(A/N: HEYAS! Got another flame! DAT MAKES TWO! ...sniff...WHADD'M I DOING WRONNNG? Anyhoo, here's the next chapter! In it, I'm trying something new with a friend of mine. she's going to be my "Field Basher" hehehe... READ ON!)
Shinigami Goumon downed a slurpee, vaguely wondering how Touda and Koyori we're doing.
Gods, she missed them.
Not having someone on hand to torment really sucked some of the joy out of life.
In the Makai, Touda and Koyori were fleeing a titanic lizard youkai.
Some vacation.
"Oh wellll…back to work." Shinigami sighed.
She redirected her gaze out at her studio audience and pinpointed her next target.
"Our next casualty isss…JURAI SASAMI! COME ONNN DOWN!"
The optimistic ten (koff-eight hundred-koff) year old hopped down the stairs, totally oblivious as to what was about to happen.
The poor dear.
"Know Your Stars! Know Your Stars! Know Your Stars!"
"Sasami…she's secretly more conniving than Ryoko and Ayeka combined in her attempts to win Tenchi's heart!"
"Wh-what?" Sasami cried, turning bright red, "No I'm not!"
"How DARE you say such things about my sister!" Ayeka shrieked.
"She maybe a shrimpy little squirt, but she would never-!" Ryoko was interrupted by The Voice.
"So it WASN'T Sasami who dumped entire bottles of wasabi into your miso?"
"No, that was Ryoko!" Ayeka protested as Sasami slunk off the stool.
"No, that was Aye…ka…" Ryoko trailed off.
The pair looked at Sasami, who was currently trying to escape.
"Wheredya think YOU'RE goin'?"
The mechanical hands from chapters and shot out of nowhere and dragged the Jurian girl back to the hot seat.
The manacle shot out of the stool and clamped around her thighs.
"There we are! Comfy?"
"RRGH! NK! -hff-hff- N-NO!" Sasami cried, thrashing around wildly, "Let! Me! GO-OH!"
"Now why would I do that? This is ever so much fun!"
"For YOU!" Sasami shrieked.
"UH-DUUUUUUHHHHHHH!"
"Sasami…she's enjoys randomly assaulting the elderly!"
"Sa-SAMI!" Yosho cried from the audience.
"D-don't believe her!" Sasami begged.
"How awful! Some o' my closest peeps are old people!"
"I don't attack the elderly!" Sasami yelled.
"After all, they give ya candy and pie! I LIKE pie!"
"I'm beginning to question your sanity!" Sasami shivered.
"Now you know…Sasami! Now GET OFF MY STOOL, GRANDMA BEATER!"
The manacle opened and Sasami was launched headfirst through the ceiling, joining Son Goku somewhere in Calcutta.
A huge T.V. screen, that took upan entire wall, suddenly slid down from out of nowhere and the stool vanished.
The audience, rightfully so, was very confused.
In her booth, Shinigami Goumon chewed on one of her many muffins.
Now was the perfect oppurtunity to try out that newest applicant for the Field Basher opening.
Poor Ao.
She was gonna miss him.
"And now, for our Field Correspondent, HeartofDragon! Live from Dragon City! HeartofDragon?"
-blp-
A tall youkai blipped onto the big screen.
She had blood red hair, and a set of mismatched eyes: one yellow and one wolfish blue, and a mike in her taloned hand.
Currently, she had enough Mountain Dew AMP surging through her veins to give the Mazoku a quadruple bypass.
"Hey out there all you happy Know Your Stars fans!" A peppy youkai whooped, "I'm HeartofDragon! Know Your Stars: FREE FOR ALL field correspondent! I'll roast anything and everything the boss tells me too! Including ordinary cartoons! But not often…they're too easy...hmmm..."
She trailed off.
Apparently, she does that sometimes.
From the studio, Shinigami Goumon sighed and pressed a small yellow button above the poisonous green one on the control panel.
There was a loud whistling sound and a large cinder block collided with HeartofDragon's head.
"The bashing, HeartofDragon." Shinigami Goumon smiled.
