With Tears I Mourn: Chapter One - Tears and Saviors
Disclaimer: The characters from Stargate SG-1 belong to the franchise for Stargate SG-1 ™. I do not claim possession of any copyrighted characters. Any and all other characters belong to me and may not be used without my permission.
Rating: PG
Characters: Jack and Sam
It always felt like something was missing from the story. That Sam didn't mourn Martouf enough, that the others didn't care enough when he died. Well I'm rectifying the situation. I'd always wanted to see Jack and Sam go fishing together. Here's their chance. More chapters will be forthcoming. Please R&R.
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Stunned, Martouf collapsed to the ground, the shots fatal, his life's blood pooling about his feet. Sam reached for him, her arms struggling to hold him tight. But he melted slowly away in an early morning dawn.
Samantha Carter bolted upright in her bed, one hand clinging tightly to the coverlet and the other clutched to her heart. Perspiration dotted her forehead and her short blonde hair sprang wildly in all directions. She could tell without touching her cheeks that they were damp with tears and wearily she collapsed back among the sheets. Turning her face to the wall, Sam struggled to contain the tears, damming them behind her eyelids through sheer willpower.
He was gone.
It had been several weeks since Martouf's death, but the dreams came daily, haunting her sleeping hours. She internalized grief. Always had, and she suspected it was something she'd inherited from her father.
Rolling over, she sighed, resting a gracefully bare arm across her eyes. Going home wasn't an option. She couldn't stand the thought of being so alone. At least at the SGC she could do some studying or complete experiments with certain alien alloys. So she slept in a vacant room, always with one small light clicked on by her bed. Not that it succeeded in frightening away ghoulish visions.
Pushing the covers back, she prepared herself for the day, stripping off her nightwear and donning the appropriate SGC uniform. The black t-shirt brought out the pallor in her cheeks, but she had no desire to cover it with gallons of makeup. Hurrying from the room, she found that the majority of the SGC still slept soundly in their beds. At four o'clock in the morning, it was only sensible.
But she just couldn't sleep and with determined strides hurried to her laboratory to work herself into oblivion for another day. Until her commanded leave expired in one week's time, her work was the only focus she could maintain which prevented her from reliving Martouf's death over and over and over again.
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Rolling over onto his back, Jack emitted a groan of protest, running a hand through his already rumpled hair. His hearing had sensitized since Sam refused to go home for her leave. Being housed next door to her, he couldn't help but notice her restless wanderings at all hours of the night and morning. She walked around with a lost puppy dog expression, her eyes still glazed with shock and pain. Most of the time he simply shrugged it away, but he couldn't do it this morning.
Scrambling into his clothing, Jack starred at his blurry-eyed reflection in the mirror, ruffled a hand through his hair, and admitted that was as good as it was going to get. Sliding around the door to his room, and feeling not a little foolish, he eyed both corridors before following Sam's trajectory.
Pushing a hand softly against the door to her office, he peered around the corner before she knew he was present. Her figure was hunched over her desk, attention firmly placed upon a mass of wires and metal which he could never decipher. But it was her white cheeks, and sorrowful expression which pulled him into the room.
Her gaze never wavered from the project in front of her, that is until Jack softly placed a hand on her shoulder. Jumping in mid-air and tumbling off her chair, Sam whirled to confront her attacker, only to find her favorite colonel with hands spread in a gesture of peace.
"Hey, take it easy, Carter. I'm a friend here, remember."
Her hands lowered instantly, and a mild blush suffused her prominent cheekbones.
"Sorry, sir. I just wasn't expecting company this early."
"Yeah well, you know me. I've always had the worst timing."
A muscle jumped in his jaw, and his hand reached for the first article within reach. A pen began twirling between his fingers, and the slightest smile emerged in her eyes. "So what are ya doin'? Apart from not getting the sleep you need. Doctor's orders if I remember correctly."
The openness in her eyes faded immediately. "Sir, please. I'm doing my job, and besides. . ." she paused hesitantly before continuing, "I don't sleep very well anymore." One of Jack's eyebrows rose in mock surprise, "No, I never would have guessed. You've been waking me up for the past two weeks."
"I'm sorry, sir." Her eyes sought his curiously. "Why don't you just go home? You're not needed here anymore than I am. But in my case, I don't want to go home. What's your excuse?" She'd touched a tender spot, and Jack silently gnawed the inside of his upper lip for a moment before responding. "Carter, I couldn't go home knowing you were here working yourself into an early grave. You're part of my team, so you're my responsibility."
"With all due respect, sir, you don't have to worry about me. I'm fine."
A derisive snort escaped Jack and he demanded, "Oh, you're fine? I can see that you're just fine in the way you stagger down the corridors. Or in how your eyes glaze over every now and than whenever something reminds you of Martouf." Her eyes flickered with brief moisture at his name, and without considering the repercussions Jack grasped her hands firmly, tugging her to look at him directly.
"Sam."
That got her attention. He hadn't used her first name in ages.
"It's all right to grieve. I wish I'd known that before my marriage fell apart. If you don't accept the pain and use it for good, than you'll never fully recover. Believe me, I know." His eyes shone with the truth of his words, and Sam bit her lower lip in an effort to hide the tears.
"Sam, you need a break. From the pain, from all of this."
He hesitated, going over in his mind the consequences of asking. But she needed to get away and he could offer it to her. Finally, he murmured, "I've asked this before, and you've always said no. But come fishing with me. It'll get your mind off things. There's nothing quite like hooking the biggest darn bass you've ever seen to keep your attention focused away from your troubles."
Her jaw nearly dropped, his offer was so unexpected. Her lips parted to utter an emphatic no, but something gave her pause. Perhaps it was the sincerity in his eyes, perhaps it was the way his dark and silver hair stood up just a little in the back, perhaps it was his grasp upon her hands. But whatever the reason, Samantha Carter found herself uttering softly, "All right, Colonel. When do we leave?"