(A/N: Heya! Hope ya like this one! Enjoy!
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AAAAUUGH!
Huh?
Hey Sasuke...wasn't that Itachi?
AAAIIIIIEE!
Sasori?
YAAAAUGH! GET IT AWAY!
Jiraiya?
EEEYAA-AA-AAAUGH!
Orochi...maru?
What the hell is going on?
Naruto-kunnn!
Sasuke-samaaaaa!
Oh...no...
Oh dear god NO!
RUN FOR IT!
MARY-SUES!
000
Mary-sues gotcha down?
Well...NOT ANY MORE!
MARY-SUE REPELLENT!
Guaranteed to make those Implausibly Perfect Harpys:
RUN FOR THE HILLS!
ABANDON ALL HOPE!
GIVE UP ON CHANGING PSYCHOTIC KILLERS!
AND SEND THEM PACKING FOR THEIR AUTHOR'S MINDS IN THE BLINK OF AN EYE!
MARY-SUE REPELLENT!
IN STORES NOW!
0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
Outside the studio, a huge line had formed, waiting to get inside for today's show.
A pair of giagantamous bouncers flanked either side of the door.
As a rather large group approached, the bouncer's moved in front of the double doors, blocking them entirely.
"Huh?" Ulric cried.
"Hey!" Clover shrieked indignantly, "What's th' deal?"
"Yeah!" Martin Mystery shouted, waving a fist, "We came a long way to see people get bashed!"
"Let us in!" Mikey Simon yelled.
"Read th' sign, short stack." The bouncer on the left (we'll called him Ryuuga) growled.
"Sign?" they chorused.
"Yeah. Sign." The other bouncer (let's call HIM Ryouga)
They jerked their thumbs over their head at a VERY large billboard with red type face.
It read-
NO CRAPPY-ME
NO MOCKY-ME
NO AMERI-ME
ONLY ANIME!
WILL MAKE NO SUBSTITUTIONS!
"This is an OUTRAGE!" Yumi cried.
"Its DISCRIMINATION! THAT'S what it is!" Sam shouted.
"Just WAIT until I bring my lawyer from The Center over!" Diana shrieked.
"If Mikey-sama want in, HE GET IN!" Ozu roared.
-"Boss, we got us a little sitchy-ation." - Ryuuga sighed into his com (short for communicator)
In her booth, Shinigami Goumon stopped spinning in her desk chair and pelting Koyori and Touda with office supplies.
"Ree-heel-lee?" Goumon replied, "What's the big fuckin' deal, bitch?"
-"We have some charas outside who want in who don't exactly…meet your qualifications, miss."- Ryouga shrugged.
Shinigami shot herself across the room and brought up the studio entrance up on screen.
She almost wretched at the sight of the crappy-me, mocky-me, and ameri-me charas yelling and screaming and demanding entrance.
-"Permission to use lethal force, miss?"- Ryuuga asked.
"Granted!" Goumon cried.
She blipped off the screen just as Ryouga and Ryuuga whipped out machine guns and a beaker of sulfuric acid.
"Alright. Time to pick out the next fatality!" Shinigami whooped, spinning in her office chair again.
She stopped when she saw the perfect bashable chara.
That soft…blue fur.
That shiny black hair.
Those round brown eyes.
His inability to speak.
Perfect.
Absolutely perfect.
"Our next contestant issss…PUU! COME ONNN DOWN!"
The blue spirit beast flapped its ears all the way down to the stool
Standing next to the stool, was a brunette boy with cat ears and tail, acting as a Puu-Japanese translator.
"Know Your Stars! Know Your Stars! Know Your Stars!""Puu…he rules the Pickle People of Neptune with an iron fisted dictatorship!"
"PUU!" Puu cried indignantly, "PU PU PU PU PUU!"
The Translator, who's name is Maiku by the way, turned to the audience.
"He said, WHAT THE FUCK? I'M NOT A DICTATOR IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM!"
"Oh Puu, you should know that dictatorships are so outdated. Totalitarianism is the way of the future!"
"PUUU!" Puu screeched, "PU PU PUU PUU PU PU PUUU!"
Maiku turned to the audience again.
"Puu said, TOTALITARIANISM AND DICTATORSHIPS ARE THE SAME THING BITCH!"
"No they're not. But you wish they were…Tyrant of Pickledom!"
"PUU PU PU PU PU PUUUU!" Puu shrieked.
Maiku nodded and faced the audience.
"He said, I DO NOT RULE PICKLES YOU WHORE!"
"Puu…His real name is Winnie the Shit!"
From the audience, Keiko could be heard laughing her ass off while Yusuke could be heard yelling something along the lines of, "It's not funny, damnit!"…or something like that.