"Oh right!" HeartofDragon said quickly, the head trauma snapping her out of her daze.
Not even slightly embarrassed HeartofDragon continued right where she left off.
"Today we're gonna roast some dip from the Dragon Booster Team!" she grinned, "Only they don't know it yet! We're gonna surprise them! But we are making a racket…maybe they know we're here already... and who are we gonna roast? You know, I'm gettin' hungry..."
A lightning bolt struck HeartofDragon from out of nowhere.
Back in the studio, Shinigami, thumb whitening as it depressed against the green button, screamed, "GET ON WITH IT, YOU DIPSTICK!"
"Ahwhoops... eheheh moving on." HeartofDragon giggled nervously, brushing off the layer of ash.
"Don't forget, you flunk here, you don't get ta be a full time member of my crew!" Goumon snapped.
"Oh yeah…THAT'D be just tragic." Yusuke snorted.
Shinigami Goumon smirked at him from behind the one way glass and pressed the yellow button on the control panel again.
A good-sized anvil crashed into his skull.
The youkai reporter known as HeartofDragon easily chased down one of the members of the esteemed group and surprised him thoroughly
"Hell-looooo!" She grinned toothily.
"Who the HELL'RE you?" yelped the young man next to a large green dragon.
"HIYA! I'm HeartofDragon!" the demoness grinned, "But you can just call me Crazy!"
"Whadd're you doin' here?" by now the rest of the group had been attracted to the commotion.
"Well esteemed sir's and madam, I am the field correspondent for a show called Know Your Stars:FREE FOR ALL, and today, our focus is YOU!" HeartofDragon said, jabbing a finger at them with her free hand.
"SWEET!" yelled the enthusiastic group, having no idea what it meant.
HeartofDragon snickered quietly in delight.
Back in the studio, Shinigami Goumon rubbed her hands together, cackling evilly.
The audience began to write out get well cards for the poor dopes.
"Since I saw you first, Parmon, you're our vict...err contestant for the day!" HeartofDragon corrected herself quickly, "Here's your stool!"
HeartofDragon's lacky, Sparky (we still don't know why the hell she calls him that; his name is Loki) quickly put the stool in place.
Lights flashed around him as the roasting began.
"Hello viewers! Hullo Boss Lady!" HeartofDragon grinned, "We're reaaaaaadyyyyy!"
She took a deep breath, and smiled slyly as she began.
"Know Your Stars! Know Yours Stars! Know Your Stars!"
"Parmesan...-" HeartofDragon began, only to be interrupted by Parmon.
"Its Par-mon Sean." He growled.
"That's what I SAID! PAR-ME-SAN! Don't interrupt me!...he can be crumbled up and put on pizza!" HeartofDragon continued, biiiig grin on her face.
"ITS PAR-MON SEAN! NOT PAR-ME-SAN!" Parmon shouted.
"Oh surrrre! That' what you SAY, but the mice think differently!" HeartofDragon said matter-of-factly.
"I AM NOT CHEESE!" Parmon cried in frustration.
"Awww…is cheesy cheesed? Too bad!" HeartofDragon grinned hugely.
"Parmesan…his boyfriend is the Stinky Cheese Man! Whom he fantasizes about every day!" HeartofDragon smirked into her mike.
"I do NOT have a boyfriend! Imma GUY!" Parmon cried in disgust.
"It's called Yaoi! Ever heard of it?" HeartofDragon snickered.
"You…are one sick...twisted, woman." Parmon said, face twisted in disgust, "I can see how you would work for Shinigami Goumon. Besides, even if I did have a boyfriend, which I DON'T by th' way, it wouldn't be a hunk of Stinky Cheese!"
"Ohhh Parm! I didn't know you swung that way!" Kitt giggled from Wyldfyr's back
"Ahh GAWD!" Parmon groaned, "Don't tell me your fallin' for this?"
"Your little secret is revealed!" she cooed to the bewildered genius.
"I'm NOT gay!" Parmon cried, "And I don't have ANY relationship with ANY kind of cheese!"
