(A/N: Heya! Shinigami Goumon here! Lets get on with the bashing!)

Shinigami Goumon wasn't gonna waste anytime.

Thanks to her new field correspondent, HeartofDragon, she had her victims all lined up.

Just like bowling pins!

And she got the entertaining job of the bowling ball!

"Hee hee!" Shinigami laughed, "I love this job!"

"Our next fatality issss…HIGURASHI KAGOME! COME ONNN DOWN!"

The time traveling teen tripped down the stairs, making her way easily to the stool.

Oh this was gonna be fun.

SOOOOO much fun!

OOO! JOY-GASM!

"Know Your Stars! Know Your Stars! Know Your Stars!"

"Kagome…she believes she was born a man!"

The distinct sound of Kouga gagging was heard emanating from somewhere in the audience.

"WHAAAA! Oh NO YOU DIDN'T!" Kagome growled.

"Just admit it to yourself, Kagome! You're-a-girl! G-I-R-L!"

"Well, DUUH-UUHHHH!" Kagome cried exasperatedly, "Whaddya call THEE-EESE?"

She grabbed her knockers and jiggled them a little.

Muten Roshi got a nosebleed and had to be rushed to the emergency room.

"A BREAK THROUGH! It's a MIRACLE!"

"…you're a dumbass." Kagome grumbled.

In her booth, Goumon pressed a little pink button.

Kagome's body was suddenly covered in gigantic, painful, pus spewing pimples.

"Mind repeating that, sweety? I'm a little hard of hearing."

"No ma'am." Kagome squeaked.

In her booth, Shinigami pressed a little purple button.

An obviously poisonous snake appeared inches away from the poor girl.

"MISS! I. AM. NOT. OLD! Do I SOUND old to you?"

"HEEEEEEP! NO MA-I MEAN MISS!" Kagome squealed as the snake hissed at her.

The snake and pus spewing zits disappeared.

"I thought not!"

"Kagome…she disillusioned herself to believing her name was really Taterchip Stottlemeyer!"

"HAHAHAHA! T-T-TATERCHIP STOTTLEMEYER?" Inuyasha choked out.

"SHADDUP DOGBOY and I did NOT!" Kagome howled.

"Tut, tut,tut, Kagome! Living in denial isn't healthy!"

"I'm not living in denial!" Kagome snarled.

"Sure you are! I just got that post card you sent me from Cairo!"

"Cairuh-I DON'T LIVE IN EGYPT!" Kagome screamed.

"Kagome…she likes to run around naked in the night and leer in boy's windows!"

There was a noise that resembled Miroku snorting with laughter.

"I do NOT! 'ts NOT TRUE! NOT! NOT! NOT!" Kagome bawled.

"Hey Inuyasha? Whaddif I toldja she was lookin' in Hojo's window?"

"You did WHAT?" Kouga, Akitoki and Inuyasha cried.

"DON'T BELIEVE HER!" Kagome begged.

"Kagome…she had a three way with Kinky-ho-koff-sorry, Kikyo and Kagura when she was drunk…oops sorry! Typo here! When she was sober!"

"EWEWEWEWEW! I DID NOT!" Kagome shrieked.

"NO WAY IN HELL I WOULD EVER TOUCH THAT BITCH!" Kikyo shrieked.

"Hehehe! So you're swinging for the other team, huh?" Suzaku snickered from the audience.

"I do NOT!" Kagome screamed.

"I thought there was something a bit off about her!" Shunran giggled into her hand.

"WHYY ARE YOU LISTENING TO HER?" Kagome bellowed.

"Kagome…has been having a secret affair with Jaken!"

"LA-LA-LA-LA-LA! I-AM-NOT-LIST-EN-ING! LA-LA-LA-LA!" Kagome sang loudly, hands pressed against her ears.

"That-is-so-WRONNNNG!" Touran howled, digging her nails into the sides of her head as she covered her ears to block out the sound.

"Ohh sick!" Sesshomaru gagged, "He could do so much better'n that!"

"HEY!" Kagome snarled.

"Why so mad? You picked him! Heh heh heh!"

"I'M NOT HAVIN' AN AFFAIR WITH THAT DISGUSTING TOAD!" Kagome yelled.

"YOU'D BETTER NOT!" Inuyasha, Kouga and Akitoki snarled.

"I'M NOT!" Kagome shouted.

"Surrrrrre you're not."

"I'M NOT!" Kagome roared.

"Kagome…she wants to be an Oscar Meyer Weiner! That is what she truly wants to be!"

"Oh, now come on!" Kagome said exasperatedly.

"You know its true! Cuz if you were an Oscar Meyer Weiner, everyone would be in love with you! CUZ NOBODY LOVES YOU, Skanky McWhoresalot!"

"HEY! THAT'S NOT TRUE!" Kagome cried, "Lots of people love me! Momma, Grandpa, Sota-"

"Did you hear me ask for your life story?"