"PUU! PU PUU PU PUUU PUU PU PU PUUU PU PUU PU!" Puu cried angrily.
Maiku turned back to the audience.
"Puu says, WHAT! HOW DARE YOU COMAPRE ME T' THAT HONEY EATIN' FREAK, BITCH!"
"Come off it Winnie! No need to be ashamed!"
"PU PU! PU PU! PUUU!" Puu screamed.
Maiku nodded and turned to the audience again.
"He said, MY NAME! IS NOT! WINNIE!"
"Awww…but Winnie! If your Mommy heard that, she would cry! She gave you that name!"
"PU PU PU PU PUU PU PU PU PUU PU PUU!" Puu shouted.
Maiku turned to the audience.
"Puu said, MY MOTHER WOULD NEVER NAME ME SOMETHING AS STUPID AS WINNIE THE SHIT!"
"Oh and as if 'Puu' is any better?"
"…" Puu shook with anger.
There was a burst of flames that killed the translator (sniff! Fare-thee-well Maiku!) and transformed Puu into his larger phoenix form.
"Puu…he's about to meet my pals, the Men In White!"
The M.I.W.'s had snuck up behind the overstuffed turkey and had jammed the needle the size of New Guinea into his hip.
"Lullaby…and goodnight…we are in for good eatin'." One of the M.I.W.'s sang as the hefted Puu of the ground and hauled him away.
"PUU! NO! I'm comin' for ya buddy!" Yusuke yelled, dashing after them.
"Now you know…Puu!"
"WEEE! FUN-FUNNER-FUNNEST!" Shinigami Goumon whooped.
She spun at lightspeed in her chair as her stagehands sobbed in the corner.
"Round-and-round-and-round-I-go!" Goumon sang, "Who'll-be-the-next-victim-for-my-show?"
Shinigami flew out of her chair and slammed against the one way glass, spotting the next casualty in the process.
"Our next victim issss…MOKONA MODOKI! COME ONNN DOWN YA LITTLE FUR BALL!"
"Hey! Mokona is not a fur ball!" Mokona said cheerfully as she bounced down the steps, "Mokona is a talking interdimensional vortex that just happens to be covered in fur!"
"It's true." Yuuko snickered arrogantly.
"Riiiiiight."
"I think The Voice is a bit more on target in this case." Watanuki sighed.
"Know Your Stars! Know Your Stars! Know Your Stars!"
"Mokona…she enjoys stealing toys from war orphans!"
"Whaaa?" Mokona cried, eyes opening freakishly, "Mokona has never stolen from ANYONE! Let a-LONE orphans!"
"Of all the people in the world to steal from…tsk-tsk-tsk!"
"Mokona just said she DOESN'T steal!" Mokona cried, "Did you not hear her?"
"I mean, the fact you steal at all is awful, but war orphans?"
"MOKONA DOES NOT STEAL!" Mokona shrieked, swelling up like a balloon.
"Hey Yuuko! Howya like being associated with someone as underhanded as that? Not to mention loud and quick tempered?"
"Well, Watanuki is already quick tempered, so that I'm used to." Yuuko snickered.
"HEY!" Watanuki yelled.
"And Maru and Moro are cute as buttons, but loud as lions." Yuuko snorted.
"HAI! HAI!" Maru nodded rapidly, huge grin on her face.
"WE ARE! WE ARE!" Moro nodded along, even bigger grin on her face.
"Ahh…I see. So ya don't care about her stealing from war orphans?"
"MOKONA NEVER STOLE FROM WAR ORPHANS!" Mokona shrieked.
"Hey, it's her business." Yuuko shrugged.
"Mokona does not Be-lieeeeeeve this!" the poofball cried.
"Mokona…her boyfriend is actually a can of orange soda!"
"Shigure! They've found out about us!" Mokona whispered into her pocket.
"'ay! Yo th' broke ass bitch oo busted inta mah house 'n stole mah Orange Soda!" a REAL LIFE human roared, leaping out of the audience to reclaim his stolen soda.
"Oh…my GAWD! It's, like, Kel dude!"
The cell from Chapter 3 was once more in Shinigami Goumon's hand and she was currently laughing her ass off as Mokona mourned the loss of "Shigure" as Kel Mitchell stormed off, stage left, with his retrieved can of soda.
"Mokona…she drinks out of the toilet when she thinks no one's looking!"
"Uh-um-err…M-Mokona does not know what you are…talking about." Mokona replied hesitantly.
"Why the hesitation Mokona? Something you wanna tell us? Mm?"
"N-no! Of...of course not!" Mokona stammered, looking at Yuuko nervously.
"Mo-Ko-NAAA!" Yuuko growled, "Don't TELL ME-!"
