A new year of Hogwarts had begun. Lots of stuff happened on the train, but we don't have time for that. Must make you as confused as possible. The first years were lined up to be sorted, and at the back of the line were two 7th years looking rather uncomfortable. Harry, Ron and Hermione watched as the first years were sorted into their houses. When they were all finished, the two 7th years were called to the front. After a moment of speaking with McGonagall they sat down at the Gryffindor table.
"Hiya," the girl with Purple hair and blue eyes said. She seemed unable to sit still. "I'm Caitlin, but call me Billy!" When Billy sat down, her fist hit a spoon and it hit Ron in the face, making him spit out his mashed potatoes. Hermione lifted an eyebrow. "Nice, Ron."
"You'll have to excuse Billy," the other, slightly taller girl said. "She just a LITTLE sugar high. I'm Brittany by the way." "This is Ron, Hermione, and I'm..." Harry started. "BLOODY HELL....You're Harry Potter!" Harry groaned. Of course she would know him, after all he beat Voldemort. "You're hot," she said. Harry blinked. He had never had someone be so forward with him.
Billy spit her drink out and turned to Brittany. "You think I'm insane??" and went back to talking to Ron about different spells you could use to keep cheese from getting smelly. Dumbledore stood up and silence fell around the room. "As you all are aware, we have 2 new transfers this year. Please stand up ladies" Billy and Brittany stood up, looking around the room.
Brittany's eyes fell on a blonde haired boy sitting at the Slytherin table. Her heart skipped a beat. Their eyes met and she saw his icy blue eyes soften a little. Then Dumbledore spoke again and he turned away. Billy punched Brittany on the shoulder and returned to her food. Humming the tune to "Wild Wind", while Hermione was telling them all about a great book she read last week about bewitching your cauldron to look like it was made of paper mache.
"Hey Hermione..." Billy said. "Yes?" "SHUT IT" Hermione blinked. She glared at Billy, pulled out her wand, and muttered something under her breath. Everyone at their end of the table started laughing.
"Whad?" Billy asked, her mouth full of food. "Y-you have giggle d-d-donkey ears!" Brittany laughed. Billy pulled a mirror out of her pocket, then burst into laughter along with everyone else. She practiced wiggling them, then pulled out her wand and reversed it.
Then Brittany wrote in bright green neon letters with her wand above Billy's head "Dorkwad", causing everyone to break out into laughter again.
Their fun was cut short, as Dumbledore sent the students to bed. Billy, Brittany, Ron, Hermione, Harry, and everyone else headed for their dormitories. Upon reaching the painting of the fat lady ("Password?") Hermione shoved to the front of the line looking smug. Billy blurted out, "SLYTHERINS EAT BOOGERS!"
The portrait swung open, to everyone's surprise, and Hermione glared at Billy some more. They stepped through the portrait hole, Hermione bumping shoulders with Billy.
Everyone stopped when they got in. Somehow, Fred and George had gotten in earlier and bewitched all furniture to do a dance and shout "GRYFFINDOR!!" every time someone passed by.
Brittany yawned, "I wanna go to bed.." Billy and Brittany walked up to the girls dormitories and changed into their pajamas.
"Sooooo you like that blonde Slytherin, eh?" Billy asked Brittany. "WHAT?!" Brittany yelled. "I saw you! Brittany and.....Slytherin guy sitting in a tree! K-I-S-S-I---" SMACK! Billy fell to the ground. Brittany had thrown her very large history of Magic book at her.
"HA!" Brittany yelled, but Billy was out cold. Brittany shrugged and sat on her bed. Hermione shook her head and poured the pitcher of water that was on the table on Billy's head.
"So what was this about a blonde Slytherin boy?" She asked.
Billy shook her head furiously to rid herself of the water. "There was a guy with platinum hair at the Slytherin table that Brittany was staring at. I think I heard someone call him Malfoy." Hermione stood there, in shock. "NO! You can't like Malfoy!!!" She yelled, attracting the attention of Lavender and Pavarti too.
"Why can't I like Malfoy?" Brittany asked. Surely she had done nothing to make Hermione angry, like Billy had. "BECAUSE HES A SLIMY GIT THATS WHY! And besides...you're muggle born. He'll never go for you." Hermione said matter-of-factly.
