With Tears I Mourn: Chapter Six - Must I Remember
Disclaimer: The characters from Stargate SG-1 belong to the franchise for Stargate SG-1 ™. I do not claim possession of any copyrighted characters. Any and all other characters belong to me and may not be used without my permission.
Rating: PG
Characters: Jack and Sam
Chapter six. I hope you appreciate the pain that went into writing this installment. Whether you agree with me about Martouf or not, I know he meant a lot to Sam. Some of it was Jolinar, but some of it was herself. And I know, just know, that she would have been tormented by the memory of firing the last shot.
And don't worry. We'll get to the emotional Jack/Sam stuff. This has to come first though, so stay with me. Please R&R.
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A rustling sound yanked Jack from his sound slumber and he rolled from the comfortable position on his stomach to his side. The darkness of the cabin was absolute, preventing him from perceiving anything out of the ordinary. Except the sudden cry of despair emanating from Sam's bunk. Struggling to reach his flashlight, Jack switched it on just as her body thrashed, arms and legs skewed. Twisting sideways off the bed, she thudded to the floorboards, limbs smacking the wood.
Leaping from the covers engulfing his legs, Jack finally set his bare feet to the floor and yanked her upwards and into his arms. "Come on, Sam. Snap out of it!" She did not or could not respond to his desperate voice and remained asleep, but a sleep which brought anything but peace.
"Samantha?"
Riddled with bullets and stunned by a single shot from a zat, the confusion and sudden fear in Martouf's eyes sent sorrow through Sam's mind. His hand was rising, slowly bringing the tiny instrument of destruction toward his own skull, and he could not stop it. He struggled, his arms shaking with the effort to lower them, but the Zhatarc programming proved too strong for him to overcome.
A single tear slid down her cheek, her head tilted as her eyes conveyed compassion and begged his forgiveness. Then she fired the fatal shot. His body crumpled to the floor, the life ebbing from his beautiful eyes.
Sam dropped her weapon, leaping to his side and cradling him into her arms, caressing him as she remembered Jolinar doing. His head lolled to the side, eyes forever shut, and her hands softly moved along the skin of his cheek and neck, drawing him closer.
Distantly she heard Jack announce, "We're all clear," and General Hammond's voice demanding to know if his people were all right. Everything else seemed a distant blur through she heard the voices.
Her eyes lifted and met Anise's who quietly uttered, "I promise you his death will ultimately prove to be a noble sacrifice." Sam's head nodded automatically at the words which should have comforted, but instead condemned. Bowing her head, she allowed the tears to congeal beneath her lashes, her arms clinging to his lifeless form.
A gentle crack across her cheekbone wrenched Sam up from her memory and she struggled against the arms binding her. Slowly her mind cleared as did her vision and in the single beam of a flashlight, Sam saw Jack's panicked expression lingering overhead. Everything came back to her; the leave she'd taken, the small cabin by a creek, and the gentle giant determined to help her.
"Jack?" Her voice trembled.
"Yeah, I'm right here. Ya had me scared for a minute there. How about we not try that again any time soon, all right?" His voice was equally unsteady, as were his arms braced around her shoulders. Her composure crumpled and weakly she turned her cheek into his chest. "I killed him, Jack. He trusted me, loved me, and I fired the shot which stole his life."
Astonished, he held the weeping woman in his arms, tightening them more firmly around her back. "Sam, don't do this. If Marty were here, he'd say the exact same thing. He would not blame you for his death, so don't blame yourself." Her head rose and in the low lighting her eyes glowed luminously, the tear streaks on her cheeks speaking plainly of her sorrow.
"Jack, you don't understand. That day, that very same day, he admitted his feelings for me openly. He said that he didn't want to lose the last connection to Jolinar that he had, but that he didn't want to lose me either. That he'd grown fond of me. And I never told him just how important he was to me. Expressing emotion was hard for him, and Lantesh always took over when it grew too difficult. But I knew his heart. I destroyed it."
Tenderly, Jack cupped her cheeks with both hands, whispering, "No, Sam. Now you listen to me. You gave him life. You gave him something he thought he had lost. You returned Jolinar to him. You made him smile. Everything you did for Martouf was out of the goodness of your heart. You never took, but always gave. And he would be the first to remind you of it."
She swallowed, lips trembling, eyes growing heavy. "But it's so hard, sir."
He did not bother correcting her slip into military lingo and just held her close, "I know. I know it is, Sam. But you can't let it win. You can't let this beat you. I'm here, and I'll always be here. We'll make this journey as a team." The words came distantly to her exhausted mind. All she knew were Jack's arms securely wrapping her in solid comfort. Her head slipped to his shoulder as she slid back into sleep.
Shifting to a more comfortable position, Jack settled onto the floor, stretching out his long legs beneath Sam's. With his free hand, he tugged a pillow free from her cot and arranged it beneath his head, pulling Sam's slumbering form closer to his body. Her blankets were tangled about her legs and he left them there. Tenderly stroking a stray strand of blonde hair from her cheek, his thumb brought away a damp reminder of her pain.
"It'll be all right, Sam. I promise," he whispered into her hair before allowing sleep to catch him up and send him into a spiraling chasm of darkness. The flashlight remained their only witness.