(A/N: Heya! I'm so glad you all enjoy my ficlet! Brings tears to my eyes! And NOW! on with the show!)

Shinigami Goumon had just received word that Koyori and Touda had been killed in the Makai.

After a five minute period of mourning, Shinigami set out to find new stagehands.

It didn't take her too long.

Very soon, she was happy again with her new stagehands, Laith, a youko who was as sadistic and vindictive as she was, and Banshee, a hanyou neko youkai who was almost as insane as she and HeartofDragon.

It was a good match up.

Speaking of HeartofDragon, the red headed youkai had called her up while out scoping potential targets, saying she was toying around with an idea for next week's show.

Shinigami wondered what it was.

Goumon sighed with bliss as Banshee screamed.

Somehow or another, she had managed to piss Laith off, and the kitsune was chasing her around the room while throwing acupuncture needles at her.

But on to more serious matters.

She had to decide who had to be ripped a new one.

She spotted her prey.

A particularly haughty…BLONDE…elf in the twelfth row, mouthing off to an elder sprite.

Her ass was grass.

"Our next contestant isss...DEEDLIT! COME ONNN DOWN!"

Upon hearing her name, the elfin woman stop her arrogant rant and strode confidently down the stairs.

That confidence wasn't gonna last long once Shinigami was done with her.

Goumon was gonna make sure of it.

"Know Your Stars! Know Your Stars! Know Your Stars!"

"Deedlit...she 's the Hiiiigh-est Mofo I've EVAH seen, son!"

"WHAT?" Deedlit cried, "I am NOT! I'm the HIGH ELF, SLUT!"

"I'm sure you are, ya Cheeched up pixie!"

"NOT THAT KINDA HIGH!" Deedlit screamed.

"Hey Deedlit, dya mind givin ' Laith here a hit off your joint? He's a little bit wound up!"

"I'm NOT A POTHEAD YOU UNBELIEVABLEASS!" Deedlit shrieked.

Snickering, Shinigami pressed the little yellow button.

A huge ceramic vase came hurtling down, crashing onto the High Elf's skull, mysteriously without breaking.

"Now you are!"

". . .ouch." Deedlit whimpered, trembling in pain.

"Deedlit...her real name is Dee Dee and her hobbies include destroying her brother, Dexter's, laboratory!"

"WHAAAAT?" Deedlit screamed, somehow managing to shatter the vase on her head, "I have no brother and my NAME-IS-DEEDLIT!"

"Hey Dee Dee, does sound familiar? GET OUT OF MY LABORATORY!"

"MY! NAME! IS! DEEDLIT! DEED-DULL-LEET! DEEDLIT! DEEDLIT! DEEDLIT!" The elfin woman roared.

"Dee Dee...-"

"Oh for the love of all things great and small!" Deedlit cried.

"-she thinks Parn is a worthless pansy and not worth an once of energy!"

"WHAT?" Deedlit cried in a panic, "That's not TRUE! Parn, don't LISTEN TO HER!"

"Yeah, surrrrre it's not." Parn said, rolling his eyes.

"And I'm not a sadist. "

"IT ISN'T TRUE PARN!" Deedlit cried, "I LOVE-!"

"Dee Dee...she loves Ghim!"

"WWWHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?" Deedlit screamed.

"I KNEW IT!" Pam crowed.

"NO!" Deedlit screamed, hopping up and down, "NONONONONO! I LOVE-!"

"Yes, Dee Dee. You love Ghim. We get it. Just let it go. Yeesh!"

"NOOOOOO-OOOOOO!" Deedlit howled, tearing out large chunks of her hair.

"Now you know...Dee Dee!"

Shinigami Goumon laughed her ass off in her, office chair.

"Lady Goumon...splendid work." Laith said, smirking in a way that was oh, so reminiscent of Dr. Muraki.

"DAMN STRAIGHT!" Banshee shrieked (oh the puns! Will they ever stop?), somehow kicking Laith in the back of the head, "That was funny as hell! Great goin' boss lady!"

"…" Laith walked over towards the hanyou neko youkai, a length of rusted chain hanging from his chain.

"…whyeeee are you lookin' at me like that?" Banshee asked as she was backed into a corner.

"You mademe BLEED!" Laith snarled, bringing down the chain.

"YAIIIE!" Banshee squealed, dodging the chain, "I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! PLEEEEEASE FORGIVE ME!"

"NEVER!" Laith growled.

Yes, Shinigami was seriously loving her new comedy relief-I mean stagehands.

She scanned the audience and found a candidate without even trying.

He just sorta fell in to the stool when going for a glomp.

"Well THAT was easy! Our next contestant, obviously, issss...SHINDO SHUICHI! I'd say My tag line of 'Come On Down!' but seein ' as your already here, let the bashing begin!"

"Huh?" The J-pop star blinked, "Yuki? Hiro? Sakuma-sama? Where am I? What's going on?"

He teared up.

"I want my Mommy!" he bawled, "I want my Yuki! I want my Tamagoro-kun! WAAAAAAAUGH!"

Goumon almost felt a shred of pity for the effeminate boy.

Almost being the keyword in that last sentence.

