Title: Outcast

Summary: Love is like riding a broomstick. Some people are addicted to it and others just can't seem to get the hang of it.

Disclaimer: I own the plot, which makes me very happy.

A/N: Lol, Leigh, your review cracked me up. Love the story so much you're dreaming about it ey? Just to reassure you: Hermione is definitely not going to commit suicide. I'm an angstwriter but I do love the happy endings. I loooove Gilmore Girls, as a matter of fact I have numerous fanfics about them too, haven't you read them? You should :P I love getting reviews ;).

Rory: He was touching her :). Lol, I had no idea people could read it like that! But thanks for mentioning it. Should I go back and change it?

Hermione didn't know what was more painful: him hating her or him feeling sorry for her. She did not want to be felt sorry for! She didn't deserve that! She deserved everything he threw at her, all those harsh words. She could handle those words. This she couldn't. This was so much more painful and humiliating than being called a whore. Or a slut. Or basically anything referring to her screwing the whole school.

She bit her lip, looking up at him again.

"I'm sorry"

She whispered, clutching her robes awkwardly so she wouldn't start crying in front of him. He looked at her for a long time, contemplating his words. Finally he settled on a harsh, yet softly spoken

"Sorry won't cut it 'Mione."

She nodded, tears stinging in her eyes. He was right. Sorry wasn't good enough. This betrayal, this...insanity, needed more than a simple five letter word to make things okay again. If she only knew what, though.

"I...I don't..."

He shrugged.

"I can't tell you what to do Hermione. You've got to think of something on your own. It's got to be something that will make Harry and Ginny understand, know the truth. It's got to be public and humiliating and impressive."

She looked at him eagerly, her brown eyes filled with hope.

"Will you...I mean..."

He shrugged again, taking a step back towards the door.

"I don't know Hermione. I really don't. Right now I'm on my sisters' side. I will always be on my sisters' side. So when she stops being angry with you...maybe I will too."

She nodded again. He was loyal. One of the things she admired him for. As she saw him walking towards the door she felt like there was something more she had to say. Something to make him see that she really was changing. That she wouldn't huddle up in a corner and cut herself even more.

"Thank you"

She said, suddenly feeling nervous. He looked up at her, questioningly.

"What for?"

"For trusting me to become a better person than I have been the last couple of months. For helping me. For being my friend."

His eyes darkened.

"I'm not your friend."

He had walked out the door before she could tell him that's not what she had meant. She didn't mean friends like they had been before, but it was true, he was the closest thing to a friend she had. Him walking out of there, leaving her with those harsh words and the echo of his dark eyes in her head hurt her. Made her want to hurt herself again. The wounds on her arms stung.

Nearly a week had passed and she still didn't know what to do. Ron had refrained from calling her anything insulting, instead he had merely ignored her the best he could. Which, considering they were paired both in Potions (oh she could easily understand why people hated Snape now) and Charms, wasn't all that easy. She tried to ignore the glares Harry was giving them and she knew Ron rolled his eyes at her whenever she was working. Whether it was part of his façade, to leave Harry unsuspicious, or whether he was truly annoyed with her she didn't know. She pretended not to see the way he acted towards his friends, tried to pretend it didn't hurt her.

Finally, one night, as she was sitting in her room, staring at the mirror as she had done for so many days now, she came up with an idea. She had been watching herself steadily becoming more and more like the Hermione she remembered from the past. As she was seeing herself becoming fatter –she had been so skinny it had been scary!– she was wondering exactly how other people saw her. What she had wanted to hear and see if she had been one of the Gryffindors. She knew people would look down on her if she acted like nothing was wrong, but she also knew people would still hate her when she turned into a miserable piece of shit. She did not want to selfdestroy. She wanted to fight. Ron had practically told her he had been in love with her! She had to believe that there was a chance he wouldn't hate her anymore. She didn't ask for his love, his trust. She just asked for his kindness, perhaps in the distant future his friendship. His loyalty. It would be enough for her.

Taking up a piece of paper she took a deep breath and tried to ignore the burning sensation in her stomach. This would take a lot of willpower. A lot of bravery. But darn it, wasn't she sorted into Gryffindor? Wasn't she brave? She could do this! She had to. There was nothing scarier than standing in front of a big crowd, admitting the truth, but she knew it was something she would just have to live with. Ron had been right. Sorry would definitely not cut it. Harry and Ginny deserved more than a simple sorry that could be uttered so quickly. They needed to know, to understand the truth. They needed to know about her deep affection. They needed to hear that she had used them, objectified them out of pure despair. She wasn't sure if they would understand, but she would try her best to make them. And maybe...maybe she could help them getting together again, so they would know she was being truthful.

She wasn't stupid. She knew the chances of them falling in her arms – or in those of each other – were slim to none. Her admitting the truth wouldn't magically repair everything that had shattered so long ago. But it would be a first step. Towards something...something that would hopefully be better but she'd settle for a simple different too.

Standing up she watched herself in the mirror for the last time. A small smile lingered on her lips. Being Hermione Granger had sucked for a long time. Being Hermione Granger that could possibly fix everything, that held her own future in her hands...being that Hermione Granger wasn't so bad at all.

Review please!


A/N: I suddenly got the feeling (when rereading this) that the last paragraph sounded like an ending. I just wanted to assure you that it's not. I apologise for this being a filler chapter, but next chapter you'll see what she has come up with.