"Well, as a matter of fact, I'm not muggle born. My mum never told me, but I was adopted. My real parents were a witch and wizard. But they died..."
"That seems to have a trace of....foreshadowing...." Billy mumbled. Billy sat there, drying her hair, singing something about "foreshadowing" Everyone ignored her. Hermione sighed. "You may be wizard-born, but you still cannot like Malfoy! If you even knew how awful he really was..." Brittany shook her head, "Maybe, but I'll find that out for myself this year." She said, and with that, everyone went to bed.
The next morning, everyone got dressed and all that stuff. Billy, Brittany and Hermione met Harry and Ron in the common room.
On the way to Herbology, they ran into Draco, Crabbe, Goyle, and Pansy Parkinson. "Well, well, if it isn't the potty wee Potter. And the little Weasel, and Mudblood, trailing along as always. And who's the midget?" He said, looking at Billy.
"That's Brittany," Billy said, not always on top of things. "And I'm Billy. Nice to meet you!" Malfoy looked at Brittany and his eyes softened for a moment.
"Come on guys....lets go to class," Harry said rudely. Ron coughed to hide his laughter. Brittany shook her head but said nothing, blushing. "Shove off, Malfoy." Harry said, walking past him; they were already late for Herbology as it was.
Harry, Ron, Hermione, Billy, and Brittany reached the greenhouse and stood around their table. "What do you think Malfoy wanted?" Hermione asked.
Billy giggled and smirked at Brittany. Brittany hit her with a pot.
Hermione raised an eyebrow at them and got out her Herbology book. The others ignored Billy on the ground and talked until Professor Sprout came in.
"Ok," She said, "I have an interesting lesson for you all today..." The Herbology lesson was very interesting but there's no time for that. Everyone then went back to the dormitories, because it was magically night! They all went to sleep.
Billy ran through the halls of Hogwarts with what looked like a giant rat on her head. "OMFG OMFG GET IT OFFF!!!!!!!!" Brittany whacked her with a frying pan.
Hermione laughed and Billy blushed because Ron was laughing too. Yes it was another regular day at Hogwarts.
then? Billy (who was sitting on the floor due to Brittany's surprisingly strong back-swing) fixed her robes and stood up, Watching the giant rat scurry away down the corridor. "What was that?" she asked.
Hermione handed her the book that went flying (and landed in the frying pan. No one had a clue how Brittany got the pan in the first place...). "Oh, you see them every now and then," she said, "but normally the staff's good at keeping them out"
"Keeping what out?" Billy asked. "I haven't been that close to one before actually" Hermione said. "CLOSE TO ONE WHAT!?!?!!?" Billy screamed. Brittany listened to her screaming and then calmly picked up the frying pan, beat Billy unconscious and drug her by her feet to transfiguration.
When Billy awoke they were in transfiguration, Billy noticed everyone was trying (with much difficulty, save for Hermione) to transform the people next to them into some form of statue. Most people had one arm that was made of stone, but none complete. Billy leaned over to Ron and whispered, "What words are we s'posed to use?"
"Habasnabahabababa" Billy looked over at Brittany and concentrated. "Habsadsdafnajksh namn kish" She said. Brittany turned into a big blob of jello.
Everyone in the room stopped what they were doing and stared in Billy's direction (Billy couldn't stop laughing at the giant blob with eyes). Hermione turned around and reversed it. Brittany (as soon as she regained feeling) whacked Billy over the head with a giant text book. Brittany pointed her wand at Billy and said, "OMFGWTFBBQ."
Billy became a very ugly chair with yellow upholstering and everyone laughed. Especially Ron. Hermione changed Billy back. ("I'm getting REALLY tired of this!") This time it was Billy's turn to whack Brittany over the head with a giant text book. However it wasn't as effective because her arms still had a coating of wood on them.
McGonagall seemed to be getting very disturbed.
"Err...." Professor M seemed to have forgotten the lesson. "Err...put…put your wands away students...yes that's safest...I mean.. read chapter 12."
