Chapter 2 - Longbourn – Comprehension

Elizabeth had been unceremoniously sent home to Longbourn almost immediately.

She remembered only snippets of the interceding hours:

- Lady Catherine, furious at the turn of events, refusing to look at her

- Charlotte Lucas, understanding, but powerless to help

- Maria Lucas, petrified of Lady Catherine, escaping to her room

- Mr Collins and Mr Darcy making arrangements to talk to Mr Bennet

- Mr Collins, now also refusing to look at her, simpering after Lady Catherine

Only one conversation stuck in her mind, when Mr Darcy managed to steal a few minutes of privacy with her (no doubt assisted by Charlotte):

"Miss Elizabeth, I am so terribly, dreadfully, sorry about all of this," he said, hanging his head, "I know this was the last thing you wanted, and I did my best to get us out of this, but there's nothing that can be done without causing your ruin, and I won't allow that."

She nodded, feeling tears well up in her eyes for what felt like the tenth time that evening.

"We'll talk more over the coming weeks, but I just… I wanted to… I thought you might be worried… I thought…"

He could barely get the words out, shifting awkwardly.

"I didn't want you to go back to Longbourn, waiting, worrying…"

She looked up at him, trying to encourage him to continue.

"Miss Elizabeth, we may be forced to marry, but you will never be… I will never…"

He sighed.

"We don't need to be husband and wife in any way that would make you - uncomfortable. Obviously, we will need to keep up appearances, and I would ask that you keep this between us, but beyond that, please do not worry."

At that, he had been whisked away, and she hadn't seen him again.

She had then endured what seemed an interminably long carriage ride home, with no escape from her thoughts, only to find it over all too quickly when she arrived at Longbourn.

Stepping out of the carriage would make this real in a way for which she was not prepared. She was sure an express would have preceded her arrival, so she wouldn't have to break the news, but she wasn't quite ready for the reactions of her family.

Not to mention the fact she still hadn't sorted out her own feelings about the shocking series of events.

Her dislike of Mr Darcy had not lessened - he was still the man who destroyed Mr Wickham's prospects and Jane's happiness, and he was still the man who showed such disdain to all.

And yet, her guilt about how she had treated him had grown. She cringed at the thought of her own conduct, especially when she considered how decent he had been throughout the ensuing events.

She was mortified at the idea of becoming the bride - and wife - of such a proud man, and she dreaded a life filled with pretension, snobbery and Miss Bingleys, and likely devoid of joy or love.

Yet, she didn't blame Mr Darcy at all for the turn of events - they were equally responsible for the collision, and Mr Collins alone was accountable for turning that collision into a more permanent disaster.

And now her mother would probably revel in the prospect of a daughter married to such a rich man - she would probably congratulate Elizabeth on her 'clever trap'.

But, it may not be a real marriage at all. She had been surprised by Mr Darcy's assertions about having a marriage in name only, because she honestly hadn't thought that far ahead. But he was probably right to think she would have soon, and it was kind of him to pre-emptively allay those fears.

More shocking was the fact that he would offer this alternative at all. As her husband, he would have marital rights, and given that he had proposed to her and professed to love her, it was obviously something he wanted. And more importantly, he must want an heir - that was something of prime importance to men of large estates. Was he really willing to forgo all that for her sake? It was hard to reconcile this kindness and self-sacrifice with the Mr Darcy she knew. And this part, she would not be able to discuss with anyone, even Jane.

But Jane would be her solace for everything else - if anyone could help her to sort out her heart, and to find what possible good she could in this situation, it would be Jane.

-P&P-P&P-P&P-P&P-

Thankfully, having arrived in the evening, Elizabeth was able to escape upstairs with Jane after only an hour of excited chatter from the rest of the family, which had been punctuated by hugs and congratulations from her mother, shrieks from Kitty and Lydia, and frowns of disapproval from Mary.

Mr Bennet had retired early, which was concerning, but he had squeezed Elizabeth's hand and told her he would speak with her tomorrow.

"Oh, Jane!" Elizabeth cried, collapsing on her bed.

Jane rubbed her back soothingly, while Elizabeth explained the whole situation.

"How can I be the wife of such a man?" she lamented.

"He obviously loves you, Lizzy," replied, Jane, soothingly, "And he's already shown himself to be honourable and to value your feelings - a less scrupulous man would not have protested with Mr Collins so."

'And he would not have offered a marriage in name only,' Elizabeth thought.

"You don't think that was because he hates me now, for rejecting him?" she asked, tearfully.

"Lizzy, no," replied Jane, "I know you find it hard to see good in Mr Darcy, but I think you may have to accept that he is not wholly bad."

Elizabeth smiled, ruefully, "Mr Wickham said that to me once"

"See!" laughed Jane, "If even Mr Wickham can see some good in Mr Darcy, I'm sure you can, too. And besides, maybe you'll be able to have a positive influence on him."

"I doubt it," Elizabeth sighed, "Especially after I treated him so abominably. He must hate me."

"Oh, Lizzy," said Jane, "You do have a passionate temper at times, but I'm sure he'll forgive you. He's already spent time with you and he's seen a good deal of your temperament, and he proposed anyway. Maybe your passion is something he likes about you."

"That is somewhat of a mystery," replied Elizabeth, thoughtfully, "I was always so vexed by our conversations, and I assumed he felt the same, but I seem to have been as blind to his true feelings as he was to mine."

"Have you been examining your past with him?" asked Jane.

"A little," Elizabeth admitted, "But I'm yet to recollect anything in his conduct that indicated his true feelings. And yet…"

Jane looked on, expectantly.

"Charlotte did," Elizabeth continued, "She noticed his attentions to me and said he was singling me out. But only in gestures - by asking me to dance and that sort of thing. Not in anything personal."

"But what of your arguments?" Jane prompted, "I know you found them vexing, but Mr Darcy never excused himself or avoided those conversations."

"Hmmm," replied Elizabeth, doubtfully.

"And neither did you," continued Jane, slyly, "Are you sure Mr Darcy's true feelings were the only ones to which you were blind?"

"No, Jane, I'm sure," Elizabeth asserted, but she began to wonder.