(A/N: Hey all my fantabulous reviewers! Thank you-spank you for all your comments! And now...onto the bashing!)
Ignoring her sobbing stagehands, Shinigami Goumon began her never ending search for victims to feed the stool.
She swung back and forth in her office chair, scanning the audience as she did so.
Suddenly, she came upon a prime candidate.
She was Perky.
She was Preppy.
And above all else…
She…was…BLONDE!
"Hee hee hee!" Goumon giggled maliciously, "Come ta Mama!"
"Our next contestant issss…TSUKINO USAGI! COME ONNNN DOWN!"
Usagi, however, was deeply involved in a fight with Rei over who's breasts were the biggest, and didn't hear the announcement.
In her booth behind the one way glass, Shinigami twitched.
"Eh-hem…I seh-ehd…TSUKINO USAGI! COME ON DOWNNN!"
Usagi and Rei's argument raged on…
…and Goumon was ignored.
Now if there's one thing Shinigami Goumon can't stand, it's being ignored.
Shinigami brought her thumb down viciously on a poisonous green button located right next to the red one from Chapter 2.
A bolt of lightning shot down on Usagi, leaving the rest of the surrounding audience singed, but unharmed.
"Now for the LAST TIME! TSUKINO USAGI! GETCHER BLEACHED BLONDE BUTT DOWN HERE!"
A charbroiled Usagi stumbled down the stairs, gripping onto the stool for support as her knees gave out.
"FINALLY! Gods! You'd think with all th' DYE you must use that it started a slow PEROXIDE leak into yer BRAIN!"
"Huh-hey!" Usagi sniffled, pulling herself painfully up onto the stool, "That was uncalled for! And I don't dye my hair! I'm a natural blonde."
"Ya know? Somehow I believe you."
"About ti-HEY!" Usagi cried, "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you'd just insulted me!"
"What? Who? ME? Oh nooooooooo!"
"Rrrr!" Usagi growled, tears brimming in the corners of her eyes (We haven't STARTED bashing ya yet grrl! You're DOOMED!)
"Know Your Stars! Know Your Stars! Know Your Stars!" "Usagi…she molests lightpoles!"
"Wuh-huh?" Usagi cried confusedly, a typical I've-Just-Been-Hit-Over-The-Head-With-A-Frying-Pan look on her face, "Just a question, but how do you molest a lightpole?"
"Ask yourself that, pervert!""I'M NO PERVERT!" Usagi shrieked, "YOU'RE THE PERVERT!"
"How so? I'm not the one going out and molesting poor defenseless lightpoles!""RRRRGH!" Usagi screamed, pulling violently on her pigtails, "THAAAAT DOES IIIIIIIIT! MOOOOONNN ETERRRNAAAALLLLLL-!"
"Ah-Ah-AH-AHHH! That's far enough, Playboy Bunny!"The mechanized hands from Chapter 5 shot down and ripped off her transformation pendant.
"WAAUGH!" Usagi sobbed, "Give it BACK! GIVEITBACKGIVEITBACKGIVEITBAAAAACK!"
"Don't be sucha baby, ya ditz! I'll give it back when I'm done!""Maybe." Shinigami snickered to herself.
"Usagi…she's leaving Mamoru for Artemis."
"WHAT?"Mamoru shouted, leaping out of his chair, "U-USAGI IS THAT TRUE?"
Usagi turned bright red.
"Sorry Mamoru." Usagi said, "But you haven't SEEN Artemis in his human form! Talkabout your HUNKNASAURUS!"
"RRRGH! Fine then!" Darien snarled, "GO AHEAD AND BE WITH THE DAMN CAT! SEE IF I CARE!"
"Cuh-Cuh-Cat?" Ranma whispered, turning his head slowly.
"Yo." Artemis said casually, still in his cat form.
"GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!" Ranma shrieked dashing through the audience.
"Now you know…Usagi."
"Hey! WAIT! WHADDABOUT MY COMPACT?" Usagi shrieked.
"Pfft…sucker." Shinigami snickered, "After I sell this baby on e-Bay, I'll be able ta buy that mansion out from under Donald Trump! HA HA!"
"I am in Disneyland…" Touda chanted, "Diz-nee-lannnnnnd…"
"Gonna die. Gonna die." Koyori muttered, rocking back and forth, "We're gonna die."
After posting the transformation compact on the site, Shinigami Goumon began to scan the audience for the next sacrifice.
"Ah-ha." She murmured as she locked on to a goody-goody, black-haired, blue-eyed ten year old, "Found you."
"Our next casualty issss…DAIDOJI TOMOYO! COME ONNN DOWN!"
The ten year old strode gracefully down the stair, indicating that she had been well bred.
Not that her breeding would help her now.
"Know Your Stars! Know Your Stars! Know Your Stars!"
"Tomoyo…she's head over heels in love with Li!"
"N-No I'm not!" Tomoyo sputtered, "I'm in love with-!"
"Yee-ehhsss?""Nevermind." Tomoyo said quickly.
"Tomoyo…I'm about to scream at the top of my lungs who your true love is."
"Y-y-you wouldn't-!" Tomoyo cried.
"Ohhhh, but I would!" (SOMEone hasn't been paying attention!)
"NO DON-!" Tomoyo never got to finish her sentence.
"KINOMOTO SAKURA! TOMOYO IS IN LOVE WITH YOU! LIKE THAT WANNABE PUNK ASHLEE SIMPSON'S SONG, 'L.-O.-L.-O.-L.-O.-V.-E.!' SPELL IT OUT, YOU RETARD! SHE IS LOOP-DEE-LOOP, OVER THE MOON FOR YOU!"
Tomoyo's mouth opened and closed and was currently a very interesting shade of purply-red.
Sakura, on the other hand, was rather white.
"T-Tomoyo?" she mumbled, "Y-you…you're my cousin."
"I know…" Tomoyo managed, "But I can't help it!"
"Yes, we're all very aware of that, sicko."
"You…are my cousin." Sakura said again, taking a step back.
"So?" Tomoyo said, becoming more bold and taking a step forward.
"AAAAAAAUUGH! INCEST!" Sakura screamed, ducking behind Yue and Keroberos.
Tomoyo dove forward.
"Sakura my love!"
"Tomoyo…is about to be hauled off by my bestest buddies in the whole wide world, the Men in White!"
A pair of men, dressed completely in white, appeared out of nowhere with a needle almost as tall as they were.
They wrenched the passion crazed girl and quickly jammed the needle in her thigh.
"Nighty-night crazy girl!" one said soothingly.
The other slung the babbling girl over his shoulder.
"Sunshine, lollipops and…rainbows…" Tomoyo sang sloppily as she was carried away.
"Ciao guys! See ya on Thursday!"
"Now you know…Tomoyo!"
"We'll be right back Ladies and Germs...Right after THEEEEEESE MESSAGES!"
"Well, that was disturbing." Shinigami said, sticking out her tongue, "Incest...YIIECH! But I got ta see my buds the M.I.W.'s so it's alllll good G!"
Touda was currently calculating how many days were left in his demonic lifespan.
Koyori rocked back and forth on the floor.
-BLOO-OO-
"Eh?"
Goumon rooled her chair over to the computer located across the room.
"WOOOOOOOT! 500 TRILL ON THAT CHEEZY COMPACT!" she hooted, "Who's th' buyer?"
Her eyes went wide...
...then she started to laugh.
"Why am I not surprised...Orochimaru?" Goumon howled.
(A/N: Next Chappie? More commercials and, of course, MORE BASHING! WOOOOOOOOOT! R&R!)