As Harry, Ron, Hermione, Brittany and Billy walked back to the common room (classes were over for the day), Hermione wondered aloud why McGonnagall was acting so weird.
"Maybe she's wearing itchy clothes and has to change them before she got a rash..." Billy said. Brittany shook her head. "Idiot..." she mumbled under her breath. "No, that's not it," Hermione continued, "There's something wrong." Just then Brittany was tackled by someone and shoved into an empty classroom.
"Did you see who that was?" Hermione asked. "I think it was Malfoy" Billy said calmly and kept walking.
"Umm, shouldn't we follow them?" Hermione asked. "Why?" Billy asked at the wall while still walking. "Because!" Hermione practically shrieked, "HE'LL CONVERT HER!!!" This forced the others into a fit of laughter.
"Hermione..." Ron said, clutching his side, 'You're going off the deep end...." Hermione muttered darkly and walked down the hall with them. She kept casting evil looks back at the door Brittany had disappeared through.
MEANWHILE: Brittany was pushed against a wall in the empty classroom. Draco was leaning in close to her and Brittany closed her eyes, waiting for his kiss. Just then Snape burst into the room naked. "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" then he left.
Brittany screamed at the sight and ran far... far... away... She caught up with the others who were entering the portrait hole, and told them what she saw. They just blinked in confusion, except Billy, who burst into insane laughter. "Are you... ok?" Ron asked Brittany, "You didn't hit your head or anything did you"
"OMG RON!! THAT WAS ONLY ONE TIME OK?!" Brittany yelled. All of a sudden she got this look in her eyes. "EVERYBODY TACKLE RON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" She glomp-tackled Ron and he fell back onto the couch. Billy jumped on top of them. Harry shrugged and jumped on too.
"AM I THE ONLY SANE ONE HERE?!!" Hermione yelled and ran up to the dormitory. "Yes..." Billy said, then pulled random can of whipped cream out of her robes and sprayed them all.
The insanity continued pretty much for the rest of the night. Until Hermione insisted they all go to bed that is, because they had classes the next day and a large essay due. Then next day, Harry was very tired. This was due to the fact that Ron snored all night keeping Harry awake. The day went by pretty quickly (they didn't have potions that day, much to Brittany's thanks), and they were all looking forward to the first visit to Hogsmeade that year. Blah blah blah, school happens.
HOGSMEADE WEEKEND: Harry, Ron, Hermione, Billy, Brittany and all the other people not good enough to mention by name were getting ready for Hogsmeade.
Their outfits and such shall now be described in detail because the authors need longer chapters.
Hermione was dressed in a pink tank top and jeans. Harry had on a black t-shirt and jeans. Ron was wearing a Chudley Cannons t-shirt and kahki pants. Billy had on a red hoodie with ears and green pants. Brittany had on a black tank top and baggy cargo pants.
They all walked with the crowd into town. "Let's go to Zonko's!" Ron yelled.
"No, no, let's go to the bookshop!" Hermione piped in.
"HONEYDUKE'S!!!11!" Billy and Brittany yelled at the same time.
So everyone went to their own favorite stores. They met up again later at the Three Broomsticks. Brittany and Billy had bags and bags of candy to eat later. Hermione had bought herself a new book that smashed Ron's hands when she put it on the table, and Harry got a new collar for Hedwig. They spent the rest of the day in The pub and went back to school for dinner.
"Biwwy, wha you gointu do bout ur herbowogee effay?" Ron asked, his mouth full of food. Translation: Billy, what are you going to do about your Herbology essay?
"Why do you wanna know?" Billy asked, shuddering, because her pet peeve was people who talk with their mouth full. Ron swallowed.
"I won't have time to do mine 'cause I'll be busy with something..." Harry took a sip of his pumpkin juice. "Busy with what?" He asked "Errr..." Ron said, "just...you know...something..." Everyone stared at him.
Billy kicked him in the face and said "DONT TALK WITH YOUR MOUTH FULL"
Ron rubbed his nose and grumbled something about insane people. Hermione stood up suddenly. "I'm going to go study for our essay," she said, "See you all later." And with that, she left, seemingly in a big hurry to get to the library. Brittany followed.
