stared at the door to the clinic and sighed, taking one step forward before stopping… hesitating. She balled her fingers into fists, her eyes set on the entrance into what was certainly a world of chaos… and Bo. Caving into her fears, she instead turned and took a seat on the stool that was between the storage shelves. Hiding was not in her nature, but she just needed a moment alone. In thinking about it, she hadn't been alone since the night she'd driven to the clinic to research Mary's condition.

Her thoughts wandered to the reason she had hurried back to the clinic rather than staying at the hotel bar where she was relaxing and enjoying long-missed time with her friends from Boston… the call she had to take… wanted to take. She needed to solve the mystery of what was happening to Mary. She couldn't let Rudy grow up without her Mom is there was something she could do about it.

She looked down at her watch… she had seven minutes to spare. She took a deep breath and blew it out slowly, forcing herself to relax into the sound. Breathing always helped. She'd forgotten that recently. She took out her phone and set reminders for ten a.m., noon and three p.m. today. The reminder said, simply…

'Breathe.'

Looking up at the shelves, she noticed a row of canned pumpkin. She grinned thinking of the pumpkin pies she used to bake with her grandmother every fall. It wasn't a fresh pumpkin and there were no seeds to bake as a snack, like Mary Dennis planned, but it was something she did with her grandmother every year. It was their tradition – one of the very few she had in her family. Maybe it was time she started doing some of the things she had grown up with. Maybe it was time that she follow Bo's lead and start healing from her own past… or at least separate the bad from the good of her childhood.

She smiled as memories of her Nanny pushed their way to the surface… the glow-in-the-dark stars and planets the woman hung over her bed, the stories she'd read to her each and every night before going home to take care of children of her own, the games of hopscotch they'd play on the sidewalk on the side of the mansion's guest house, teaching a young Lauren to once she had finally overcame her fear of the deep end of the pool…

"When did I stop thinking of you? Why did I stop thinking of you?" Lauren wondered aloud, shaking her head. She stood, walking back and forth in the aisle, until her eyes focused on the can of pumpkin that had strangely anchored her mind to her past, "There was my grandmother who was everything a grandmother should be. She was kind, patient, reassuring, generous… but most of all, she gave Lauren two things her parents never would… her time and her affection."

She lifted the can from the shelf, her mind rifling through old memories until they landed on the recipe her grandmother had her commit to memory,

Flashback…

"We never write the recipe down. Written recipes can be found, thereby releasing to the world the secret ingredients that set this pie apart from all others."

"What are the secret 'gredients, Grandmother?" A young Lauren Lewis asked.

The Matriarch of the Lewis family smiled, leaning down to whisper in her only granddaughter's ear,

"Five tiny grounds of pepper, three drops of vanilla and a whole lot of love."

She stood again, smiling down at the child, her hand cupping her strong chin as the familiar big brown eyes gazed up at her and asked,

"But how do you put love into a pie?"

She lifted Lauren onto the counter, rolling out the dough to a perfect thickness before forming it to the pan. She cut off the edges, handing a piece of raw dough, laughing when Lauren did as she always did – started making her own mini-pumpkin pie that they would share before anyone else arrived home. It was her Nanny's day off and on this day, Lauren and her grandmother broke all of the rules, including the no eating between meals rule.

"To get love into a pie, you must think of your favorite things while you bake it. You must dream of sharing this delicious dessert with the people you love most in the world. When you do those two things, love will travel through your very soul and out through your finger tips as you put all of the ingredients together."

Lauren nodded, "Then I will think of you and all of the staff in the kitchen downstairs. I will dream of sharing this pie with them upstairs at the grand table in the formal dining room. I will dream that they are all dressed in fine clothes instead of their uniforms and that they bring their families too… other children that I can play with."

Seeing the sadness in her granddaughter's eyes broke her heart. Still, she lifted her chin until teary eyes fell on her own and said,

"Someday you will have everything you want in this life, Lauren. When that day comes, you will invite everyone to your table and they will see your great big heart, your kindness and your generosity as I do."

"Do you really think so, Grandmother?"

The older woman smiled, "I know so, my dear Granddaughter. I know so. Now, help me pull the pumpkin seeds out of the pumpkin."

Lauren smiled, "How are we going to bake the seeds this year, Grandmother? And can we put a smiley face on the pumpkin before we put it out? Do you need me to get the other secret 'gredients?"

"Still your mind, my dear child. One thing at a time. Savor each moment we bake together. It will be another year until we make another pie this special. It's getting cold out and the pumpkins are nearing the end of their harvest."

Lauren clapped her hands together, "That means we start making apple pies, next weekend, right?"

"You know the pie seasons too well, my little Lauren." She lifted her from the table, "Go now. Get the pepper and the vanilla from the spice cabinet. Be very careful not to fall from the step stool."

Present Day…

With the recipe at the forefront of her mind, Lauren began comparing the ingredient list to what she knew was in the kitchen cupboards in the apartment. She grabbed a few more items from the shelves and then packed them into her bag, the can of pumpkin going in last. She turned back to the clinic door, feeling a renewed sense of energy and optimism. Baking had always been a sort of therapy for her, so she wasn't surprised that the thought of making a simple pie would make her feel so… light…

"But it's not a simple pie, is it, Lauren? It's your Grandmother's pie. It's a different recipe than the one you have used your entire adult life. It's her pie – a pie made with love… her love… the love she gave you each and every weekend."

She shook her head, "I don't think I ever really understood until now, Grandmother. The secret ingredient in every pie – no matter the flavor – was always love. Your love... for me. You knew what I needed, but never said it. You knew that Mother and Father never showed me love. You knew they only wanted a child to continue the Lewis name, not to have someone to love. When we baked pies – when we talked about secret ingredients - you were telling me to have hope because you knew that one day, I would have the choice to break from the family… that I would find love in all of its forms. Well, I found it Grandmother."

