Hey guys. I haven't given up on this story.
I've just been stuck and not knowing where I want to take this. I'm also hopefully going to start posting on ao3 very soon so be on the lookout for that. My profile name will be Reidfan.
Olivia answered the door to Kim the next morning at 8:00 A.M. the younger rollins having immediately agreed to look after her sister while the brunette was working. "Come on in," she said, opening the door wide enough to allow her into the apartment.
"She won't be ok with me leaving so are you sure you can handle things?" Olivia asked worriedly and Kim nodded reassuringly.
Entering the living room Kim walked over to her sister and knelt down in front of her. "Hey, Amanda, I'm going to stay with you today," she said softly.
"Olivia has to go to work," she continued and the blonde's reaction was immediate. "No go, Liv no leave Amanda," she began repeating, her body shaking with the force of her sobs. "She will be back," Kim said gently but her sister was to upset to hear her.
Olivia entered the room and her heart nearly broke into a million pieces when she saw her detective. As soon as Amanda saw her she threw herself at her, her sobs escalating to near screams.
"Oh, sweetheart, shh," the brunette hushed, beginning to rock her in her arms and attempt to calm her down. Amanda responded by burying her face in her neck while her hand gripped fistfuls of her boss's shirt and the brunette wondered if she should've just taken Amanda with her.
"No go," she managed to get out through her sobs and Olivia had to fight back her own tears, pressing a comforting kiss to her detective's hair in response.
"Baby, I'm not leaving you." "I have to go to work, but I'll be back tonight, I promise and Kim will stay with you," she assured but Amanda just sobbed harder, so much so that Olivia and Kim worried she may be sick. "I be good, I be good, Liv no leave," she pleaded once more and Olivia let out a sigh.
"Oh, baby, you are always good, always," she whispered, trying to keep the sudden batch of tears that had welled up in her eyes from pouring out.
Looking over at Kim, the brunette wondered what to do. "Maybe you should take her with you," she mouthed, hating to see her sister so upset and the brunette sighed quietly before agreeing, not really caring about the consequences at this point. She knew Garland would understand, or she hoped he would.
"Hey, sweetheart, you're just gonna go with me," she whispered and her detective immediately began to relax, her sobs tapering off to quiet sniffles and whimpers. "There you go, good girl, just calm down," she cooed, beginning to walk around the room, knowing it helps to calm her down.
"I'll come too, just to help you incase you get a case," Kim said and Olivia nodded gratefully.
"I appreciate that," she said. "I may even call Alex and if you're busy we can take Manda to lunch," she continued and Olivia just smiled.
A few hours later, Olivia was working when she heard a quiet voice calling her. "Liv?" Amanda whispered and as soon as she made eye contact the brunette was at her side.
"What is it, baby," she asked before it clicked. "Amanda?" "Are you back with me?" She asked and held her breath.
"Li-Liv," she said as she began to cry. "Oh, baby, it's ok, you're ok," she said, taking Amanda into her arms.
"I regressed, didn't I?" She asked and the brunette nodded. "Yeah, honey, you did," she said.
"For how long?" She questioned and Olivia took a breath before quietly saying, "almost two months."
"I don't like doing that," she said fearfully, moving closer to her boss for comfort.
"I know, baby but you couldn't help it," she assured.
"Still, I don't like it," she said and the brunette nodded. "Can I work on paperwork?" She asked and Olivia thought for a minute before responding.
"Call Susan first and talk to her." "If she is ok with you working then yes."
"If she isn't then I'll go back home," she said. "Honey you don't have to," Olivia said gently.
"It's ok," she said. "I'll clean or I may see Alex," she said.
"Amanda?" "I'm home," Olivia said as she walked through the door of her apartment. Susan had decided she wanted to see Amanda so the blonde had returned home after having lunch with Alex. Her appointment was that next morning at 8:00 A.M. so she would see Susan and if everything went good then she would drive to work.
"Amanda, sweetheart?" Olivia called again, wondering what was going on, and becoming slightly worried the more the silence stretched out.
Looking around, she noticed two things. Amanda's keys and purse were on the counter and there were no lights on in their apartment.
Taking out her gun, she began clearing rooms, all the time wondering where her detective was.
Opening the bedroom door, she stopped at the sight in front of her. Amanda was sleeping soundly on her side of the bed, pacifier in her mouth and the brunette let out a relieved sigh before putting her gun away and walking closer.
"My sweet, brave girl," Olivia whispered, pressing a kiss to the blonde's messy hair.
This was huge. Amanda hadn't stayed alone since before her abduction, and when she was found, the brunette didn't know if she ever would.
She was stunned when Amanda, still asleep, sat up and moved closer, cuddling against her, her blue eyes never opening. "You're so tired," she said to herself, hugging her back and smiling as she mumbled something unintelligible before sighing happily in her sleep, knowing exactly who was holding her.
