[Sorrow]
Cu Chulainn liked to think he didn't have any regrets.
But he does have one.
His battle with Ferdiad.
He doesn't regret the battle itself.
But he does regret having used Gae Bolg on him.
It was a time known today as the 1st century. At that time, Ireland was split into five countries. During what would be called the Tain Bo Cuailnge, a battle was going on between two friends.
The fighting between the two had been going on for three days. It was the third day now, a little after noon. The two fighters, Cu Chulainn and Ferdiad, had been taught together by Scathach. Even though the two came from rivaling armies in Ireland, Cu Chulainn from Ulster and Ferdiad from Connacht, the two shared a bond, one forged back then. It was strong. They began to see each other as more than close friends. They saw each other as brothers. Though they were the same age, Ferdiad was a few months older than Cu Chulainn. So he saw the Ulster warrior as a younger brother and Cu Chulainn saw Ferdiad as an older one.
So why were they fighting, and to the death at that now? Queen Medb of Connacht invaded Ulster to steal a bull. Yup, this was for a stupid, fucking bull. Anyway, Cu Chulainn had been able to fend off her army. Then Ferdiad was sent to challenge the warrior next. Ferdiad refused to back down from this fight. Though he was reluctant at the thought of fighting his friend, in the end he placed his honor on a higher priority than his friendship with Cu Chulainn. And Cu Chulainn couldn't back down either. If he did, Medb would win. After all, because of its curse, no other warrior in Ulster would be able to fight while being invaded.
The horny skin of Ferdiad was said to be impenetrable, a perfect defense. So during this fight, though Ferdiad's battle uniform had cut and tears in it like Cu Chulainn's, it lacked the stains of blood like those on the uniform of the blue-haired warrior's. Cu Chulainn had attacked Ferdiad with every sword or spear he had, but none were able to even scratch the fighter from Connacht.
Well, that was a lie. There was one spear he hadn't used on Ferdiad yet. It was the cursed spear he got from Scathach, Gae Bolg. But he wouldn't use it on Ferdiad. He wouldn't subjugate his friend to the agony of the crimson spear's curse. Besides, Cu Chulainn still had a normal, ordinary spear left in his right hand.
The younger warrior slowly lifted the spear, tip pointed at Ferdiad's chest. "I'll ask ya again ta back down, Ferdiad," he said.
Ferdiad shook his head. "An' I'll answer the same; I can't. It would ruin my honor."
"Yer a stubborn bastard 'bout this. I don't wanna kill ya."
"We've both fought an' taken countless lives before. Ya should be used ta this sorta thing."
"But this is different! Yer my best friend!"
"Ya should've cut that tie with me years ago. After all, we're from opposin' armies."
"Fuck that! It's still no reason ta just abandon the bond we have!"
"Like me, I'm sure ya have other friends at home. One of 'em can replace me as yer closest friend."
"Like hell they can jus' take yer place! Yer the one who trained with me at the Land of Shadows, not them!"
Ferdiad raised his sword, pointing the end of the blade at Cu Chulainn. "An' ya call me the stubborn one in this fight. I'm pretty sure the most stubborn one here is you."
"What?!"
"Ya say ya can't jus' abandon the bond we had back then. So yer sayin' yer not willin' ta fight me."
Cu Chulainn lowered his spear down by his side. "That's right; I'm not."
"Well, if ya don't wanna finish this fight, then I will!" Ferdiad's foot pushed off the ground, his body being propelled forward to Cu Chulainn. At the same time, Ferdiad swung his sword sideways. It went for the left side of Cu Chulainn's neck.
Cu Chulainn quickly lifted up his spear again and gripped the shaft with both hands. He held it out to the left side of his neck, blocking the sword strike with the blade against the steel shaft of the spear in between his hands. Cu Chulainn grit his teeth as sparks flew out in a shower from the edge of the blade as it ground against the obstacle in its path. Ferdiad was pushing his sword against the defense. Cu Chulainn's arms trembled as they worked to keep the sword from reaching its owner's neck.
