Author's Notes: Well, considering my mind is a hotbed of mush, chapter seven of Call me Kenichi will be divided into random sections of...well, you know....randomness. Hey, it's not like this thing had a plot to begin with. Okay, now that we have that settled, back to what I was in the process of doing. (Span out to see Skunk and Lamp tied up in chairs with many feminine accessories as part of their attire.)

Author: So, what do you guys think, pink or white polka dots?

Skunk+Lamp: *gulp*



Thanks: Let me take the opportunity to thank the following people for taking their time and writing me reviews. You guys keep the world spinning! XD

Gemra: Wow! Never have I gotten so many reviews from one person! ^ ^ Thankies so much, Gemra! Keep up the great work on your two Metro fictions, as well. Hmmm....you don't like Dukie very much, do you? Well, I can't disappoint a fan, now can I? Much more Duke bashing in this chapie just for you, as gratatude for all of the lovely reviews you sent me. ^_^ Keep reading the story, and look forward to many more updates!

Jenelle: Yes, Duke Red's uncontrollable crowing is very humorous, no?

Duke Red: Ka Kaaaaw!!!

Author: Oh, hang on, he's hungry again...(Picks up a big ass bag of chicken feed) Who's a big boy? Who's a big boy?! (Throws chicken feed all over the ground)

Duke Red: (Starts munching on feed) Brraaawk.....bra bra braaawwkk....

Dark Ash, formerly Kenichi's Gal: I'm so glade you like this fan fic. Nothing makes me more happy than when I make someone else laugh. Please keep reading, and look forward to many more updates. Thank you for your review! ^_^

Liz M: We have a winner! Yup, Liz was the only one who correctly guessed, or the only one who guessed at all for that matter, what Duke Red was truly saying when he went into those weird spasms of his.
I am a cockatiel in a red suite
Congrats, Liz! Your prize is having a section of this chapter dedicated to Rock/Atlas smut!

Duke Red: Ummm....you did that for the last chapter.....

Author: *ahem*

Duke Red: And you were going to dedicate a section of this chapter to her anyway...

Author: Don't you have some weird flocking ritual you need to be doing?

Duke Red:.........*shifty eyes*

Duchess Stagsleap: Duke Red? Spank me?! Well, I finally got my comeuppance, ne? ^_^ Thank you for the lovely review. I'm so glade you found it funny!

Rock: Heeeey, she spanked me!

Duke Red: Oh, shut up! Like you didn't deserve it...

Rock: (Bottom lip quivers)

Author: Look forward to some Duke Red/Skunk fun in this chapter just for you! (part 2) I hope we have a chance to talk some more through IM or through e-mail.

melisa: Thanks for your very friendly review! I'm glade that I had a chance to talk to another Metro fan through e-mail. Keep those reviews comin' and look forward to many more chapters of fun, fun, fun!!!

Skunk: Oh God...fun, fun, fun either means that I have to put on a dress, or kiss one of you guys...

Boon, Red, Lamp: *Slink down in their chairs*

Skunk: Oh, c'mon! I'm a damn good kisser!

Lamp: Actually, he really is.

Boon, Red:...........

Lamp: What?

kehkanSKlover: Is *&%#%&*ian a real language?

Boon: Only in France.

Author: T_T ......Anyway, thanks Ging for the pleasant review! It really brought up my day. We should talk through e-mail sometime. Thankies!

Reaalis: I feel your pain. It's hard to put this moronic crap into words, huh? All in all, thanks for the review! I'm really glade that you like this fan fic. Look forward to many more updates, and keep them reviews comin' baby!

Graphik Dezign: I'm SO, SO, glade you find this funny! Nothing brings up my day more than when I make someone else laugh! So, you're another Duke Red fan, huh? There's a little surprise in this chapter that I'm pretty sure you're going to enjoy...XD

Duke Red: You're not going to make me dance, are you?

Author: Meh....*shrugs* I'll see how I feel.

Edward IV: Yup, A long time survivor of ass cancer. Welp, I'll see you at school tomorrow. Lol....^ ^

evangel-blader: Rock: Huh? That bastard stole my laugh!

Author: Don't talk to my reviewers that way! Well, I must admit I don't want to see you dead, but on the other hand you seem to be enjoying this fanfic! ^_^ Thank you for the lovely review, and look forward to plenty more updates!

ChibiSephiroth: I'm so glade I inspired you to keep going on your own parody! ^_^ Thank you for your lovely review, and rest assured, there will be many more chapters to come, and you know what that means...

Lamp: Skunk will finally start wearing underwear?

Skunk: (Freaks out) Wha, WHAT?!

Author: No, silly! More of Duke Red acting like a bird, more Rock, more of Kenichi being rude, and much, much more Rock!

Lamp: Meh, I was close enough.

Skunk: Why you son-of-a...(Throws lamp at Lamp's head) Hey, what irony! ^ ^

Lamp: I am NOT a living joke!

Skunk: Yes you are.

Lamp: (0_o)

Anthy's worst fear: WOO HOO!!! It's the whole cast! I'm so glade you guys liked it! Heh, heh, fun-noodle....that's a good one. Keep reading the story, and look forward to many more updates! ^_^

Masked Tidus:
Author: Meh, steal MY notebook will you?! Well, I'll just hide it and....Hey! Where's my notebook?!

Masked Tidus: (Reading notebook) So in chapter nine, Kenichi gets pregnant with Rock's child...

Author: Hey! Give that back!



Disclaimer: I put the who in the what now?

Warnings: All right, so I guess these shouldn't really be counted as warnings, but what the hell, I just want to be safe. This chapter (mostly part 1) has much more sexuality in it than the other chapters. It has non explicit yaoi (mostly between Atlas/Rock and Skunk/Duke Red) and also has a very....ummmm.... phone conversation. All in all, I'm not changing the rating for this chapter. Though there is much more sexuality in it, it is very good nature and humorous, so it shouldn't offend anyone. Still, if you feel uncomfortable reading about (non explicit) yaoi, I understand entirely, and I don't want anyone to read something they are uncomfortable reading. As always, this chapter, like the others, is only fun. Many characters are bashed (characters that I like too...T_T) in good humored ways. Thanks for your time, and have fun!






Call Me Kenichi



Caught Between a Rock and an Atlas.
For Liz



Part 1


We open up to a messy and disheveled, clustered apartment, where Atlas is sitting on his couch in his underpants, eating peanut butter straight from the jar and watching Oprah on CNN.

Oprah: Now, Cherel, how did you get the strength to get back up on your feet after years of drug use?

Cherel: Well Oprah, I just kept telling myself, Girl, you are woman and woman can do anything!

Audience: (Cheers)

Atlas: You go girl!

Suddenly, one of Atlas' rebellious buddies (The guy with the beanie. Because of lack of names, we will just refer to him as ) Carl, bursts into the room. He looks around Atlas' cluttered and strewn apartment, as if he was looking at the Pope riding a pink mustang (Oh c'mon! You know you've pictured it!).

Carl: ..........Whhoooaaaa........dude......either your shack is gettin' smaller, or I'm expanding man!

Atlas: What did I tell you about knocking?

Carl: Dude, like, duuude, I like sooo totally feel for you man, but I mean like, dude, my hands were like, oh duuude...

Atlas: What are you talking about?!

Carl: My hands were so totally full man...

Atlas: You're not even holding anything!

Carl: (Looks down at his hands which are (surprise, surprise) empty) Whoa! You're right, man! (Continues staring at his hands) Dude, my hands are like, HUGE!

Atlas: Carl...

Carl: I mean, my hands could like, swallow the world, man!

Atlas: Carl!

Carl: Yeah man...?

Atlas: What's with the video camera?

Carl: Oh, you mean this thing...? (Holds up a calculator)

Atlas: No, that's a calculator...

Carl: Oh...

Atlas: The thing next to it...

Carl: *snort* You said man...

Atlas: Carl!

Carl: You mean this...? (holds up video camera)

Atlas: That's the one...

Carl: Well dude, Jebadiah got sent to rehab again...

Atlas: How many times does that make it?

Carl: Oh, at least 15 dude...

Atlas: One more and I get a free prostate exam!

Carl: Whooa...you serious? Anyway, the gang thought it would be a good idea to send him a home video of all of us saying hi.'

Atlas: What a nice gesture.

Carl: Yeah...plus man, it's the seven year anniversary of his first trip to rehab.

Atlas: Well....that's something to be proud of, I guess...

Suddenly, there is another knock on the door and one more of Atlas' friends makes himself at home.

Nooj: Hey man, I ran out of beer, mind if a snag a few of yours? (Goes into Atlas' fridge and starts drinking a beer without even waiting for a response.)

Carl: Whoa, dude, say hi' to Jebadia, man. It's like, his 15th time in rehab, man.

Nooj: (Talking into camera) Wazzup bro? You know we're here for you, man. Oh, and give my number to some of them hot rehab babes while you're there, man...

Carl: Whoa! Whoa! Mine too, man! Mine too!

Atlas: Listen guys, making him a home video is a nice idea, but you two don't know the first thing about working a video camera.

Carl: Hey, don't be a hater man. Nooj an' I know how to work this thing...

Atlas: It's not even turned on.

Carl: You mean that red light meant it was on?! Dude, I thought that meant it was gonna explode or something, man!

Nooj: Dude, you too?!

Atlas: (Turns on the video camera) I'm just saying that maybe you should send him something easy, like a home made nut roll. Everyone likes a good nut roll.

Nooj: Oh man! Dude! Please tell me you got him saying nut roll?!

Carl: Oh yeah... I got him...





Part 2





Woman: Oh, Jonathan! Jonathan! Will I ever see you again?

Man: Frankly my dear, I don't give a spam.

Announcer: Spam! Available at all supermarket locations!

Rock, being the mentally unstable, obsessed little hellion that he is, is sitting around in his room, in his underwear, (Code Blue! Code Blue! We've got a fan girl alarm!) eating ice cream straight from the tube, watching poorly made soap oprahs on T.V., and crying his eyes out because Michael has left Evan.

Rock: (Blowing his nose) These commercials are *sniff* getting worse and *sniff* worse!

Suddenly, the phone rings. Now, Rock being the rambunctious little go-getter that he is, decides to have a little fun and say the first thing that pops into his mind.

Rock: (Picks up phone) Hello, Bubu's lobster shack! We stuff em', you eat em'!

Duke Red: Boy! When I get up there I'm gonna wrap my hands around your neck SO tight...!!!

Rock: Dad?

Duke Red: Wha...?

Rock: Huh?

Duke Red: Za?

Rock: MmMeeefFTYyHjLOo?

Duke Red: ......whatever, just get down here! You're late for dinner!

Rock: You're calling from the dinner table?

Duke Red: Yes I'm calling from the dinner table!!! (slams phone down which is being held by a cook on a silver plater)

Rock: (Hangs up phone) Let's see...what to wear? What to wear...? (He looks around his little room for some clean cloths, under the bed, behind the bookcase, under the cat, in the sink, but my my! No clean cloths anywhere!) Welp, guess I'll just have to improvise...



Part 3



Duke Red is sitting at the freakishly large dinner table with his two guests, President Boon and Super Intendant Notarlin, waiting for Rock to come down for dinner. Enmy has just finished putting away some cloths and sits down with them.

Duke Red: I swear, that boy is going to be the death of me one day...I mean, one second he's straight, the next he's bi, all over the place! Do you know what I caught him doing with Ban's nephew?! No wonder that kid's got asthma! And I tell ya another thing...(Before he can finish, he spots Rock coming down the stairs) Oh dear God...

Rock: Hi everyone! (Is wearing Tima's flower hat, bread boxes on his feet to look like shoes, and his suspenders over the shower curtain folded and tapped in certain areas to look like a summer dress moo moo)

Duke Red: Is that....my shower curtain?!

Rock: (Hides tag that says Bath works shower curtain)....No....*shifty eyes*

Duke Red: That's my shower curtain, isn't it?!

Boon: No, it's a moo moo.

Nortarlin: I say it's a sun dress.

Boon: Moo moo!

Nortarlin: Sun dress!

Boon: Moo moo!

Nortarlin: Oh, I see! You must wear one at home, don't you?!

Boon: Oh go home and sleep with your giant, mutant fish wife!

Nortarlin: I'll kick your ass, bitch!

Boon: Bring it on midget!

Nortarlin: (Jumps across the table and punches Boon right in the face) Take that back!!! (smack)

Boon: (punch) Never teeny!!! (kick)

Enmy: (Starts flicking peas at Nortarlin with her spoon)

Duke Red: Man, you guys are so weird...(Starts pecking at his plate covered in chicken feed)



Part 4



Poor, poor Rock. No one seemed to like his homemade outfit. Now, he's laying on his bed, wearing a baggy t-shirt and little flower panties (All right, let's all say it together now...) and painting his nails hot pink.

Rock: *sigh* Why can't father just except me for who I am...? (Starts blowing on his nails) Ah! Oh no! I smudged them!

Duke Red: (Bangs on door) Rock! Are you painting your nails again!?

Rock: *shifty eyes* No.....

Duke Red: That's my boy. (Walks away)

Rock: *sigh* (puts nail polish away)

Suddenly, the phone begins to ring again.

Rock: (groggily picks up the phone) Hello, Bubu's lobster shack. We stuff em' you eat em'.....

Atlas: Hey there, baby.

Rock: *gasp* Atlas! Oh, I knew you'd call!

Atlas: Hey, what kind of Rebellious, punk, misunderstood criminal type boyfriend would I be if I didn't call my hot, little Marduk bitch every now and then?

Rock: Ummmm....not a very good one?

Atlas: Damn straight.

Rock: *long exasperated sigh*

Atlas: ......

Rock: *another long exasperated sigh*

Atlas: Rock, if I ask you what's wrong will you stop doing that?

Rock: Oh, I've had a rough day Atlas...

Atlas: What?! All right! Who'd you screw?!

Rock: Huh...? No one! God, why is it that whenever I have a bad day you assume I've screwed someone?!

Atlas: Oh, I dunno. I guess I'm just paranoid. (Punches an old lady in the face because he thinks she's trying to mug him)

Rock: *sigh*

Atlas: Awwwww.....poor baby....Hey! I know what will cheer you up!

Rock: Really? What?

Atlas: How bout you tell me what you're wearing.

Rock: How will that make me feel better?

Atlas: .....Ummm....well....it will make me feel better, and then I can uh....make you feel better!

Rock: Oh, okay! ^ ^

Atlas: Heh, heh...

Duke Red: (bangs on door) Rock! Are you still up?!

Rock: *shifty eyes* No.....

Duke Red: That's my boy. (walks away)

Rock: ..........

Atlas: .........

Rock: *twiddles thumbs*

Atlas: *yawns*

Rock: ..........

Atlas: .......Is he gone?

Rock: .....I think so....

Atlas: Okay! (Locks door to his little apartment and draws the shades) All right baby, hit me with all you got!

Rock: Ummmm......I've got a better idea....

Atlas: Huh...? Oh, c'mon!

Rock: Why don't you guess what I'm wearing.....

Atlas: Okay, but you better not be wearing much...I don't want this to take forever...

Rock: Oh, you'll find out..... *voice getting surprisingly more kinky by the minute*

Atlas: Ooooo, I will, will I?

Rock: Tee hee! ^_^

Atlas: Mmmmm.....Is it something tight?

Rock: Oh, baby, you wanna find out? (puts phone to his hip and snaps his pantie string)

Atlas: Ah! Oh, God! You little slut!

Rock: Heh, heh.....I'm a slut now huh...?

Atlas: Oh, what a tease! I'm gonna punish you so hard...

Rock: Oh, hard! Harder!!!

Atlas: Mmmmm....Oh yeah, Oh God, YEAH!!!

Rock: Oh, Atlas! It hurts between my legs!

Atlas: Hush baby, let me ease your pain...

Rock: But, but I'm scared! What if it hurts....?

Atlas: Oooooo, Rock! Just take it! Take it ALL!

Rock: Oh, Ahhhhh!!! AHHH!!!!

Atlas: Yeah....YEAH! You like that?! HUH?!

RocK: Oooooooo, ah! Ooooooo, AH!!!

Atlas: Oh, baby! Say my name! SAY MY NAME!!!

Rock: Atlas! ATLAS! ATLAS!!!

Duke Red: (bangs on door) Rock! Are you having phone sex?!

Rock: *shifty eyes* No.....

Duke Red: Don't lie to me, boy!

Rock: All right, yes.

Duke Red: That's my boy. (walks away)

Rock: ........

Atlas: .....Is he gone?

Rock: How should I know?

Atlas: Okay, so where were we? I think I was about to lick syrup off your chest and...

Rock: *yawn* Actually, I'm kind of tired. I think I'm gonna go to bed...

Atlas: What?! But....but you can't leave me hanging like this?!

Rock: Awww....my poor, strong, rugged man...

Atlas: *pout*

Rock: We'll have some fun tomorrow, okay?

Atlas: (disappointed) Okay....

Rock: That's my big boy. I love you, g'night. ^ ^

Atlas: K, night... (hangs up phone)

Suddenly, he hears some movement behind boxes and other cluttered up material in his apartment. Much to his horror, Carl and Nooj come tumbling out from their hiding spot behind the mess.

Atlas: ....What the hell?!

Carl: Oh man, dude! We heard everything man! We've got it all on tape! Play it for him, Nooj man!

Nooj: (Rewinds tape recorder to a certain point and then presses play)

Atlas' voice on recorder: Oooooo, Rock! Just take it! Take my nut roll!!!

Carl: (Goes into a laughing/coughing/gagging fit on the floor)

Nooj: Dude, that's the best I've ever done!

Atlas: ...........



As we conclude our lovely adventure with Rock and Atlas, we can still hear the guns firing, the lamps and T.V smashing, and the horrified screams coming from Atlas' apartment as the lights of Metropolis slowly fade into the night.







Somewhere in the President's mansion...


Lamp: (finishes reading this fanfic, gets up, and throws all of his Play Dudes away) Well, won't be needing these anymore!

Author: (monotone) Geez, I'm flattered...






Author's notes: Hot diggidy damn! 3,128 words! (half of them being the thank yous......) The longest chapter I've ever written, and it's not done yet! To read about some funny stories of Duke Red, Skunk, Mr. Boonie (don't ask) and Lamp, continue reading in part 2. And as always, reviews are an authors high. Keep em' comin' baby!