2 weeks later
It was not a good day. A year since she was found and 2 years since she was taken.
Olivia sighed as she glanced out into the squad room where the blonde was at her desk, attempting to work on paperwork. Thinking about it though, she realized suddenly that she had become very still, not moving and her hands were over her ears.
Quickly making her way to Amanda's desk she began getting her into her office, trying to avoid another meltdown.
"Hey, sweetheart." "You wanna come with me?" You wanna come with me?" "Yes, come with you, come with you," she said and the brunette knew her echolalia had taken over.
She was just glad she had caught it in time. Earlier she hadn't been so lucky.
"Ok, baby, we are just gonna sit right here for a bit," her boss cooed gently as she got them situated on the sofa against the far wall of her office. "We are just gonna sit here." "That's right, baby," she said softly, holding out her arms incase Amanda wanted to be held, and she was not surprised when her friend immediately moved closer, molding herself against her body.
"I know today is rough for you, but I'll be right here." "I'm not leaving you," she told her gently, beginning to comb her fingers through the blonde locks resting against her chest.
"I'll be right here."
"I'm not leaving you," Amanda repeated, cuddling closer.
"That's right, sweetheart," Olivia confirmed, gently kissing Amanda's head.
That evening, everything apparently registered with Amanda because as soon as the apartment door was shut, the dam broke.
Olivia barely had time to register what was happening before the hysterical blonde was in her arms, shaking violently as sobs tore from her trembling lips. .
"Oh, sweetheart, come here, shh," the brunette said as she hugged Amanda tightly, her own eyes filling with tears at the blonde's words.
"He... h-he t-took me away," she screamed, her hands gripping the brunette's shirt as she pulled herself even closer to the only person who would never hurt her. "I know, baby, but you're safe," Olivia said as she carefully lead her friend to the bedroom.
"Come on, sweetie, let's change our clothes and then I'll hold you," she whispered but Amanda shook her head violently, gripping more desperately to her boss's shirt.
"Liv," she screamed, tears continuing to make their way down her flushed face and the brunette placed one arm around her before beginning to find more comfortable clothing for them, but that task was proving to be quite difficult with one hand.
"Baby, can I let you go for a second?" "I promise I'll be quick, but I need both hands," she said and the blonde let out a distressed whine, beginning to rock back and forth as her hands tugged at the collar of her shirt.
"Shh, stay calm, baby." "I'm right here and I'm almost done," Olivia said as she changed quickly before helping the smaller detective into her own pajamas.
"What do you need," she whispered as she began rubbing Amanda's back. The blonde had immediately molded herself against the brunette once more as soon as they were both changed.
"What do you need," Amanda immediately repeated. "You."
"You have me." "I'm right here," she assured, letting her get comfortable on her chest, just praying she would be able to calm her down soon.
"He hurt me." "I know, baby, but you're safe," the brunette hushed, settling the two of them into the recliner where she gently began to rock. "Don't leave," the blonde said in a small voice and the brunette held her closer before responding.
"Never, sweetheart, I'll never leave you."
"I'm tired," the blonde mumbled, leaning more heavily into the brunette's body and she took a blanket from the back of the chair and draped it around the curled up form in her lap.
"I know, baby." "Let's just rest for a while," she whispered, stretching out completely as she pulled the handle, raising the foot rest and leaning completely back in the comfortable recliner, getting them into a lying position.
"I'm scared."
"I remember everything, the beatings, made to be quiet, the rapes, everything." "Have to be good, have to be good," Amanda began repeating, a hand attempting to hit her head.
"Have to be good," Amanda whispered, and the brunette's arm tightened around her. "No hitting, sweetheart."
"No hitting, no hitting," Amanda repeated before her hand gripped Olivia's shirt.
"Good girl," Olivia said softly.
"You're safe, honey." "I'm here, and I'm not leaving," she vowed, resting her cheek against the blonde's head and closing her eyes.
"You, safe." "Yes, baby, you're safe with me," Olivia said but Amanda shook her head.
"No, you, safe," she said more urgently, tapping the brunette's arm and Olivia smiled, understanding what she was saying. "Thank you, honey."
"I'm glad I make you feel safe."
"Always," she said emphatically, a smile taking over her face. "I know, baby," she whispered, running her hands through Amanda's long blonde hair.
"You know, Amanda, I'm sorry for how I treated you before," she said and the blonde just shook her head, once again attempting to move closer, not wanting to be separated from Olivia in any way right now, just needing to be held.
"Made up for it." "Forgive you," she said in a low voice, tucking her face into Olivia's shoulder and closing her eyes, Olivia's ministrations finally lulling her into a peaceful sleep.