-1Dream-State
Chapter 5
By infinite shadow
Disclaimer: Just the same as the previous chapters. I don't own anything recognizable in the following story. Just wish I did.
Author's note: Ok here it is que the fan fare. It's finally done! Woohoo there goes the monkey off my back. LOL. Seriously thank you for your patience while I finished writing and all of the reviews I've gotten for this story. It truly is appreciated.
Thanks to my beta lynxlan for her never-ending patience.
Hope you enjoy and let me know what you think.
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Later that morning Sam awoke to a funny sensation of being watched. He looked over to see his brother looking at him.
"Well look who finally woke up," Dean said with mock seriousness. "You could have left the remote in reaching distance. You know how much I hate silence."
Sam rubbed at his eyes and ignored the comments. "What time is it?"
"Nine thirty five," Dean said. "When did you crawl into bed?"
Sam shrugged. "Dunno. It was early, or late, or something."
Sam pushed himself into a sitting position and leaned back against the headboard even though he would have liked to lay in bed for a while. His body was definitely telling him thatyesterday was overdoing it and as usual he'd only gotten maybe three hours sleep. Definitely not enough rest in general or enough to help him heal.
He looked over as he heard Dean moving around. His older brother had his eyes closed and was slowly manoeuvring his legs to swing over the side of the bed. Beads of sweat were beginning to form on his brow with the effort and Sam could see his jaw muscles twitch from grinding his teeth together against the pain.
Sam quickly got out of bed ignoring his own pain and helped his brother get of his bed. Once Dean was standing Sam waited patiently beside him as his brother took a moment and breathed steeling himself against the pain before moving.
"Maybe I should take you to the hospital," Sam said quietly as he began to doubt his decision from the early morning hours to not take him to emergency. He wondered if Dean should be x-rayed to check for broken ribs and checked out just in case he'd missed something.
Dean's eyes opened quickly. "No Sammy. My ribs don't feel busted. I'll be ok. It just hurts a little."
Sam gave him a disbelieving look and Dean rolled his eyes at him.
"I'm ok Samantha. Now get off me," Dean said pulling his elbow out of Sam's grasp and shuffling into the bathroom.
Sam stood there for a moment then busied himself with getting dressed. He sat at the table and for a moment let his head sink into his hands. Taking a calming breath he reassured himself that it was all over except for the healing. He straightened up, booted up his laptop, opened MSN and began playing a game.
Almost an hour later Dean finally emerged from the bathroom with damp hair and wearing sweatpants.
Sam's attention left the computer and watched his brother gingerly sit down on the bed. He flashed back to earlier that week at the Forest Road Motel and realized how much worse his brother's bruising had gotten since then. The dark bruising now covered his side completely and had spread towards his back and into his chest.
Dean caught his shocked look and smiled slightly. "Well I guess I won't be picking up the ladies anytime soon."
"Dean," Sam said and stood up fully intending to talk his brother into going to the hospital to get checked out.
"I'm ok Sam. Really," Dean said softly then picked up the Ace bandage from the nightstand.
"No you aren't," Sam said as he walked over to his brother.
"Ok I'm not," Dean agreed looking away hating what he had to say next. "Could you help me with this?"
Sam took the bandage from him knowing how hard it was for his brother to ask for help.
"Before you say it I'm not going to some damn hospital," Dean said in his best no argument voice.
"But," Sam tried to protest but was cut off.
"Sammy I don't have the energy to argue. Could you just help me or do I have to wrap up my own chest?" Dean asked knowing that there was no way he could do it on his own and no way his little brother would let him try.
Sam looked down at the bandage in his hands then knelt down in front of his brother and carefully wrapped Dean's chest. When he was finished he started to back away but Dean caught his shaking hand before he could get away.
"Thanks Sammy. That feels a lot better," Dean said softly.
Sam nodded as he pulled away from his brother and restacked his brother's pillows on the bed. He held them in place until Dean was lying against them comfortably. Then he handed him the remote to the TV and went back to his notebook.
Dean surfed the TV for a while then glanced over at his brother.
"You're awfully quiet," Dean said and frowned when he didn't get a response. "Sammy?"
