Yeah yeah, we're back again. I wanna thank the very few amount of people who read this, especially the ones that cared enough to review. XDD This collaboration is getting out of hand, but it's funny anyways.

Disclaimer: You know how it goes.

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The crowd in King's Cross station surged around two girls as they pushed their way to platforms nine and ten. They glanced around and ran at the stone barrier between the platforms, passing right through it. Here they faced a scarlet steam engine billowing smoke into the air. They grinned at each other and set off to find a compartment.

Once on the train, the two girls couldn't find an empty compartment anywhere. Suddenly the shorter of the two shouted "Vi har inget bröd hemma!" randomly, which caused a few heads to turn their direction.

The taller one turned to her and mumbled, "Baka Imouto-chan..." and pulled her into the closest compartment. Inside, they found three other people. "Er..." the taller girl said. "Are we intruding?"

The three looked at them. "Er, no." Said one with red hair. GASP! The shorter girl started jumping around pointing at the boy seated next to him with black hair. "HARRYPOTTERHARRYPOTTERHARRYPOTTER!"

The taller girl grabbed the shorter one, placed her in the seat next to the redheaded boy and strapped her arms to her sides. "On the safe side, I better giver her this, too." She then handed the still jumping girl a Fruits Basket manga. The shorter girl immediately stopped bouncing and started reading. "There we go. By the way, I'm Brittany, and that's Caitlin. Call her Billy."

"Er... hi." Said Harry, still trying to figure out what had just happened. It wasn't until Brittany sat down on the seat across from them that she noticed there was another girl there too, but she had her nose buried in a very large book.

"Well...as you probably know...I'm Harry Potter," said the one Billy had gone nutso over. "And I'm Ron Weasley," the red head said. Brittany glanced at the girl, but she didn't seem to be paying any attention. Brittany read the cover of the book, "One Million of the Hardest Spells Ever: Annoy Your Friends With Your New Knowledge!"

The girl reading the book looked up rather irritated. "It's very interesting, don't pay attention the title!" She said defensively. Brittany just shrugged sarcastically and turned to conversation with the other two. "So," She said, "Who do you suppose our new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher is?"

Harry and Ron scanned the head table (yes, they were suddenly whisked away to the great hall like... magic! Time has fast-forwarded itself too). "I dunno. There's no one new up there." Billy looked as well. "Ooooh except that dashing bloke at the end! ...DAMN BRITAIN! IT'S RUBBING OFF ON ME! GETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFF" Brittany bashed her in the head and knocked her to the floor.

After all consciousness was regained, Hermione shrugged. "Since he's the only new person there, he must be the new teacher," she said simply. Billy and Brittany gushed. Then Dumbledore went into his start of year speech thing and introduced that yes they were right The New Guy was the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. Then they all got full and fat and went to their common rooms.

THE NEXT DAY: "Nee-chan...wait for meeeeeeeeee..." Billy cried as she ran along the hallways after Brittany. "Keep up, midget!" Brittany called back. Billy turned red and sprinted into Brittany, knocking her across the floor. "Ow..." "Brittany hurry or we'll be late for DADA!" Hermione called as she walked past.

IN THE CLASSROOM: "Hello students. I am Professor The New Guy." (A/N: remember, Dumbledore said The New Guy is the prof.)

"Umm..." Billy raised her hand, "Is that your real name?" She asked.

"Of course," The New Guy said blankly, "Is something wrong?"

"Err... no..." Billy sat down slowly, confused.

"Professor The New Guy?" Hermione raised her hand, "What sort of things are you planning on teaching this year?"

"Well first off, I know it may be difficult in normal conversation, seeing as how my name is so long. You may call me Professor Cow. Now, the things I'll be teaching this year are treacherous, mysterious, dangerous, and fatasmagorical. The first dark creature we will be studying is...bad grammar. Yes, the most hated of all dark creatures."

Suddenly, there was a loud MOOOOO from the back of the classroom. Everyone's heads turned to see who had uttered such an offensive noise. It was some random kid nobody knew. So they ignored him for the rest of his life and everyone was happy.

"Professor Cow?" Brittany asked, "Technically, bad grammar isn't a creature, so how-"

"All in good time..." Prof. Moo Cow grinned evilly.

"So," Professor Bovine said. "Who can tell me the three symptoms of a bad grammar attack? Miss Granger?" "Well, one is the use of imaginary words, like humongous, or ain't. Another is the misspelling and shortening of simple words, like making you, u, or before, be4. And the last symptom is OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT!" she shrieked the last part, as Mr. Cow had just uncovered a large cage, revealing a monstrous, green, hairy creature. "This? Oh this is just my pet Snoffleberger. THIS is bad grammar!" He uncovered a smaller cage, which revealed a laptop computer. The screen showed someone's instant message conversation.