"RRRRRGH!" Kagome growled.

"Kagome…she stole a fifty ton nuclear war head from the U.S. Government!"

"…did not…" Kagome muttered, looking around furtively like a trapped rat.

"Kagome…is about to be hauled of to Federal Prison!"

"Wuh-wha?" Kagome stammered, before sneering, "How? We're not even IN the U.S. of A.!"

"Easily remedied! Oh boys!" (fingers snap and twenty Men In Black drop from the sky)

"AAAAAH! OH NO!" Kagome screamed making a run for it, only to be tackled by the M.I.B.'s (not to be confused with the M.I.W.'s) and dragged away.

"Now you know…Kagome!"
Shinigami Goumon spun around wildly in her office chair.

"WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" she squealed.

That had been so much fun!

And she still had that pale, undead whore to rip on!

Life couldn't GET much better!

"Our next victim isssss…KIKYO! COME ONNNNN DOWN!"

The living dead miko slithered silently to the stool and took a seat.

"Know Your Stars! Know Your Stars! Know Your Stars!"

"Kikyo…she works part time as a rodeo clown!"

"I most certainly do not." Kikyo said huffily.

"I always knew you we're evil, but not up there in Clownland evil."

"Did you not hear me?" Kikyo said coolly, narrowing her eyes, "I…am not…a clown."

"Exactly what a clown WOULD say! All the more proof, eh Chuckles?"

"I'M NOT A CLOWN!" Kikyo shrieked.

"Yes you are."

"NO I'M NOT!" Kikyo yelled.

"Yes you are."

"NO…I'M…NOT!" Kikyo bellowed.

"You're right."

"Finally!" Kikyo smirked, looking very pleased with herself.

Shinigami Goumon pressed a happy little button embossed with Krusty the Clown's picture above the little pink button.

Kikyo suddenly found herself in full clown makeup, complete with costume, wig, floppy shoes and a barrel (remember! Rodeo clown!)

"Brrrr…"

"What?" Kikyo snapped.

Shingami grinned as she pressed a reflective button, causing a full length mirror to poof in front of the undead miko's face.

"Now you are!"

"YEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!" Kikyo screamed, falling over sideways and rolling around clumsily, "GEDDIT OFF ME! GET IT OFF ME!"

The undead miko ripped and tore until she was back in her regular robes.

Kikyo grabbed a shred of what once was the clown outfit and rubbed at the thick grease paint on her face.

"Kikyo…-"

"Silence!" Kikyo barked, smearing more grease off her face.

"-her real name is Claypot Kinky-ho! And her current rate is one yen a blow!"

"WHAT?" Kinky-ho shrieked.

"Hey fellas! Get those yen coins ready!"

Oolong had to be restrained by the M.I.W.'s as he made a mad dash for the stage.

"Why do you people BELIEVE her?" Kinky-ho cried.

"Kinky-ho…-"

"Now what?" Kinky-ho said exasperatedly.

"-she thinks Shippo is a SEXEH BIATCH!"

"No I don't!" Kikyo cried, "Although…" she trailed off, faraway look on her face, thinking only God knows what, "…now that you mention in that bow of his is pretty hot."

In the Heavens above…

God's face twisted in disgust.

"Ulgh. I've said it once, I'll say it again." God said, "I DO know what, and you are SOOO goin' ta hell."

"Say hi ta Michael for me!" Spongebob grinned.

"How did he create such freaks?" the Buddha wondered.

Colonel Sanders munched on some of his popcorn chicken.

Back on Earth…

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!" Shippo shrieked, "I had ENOUGH problems keepin' that sick fuck M.J. offa me! Now I hafta deal with HER? HELLLL NO!"

"Hey, 'snot your fault God madeya so delicious!" Kinky-ho said, licking her lips, "Mm-mm-mm!"

"EEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" Souten screamed, "YOU'RE GROSS!"

"Now you know…Kikyo!"

"Boys? Would you?"

The M.I.W.'s stormed the stage stabbing the undead miko in the ass with the needle and hauling her off the stage as the giant T.V. screen appeared again.

"And now, here's field correspondent HeartofDragon! HeartofDragon?"

The field correspondent reappeared on the screen.

"Yo there!" the red haired youkai female grinned, "And thank you Shinigami!"

For some reason they suddenly seemed like old friends.

The audience murmured, trying to figure it out as Goumon piped over the speakers.

"I bet everyone's wonderin' why we're so buddy-buddy all of a sudden?" Shinigami said,"Well TOO BAD! I aint tellin' ya! Lets just say alotta drugs, sugar, caffeine and alcohol were involved!"

The audience still muttered amongst themselves, still trying to figure it out when the image on the screen blared out-

"WOULD YOU SHUT UP SO I CAN GET GOING!"

It was loud enough to burst some eardrums and a loud, manic laugh was heard from the hostesses box.

"Jeez…stupid audience..." HeartofDragon mumbled, "Okay, can I get going now?"