"I'm fine," Sam said.
"No you're not," Dean said. "Something's going on with you."
Sam looked up from the laptop. "Do you need something? Food, water, painkiller?" he asked.
"No," Dean said.
Sam's response was to look down at his screen and type something into the search page.
"Dude you can't ignore me," Dean said. "I'm the annoying one, remember?"
"I'm not ignoring you. Keep talking so I know you're still breathing," Sam said quietly focusing on what was on the screen in front of him.
Dean snorted. "Something's going on in that freaky head of yours. What is it?"
"Nothing," Sam said.
Dean was quiet for a moment as he watched Sam studiously focus on his computer and do his best to shut everything else out. He'd known last night through a pain filled haze that something was up and he realized that he had no idea what happened to his little brother while he was locked in the Sandman's realm. Or maybe it went back to when he was locked in Miranda's brutal dream world. Or maybe even a combination of both or just everything that he'd been through since rejoining the hunt.
Dean sighed quietly as he knew there was no way around it. He would have to get his brother to open up and it wasn't going to be easy or pretty. The walls had closed up tightly around his brother and he needed them to come down before he slowly drowned in whatever he was brooding about.
"Nothing? Fine? Classic angry Sammy signs," Dean said and had silence as an answer. "OK. Well I can't use tickle torture anymore but I still have ways of making you talk."
"Bite me," Sam said. He was frustrated and hurting. Dean always knew when he was feeling this way and tried to get what was wrong out of him. But right now he really just wanted to be left in peace.
"Aw come on now Sammy don't be that way. Just tell me what's on your mind. It'll be easier on both of us," Dean baited.
"Tell you what? Everything's fine," Sam said taking a deep breath and almost winced at his choice of words. Using the word fine again was an open invitation for Dean to dig further.
"Right. That's two fines, nothing and a bite me. Kiddo it's me, you can't lie to me. You never could cause I can always tell when something's wrong," Dean said. "It's an older brother thing."
"Look," Sam said hearing the frustration in his voice but not able to keep it in. "Everything's fine, ok? Let it be Dean I'm just tired."
Dean laughed quietly. "Well when was the last time you actually admitted that? Must be something paranormal happening here," Dean said then stopped before saying anything else. Sam's gaze finally met his over the top of the laptop. His face was pale and drawn but there was a storm of emotions rolling through his eyes.
The moment passed and Sam looked back at the computer screen. Dean hesitated for a moment then continued carefully.
"Look Sammy I know the last week has been pretty hellish for you," Dean started to say but got cut off.
"No," Sam cut in softly.
"What?" Dean said confused.
"I. Don't. Want. To. Talk. About. It," Sam ground out and found himself suddenly standing with his jacket in his hand. He hesitated for a moment then grabbed the keys to the Impala and left the motel room.
Sam got into the Impala slammed the car door and waited for his churning emotions to settle. He hit the steering wheel with the palm of his hand. Relishing the momentary painful release he hit the wheel twice more. A hellish week, it almost made him want to laugh. A hellish week was putting it mildly.
Taking a deep breath he closed his eyes, rested his hands on the steering wheel and leaned back to slouch against the seat back. After a moment he opened his eyes and saw that his hands were clenching the steering wheel tightly. He realized that his entire body was shaking and he wasn't sure if it was from lack of sleep, pain, the never ending slide show of the last weeks events or a combination of everything.
It didn't matter because he didn't have time to fall apart right now. He was supposed to be looking after his injured brother. Not Dean trying to look after him by going all Freudian on him.
He took more deep breaths and did his best to push his emotions away. When he felt calmer he debated about going back into the room. Looking down as his stomach growled loudly he realized that the last meal they'd eaten was breakfast the day before. Knowing that at some point he'd need to get food and pain meds for Dean he figured now was as good time as any. If Dean could get Freudian on him then he could stand to be alone for a bit and be ok.
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The door closed quietly, the tiny click echoing in the room like a gun shot leaving Dean to stare at the closed door in surprise. His little brother had gotten far too good at building up his walls and before Dean knew it he'd pushed too far. He ran his hand through his hair in frustration. Maybe he was a little rusty at this. He'd always read Sam better than that and was always able to stop before going over the line.