While never letting up the strength to resist the pushing, Cu Chulainn kicked out with his right legs. His kick was aimed low. It was aimed for Ferdiad's left shin. Ferdiad jumped straight up, just high enough for the kicking foot to hit empty air under his feet. But doing this caused the man to let up the pressure he was putting on the metal spear. Cu Chulainn didn't waste any time, jumping back about 5 meters from Ferdiad. He kept holding the spear in both hands. It was in a stabbing position at Cu Chulainn's midsection, ready to attack or defend.
Ferdiad went at Cu Chulainn again, swinging his sword sideways at the Ulster warrior's chest. But Cu Chulainn didn't try to block this time. Instead he jumped high up, going over Ferdiad's head and landing behind the man. But as soon as Cu Chulainn looked behind him to see Ferdiad, Ferdiad was coming at Cu Chulainn again with a downward swing at the slightly younger man's left shoulder. Cu Chulainn reacted in time to hold his spear over his head horizontally. Sparks rained down as the edge of the blade of Ferdiad's sword clashed with the spear's shaft.
In that same instant, Ferdiad launched a kick at Cu Chulainn's now-exposed ribs. But the battlefield had honed Cu Chulainn's own instincts. So when Ferdiad brought his right legs up for the beginning of the kick, Cu Chulainn launched a kick of his own. It was aimed at Ferdiad's right foot, which was now coming out at the blue-haired man. The two kicks met each other, both feet colliding. The power in each leg forced the two men apart. They skidded back several meters away from each other.
As the two men lowered their weapons slightly, Ferdiad looked at Cu Chulainn. He frowned in disappointment. During the first day the two fought, Cu Chulainn's killing intent was a tad on the low side. But it was higher than Ferdiad expected. But then again, Cu Chulainn probably thought his next challenger was going to be yet another person from Connacht that he didn't know nor cared to know. But he didn't anticipate having to fight Ferdiad. The spearman was confused at first, and the reality of fighting Ferdiad hadn't sunk in yet. And thus his killing intent, while fluctuating because of his confusion, was still high.
But on the second day, the reality of this situation had finally begun to sink into Cu Chulainn's mind, so his killing intent dropped so much, it was as if it wasn't even there.
And now, today, there wasn't any trace of it. Now despair replaced it inside Cu Chulainn. And worse yet, the man seems to have also lost his will to fight. He refused to battle Ferdiad. Well, that won't do. Cu Chulainn needs to keep having the mindset of fighting for his life. Whether or not he's battling a friend.
"Yer too soft, Setanta!" Ferdiad shouted.
"I'm what?!" Cu Chulainn growled, baring his teeth.
"Ya don't show mercy ta those ya see as yer enemies, but ya hesitate ta fight those ya recognize as yer comrades!"
Before Cu Chulainn could snap back with something else, Ferdiad was in front of him again. The man was gripping the handle of his sword with both hands as he stabbed it forward at Cu Chulainn's chest. Cu Chulainn slid to his left slightly and smacked her spear against the blade. The blade scraped against the spear's shaft as it went by. The two men rammed their shoulders into each other, both trying to knock the other off-balance. If Cu Chulainn succeeded, he could jump back away from Ferdiad again. And if Ferdiad won out in this contest of strength, staggering Cu Chulainn would make the man lower his defense for an instant. And that's all the time Ferdiad would need to run the demigod through the heart.
However, neither of those things happened. Cu Chulainn's left shoulder and Ferdiad's right collided with each other.
"If ya don't try ta kill me, then I'll kill ya!" Ferdiad snarled into Cu Chulainn's ear. The two jumped back, pulling their weapons away from each other. Both men held their weapons in a striking position. "If ya really can't fight me, then fine! At least stand still so I can put ya down fast!"
"I'm not about ta just let my life end without fightin' against it!"
"I thought so! If ya had just accepted yer end, we could've finished this on the first day! Is it yer plan ta tire me out so we call this a draw?!"
"That would be a good outcome!"
"It's a risky gamble, though. Because if ya succumb ta fatigue first, yer life is over!"