"Mokona…drank out of Yuuko's toilet!"
"DIE YOU OVERSTUFFED BALL OF FUR!" Yuuko screamed, blowing Mokona away with a powerful spell.
"Now you know…Mokona!"
Shinigami Goumon glanced around the audience.
So many charas!
All such wonderful specimens!
…but not as fine as THAT specimen in the twenty third row!
"Hoo hoo HOO!" Shinigami giggled, "Honey, you maybe cute, but a bashing you are in for!"
"Our next victim isssssss…MIZUKI TOUYA! COME ONNN DOWN, YA STUD!"
"BACK OFF, BITCH! HE'S MINE!" Aya roared, waving her fist threateningly at where she thought The Voice might be (not even close)
Touya ambled calmly down the stairs and sat down casually on the stool from hell.
"Know Your Stars! Know Your Stars! Know Your Stars!"
"Touya…he thinks Aya is a self-absorbed hussy who needs to rot in hell!"
Touya narrowed his eyes.
"I most certainly do not." He growled.
"You'd BETTER NOT!" Aya snarled from the audience.
"Oh, no need to hide it, Touya! I agree with you! In fact many do!"
"I do not think Aya is a self-absorbed hussy!" Touya growled, anger building.
"Show of hands who thinks Aya needs to rot in hell?"
The hands of at least a million and three fangirls and boys shot up (as well as the hands of Kagami and Alexander Howell)
"See? Don't be frightened! You have back up!"
"I don't. Think Aya's. A Hussy!" Touya snarled, knuckles cracking loudly.
"Shyeah…right."
"Touya…He thinks Blankey from The Brave Little Toaster is HAWT!"
"Where the hell did that come from?" Touya sputtered, looking thoroughly confused.
"Don't deny it, Toy-Boy! You KNOW you think he's smexy!"
"I most definitely do no-!" Touya never got the words out because there was a scream of-
"WAAH! KEEP'M AWAY!"
Blankey dove behind Belldandy.
"Ooo! Rejection! I'm so sorry Touya!"
Touya stared blankly at where he assumed The Voice was emanating (EHNNN! WRONG!)
"What are you talking about woman?" He said dully.
"Touya…he's about to get sugar high!"
"I beg your-!"
"Come on out guys!"
A girl and a boy came running onto the stage.
Both were dressed in business wear and were overly bouncy
"It's time for…" the girl cried, before the boy joined her in bellowing-
"SUGAR AND COFFEE!"
"I'm Tony!" the boy said, bouncing up and down on the balls of his heels.
"And I'm Liz!" the girl said hyperly, bouncing just as fast.
Stagehands came dashing out from stage left and right, lugging in canisters of sugar and coffee.
Tony and Liz stood on step stools that had appeared, as if by magic, next to Touya's.
One was undera coffee chuteand the other was undera sugar chute that the stage crew had set up in a matter of seconds.
"Time for Sugar and Coffee!" Both shouted in unison.
They turned the levers and guzzled down whatever they were under.
They got off and switched.
When they were finished they pushed Touya under the coffee.
They grasped the lever together and jerked it down.
Despite himself, Touya devoured all of the coffee from the chute.
"Now there's a guy I'd enjoy being around!" Tony whooped.
"Ya got that right, Tony!" Liz laughed.
"Time ta switch!" Tony and Liz screeched, shoving Touya under the sugar chute.
Against all odds, he ate it all again.
His pupils grew to the size of two pennies…
…then to the size of dinner plates.
"MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRREEEE!" Touya screeched.
"Touya…I've made him a caffeine addict! Ha ha!"
More stagehands brought out canisters of Sugar and Coffee for everyone onstage.
Tony, Liz and Touya screamed with excitement and ate all of both the Sugar and Coffee.
"Now you know…Touya!"
No one could hear Shinigami, tho'.
Liz, Touya and Tony were screaming too loudly.
Touya looked into the audience and smiled seductively.
"Ooooooooooh Blaaaaaaannnnnnkeeyyyy!"
He dove into the audience after the electric bedspread.
"GWAAH!" Blankey shrieked.
He bolted in the opposite direction Touya was coming.
The M.I.W.'s bolted on the Stage.
One grabbed Touya's arms while another did the needle thing.
"Time to go to the cage Tou-ya!" One sang.
"SUGAR!" Touya shouted, tranquilizer taking its time in working.
"Don'tforgetaboutCOFFEE!" Liz and Tony screamed in pleasure as they were straight-jacketed and hauled off by more of the M.I.W.'s.
"SUGARANDCOFFEE….SPLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Touya squealed, running around in circles inside his cage.
(A/M: Who'll be victimized next? R&R!)