"Tell THAT to the Stinky Cheese Man!" HeartofDragon sneered.
Somewhere off in the distance they heard sobbing.
"Why, Parmesan? WHY? Am I not good enough for you? WAAAAAAAAAAHAAAHAAAHAAAAA!"
"Ehhhh…heh-heh-heh-heh-heh…" he chuckled nervously, starting to sweat.
"Parmesan…goes commando in his racing uniform!" HeartofDragon laughed.
Back at the studio, Shinigami nearly choked to death on a chocolate muffin she was laughing so hard.
"EEEWWWWWWWW PA-ARM!" Artha gasped.
Cyrano just looked disgusted
"I do NOT…usually..." he trailed off.
"Ooo…someone needs to clean his suit." HeartofDragon snickered.
"Parmesan…takes naughty photos of Cyrano when he's sleeping and sells them on e-Bay!" HeartofDragon grinned.
"I d-do not!" Parmon paled, turning the color of day old oatmeal.
"Sure ya do!" HeartofDragon snickered, "And I have the proof ta back it all up! Oh BOSS!"
Shinigami Goumon popped out of a vortex in the sky, a handful of X-rated photographs in her hand as well as an e-Bay receipt.
"Whaddya call these?" Shinigami drawled, "Fish paste?"
Cyrano started growling at Parmon and the others looked disgusted.
"I'm headin' back to th' studio." Shinigami said, flashing her pointed K-9's as Cyrano launched his attack, "Chouji and Gohan got wind of where my food storage lockers are, so things are getting ugly."
Goumon snapped her fingers and disappeared back into the vortex (courtesy of Yuuko)
"Awww! Wouldja lookat that? We're out of time!" HeartofDragon groaned in annoyance as the battle raged around her, "And I didn't even get ta blast the rest of them! Hoooo well…til next time!"
"AAAAAAAAUGH!"
-SLAM-
-BMM-
-KRSSH-
-WHMM-
"Ooo! That's gonna hurt tomorrow!" the demoness laughed, "Bye for nah...wow, I didn't think the human spine could bend that way..."
The screen went blank and slid upwards into the ceiling.
Back in Shinigami Goumon's booth, HeartofDragon waited with anticipation.
The hostess re-entered the room through a hidden door, covered in blood and holding what appeared to be an arm.
"So did I pass? Did I pass? Did I? Did I? Did I?" the demoness squealed as the (human?) teen cleaned herself off.
"Yup!" Shinigami grinned, flashing those creepily long K-9's again (could she be related to Hibiki Ryouga or perhaps Shido Tatsuhiko in someway?), "Welcome aboard!"
"Hooray!" HeartofDragon whooped.
"The vacation benefits suck, but you'll get great health and dental!" Goumon smirked, "Plus full coverage for your funeral!"
"Wowies!" HeartofDragon grinned.
"We'll call ya when we needja, 'kay?" Shinigami said, "Could be in the middle of lunch, in the middle of the night, could even be in the middle of takin' a shit or havin' sex, so be ready ta go!"
"Yes ma'am!" HeartofDragon saluted.
Shinigami Goumon was within an inch of HeartofDragon's nose in the space it take to blink.
"Miss." Goumon growled, "I. Am. NOT. A. Ma'am. My GRANDMOTHERS are ma'am's. MA'AM'S are old ladies! Do I LOOK like an old lady to you?"
"No ma-miss!" HeartofDragon corrected herself quickly, biiiiiigg smile on her face.
"Smart answer." Shinigami grinned, "Now help me pick out the next victims!"
"OKIEDOKEY!" HearofDragon smiled, looking around frantically, "Howabout the claypot and the moron fighting over the Dog Boy?"
"I KNEW I MADE A GOOD CHOICE!" Goumon squealed, glomping her new correspondent.
"GLAD TA BE OF SERVICE, BOSS LADY!" HeartofDragon cried.
(A/N: For once in my life, I KNOW WHO I'M BASHING AHEAD OF TIME! IT'S A MIRACLE! Don't let that stop you from making suggestions tho'! R&R!)