That was true. Fatigue was catching up to Cu Chulainn. He was panting a sweating hard. And his muscles ached from using them for a long period. But it was clear that Ferdiad was also getting exhausted. If it was Cu Chulainn's plan to keep going on the defense, then he just had to hold out longer than Ferdiad. But he was playing defense now because none of his strikes were wounding Ferdiad.
Then Ferdiad came at Cu Chulainn, striking again. And again, Cu Chulainn blocked. Ferdiad then was rapidly striking at Cu Chulainn, but the man managed to block them all. As this was going on, memories of the time the two spent together in the Land of Shadows flooded into Cu Chulainn's mind.
[End OST]
[Ever Present Feeling]
The times they shared food, because one of the boys pissed Scathach off and thus was told he would go to bed hungry. The other boy would take pity on their friend and share his dinner with him, out of sight from Scathach.
During sparring against Scathach, she would easily beat the boy she was sparring against down. And she would actually try to wound the boys. She couldn't land a single scratch on Ferdiad, just tired him out. But she made plenty of wounds on Cu Chulainn. So after the sparring against Cu Chulainn, Scathach would tell him to tend to his wounds before they got infected. However, Ferdiad would treat and bandage Cu Chulainn's wounds himself.
When both found out that Cu Chulainn would be the one to receive Gae Bolg, Ferdiad wasn't jealous at all. In fact, he congratulated Cu Chulainn for getting the spear.
When they were hunting together, sometimes the animal one boy was going for would gain the upper hand in the struggle. Whenever that happened, the other boy would always rescue their friend from the corner they had been backed into.
They had always looked out for each other back then. Why should now be any different?!
[End OST]
[Sorrow]
"Ferdiad!" Cu Chulainn shouted. That single word held the torrent of emotions he was feeling right now. His pain. His anguish. His despair. His rage about this situation made him lash out with his spear. The action was unconscious. The tip ended up hitting Ferdiad's left bicep.
Ferdiad let the blow hit, knowing it wouldn't put even a scratch on him. "So, Setanta, have ya decided ta fight?"
"Fuck this!" Cu Chulainn pulled his spear back.
"That softness of yers will result in yer own death. Throw it away now!" Ferdiad's sword was swung at Cu Chulainn's chest. The blue-haired man tried to block it, but the blade smacked the spear from his hands. The blade continued its attack as if the defense had not been there to slow it down or stop it. The metal sliced into Cu Chulainn's flesh, drawing out a shower of crimson liquid.
Cu Chulainn fell back and then tried to scamper back from Ferdiad, but the man didn't even hesitate as he stabbed his sword down. The blade went all the way through Cu Chulainn's left thigh before the tip of the weapon buried itself in the ground. Cu Chulainn was now pinned there. "Yer only choice is ta use Gae Bolg against me."
Gae Bolg probably could indeed pierce Ferdiad's skin and kill him. But he didn't want his friend to suffer through the pain of the curse.
"I won't!"
"Then ya'll die here," Ferdiad said simply. He raised his right foot and stomped it down on Cu Chulainn's chest. Cu Chulainn swore he could hear his ribs straining not to break as Ferdiad kept pressing down with his foot.
"Urgh..! Get...off...me..!" Cu Chulainn ground out. He grabbed Ferdiad's leg with both hands and strained to throw him off. With his strength as a demigod, he was able to do that. Ferdiad was thrown onto his side about a meter to the spearman's right. Ferdiad had still been clutching the handle of his sword, so the weapon was ripped out of Cu Chulainn's thigh when Ferdiad was thrown.
Cu Chulainn sat up, panting from the strain he had to put into his muscles. "I'm gettin' tired. Looks like holdin' out isn't an option anymore."
"So yer gonna fight me now? If not, I'll kill ya."
It looks like that's Cu Chulainn's only choice now. He couldn't die yet. Not as long as he has things to take care of. But he only had one weapon left. Gae Bolg. "...Do ya really want yer life ta be ended by Gae Bolg?"
Ferdiad grinned. "'Course I do! It won't be fun endin' yer life unless ya go all-out against me!"
Cu Chulainn shut his eyes and took a deep breath. When he let it out, he opened his eyes. "Laeg! Send me Gae Bolg!"
