Hah! Flame me, please! Otakukin, Hitler, and YouTube, oh my! It's a merry ole life. Doesn't help that the word count for chapter 1 is 666. In case you're wondering, Elizabeth is my name. I am this Mary Sue. Viva moi! Read!
♥
Elizabeth damn well knew she should have been freaking out. Spazzing, crying, the whole nine yards and then some.
But she wasn't, and perhaps that was even more disturbing; her neural synapses had seemingly ceased to function—yet she sat upright. Wait—suddenly neural synapses was a phrase that ceased to be understandable—no, no usage of ceased, either—she couldn't control her own body anymore. And she had to use high school vocabulary to describe it in, too.
No, she wasn't having a seizure.
She clawed desperately at the vestiges—sorry, what was left of—her consciousness, though it was slipping perilously—dangerously—out of her fingers.
The room was white, and was lit from an inner light that had no visible origin. It was decorated by someone who clearly had little imagination except what looked good to a spastic three year old, and anything of color was done in shades of gray or Prussian blue.
She was in a bed. Somehow, that actually felt right.
Letting her now cerulean frost blue eyes drift across the room, she spied a silvery tuft of hair poking up near the headboard, mostly obscured by a massive collection of white pillows.
Beyond the grip of her control, her body moved automatically, inching without fear towards the figure—it was someone sleeping.
Now, first of all: You should be scared shitless. And you just landed on a bed. What the hell do you think's going to happen when this person wakes up and doesn't appreciate you being here?
Elizabeth's angel wings impeded—restricted—movement, they were huge and heavy, and she lifted them up—seemingly knowing what she was doing even though she'd never had wings to know how to move them at all—
"Excuse me?" the voice was timid but curious. Elizabeth pulled back the covers, exposing a heart-shaped, tanned face, with silver hair draped around it in a way that made him look adorable. Like a teddy bear with pretty silver eyelashes.
...Okay? So who is this guy?
It's Xemnas! I must be in the Kingdom Hearts world!
The voice boomed into Elizabeth's thoughts like stereo surround sound, and the jarred half-conscious wondered dazedly, first off: What the hell had she been smoking that she didn't know about, and: How did she come to that inane conclusion so quickly? Kingdom Hearts? That game that doesn't actually exist, so there's no way Princess Mansex exists, let alone sleeping especially so you can drop into his bed? Let alone the other variables which would take far too long to go into.
And you can't be his reincarnation, either. Otakukin, I'm looking at you.
Oh, wait, no but: Elizabeth, Mary Sue extraordinaire, knew she was somehow connected to him in her past lives. A connexion,¹ in the alternate universe life where she and that place's incarnation of Organization XIII killed Hitler before he gained power, thus saving the world from the horrors of the Holocaust.² And, since Japan is teh kawaii, no one paid attention when it invaded Manchuria and raped Nanking. She had enough modesty to semi-slide into obscurity. Except for that exposé...and the book. And the billboard.
She ended up marrying Axel and having babies with him. Even though Elizabeth hated babies, she had to have babies for the cute factor.
Ahem. She knew Xehanort and knew all his memories, somehow dreaming it up after cheating and watching the secret ending on YouTube.
Anyway: Xemnas' eyelids quivered, and they slid open, focusing drowsily on the figure leaning over him. She had big wings. And vibrant blue eyes. And beautiful blond hair and pouty lips.³
"...Are you an angel?"
Elizabeth about died. Are you an angel? Really, now? Xemnas saying that? (For the sake of ease, Elizabeth isn't going to fight and just accept that it's Xemnas ad hoc.)
"...Where am I?" Elizabeth was reserved around certain people. She was not, as a rule of thumb, meek and kittenish. In fact to meet her you might not even like her, she's the type to rip you a new asshole if you caught her on a bad day. But there was some token terror in her voice.
When Xemnas didn't leap from the bed and impale her on a lightsaber, Elizabeth wondered why. Though she couldn't say she wasn't grateful for small favors.
He seemed rather stunned. Despite the fact that Xemnas clearly demonstrated deeply sociopathic behavior, and that he was the leader of Organization XIII, he didn't seem to know what to do with a wingèd nearly-not teen on his bed.
Elizabeth felt the need to help him.
The half-conscious inside of her reared up in alarm: Help Xemnas? Uh, how about no?
He was pitiable: He was misguided, he just needed a little help. Help which she could provide.
I have my own fucking problems, thanks! Elizabeth screeched. Problems which I can't handle well, so what the hell makes me so qualified to know what Xemnas needs and doesn't need!
"No," Elizabeth admitted, and her inner self was devastated to realize that she'd just giggled shyly.
Picon suddenly realizes that she's broken Commandment #1 of the Mary Sue Covenant: Thou shalt spent an inordinate amount of time describing Mary Sue-chan's appearance in the first chapter, preferably the first paragraph, if not the first half of said first chapter, including both physical descriptions and the descriptions of the clothing worn by the Mary Sue. Hitherto shall this law be upheld! So sayeth the Gods of Fandom.
