A/N: Written for Twilight Fanfiction's Take a Walk in My Shoes Contest. AU, just a teensy bit, since I'm taking liberties on what the characters were thinking and planning to do. Rating is G. Thanks very much to my sister Lisa, who helped the idea along into words. This fic takes place in New Moon, right after Edward has left Bella in the woods. The poem at the beginning appears courtesy of JRR Tolkien. DISCLAIMER: I do NOT own any works by Stephenie Meyer, JRR Tolkien, or William Shakespeare. Now, I present,
The Promise of a Goodbye by Andi-Scribbles
'…Though all to ruin fell the world
and were dissolved and backward hurled;
unmade into the old abyss
yet were its making good, for this -
the dusk, the dawn, the earth, the sea,
That Lúthien for a time should be.'
Bella was dreaming.
It was unusual for her to have dreams at this point in her life. For all her hurt, she only felt like staying in this state of darkness that had claimed her. Everything outside the little protective seclusion of shadows was sharp and loud and bringing down every piece of happiness she had ever earned. But against all this, she felt safe in her wide-eyed sleep. The darkness welcomed her.
And then the dream pulled her back.
She found herself in the same spot where Edward had left her. Only she recognized that the little clearing wasn't a place in the real world at all. The colors were dull. Even the trees, the pure vibrancy of green that so irritated Bella before, were faded. She found, oddly, that she missed the intensity of the forest. Forks, it seemed, had grown on her.
And even before he stepped from the shadows of the giant fir tree, she knew he was there. It took her only an instant to recognize the exquisite smell that radiated from him.
He said no word of greeting, only stopping a few feet from her to sit on a cushion of ashen leaves. Bella looked to the ethereal figure, reveling in his cool soothing presence. Despite the lack of moonlight, Edward glowed faintly, like some figure of legend straight from a fairy tale. She wondered if that was all he would ever be—a memory from a tale.
His eyes came into focus now. Bella's gaze was drawn to two pinpricks of light in the shadows of the wood. Two eyes— raised to meet hers; the unique amber color mingled with a sorrow of ages. She shivered, fighting against the urgent desire to accept the apology in his eyes. How could she? How could she forgive him, when he cared nothing for her? She had given Edward every piece of her heart and soul. Why did he promise the same, only to cruelly take it from her reach?
"Oh, Bella," he whispered desperately. She drank in the musical sound of his voice. "Of course I care for you. You mean everything to me."
She crushed all whispers of hope that sprang up in her. Bella laughed hollowly. It was enough to make him cringe at the bitterness he heard.
Edward bowed his head in shame, slumping against the tree. He did this to her. He would always be the monster. No matter what anyone told him, he never forgot what it was his fate to be— monster, and demon to the only girl he ever loved.
Bella watched him wither before her eyes. He was beginning to hate himself—because of her. She was making her angel shake with self-loathing.
"Please don't, Edward," and far from the harsh tone from before, her voice was soft and pleading. "I love you. I love you still. So much." Bella's words were almost unbearable to him, they were so honest. At that point, the dam had broken. It no longer hurt her to think of him. Instead of the wild ache she experienced when stumbling through the forest, Bella felt a strange understanding take hold. "I know why you did it. You love me too, don't you? You lied to me when you said you didn't. " He only nodded, still ashamed to look up into her eyes.
She breathed deeply. "Then… you'll come back?"
Edward nearly broke hearing the hope drown her words. He was so close to just saying a simple 'Yes.' But he caught himself.
"I can't." He whispered, shaking with the sobs threatening to burst from him. He couldn't cry—but if he could, the tears would be endless. "You know I won't, Bella. I'm the only one with the power to protect you."
"I don't need protecting!" she snapped. They were both surprised by the bite in her words—anger was something Bella had never dared provoke in Edward. But what did it matter now? She had nothing left to lose. She had already been hurt.
"You do," he murmured sadly, "and I love you too much not to. If there was another way…" he struggled in vain to find the words. "But there isn't." It sounded definite. And even with that ring of finality, Bella was still listening as if there was a way to change everything.
"I don't care," Bella said firmly. "It won't make any difference if you come back or not, because I'll find you. You've told me all I need to know. It's enough. Even if I have to search every inch of the world…" Bella paused, so her voice would remain steady.
"…I'll find you." She repeated.
Silence echoed between them. There was something in the air that foreshadowed a coming storm. Something that convinced Edward it was not only a promise—but a threat as well.
It was not only an assurance to him, but to herself as well. There was no turning back. Bella was nothing, if not resolute.
Edward's panic grew furiously. "You can't! I won't let you waste your life searching for an impossible dream—''
"—It's never an impossibility," she said calmly. He continued as if she hadn't spoken.
"And you should have the life I never had! You should be able to grow up, to change, to have children…"
In a single instant, she rendered him speechless. Bella strode to him, bending down to face him. Reading the anguish she saw in his eyes, Bella sought fiercely to drive it away. There would be no more pain, for either of them.
"Bella," he whispered in warning, trying to remind her of the danger. She put her warm hand to his cheek.
"This is a dream, Edward," she murmured with a smile, slight amusement coloring her voice, "There's nothing holding me back here."
And there wasn't. In that moment, nothing stopped Bella from kissing the one she loved. No danger crept into the pure passion that swept them both, flaring their senses. Nothing stopped them from the tempest of a single kiss. No fear. No regret. No temptation. Nothing but the fullest of two hearts, joined as one.
When they both pulled away, Bella had nothing more to say. She rose to her feet, turning to walk away. Edward only watched her.
"I love you." He paused to breathe. "But I have to try. I have to go." He said weakly.
She turned around to look at him again. "I know." she said. Bella smiled at him. It would be the last in a long time. Her eyes held a sadness, and it mingled with the renewal of purpose. "You'll go," she sighed. And then small, hopeless grin of determination lit up her face. "And I'll follow."
The last thing she saw before the dream faded was Edward— closing his eyes in gentle resolve, while the color and light seeped back into the surrounding trees.
When Bella woke again, the memory of the dream was almost forgotten. But a strange saying lay on her tongue, and to no one in particular she spoke into the dark night.
" 'Journeys end in lovers meeting,
As every wise man's son doth know...' ''
And when she lost conciousness again, she was smiling.
THE END
Author's note: The quote at the end appears courtesy of William Shakespeare, from 'The Twelfth Night' (one of my favorites.) Comments and criticism are welcome and very much appreciated. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it!