When Hermione reached the library, she looked behind her and jumped. "Brittany, I didnt know you were there!" "Yeah that's cuz I'm so sneaky!" Brittany hummed the mission impossible theme song and snuck around the hallways.
Hermione ignored her and went down the hall to look up books on various plant poisons. Brittany followed her.
"Hey, I wanted to talk to you about something..." She said. Hermione walked to an empty table with a huge pile of books. "What?" she said over a big book titled Poisons for Practice "Er...do you....do you like Malfoy?" She blurted out. Hermione spazzed instantly.
She began throwing books around and screaming. "Malfoy? MALFOY?!?!!? WHY THE HELL DO YOU THINK I MIGHT LIKE THAT STUPID FERRET!?!?!?!?"
Madame Pince shushed her. When Hermione kept raving, Madame Pince walked over to her calmly and hit her over the head with a book. Hermione was knocked unconscious.
Brittany dragged Hermione back to the common room, which took a while considering it was on a different floor than the library. When she told the fat lady the password, she raised an eyebrow at Brittany questioningly.
When she finally dragged Hermione through the portrait hole, she found Harry, Ron and Billy doing homework in the corner, and walked over to them.
"OMG BRITTNAY YOU KILLLED HERMIONE YES YES GO YOU!! IS THERE ANY BLOOD?!?!?!!?!" Billy yelled. The others looked at her strangely and backed away slowly.
"Err..." Ron started. "What did happen?"
"Well, I accused Hermione of liking Malfoy, not accused really but more like asked her if she did and she started ranting and raving and making a fuss and Madame Pince told her to be quiet but she didn't so Madame Pince hit her over the head with a book and I drug her here which was really hard and the Fat Lady looked at me weird and now here I am telling you all," she said in one breath.
Ron looked down at the unconscious Hermione. "Damn..." he said, "I needed her help on some homework... Oh well, I'll just make something up."
Brittany, with Harry's help, pulled Hermione up onto the couch. "She's gonna want food when she wakes up..." Harry said. As if on cue, Fred and George walked up and dumped a pile of candy on the table next to them.
"OMG SUGARR!!!!" Billy and Brittany launched themselves onto the candy and began eating it all. Soon they were so hyper they were bouncing off the wall....literally. Billy had cast a charm for weightlessness and they were all currently bouncing off of random walls.
"THIS IS FUNN!!" Brittany yelled. Fred and George seemed satisfied with the results of this and told the two of them how to get into the kitchens. Hermione suddenly woke up and heard them talking about it, and then started ranting about abuse of house elves.
Billy walked over to Hermione and hit her on the head again. Hermione fell unconscious once more.
"Hey guys, lets go to Hogsmeade!!" Billy said. "But Billy....its 12 in the morning..."
"SO?!?" Billy then poofed them all to Hogsmeade, never mind the fact you cant apparate in Hogwarts.
Ron looked at her. "How the hell... did you do that?!" He asked, looking at her like she was nuts.
Billy grinned broadly. "It's my magic pumpkin wand!!! I can do anything with it! Including making DDR appear!"
Ron and Harry looked at her, confused. But Brittany started laughing.
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHhahahaha..ahaha...ha?" She stopped abruptly. "What?"
Everyone shrugged and began walking down the street.
"Um...I hate to break it to you but...nothing is open.." Ron said.
"Oh i can fix that! my dad OWNS Hogsmeade." Everyone looked at her and then Brittany smacked her over the head.
Billy fell over and quickly got up. "Hey, I can dream, can't I?" she said, "Lets just go inside anyways and leave the money on the countertop!"
They tried to go into several stores but they were magically locked.
"Who didnt see that coming" Harry said sarcastically. Billy raised her hand. "Billy....shut up and send us home. " Ron told her.
Authors Note:
Kira: Wheee!! That was fun! I hope you all enjoyed it! We will have more lata, right, Billy-kun?
Billy: is playing DDR BREAK DOWN…LLA ALA ALA LA ALLAALA MALA LANFSKJLHFA JAPANESE WORDS!
Kira: whacks Billy over the head Yes, well…..bye!
We have too much free time on our hands.