She smiled, placing a hand on the clinic door as if it were a precious gem, "The people on the other side of this door, the people at Hotel Talkeetna, at the Kennel, at the General Store… I love them all… so much. And more importantly, they love me – exactly as I am… most of the time."

She lowered her hand, rubbing her fingers together, her brow furrowed, "But now that I have it, I don't know what to do with it. How do I learn to love with the kindness and patience like you and Nanny showed me? You loved me unconditionally – and I don't seem to be able to do that as fully as you did. I seem to want to change people… or at least convince them to see things my way. I guess I'm just as controlling as my parents were after all, huh? The apple really doesn't fall far from the tree."

She looked down at the ingredients in her bag, "But maybe there's still hope for me. Maybe the answers are in this pie." She shook her head, "Why did I ever stop using your recipes?"

Shouldering the bag, she took a breath, "Well, I suppose those are questions for later. Right now, there are people in there counting on me."

"It's always duty and responsibility with you. Why is that?"

Lauren turned abruptly, the momentum flipping the can of pumpkin and a few spice jars onto the floor. She watched the can roll until it was stopped by Kenzi's mukluk covered foot. Lauren looked up, a crooked smile stretching across her face,

"I'm going to make… pumpkin… pumpkin pie… later… after I doctor… I mean, do the doctoring… I mean…"

Kenzi rolled her eyes and shook her head, "Such a geek. I know what you mean, Lauren. I just needed to follow you here and ask that you give me a few minutes with Bo before you talk to her."

"Oh? Why?"

"So that I can shove my right mukluk up her ass. She needs to stop expecting you to forgive her every time she loses her shit."

Lauren shook her head, "I think it's me, Kenzi. To love someone means loving them on their good days and their bad days – when they're right as well as when they're wrong. I think I need to be able to love Bo – and everyone else in my life - unconditionally. Love means being patient, kind and yes – forgiving."

"Wow. When did Lauren Lewis suddenly become a love guru?" Kenzi quipped?

The doctor shrugged, bending down to pick up her ingredients, "I've recently gotten in touch with my… inner child and realized some things about love."

"Yea, well maybe it's time Bo gets a wakeup call too." Kenzi said, pulling off her gloves.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Lauren asked, taking the can of pumpkin when Kenzi finally lifted her foot.

"It means it's time for Bo to start forgiving you unconditionally like you do her. How many times has she almost gotten herself killed and promised never to do it again? How many times has she picked a fight when you tried to get her to calm down? How many times has she created tension between you and your staff… or, I guess we don't have to worry about that anymore since they quit their jobs because of her!"

Lauren shook her head, "Kenzi, please don't. Please just… just let it be. I know you're Bo's best friend, but right now, she's got her Mom and Doctor Gray and me all asking her some pretty tough questions. She just needs to work through her past to become the woman she was always meant to be. We have to be patient with her and let her work things out… all of us."

Kenzi sighed, "So are you really going to take a break?"

Lauren's head snapped up at the rather direct question, "If I do, you'll be here for her?"

"Of course. But… you're coming back, right?"

Lauren nodded, "That's the plan. I've built a business here. All of my friends have moved here – well, most of them." She lowered her eyes, staring at the can of pumpkin in her bag, "I've got family here and I need to try to make this work. I've just got to do a little soul searching of my own. Please don't say anything to anyone, Kenzi. I'm really not completely sure about anything right now. I just need…"

"Time."

Lauren smiled, "Thank you for understanding rather than going into revenge mode."

"I do not go into revenge mode?"

Laughing, Lauren replied, "I believe your exact words to me were… 'if you hurt my best friend, one day in the future, anthropologists will find your skeleton in an unmarked grave with a massive – massive - life-ending blow to your head made by a totally awesome chick that rhymes with frenzy'… did I get that right?"

Kenzi looked up at the ceiling as she spoke, "I might have said something along those lines, but Bo was acting weird – not at all herself – and when she told me about you, I knew she didn't have the skills to do a real relationship."

Lauren nodded, "I'm not mad, Kenzi. I'm glad to know that someone has Bo's back if I'm not around. She needs a friend who accepts her for who she is and you do that. You've never judged her despite all the crap that people around town said about her."

"Not to mention her own flesh and blood dick of a Dad."

There was a moment of awkward silence before Lauren finally spoke,

"I'd better get in here…"

"Right. You go do your doctor thing. I'll be here for Bo after you leave. We all will. We'll just get her focused on her training once she's back on her feet."

Lauren nodded, "Thank you, Kenzi."

The younger woman gave Lauren's arm a punch, "Safe travels – wherever you go."

"Thanks."

"You'll text me and let me know what you're doing?"

Lauren smiled, "I'll give you a heads up before I go."

"Thanks, Doc."

"You're welcome, Kenzi. Be safe out there."

Kenzi shook her head, "I'm not the one heading into a less-than-friendly clinic. Good luck."

Lauren turned towards the doors of her clinic. She looked down at the can of pumpkin, her mind traveling back to the thoughts of her grandmother,

"I was never as strong as you. I'm hoping that because I'm your granddaughter, that some of that strength is still left untapped in my blood. If it is, please help me find it now because if this goes sideways, I'm about to destroy the best relationship I could ever have hoped to have and will need all the strength I can get to see this through."

With that, Lauren opened the clinic door with a deep breath, hoping she would be able to find the words to ask Bo to trust her while she took a little break from their relationship and Alaska.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX