AN: I'm sorry but I had to do it. Don't hate me please!
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Lawrence, Kansas
After her intense conversation with John, Isabel had spent the best part of the night awake, tossing and turning in the single bed of Missouri's guest room. What kept her awake? Mostly worry. Worry for her cousins and whatever they may be getting themselves into, but mostly worry about the next day and how she would break the news of her decision to stay in Kansas to Dean and Sam.
Missouri came into the room and gently woke her up. She stared blankly at the psychic for a moment before the events of the last twenty four hours resurfaced in her mind, and she cursed out loud that it hadn't all just been a terrible nightmare.
"What time is it?" She asked Missouri groggily.
"Almost seven" The woman said.
Isabel closed her eyes again. She'd only slept about three hours. Great.
"Are they back?"
"Yes" Missouri said "They're OK. I'm going to go with them to Jenny's to make sure the house is clean and ghost free"
"Alright" Isabel made a move and sat up "Just give me a minute"
"It's OK honey" Missouri said walking to the door "We won't be long. You stay and…take your time…think about how to…"
"Drop the bomb?" Isabel offered.
"It's been a rough night for them too. They need to deal with this first" The psychic said before stepping out and shutting the door behind her.
She heard her walk down the stairs and then the sound of muffled voices. She ran to the door and pressed her ear to the frame. She faintly heard Missouri tell Sam and Dean that she was still sleeping. They seemed to go along with it and a minute later she watched the Impala drive off, as she stood at the window.
In the bathroom she looked at her reflection with concern. She'd cried a lot the night before and her eyes were red, her face was puffy and she had bags under her eyes from lack of sleep. She looked like crap. Still, she thought dryly, she looked better than she felt. She freshened up, took her medication and went downstairs, making coffee and waiting patiently in Missouri's kitchen for her cousins to return as she debated with herself on the best way to ruin everyone's day.
They returned an hour and a half later and, not knowing when she would get the chance again, she rushed out the door and threw her arms around Sam first, then Dean. Dean laughed and looked at her strangely, shaking his head at his cousin's impetuous and often eccentric behavior.
"Miss me that much, did you?" He asked her with a smirk.
She could feel Missouri's eyes on her as they walked back into the house, but she chose to avoid the psychic's scrutinizing stare. She wondered how long she could delay the inevitable for.
She sat with Sam in Missouri's kitchen drinking coffee. Missouri started preparing a batch of cookie dough whilst listening to their conversation intently. Isabel listened quietly as her cousin recounted the events of their night for her.
"Your mom?" Isabel asked in disbelief as Sam told her of Mary's appearance.
"Yeah" Sam said softly.
"You actually saw her?" Sam nodded and she smiled faintly "Wow, that's amazing"
"What a night" Sam said with a shake of his head "I thought I was going to faint"
Isabel stared at him in silence. Tell me about it! She thought to herself. This morning wasn't going to be any less eventful.
"Looks like your dream was right, again" Isabel said.
"I only wish dad had been here too" He said wistfully.
She swallowed the coffee in her mouth before she could choke on it and saw Missouri turn sharply out of the corner of her eye at his comment. Thankfully the awkward silence was broken.
"Where's your stuff, Bel? I'll take it to the car" Dean said walking into Missouri's kitchen "If we leave now, we can be in Memphis by the end of the week"
Dean looked at his cousin expectantly and she gathered all her strength, knowing this was the time.
"Can I talk to you guys for a minute?" Isabel asked, standing up.
Dean and Sam looked from each other to her.
"Go into the den" Missouri suggested, giving Isabel an encouraging smile.
They followed her into the den and the three of them took a seat. The scene was again reminiscent of the night before, except today she was sitting in the chair John had, just hours earlier. Sam and Dean watched Isabel curiously as they sat next to each other on the couch, and she avoided their gaze for a couple of minutes.
"Are we doing something?" Dean asked "Are we meant to be guessing what's on your mind, 'cause that's more Sam's department"
"Isabel, is everything OK?" Sam asked a little concerned. He'd come to know his cousin pretty well in the past month or so, and he knew that something was up.
"I want to ask you something" She said finally looking up.
Her eyes locked with Sam's and he saw sadness, apprehension and fear. Whatever she was going to ask, it wasn't if she could ride shotgun or pick the next radio station in the car. She was fidgeting in her seat nervously. What was she afraid of?
"There's nothing you can't say to us, Bel" He said encouragingly.
"Yeah, go on" Dean said slowly, but both Sam and Isabel could hear the underlying stiffness in his tone. He wasn't sure what was going through his cousin's mind, but knowing her, it could be anything under the sun.
"How would you feel if I told you that I would like to stay here?" She asked tentatively as she watched her cousins anxiously.
Sam and Dean looked at each other, in confusion and a little relief. She wondered what they thought she was going to say.
"How long? I mean, we can leave next week if you want, or I guess we could always come back, after Graceland" Dean started.
"No" She said quickly "I mean, if I stay here…indefinitely…with Missouri"
They watched her silently and the tension in the atmosphere was thick as it settled around them. So thick it was almost like a fourth presence in the room. She could almost feel it, taste it, and touch it.
"I'm not following" Dean said turning to Sam, though the look on his face said he was following her every word.
"You want to move to Kansas?" Sam asked, wondering if someone had just turned the thermostat down in the room as the ambience turned glacial "You don't want to come with us?"
"I just" She stumbled with her words and she didn't know if she could lie like Missouri and John had asked her to "I just think…"
"Are you pissed at us?" Dean interrupted, still confused "Is this about the fight we had the other day?"
"No, of course not" She said quickly "I just think this might be good for me"
"You just think?" Dean spat back as he stood up "Just like that, out of the blue, you've had this…epiphany?"
"Isabel, you're not making sense" Sam said gently, trying to hold on to the calm that had obviously completely just escaped his brother's grasp "You sure you're OK? Have you taken your medication today?"
"Yes I'm OK, I'm not made out of glass!" She took offense to his condescending tone "Don't treat me like I'm a raving lunatic"
"Sam's right, you don't know what you're saying" Dean cut in derisively "Bel, will you please just go grab your stuff so we can get going?"
"Dean, I'm serious here" She said in exasperation "I'm not angry, or crazy or anything. I was just thinking last night…"
"Last night?" Dean asked as his expression changed and he narrowed his eyes at her, glancing briefly towards the kitchen "Did Missouri say something to you? Was this her idea?" He hoped the psychic could read his thoughts through the wall separating them.
She paled "No" She said weakly "I did talk to her about it, yes, but this was my idea"
He moved closer to stand in front of her on the chair, looking down as he towered over her. He bent over and rested his hands on the armrests, effectively trapping her. She backed further into the chair as his eyes leveled with hers. He watched her closely for a few seconds, his eyes narrowed until a small dark smile broke over his face.
"You're lying" He said evenly as he continued to watch her intently, daring her to deny it.
She swallowed "I'm not" She said halfheartedly, and Dean didn't have to be psychic to know he'd been right. He straightened up again and she knew he was doing his 'intimidation' bit.
"Tell me what she said to you" He said softly, but firmly.
"Dean..." She started.
"Tell me what she said to you" He repeated slowly.
She crumbled. She didn't see why she had to come out of this like the bad guy. As far as she was concerned she was as much a victim here as Sam and Dean were. Why should Missouri not share part of the blame?
"Missouri told me that she saw danger in my future if I went along with you" She said finally "That something bad would happen"
"You don't honestly believe her" Dean asked in disbelief.
"Why not?" Isabel said "I think we can all agree now that she's legit, and yes, I believe her" She turned to Sam, knowing she'd have more luck with him "You do too, don't you Sam?"
"I don't want to leave you" Sam said "Is that the only reason you want to do this?"
"There's a few" She said.
"Well?" Dean bit back as he moved away from her and started pacing "Let's hear them then"
She sighed tiredly. If was going to be an ass about it, then fine, let him hear them.
"I don't want to be the reason for something bad happening, especially if I'm being given a chance to prevent it"
"You don't know if…"
"I wasn't finished" She said in her best school teacher tone.
"Fine" Dean said cuttingly "Keep going"
"I don't want to hold you back, and before you interrupt and disagree with me" She said as Dean opened his mouth to protest "You know it's true. You know I would hold you back. This life…you're right, Dean…it's not for me. I've seen enough weird stuff to last me a lifetime. I don't want to do what you do. I'm sorry guys, but I want to get better, I want to get a job, and I want to settle down. I need stability right now"
"OK" Dean said with forced patience "So you don't want to do this forever, I get it. But now? You want to call this trip off right now?"
"I also don't want anything to happen to me, as selfish as it sounds, I think I've been through enough already, and I'm sure you don't want anything to happen to me either, do you?" She finished with the guilt trip, which she knew would seal the deal for them. Dirty trick, but necessary.
"OK, so we stay with you, for a while at least" Dean said, his tone now laced with a little desperation.
He could tell his cousin had made up her mind about this, and while he didn't really want to talk her out of it, he didn't want to leave her now. Not after all they'd been through recently.
"No, you need to do your thing. You don't want to stay, and I don't want to be the one to make you" She said "Please guys, let me stay. Really, it's what I want"
"It's the demon, isn't it?" Sam asked suddenly. He'd been quiet the entire time, trying to figure out the underlying reason for Isabel's seemingly out-of-nowhere resolution.
Dean and Isabel turned to him.
"What?" Isabel asked, wondering to herself if she seriously thought Sam wouldn't put two and two together.
"The thing that killed mom and Jessica" Sam said, trying to reign in the rising rage in his voice "It's going to come after you if you're with us, isn't it? If you're…with me"
Isabel swallowed the lump in her throat, knowing that she couldn't deny what Sam was saying. Like Missouri had said, Sam had powers all of his own. It was too late now to sugar-coat anything.
"I don't want to become another reason for your crusade" She said with determination.
It was true; she didn't want to be another reason for their revenge-driven cause. Sam had called it justice once, but she knew that was only part of it and a greater part of it, for all the Winchester men, was revenge. It always had been.
"You're telling us to leave you, or you might die" Dean offered, his tone laced with bitterness, though she knew his anger wasn't directed at her, but rather the unfairness of the situation.
"I'm just telling you to continue with what you were doing before you came to find me, and I'm just going to be here in Kansas instead of Illinois. It's not like I'm joining the witness protection program and leaving the country forever. We'll keep in touch and we're going to see each other again"
The boys were quiet for a moment.
"We have to find dad and finish this now!" Dean said resolutely as he turned to Sam "I want this to be over Sam, I want that thing to die"
"Is this what you really want Isabel?" Sam asked her as he watched her face for any signs that she was having second thoughts.
"It is Sam" She said "I'll be happy here. I'll get a fresh start"
He nodded and smiled at her slightly. It wasn't actually a bad idea. He didn't really want to drag Isabel all over the country in a search for their father and the demon that had killed two of the women in his life, especially if it meant she might become a third. Even without counting the demon, their journey so far had been wrapped in danger and all it would take was a moment of distraction and Isabel could get hurt, or even killed. He and Dean could take care of themselves, they'd been hunting since they were kids, but Isabel was not a fighter, and she was still not entirely healed mentally. He wouldn't make her live her days locked up in dingy motel rooms while he and Dean went out hunting. He would not do that to her.
"OK" He said finally, with a somber nod of his head. Dean turned sharply to him again.
"OK?" Dean argued as he looked at his brother in disbelief "No, not OK! No!"
"Dean, it's what she wants" Sam said to his brother in a placating tone.
"No, it's not. It's nonsense that Missouri has put in her head" He turned abruptly to Isabel "Isabel, enough of this melodrama. Go get your stuff, now!"
"No, Dean" She said with a sad shake of her head, which only seemed to infuriate him more.
"Isabel, I swear to God…I will drag you kicking and screaming and throw your ass into that car if I have to!" He warned "For the last time, grab your things!"
"Dean, have you heard a word she's said?" Sam asked "It's not safe to…"
"She'll be safe with us!" Dean yelled at his brother. Now he was just lashing out at anyone and neither Sam nor Isabel seemed alarmed at his predictable reaction "We can keep her safe"
"You know what Dean? We probably can" Sam said, now matching the sound of Dean's voice, as he finally rose from his seat "But it's not just about her safety. It's about her happiness. She needs a chance at a normal life. Here she gets a second chance and… I want that for her"
Dean was silenced and he cursed inwardly. He had to agree with Sam and Isabel. Looking at the situation from every angle possible, it was clear that staying here was the best option for her. Here she could heal in a way she probably never would on the road with them, seeing the things she'd see if they took her along, the danger she'd be in just by virtue of what they did. What they hunted. On top of all that, if Missouri was right, there was also the demon.
He was so torn. He'd hunted alone before, but after his dad left, he'd felt really alone. Having Sam back had made a huge difference. They worked well together and he hadn't realized how much he'd missed his little brother all the time he'd been in Stanford. Working together, hunting together; he knew it was meant to be like this. Then Isabel came into the picture, or rather, they'd come into her picture. Not the way he would have chosen to be reunited with his cousin, but nonetheless he was happy to finally have her back in his life. She had provided levity and lightness to their way of life, which he unused to, and a level of closeness he'd never felt before, never having had a woman around for such a long period of time. He'd enjoyed their last month together. He would miss her, and he hated that he would, because it was something he couldn't fight against. Oh God, how he would miss her!
"If it's what you want, then that's what I want too" He said, not really meaning it but unwilling to fight her on it on the off chance Missouri might be right. There was also the fact that it really was the best thing for her.
"I do" She said, fighting tears that she knew would come once they were gone "But I also want you to keep in touch"
"Absolutely" Sam said "You'll get sick of hearing from us"
His eyes glistened as he looked at her and she prayed to all Gods imaginable that he wouldn't cry or else she would turn into a sobbing mess herself, and then she might just let them talk her into going with them, not matter what she'd promised John.
"I doubt that" She said.
"We should get going" Dean said, pulling out his keys and moving to the door. Isabel stood with him.
"Now?" Sam asked, following the two. He had thought of leaving later, possibly even the next day. Maybe they could have lunch or dinner together, even go to a bar for a few drinks "I thought maybe we could…"
"If I don't walk away now…" Dean said, letting the sentence hang as he looked at Isabel then down at the ground, and for the first time Isabel and Sam saw a side to Dean he'd never shown them before.
"Like a Band-Aid?" Isabel suggested with a slight smirk.
"Like a Band-Aid" Dean repeated in assent. He wanted this over and done with as quickly as possible.
Sam nodded in understanding, not having realized how hard this was on his brother.
"Alright then" He walked over to Isabel and looked down at her, studying her closely as if he was trying to commit her face to memory.
"No need to be so glum boys" Isabel said as steady as she could "It's not goodbye"
Sam hugged her tightly, holding her to him for a long time. His arms were wrapped all the way around her and she could hardly see as the side of her face was pressed against his chest. She wrapped her own arms around him.
"Take care" He whispered as he held her "Take your medication, behave and please call us if you need anything"
"OK" She said, muffled through his shirt.
"Promise me" He said taking a step back and bringing his face level with hers "Anything, you call. Anytime. Promise"
"I promise" She said, letting her arms drop "I'll miss you Sammy"
"Me too" He said. He kissed her on the cheek and stroked her cheek lovingly, before smirking and pointing a warning finger in her face "Stay away from the bad boys"
She chuckled "See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil. Got it"
Sam walked to the door and waited for his brother to say goodbye.
"I'm not good at this" Dean admitted.
"Improvise" Isabel said with a smile and a raised eyebrow.
He rushed to her and lifted her into a strong bear hug, squeezing so tight she couldn't breath. She would have said something except that just like that, she was released and placed back on her feet. He kissed the top of her head and looked down at her.
"See you soon?"
"You bet" She said standing on the tip of her toes and giving him a peck on the cheek.
"Love you, kitten" He turned promptly and walked past Sam out the door, leaving without a second glance.
"He used the L word" Sam said once Dean had left.
"I know" Isabel said in surprise through the lump in her throat "You have got to put that in your journal"
"It's a momentous occasion" Sam nodded. He looked at Isabel one last time as he reached the door.
"I hope you find what you're looking for Sam" She said.
He smiled and stepped out, closing the door quietly behind him. Dean had already started the car and Sam stepped into the passenger seat. He looked at his brother but Dean was staring straight ahead.
"Where to?" Dean asked trying to hide a sniff with a cough.
"Graceland?" Sam asked trying to lighten the mood. Dean looked at him tiredly "Too soon for jokes?"
"Sometimes, Sam…" Dean said quietly "…I hate this life too"
Without another word he pulled out and drove off, as quickly as the Impala could take them, out of Lawrence, Kansas. Away from Isabel, away from their home, away from their past.