The students all got up to get a closer view of the IM. Some of them gasped in horror at the horrid replies of "Omgzors liek lol," and "wtf r u sayin?"

Hermione had passed out from shock.

"Yes," Prof. Cow said. "Beware the grammar mistakes. Now, note the lack of punctuation and capitalization. Who can tell me the type of creatures who usually commit such atrocious attacks on our language?"

Hermione woke from her blacked out state and threw her hand up in the air. "OH! OH! MEE!" She squealed.

"Yes, Hermione?" Prof Cow said. Hermione put her hand down, looking smug, and said "NOOBS!"

"Correct, Ms. Granger. Newbies, or Noobs, as they are called, commonly use incorrect forms of grammar. However, other people, such as rednecks of foreigners, also use them as well. Look closely at this subtitled Japanese cartoon. Note how the subtitle says "Me am displeased." Obviously it was meant to say "I am displeased."

Everyone gazed in fear at the computer screen while Prof Cow pulled out another creature of bad grammar.

The all gasped, horrified, as Prof Cow brought out a fully-grown rapper. Some of the student backed away, for they're worst fears had been realized.

"Yo, yo, all o y'all betta not be disraspectin me. Y'all betta reconize. Fo shizzle." Several people screamed in fear. Hermione fainted, once again. Billy stood up and walked up to the rapper. She stared at him for a few moments before drop kicking him in the face. "Speak English, damn it!"

Seeing as how Hermione's face had become acquainted with the floor multiple times that class and some girls were crying out of fear, Prof Cow decided that would be enough for the day. He tossed a shiney gold tooth into his office, which the rapper followed, before hastily locking his office door.

"Alright students," Prof Cow said, "That's all for the day."

On their way to lunch, they discussed the lesson.

"Well, I think that was a wonderful first lesson with the new professor. I'm so glad he decided to show us something useful. I hope next lesson, he teaches us about how to defend ourselves against bad grammar. I, for one, would love to know how to correct these people and make their lives better and teach them proper-" "Shut the freak up, Hermione!" Billy yelled as she smacked Hermione in the face with mango. "Billy...where the hell did you get a mango?" Brittany asked. Billy shrugged and stepped over Hermione's once again comatose body.

At lunch, the place the decided to sit down at had a bowl of pickles sitting there. They were all reminded of the previous chapter, and the Pansy-Pickle incident, and moved on to another part of the table.

"So, what other lessons do we have today?" Ron asked while loading his plate with nachos and broccoli.

Brittany checked her schedule. "Um...Care of Magical Creatures, and Potions."

"Let me guess," Harry said, "Both with the Slytherins?" Brittany nodded. Suddenly, Ron exploded.

The others suddenly lost their appetite, looking down at the remains of Ron's intestines on the floor, and decided to leave to Care of Magical Creatures early.

When they got there, Hagrid was preparing what looked like a bunch of oversized red asparagus with wings.

"These here're flying Asparudragids. I bred em meself!" Suddenly, Ron popped into existence, causing Hermione to scream loudly, which caused one of the Asparudragids to chase her and eat her. "Hermione! What did ya have ter go and do that fer?" Hagrid cried. Suddenly, Professor Cow sprung out of the forest. With a cry of "Bad grammar!" he tackled Hagrid.

Harry, Billy and Brittany watched this interesting commotion with apathy. Brittany suddenly glanced at Ron, noticing that his body parts were put back together, but not exactly in the right places... I will restrain from telling you how, as it might disturb you poor, unexpecting readers.

As one of the Asparudragids began throwing up the parts of Hermione it couldn't digest, they decided that potions might be a safer class after all.

Brittany tried her best to reassemble the parts of Hermione, but wasn't doing so well. Mainly because Billy kept jumping in and giving Hermione wings, animal ears, and replacing her limbs with food. Currently, Hermione looked like some crazy, half formed donkey with carrot legs.

When Hermione saw herself, she opened her spaghetti noodle mouth to yell at Billy, but was only able to release bits of sausage that hit Harry in the face as he observed quietly.

In the meantime, Patched-Up-Ron was trying to pry Prof Cow off of Hagrid, but to no avail. This was because arms and his bum had switched places.

Suddenly Snape showed up in a sequined prom dress. He waved his wand and made Hermione right again. He poofed Ron back into the netherworlds because they didn't really need Ron anyways. And he made Hagrid suddenly able to speak like a normal human being. He then ran off screaming "Deus ex machina!" Billy and Brittany exchanged looks then Brittany said, "Well. I think that wraps this up nicely."

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Brittany: Umm...

Billy: Yes.

Brittany: ...?

Billy: Snape and kiwi, sittin' in a tree, k-i-s-s-

Prof Cow: 'sittin' is bad grammar! -tackle-