She seemed crankier than last time…and more maniacal.

"Okay we are bashing a potentially dangerous "star" today so you'll get to see my special new toy!" HeartofDragon grinned, sounding very pleased with herself.

Shinigami Goumon grew intrigued.

She hadn't planned this little event.

This new development was something she knew nothing about…buuuuut it sounded interesting.

The kind of interesting where lots of people get hurt….maybe a couple casualties here or there, so she allowed her new correspondent to continue.

HeartofDragon quickly approached a man with big spiky circles hanging off his back and a baboon cloak.

She cleared her throat and took a deep breath.

"HI NARAKU!"

He nearly jumped out of his skin

"Who the devil are you?" Naraku growled, "And why would you approach me so candidly?"

"I'm HeartofDragon!" The youkai girl grinned toothily, "And I'm the field correspondent for Know Your Stars: FREE FOR ALL!"

"What in the world is that?" he said, irritated

"Youuu'll see!" HeartofDragon smirked.

She pulled a shiny black ball from out of her pocket and pushed an invisible button on it.

Everything went black and all of a sudden, Naraku was in a spot light.

"What the hell?" he lunged a spick tentacle that seemed to get zapped out of no where.

"Ah ah ah!" HeartofDragon tsk-ed, "No, no, no, little demon wannabe! That's…not gonna work here! This is my world! In my special new toy! In'nit just dandy? I call it my Warpy Ball of...uh…Reality…uhhh...Warpy...ness?...uh...I'm not good with names..."

She trailed off again.

"Well now!" HeartofDragon said firmly, clapping her hands together, "It's time to get started!"

"Know Your Stars! Know Your Stars! Know Your Stars!" she began.

"Naraku…he's a sissy prissy little girl and wears a tutu when no ones looking!" HeartofDragon grinned, looking oh-so-proud of herself.

"What!" Naraku snarled, "No I DON'T you BITCH! Where ARE YOU? I'll KILL YOU!"

"Oh PLEASE! You can't even touch me!" she said, floating upside down in front of him.

"Naraku…he's a My Little Pony in disguise, and his favorite color is lilac!" HeartofDragon smirked.

"I am NOT a pony, and I don't like purple!" Naraku fumed, "My favorite color is red! Which is the color of blood! As in YOUR BLOOD!"

"Awww…you're not a pony? Well let me fix that!" she smiled.

HeartofDragon's reality bending sphere kicked into high gear.

Naraku flashed, in the next instant he was a rather cute little purple pony, who's hooves flowed into his legs just like the toys.

"What…did you…do to me!" he asked in a trembling voice that was just barely containing his rage.

Back at the studio, Shinigami Goumon had fallen out of her office chair in a fit of laughter and was pounding the floor with her fist.

"I made you a pony! Didn't you want to be a pony?" HeartofDragon asked snidely.

"FUCK NO! I HATE ponies, and IHATE purple!" Naraku snarled.

"Okiedoke! I can fix that." She smiled.

There was another flash and Naraku was a pink elephant.

"Now! Back to the bashing!" HeartofDragon smirked.

"Naraku…he's a-" the field correspondent barely got three words out when Naraku interrupted.

"TURN ME BACK NOW!" Naraku roared.

"Oooo, you're a rude one." She grumbled, started getting mad, "Ya know, Shinigami has buttons fer this, but I HAVE LEVERS!"

HeartofDragon reached over and pulled a blue lever.

A pool of wet concrete dumped on him from out of nowhere.

"See? I was almost done, but then you had to go and be rude." HeartofDragon chided, "So now you have Qwikcrete on you."

There was a slight twitch.

"I was gonna say Naraku…he's absolutely loves Inuyasha's cute little tush! and he wants to grope it every day!" she grinned.

"You... sick... bitch..." he said in a muffled voice from under the pool

"What was that?" HeartofDragon asked mildly, yanking the lever again.

A second pool fell on him.

"Irk." Naraku squeaked.

"Thats what I thought!" HeartofDragon smirked, "And by the way, I don't like being called bitch. It so degrading."

She was currently messing with a match, which she threw on the pile that was Naraku.

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!" Naraku howled, running around, thrashing his arms wildly.

That last pool, apparently, had been filled with gasoline.

"Well that's all the time I have for today!" HeartofDragon grinned, "Now back to your hostess! Later!"

She waved to the camera sitting with her legs crossed and floating through the dark orb in front of the camera.

Shinigami Goumon managed to pick herself off the floor.

HeartofDragon already had her next assignment, so she was off.

All that was left to do was to pinpoint her next target.

Who would it be?

Who…

Who?

Meanwhile, back in the U.S.A…

-SMAK!-

"TALK! Where did you hide the President's daughter, Red Hawk?" An M.I.B. demanded, tapping his revolver against his hip.

"Heh!" Kagome sneered, blood running down her chin from being pistol whipped, "I'll never tell! NEVER!"

(A/N: Who's up next? R&R)