Picon hopes this transgression will be overlooked and this quickie version will suffice:
Elizabeth wore, in addition to a green cotton camisole with a printed-on shark on the back from Cozumel, Mexico, a pair of bright red plaid flannel pants with green and white stripes. She preferred camisoles to T-shirts, they breathed better in stuffy dorm rooms. Oh, and for effect: She also wore strappy, glitzy high heel shoes. Her hair spilled over her shoulders, Pantene Pro-V'd, sliding temptingly across her skin.
Yes, that was meant to be jarring and out of place. Also creepy. Back to the story.
The female—because there was an overuse of that word, being used happily by many a fantard writer—leaned down, tilting her head to the side.
"Where am I?"
You fucking idiot. You just said this was Xemnas, put in Inner Elizabeth sourly. You get three guesses. Clue: Where does Xemnas live?
"Who are you? How did you get here?" Xemnas snapped, sitting up sharply.
Put me out of my misery. Let me know this is just one shitty nightmare.
"I don't know..." And somehow, as if on cue, the Mary Sue began to cry. And, though Xemnas was about to give the Mary Sue the death it deserved, he suddenly felt his nonexistent heart melt and he found himself, to make a long story short, hugging the girl. He tried not to bend the feathers, but he still awkwardly had his arms around her neck, petting her pretty hair and whispering soothing things into her ear.
Mary Sue and Inner Elizabeth froze—though for different reasons, and quite abruptly Inner Elizabeth almost spiraled right out of existence, going under the full effect of this mysterious waive of sanity, so horrifically stunned was she.
But she didn't, mere fractions of a moment before Xemnas' lips touched hers.
A surge of panic rushed up, and for a few precious moments, Elizabeth regained command of her own body. She jerked back from Xemnas, landing awkwardly on her wings.
"Goddamnit!" she yelped, writhing, feeling something strain and then sing with pain. She yanked out feathers on accident.
Elizabeth fought back an indignant foreign host with all the bitter nastiness she'd been known to exert. Inner Elizabeth was imperfect. Mary Sue Elizabeth was perfect, she could do anything and that wretch was screwing it all up! She was so close, so close to helping that poor, misguided soul—
And being comforted for her painful childhood, where she'd been beaten by her parents and shunned by everyone.
You grew up in suburbia, and you were hardly a victim, Elizabeth shouted on the inside, finally wresting control of herself back enough to where she could sit up in discomfit and hack up air.
Xemnas had a firm grip on her arm, and the blond stared up, her eyes shifting back into their boring, normal hazel. Because that was what happened when Elizabeth regained control of her body: Her eyes turned back to hazel, though they seemed dull and unimpressive next to the colors that they would change into.
"Are you okay?" Xemnas asked, clearly worried. "Are you hurt?"
Elizabeth's barely-there command faltered for a moment, and she leaned away when he tried to "comfort" her. She couldn't force her voice to work, it was hard to breath—somehow, her breath was constricted.
He tried to kiss her again—or that was what she assumed was going on, and Elizabeth forced her sluggish limbs into motion, crawling away and bracing herself against the headboard. She planted a foot in Xemnas' chest and shoved, sending the silver-haired loon sprawling.
Xemnas topped over in a highly undignified way, and though every inch of being in her screamed that she was doing the wrong thing—go back there and get mutual comfort! Mostly just personal gratification, though!—Elizabeth resolutely ignored it and limped towards the open bay window and the balcony beyond.
"Where are you going?"
Okay, now he was pissed.
"Saving us both!" Elizabeth snapped, gritting her teeth and launching herself off the railing. Normally, she would have rather died before doing this, having a mortal fear of heights and a healthy respect for her mortality, but her phobias were far more numb with the influence of a perfect, phobia-free being within her, and she was desperate.
Her wing-muscles ached and stung, but she tried to make them work anyway.
She didn't know how to fly.
You insipid little brat! How could you! How mean!
Wincing against the Jenova-voice,ª Elizabeth plummeted like a stone. The Mary Sue voice was railing at her, though quite frankly Elizabeth had more important things to worry about.
Like the pointy spires right below her, fast closing in distance.
♥
Cerulean frost was the color of a crayon I was particularly fond of as a child. It was blue and pretty and sparkly. It was also the color of the eyes of the first original character I made up. And yes, she was a bona fide Mary Sue.
I don't think you can really tell at this point, but most of the story is carried out after this initial outbreak is contained. We see the rest of Organization XIII's reactions in the next chapter! Huzzah for the crappiest fic in the all of evar!
Heroin. This thing ain't on crack, it's on heroin. Has to be. Mwahaha.
¹ Connexion: I didn't misspell this, it's an alternate spelling. Live with it.
² Nevermind that Hitler wasn't the only Nazi in existence before he gained power, note that I didn't say they took out the whole National Socialist movement. Hehehehe.
³ As a special FYI, I cracked up when I wrote that.
ª Jenova-voice: Basically, voice in her head like Jenova's voice in Sephiroth's head. I was running out of words, sue me.