Laeg, Cu Chulainn's charioteer, had been ordered to wait up the stream from the fighting. He was also ordered to send Gae Bolg down to Cu Chulainn when the man requested it. As Laeg got the crimson spear from the chariot, he stopped to wonder what was going through his lord's head right now. After all, he was fighting his best friend. So Cu Chulainn must be feeling crushed. And he was resorting to using Gae Bolg now? Cu Chulainn must be pushed into a corner where he believed that spear is his only chance to escape death.
Laeg set the spear down near the shore of the stream. Since the spear was made from the bone of a sea monster, it was able to float in water. He got ready to push it toward the center of the stream, where the current would take it to Cu Chulainn.
"I won't let ya!"
Someone jumped Laeg from behind and forced the brown-haired young man's face to the ground.
"Wha..?!"
The attacker was none other than Ferdiad's own charioteer. He had been stationed further up the stream from Laeg. But knowing that Cu Chulainn possessed Gae Bolg, he went down to where Laeg was. He hid in the bushes and was spying on him.
The charioteer reached for the spear, going to pluck it from the water. But Laeg grabbed the wrist of the blonde.
"Not so fast!"
With his unused arm, his left one, he elbowed the other man in the chest, making him loosen his headlock on Laeg. Laeg forced himself up onto his knees. At the same time, he threw his head back. The skull hit the charioteer in the nose and made him stagger back.
Down at the battlefield, Ferdiad had gotten up and was walking over to Cu Chulainn, sword raised.
"Laeg! What's takin' ya so long?!" Cu Chulainn demanded.
"Sorry 'bout that, my lord!" Before the other charioteer could recover, Laeg lightly pushed Gae Bolg so the current would take it. "Here comes Gae Bolg!"
"Damn you!" the other charioteer roared when he recovered. He jumped onto Laeg again and the two got into a scuffle that involved fists and kicking.
Cu Chulainn quickly glanced at the stream, watching for Gae Bolg.
"Do not take yer eyes off yer opponent fer even a second!"
Cu Chulainn quickly snapped his head back to Ferdiad. One of his hands shot up, fingers wrapping around the blade that went for his heart. He had managed to push the blade when he grabbed it, forcing it to go into his chest slightly to the right of his heart.
'He...He almost killed me just now..!'
This is what told Cu Chulainn that Ferdiad was serious; he was actually going to try to kill his best friend! Out of the corner of his eye, Cu Chulainn saw Gae Bolg coming down the stream behind him. Knowing there was only one way he was going to escape death, he lifted his right foot and planted it on Ferdiad's chest. Then he pushed out, making Ferdiad take several steps back. The man also took the sword with him. It left Cu Chulainn's chest, leaving the man free to turn around and run to the stream, grabbing Gae Bolg out of the water. Then he turned back around, facing Ferdiad.
"This is the end!" He held Gae Bolg's shaft with both hands, turning his body slightly to his right with the tip of the spear pointing to the ground. Red energy erupted from it.
"Finally..." Ferdiad whispered. With Cu Chulainn holding the crimson spear, his own killing intent had returned.
[End OST]
[Ever Present Feeling]
"Gae..." Once he finished saying the name, the life of his best friend, his brother, would end. But for Cu Chulainn, he couldn't stop this from happening now. After all, he would be killed if he didn't kill Ferdiad. "Bolg!"
It felt to Ferdiad like something was in his chest as soon as the name was called. He looked down, but nothing was there. What was he feeling then? But less than a second later, he got his answer. A red line of energy went through his chest. Then he saw Gae Bolg buried in it, the entire tip going out his back.
Ferdiad's skin was like stone. It was impenetrable. But even the most flawless-looking stone has a crack too small for the eye to see. Gae Bolg finds this crack, forces it further open, and pierces the heart.
Ferdiad's legs gave out and he fell back, hitting the ground on his left side. He was coughing up blood as Cu Chulainn came over. Ferdiad's eyes flickered up to his friend and his bloody lips curled up into a smile.
"So...ya managed...ta do it...after all..."
Cu Chulainn crouched onto one knee next to Ferdiad. "Ferdiad...Even though I did this, my feelin's 'bout ya haven't changed. I still think of ya as my best friend an' ya always will be."