Dean heard the familiar rumble of his car start up and the sound fade away. Fear slammed through him for a second but not for himself. When his brother had left the room he wasn't in any state to be driving let alone going anywhere on his own.
He sighed heavily wincing at the strain it put on his chest. "Damnit Sammy why didn't you just talk to me instead of taking off."
Dean knew his little brother would be fine he just needed to let off a little steam and calm down. But if Sam returned his baby with any damage on her there'd be hell to pay regardless of his current condition.
He busied himself with watching TV unable to stop himself from glancing at the clock every few minutes. When Sam had been gone a little over an hour he struggled to his feet and shuffled to the table. Grabbing his cell phone he punched in Sam's number. When a ring tone he was very familiar with sounded from the floor he swore out loud and made his way to the other side of the table. There on the floor was Sam's cell phone.
Dean closed up his phone and the ringing stopped. "Come on little brother. Where are you," Dean said softly. Then he shuffled back to his bed and laid back against the pillows.
A short time later he breathed a sigh of relief when he heard the familiar purr of his baby in front of the motel room. Looking over from the TV he watched Sam come into the room with a greasy fast food bag and a six pack of beer.
"You ok?" Dean askedseriously as Sam slowly sat on the bed next to him looking towards the floor.
Sam reached into the bag and handed his brother a burger. "No, not really," he said quietly putting the half full greasy bag on the nightstand. He suddenly had no appetite.
"Ready to talk about it, or do you need another spin in my baby," Dean asked also putting his food aside.
"Can you handle a chick flick moment while you're immobile?" Sam asked still not looking at his brother.
"Hey, it's the only way," Dean said smiling slightly.
Sam nodded and just sat there for a moment still staring at the floor.
Dean reached out and touched Sam's arm, feeling the tremors running through the younger man's body. "Come on Sammy. Just tell me. It'll be ok."
Sam took a deep breath and nodded. He told Dean almost everything that happened when he couldn't wake up, the spirit in Jess' image and the various dreamscapes he had been forced to endure. He even told him about a couple of things the Sandman had showed him just before the fight had begun. By the time he was done he was shaking badly and a lone tear slipped down his cheek.
"Sam?" Dean said. "Hey look at me."
Sam finally lifted his head so he could look at his brother. It tore at Dean's heart to see all the pain that was consuming his little brother.
"You know that Dad and I don't, and couldn't ever, hate you, right?" Dean asked. "What that bitch showed you wasn't real."
Sam shook his head. "I'm the reason Mom died. I'm the reason Jess died. You and Dad should hate me for taking Mom away from you, a wife away from Dad and I hate myself for killing Jess," Sam whispered his confession then looked away as tears began to fall.
"Sam listen to me. None of those deaths were your fault. Dude look at me," Dean said but didn't get a response from Sam who was drowning in his pain.
The older hunter grimaced. He had only one card left to play and it would hurt like hell, but it would be worth it. Taking a shallow breath he forced himself to cough once or twice. He wheezed and tried to curl at the pain.
Sam's head flew up, his own pain pushed aside to help his brother. He helped Dean sit up and lean forward.
"Dean?" he said worriedly.
The intense pain shot out from his side and seemed to encircle his entire chest. Sam moved in closer letting his brother rest against him. The coughing stopped and eventually the shaking subsided. Sam began to pull back but Dean held onto his shirt keeping him close.
"Dean?" Sam asked.
Dean drew a few more shallow breaths. "Don't let go Sammy. Finish telling me," he said around the pain.
"No," Sam said. "It's ok. Maybe we should get you checked out. Really Dean that sounded really bad."
"Not happening Sammy I won't let you drag me to some hospital. Now don't argue with me I don't have the energy. Just tell me," he wheezed.
He'd told Dean almost everything but this he hadn't wanted to say aloud. Superhero brothers weren't supposed to be killed. They were supposed to go on forever strong and ready to swoop in just in the nick of time to save the day. Dean had always been his superhero and countless times his brother had done just that - saved his life in the nick of time. Sam didn't want death to figure into the picture and saying the words made it seem possible that it could happen.
