Chapter 2: Opening Salvos

I pursed my lips, trying to decide who my first victim was going to be. I definitely knew who it wasn't- Elizabeth, Ronon, or Teyla. The first because she had enough to deal with, the second because I didn't want to get pulverized, and the third because it wasn't really fair to go after someone who would have absolutely no clue as to what was behind it. No, I would go for the unexpected... Lorne or Carson would be suitable. My team wasn't up for any missions for at least a week, so this was as good a time as any to get the ball rolling on this little challenge. Unfortunately, I was interrupted by the beeping of the computer on my desk just as I was about to get up and smuggle some supplies. I grinned as text began to roll across the screen. Allie.

'Father, what is a prank war? Dr. Zelenka is very happy at the moment.'

I'll bet he is. That coffee thing was a low blow. What if someone else had sat at that table before I came back? Like Elizabeth or Lieutenant Cadman? Half the value of a good joke is actually getting the intended target. Speaking of Elizabeth, has anyone dragged her out of the office yet today?

'I don't know. She seems to have a lot of work to do, and I didn't want to bother her. She hasn't even had time for chess lately. Should I go see if she is still there?'

Not a bad idea, kiddo. As for the prank war, that means playing jokes on as many people as you can without getting caught. Me, I see it as a way to shake things up around here, make sure people don't get so settled that they get stupid. Now, go twist Elizabeth's arm. If she won't quit and relax for a while, act like a normal six-year-old and threaten to tattle to Carson and I.

A giggle rang through my head. The child had told on me often enough to Carson that I doubted she would hesitate to do the same to Elizabeth. In the meantime, it would keep both Elizabeth and Allie occupied elsewhere while I went after my first target. The girl had a serious soft spot for Beckett, possibly because he kept putting me back together again, and I didn't want her spilling the beans on me. I had no intention of winding up as a lab rat for Radek.

With a jaunty whistle, I headed out, using the knowledge of Atlantis' back ways that I'd gained from my daily runs to find a route where I was unlikely to encounter anyone. First stop was the storage area for the tools. It took only a few moments to pocket the necessary screwdriver and wrench from Radek's normal toolbox. If he missed them, it would serve him right for the way he started off this little contest. About to leave, though, my eye lighted on something sitting on a shelf. Super glue. Oh, this was just too easy to pass up! Quickly, I applied a thin line to the bottom of the toolbox, then set it firmly back on the floor. Take that!

Cautiously, I approached the infirmary, only to find it quiet and, for once, completely empty of any patients. There was one nurse in the back supply room folding laundry, and Dr. Kirran, bent over a microscope in the nearby lab. No Carson in sight. Perfect. Pausing to assume a proper annoyed look, I tapped lightly on the wall nearest Bethany.

Without bothering to look up from her scope, the woman answered me immediately. "What do you need, Colonel? Don't tell me Rodney talked you into picking up something that zapped you again."

"Nope, nothing like that, Bethany. Just stopped by so my favorite doc could run his biweekly scan. You know, the ones he's insisted on since that whole brain dead incident three months ago?"

Now she did turn to face me with a contrite expression. Not something anyone got out of the woman very often. "Oh, I am sorry, John. Carson must have forgotten to tell you he would have to reschedule. One of the Athosian women was having some problems with her pregnancy. He just left. Should be back in a few hours."

"Thanks, Bethany. No problem, really."

Beckett had forgotten to call me, but I had also forgotten the stupid scan until I was halfway down here anyway. Gave me a perfect excuse to ask about his whereabouts, though. The day was definitely looking up. Now that I knew the coast would be clear for a while, I hightailed it into the Scot's office, careful to keep the lights off. Gently, I eased myself down onto the floor by Carson's chair, pulling the tools from my pocket. After having done maintenance on my own chopper more than once in Afghanistan, finding the right bolts to loosen didn't take much time. Right, a little more, and... done. Now, when Carson got back, he would get one very unpleasant surprise, flat on his backside. It wasn't much of a prank, as they go, but it would serve as an acceptable opening salvo. After all, Radek's had been straight from middle school. Nobody ever said the war had to be one with anything sophisticated, just pranks and plenty of them.

Prankster's POV

I couldn't believe that the man was actually starting with something so simple! Then, having just been challenged, the colonel hadn't had time to go for the elaborate yet. With a slight smile, I clinked off the computer link to the infirmary surveillance cameras. I could work with this. The key was making sure, for now, that they both thought the other was responsible for my work. When the time was right, I would let them know there was a third player in their game, but not just yet. Let them sweat about it for a while.

First, though, I needed a highly visible target to catch the pilot's attention. I couldn't go after him again so soon, or the two just might put their heads together. No, I needed someone that Zelenka would instantly disavow ever even thinking of going after. Not that Sheppard would believe him. A member of his team would certainly rile the man into escalating, but the nature of the prank I wanted to copy- taking apart a chair so that it would collapse when the user sat down- would make that hard. Ronon and Teyla didn't have offices, and McKay's was too isolated to catch much attention. So who? Then it hit me. I knew exactly who would get attention, as well as bring the wrath of the colonel down on the scientist.

Dr. Elizabeth Weir.