Ferdiad gave a hoarse chuckle. "Ya haven't...changed...have ya...Setanta..?"
"Ya may use it ta call me soft, I don't care."
"No...It's good...ta think of others...that way...But don't...let...it distract ya...from what ya...need...to...do...I'll admit...my feelin's...'bout ya...were plaugin' me...durin' our fight...too...But I didn't...let them...take...my...will ta...fight..." Ferdiad closed his eyes, still smiling softly. "Good...bye...my...bro...ther..."
When Ferdiad's breathing stopped, Cu Chulainn pulled out the bloodied spear in silence. Up the stream, Ferdiad's charioteer fled to report Ferdiad's death to Medb. Laeg slowly walked through the ankle-deep water of the stream and to Cu Chulainn. The man was still staring down at Ferdiad's body in silence.
"My lord..?" Laeg whispered tentatively, afraid Cu Chulainn would become blind with anger and strike out at his charioteer. But the warrior didn't move a muscle and Laeg wondered for a moment if Cu Chulainn even heard him. "We-We need ta tend ta yer wounds before yer next fight..."
Cu Chulainn didn't look up. "Oh..." He had barely even noticed the blood oozing from his wounds. This was proof of his reluctance to fight. "Maybe Ferdiad's right. Maybe I am too soft." That could be so. He had been trained by Scathach to use Gae Bolg in order to kill her. She walked the line between mortal and god. Once she became the latter, she would be immortal. She believed that if that happened, only a spear from a bone of the sea monster Curruid would be able to kill her. That spear became known as Gae Bolg. But Cu Chulainn hesitated at the thought of killing the woman who had trained him. And so he didn't go through with the task.
[End OST]
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[The End of Reminiscence]
Akiko slowly opened her eyes as the dream ended. The room itself was dark now. "That dream...it was Cu Chulainn's memory...wasn't it?"
"Hmm..? Ya say my name..?"
Akiko could feel the man behind her shift. She looked back at him over her right shoulder. "Oh, did I wake you? Sorry about that."
"Don't worry. I'm a light sleeper, so it won't take much to wake me." Then he saw Akiko's face. She looked...how should he put it...slightly distressed. She was also looking at him with sadness and...pity?...in her eyes. "Is somethin' wrong?"
"Uh...N-No! I-It's nothing!"
"Don't lie to me. I can see just by lookin' at you that something's on yer mind."
Akiko sighed, knowing he won't let up until she tells him what it is. "Well...about your fight with Ferdiad...I..."
Lancer frowned. He knew what she was going to say. "You saw it, didn't ya?"
Akiko bit her lower lip. "I-I had read about it in your legend...but I never knew what you felt...until now...During the memory, I could feel the emotions you felt as if it was my own memory..."
Lancer sighed. "An' ya feel sorry fer me since I went through that. Well, don't. What's done is done. Once it happens, only a miracle like the Holy Grail can rewrite them."
"I see...But what about my wish? Won't helping me grant it contradict your belief?" Akiko asked.
"A little," Lancer admitted. "But everyone is free to have their own belief, an' that one is yers. I'm not about to judge others because their beliefs don't match my own."
Akiko snuggled into his chest. "I see. Having a belief like that...You're a strong person to not be tempted to change history."
"No. If I did, the people who died would have lost their lives fer nothin'. Even if some of my choices led to my own downfall in the end, I wouldn't want to change it. After all, those choices made me who I am today."
"The past defines you..." Akiko murmured. What about undoing the deaths of her parents? It's part of her past. Would it undo who she is today? Now she was beginning to question it. Sure, she feels guilty about her parents dying and wants to bring them back to life in order to make up for it. But on the other hand, that event shaped most of who she is today. Is it right to erase that?
Lancer chuckled. "Damn, me an' my big mouth. Now I have ya thinkin' about what I said. Forget it. Ya won't be able to go to sleep with questions like that goin' through yer head." He hugged her. "Go back to sleep. Hopefully ya won't have dreams like that again."
"Yeah. Good night."
[End OST]