Sam closed his eyes and gave in. "I saw you die," he whispered.
"What?" Dean said not sure he'd heard correctly.
"I saw you die," Sam said shaking slightly. "Couple of times. I can't help thinking what if they're not just nightmares. What if they're visions like Jess? What if I can't stop it and I lose you too?"
"Help me up," Dean said. He wanted to be looking at Sam when he gave him the answer. Barely biting back the string of curses he wanted to scream, Sam helped him lean back against the pillows.
"Should I get more ice or pain killers?" Sam asked.
Dean shook his head. "I can't promise you something I know I won't be able to do. I've always been straight with you Sam. I can't promise you that I won't die," he said simply.
Sam paled and looked away. He'd said the words out loud and his brother had affirmed the vision. He wasn't stupid and he knew they weren't invincible. Death went along with the job, but acknowledging that fact was something else all together.
"I can promise you that I don't plan on going anywhere for a long time," Dean continued with as much resolve as he could. "I will always be here for you Sammy, ok?"
Sam nodded and looked back at his brother.
"Now if you're done with your chick flick moment, I'll have a beer and some pain killers. The good stuff this time, not the gentle stuff."
Sam snorted. "The beer's not for you, it's for me."
"Come on man, you're too much of a lightweight to really enjoy them," Dean wheedled. "Just one? It'll help knock me out."
"Nope. I got you these instead," Sam said pulling out a small bag out of his pocket. "T3's."
"Ok now I'm not going to ask how you got these," Dean said taking the bag and pulling out the bottle. He looked up sharply at his younger brother. "Sam this is a full behind the counter kind of bottle. How did you get these?"
Sam blushed slightly. "Actually that's not a full behind the counter kind of bottle. Those are much bigger than that. And I thought you said you weren't going to ask me that."
"Tough. Tell me," Dean said as he opened the bottle and dry swallowed two pills.
Sam shrugged. "I have a few tricks up my sleeve," he said quietly.
Dean pinned him with a stare and Sam relented.
"I uh made up some prescription papers with the name of a doctor and the number of a voicemail box with the proper greeting. I waited for the message to come through and called the pharmacy back to confirm the prescription. Look at the name on the bottle," Sam said.
Dean turned the bottle in his hand. The label read Ned Chester.
"It's not real original cause I totally blanked on the name of some seventies musician that you made me memorize while growing up but the good news is that even though Ned Chester is having a difficult time with the aftermath of the car accident he had the T3's should give him some relief," Sam said and then explained further at his brother's confused expression. "Well I had to tell the cute pharmacist something when she asked."
"She thought you were the victim?" Dean asked.
"Nope. My much older brother Ned was ordered to bed rest when he was released from the hospital," Sam smiled.
"Not bad Sammy, not bad at all," Dean said with a slight smile. "Looks like hanging out with me has taught you a few tricks. Nice job on the fake doctor and prescription though. Man I wish I had thought of that. Now get me a beer help me swallow those pills I just took."
"Tell you what," Sam said with half a grin. "If you can get up and take a beer from the table you can have it."
"Bitch," Dean said then started to get up and suddenly changed his mind. He could wait for the T3's to kick in before trying to make it anywhere.
Sam just smiled and got his brother a glass of water. He felt the darkness in him from his nightmares lift just a little at the familiar word of endearment from his older brother.
For the first time since they'd stopped at the Forest Road Motel Sam felt somewhat safe. Nothing was haunting them, they'd battled the Sandman and were victorious. In a couple of weeks his brother would be healed and they'd be onto their next job. But for now they'd be stuck here while Dean healed. If he tried hard enough maybe he could make it feel like a vacation.
Sam watched Dean out of the corner of his eye surfing channels with one arm protectively laying across his chest. He couldn't help but feel lucky to have Dean as his overprotective big brother. As long as they had each other they'd figure out his wierdo visions, and whatever else came at them, as they went.
Sam opened a beer and took a long drink of it before settling down on his bed. Regardless of what happened down the road Sam knew with Dean here maybe things weren't so bad. He smiled slightly. Not so bad he could deal with.
The End