Title: Outcast

Summary: Love is like riding a broomstick. Some people are addicted to it and others just can't seem to get the hang of it.

Disclaimer: I own the plot, which makes me very happy.

Dear Melissa, I found your review a little rude. If you would have bothered to read the A/N as I told you to, you could have known that I have a deterioration in my wrist which makes it both very difficult and painful to write. I told the readers that updates might be shorter and take longer. I've never ditched any of my stories and I don't plan on doing so now, but you could have been a little more understanding.

Hermione closed her mouth again, watching him silently for a few seconds. Her hands were trembling, tears already beginning to form in her eyes. She shook her head to get rid of the self-pity she had been feeling.

"You're right"

She said calmly, though her voice was wavering. She fixed her eyes firmly on the bathroomfloor.

"I don't deserve it. I know that now."

Ron sneered. His voice was cold when he spoke.

"Big sudden revelation then?"

She shook her head. He had every right not to believe a single word she was saying. She had destroyed the life of his sister and his best friend, and then pretended –or at least that's what they thought– to be little miss innocent.

She shook her head once again to confirm herself. Standing up she looked at him. He looked so strong. So handsome. She bit her lip, trying to stop herself from wondering, fantasizing about him. It was not like she would ever stand a chance now. Why did she suddenly realise that now more than ever she still cared about him? Why was it so important that he understood? That he cared? Why did she want him to say everything would be alright? She should hate him for what he had driven her to. The non-eating. The selfinjury.

"I didn't know"

She confessed softly, her eyes once again fixed on the tiles.

"Didn't know what?"

"About that kiss. About how insane I acted that night. God, Ron, you of all people should have known it was nothing like me to act that way! I was drunk. No"

She dismissed him when he tried to interrupt.

"I know, it was nothing like me to get drunk either. Let's just say I had my reasons okay. It's just...I was really really upset. And when I got drunk I suddenly came up with this insane plan to make everything better. All I had to do was kiss Harry and my life would be perfect again..."

She sighed.

"So you were in love with Harry and you couldn't stand it that he was happy with Gin, is that it? Wanted to break them up so you could be his new girlfriend?"

Hermione clutched her robes awkwardly. She knew it would one day come to this. She had just hoped the circumstances would be different. That they would have been friends instead of enemies. That he wouldn't start laughing the moment she admitted the truth.

"No"

She took another deep breath.

"I was in love, yes, but not with Harry."

She tried to look away, tried not to see those eyes that were fixed upon her face, drinking in her words.

"It was.….it was you. Okay? I was in love with you. And that day I saw you kissing Lavender and I just got so angry and so upset cause I wanted you to be kissing me and not some girl cause for a long time you'd been kissing everybody but me and I just felt so ugly and I just wanted to show you that I could be worth kissing too and"

She paused a moment to come up for air.

"a...and I just...didn't know what to do and then when I got drunk I just realised that when I kissed Harry you'd know that I'd be worth kissing and yes, I know, it was insane and totally stupid and I wish I could undo it but I can't so now everybody hates me and Ginny and Harry broke up because of me and I wish I would have known all along cause that way I wouldn't have started hurting myself cause I'd know it was my fault but because of the firewhiskey I just didn't remember a single thing and..."

She closed her mouth suddenly, realising that she had been rambling and that Ron probably looked so baffled because he didn't understand one word she'd been saying.

"You...you'd been in love with me?"

He stepped closer to her and for one second she couldn't help but thinking about those romance novels she'd been reading in which two people, after a fight, would end up making out furiously. A little butterfly unfolded his wings and fluttered slightly in her stomach as he took another step towards her.

His hand was suddenly on her cheek. She held her breath as he forced her to look at him.

"This isn't one of those stupid romance novels Hermione."

He said bitterly as she closed her eyes for one second. His thumb lightly caressed her cheek.

"Why didn't you ever say anything? Did you really think I would be that vicious and laugh at you? I thought you of all people knew me 'Mione."

Oh how she had missed him calling her that.

"You should have told me. Or someone else. Most of the people in Gryffindor could have told you the truth. They knew that those girls were just...just that. Girls. Someone to have fun with. For a little while."

What was he saying? Could he be? No. That was impossible wasn't it? There was no way ever that he would...right? He certainly would have said...

"You were so smart. And witty. And ever since Malfoy gave you those beaver teeth and you shrunk them until they were a little shorter than before... I mean...why did you think I was jealous when Victor took up so much of your attention?"

"I was just doing that to make you...oh! Was that..."

"Yes"

He answered simply.

"Those girls were because of you. Because you never seemed to notice me unless I was doing something either illegal or just stupid, and we fought about that. Part of me needed comfort, and part of me wanted to make you jealous. I wanted a reaction. I wanted to know how you felt..."

His hand slipped down her cheek, fell numbly to his side as he took a step back.

"I liked you a lot Hermione. But now...this...everything that has happened..."

He sighed.

"Now I'm just torn between hating you and feeling sorry for you..."

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