Heh heh heh.

"Know Your Stars! Know Your Stars! Know Your Stars!"

"WAK! Who said that?" Shuichi shrieked, huge tears streaking down his cheeks, "IZZAT YOU REIJI? I already TOLD YOU I'm not GOIN' back to AMERICA! I'm stayin' HERE!"

"Shuichi...-"

"K-san! Stop it! You're really scaring me!" Shuichi whimpered, rocking back and forth, on the stool.

"-he cheated on Yuki with a transvestite stripper named Shiraz!"

"WHAT!" Shuichi stopped blubbering like a little girl as a testosterone charge shot through him faster than mercury, "I DID NOT YOU INVISIBLE VOICE FROM NO WHERE! YOU NOW HAVE FIVE SECONDS TO GET OUT HERE SO I CAN RIP OUT YOUR VOCALCORDS!"

"Aww...Shuichi...Shiraz would be so hurt to hear you say that!"

"THERE IS-NO-SHIRAZ!" Shuichi roared, knocking the stool over as he leapt up:

"His…her heart must have been ground to powder to have heard you say that! Especially after the night of sweet, beautiful love making you two shared!"

"ARE YOU HIGH?" Shuichi shrieked.

"...maaaayyybe."

Shuichi blinked in surprise.

Wasn't expecting that.

"Oh." He said, a bit startled.

In her booth, Shinigami Goumon giggled.

"Pfft! He thinks I mean THAT kinda high!" she snorted, "I'm sugar high from all those Rock Star's and chocolate muffins! WEE-HEE!"

"Shuichi…he's going to switch labels and go back to America!"

"DID YOU NOT JUST HEAR ME?" Shuichi cried, "NO I'M NOT!"

"Oh-ho-ho! But I have someone here who begs to differ!"

-BA-KROOOOMMMMMMMMMMMM-

A wall exploded inward and a giant panda robo came clanking into the Studio.

"GYAAAAAAAAAAAA! REIJI!" Shuichi shrieked as a metallic panda paw enclosed around him.

"NYA-HA-HA-HA!" Reiji crowed, "OI! Shinigami-channnnn! Thank you-spank you for givin' me the coordinates!"

"Any time Rage!"

The crazed American/Japanese halfbreed fangirl strode out of the studio in her robo, Shuichi in tow.

"WAAAAAAAUGH!" Shuichi bawled, "YUUKIIIII! HELLLP! K-SAN! GET OFF YER ASS AND MANAGE ME AN ESCAPE ROUTE YOU PRICK! AAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!"

"Now you know…Shuichi!"

Shinigami Goumon watched with delight as K-san and Yuki Eiri tore after Reiji, Hiro and Suguru close behind.

Behind her, Laith and Banshee were battling it out with a pair of chainsaws.

Life was pretty damn good at this moment.

But there was still a problem.

How had that group managed to worm their way into her audience.

She was gonna hafta hire better security.

But oh well.

They would pay the price.

"Our next victim isss…RIKKU! COME ONNN DOWN!"

The FFX character strode down the stairs, her skimpy shorts just barely covering her ass.

"This is toooooo easy." Goumon snickered.

"Huh? What is?" Banshee asked, a kitchen knife currently sticking out of her head from where Laith had stabbed her for no particular reason.

"Oh nothing." Shinigami smirked.

"If you say so…Lady Goumon." Laith said, smirking maliciously as hecame up behind Banshee with piano wire wrapped around his fingers.

"Know Your Stars! Know Your Stars! Know Your Stars!"

"Rikku…she deliberately cuts an inch off her shorts every day to attract Tidus's attention!"

"What!" the game character cried, "I do not! That's like, statutory rape or something!"

"Heh. I always knew ya had a thing for me!" Tidus smirked, cupping his chin superiorly.

"I do NOT!" Rikku cried, "And I sooo don't cut my shorts!"

"Then what's this?"

Something flew out of Rikku's pocket: a pair of scissors.

"Eh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh!" Rikku giggled nervously, "Ah-I can explain!"

"I'm sure you can, doll face."

"Rikku…she's wishes Paine and Yuna would jump off a cliff so she would have all the male characters to herself!"

"RIKKU!" Yuna cried.

"That'd better not be true!" Paine growled.

Rikku glared at her knees and didn't respond.

"Whadda skank!"

Rikku glared at Yuna and Paine.

"I admit it." Rikku said tartly, "So what? Without you skags around, I'd have all those fine specimens of manhood all to myself!"

"Rikku…she's about to be eaten by a aeon Anima!"

"Say wha?" Rikku blinked.

Shinigami Goumon pressed a black button, summoning the creature to the studio, only inches away from the blonde bimbo.

"Bye-bye!"

There was a loud roar, a knash of teeth, and a gulp, and Rikku was gone.

"Now you know-I mean knew…Rikku! And good riddance!"

Shinigami Goumon sat back in her spinny chair and wondered about her next victim.

Who would it be?

But more importantly...

"WHAT THE HELL IS HEARTOFDRAGON PLANNING?" Shinigami thought excitedly,"Oooo! Hurry up and get back! Patience isn't one of my virtues!"

(A/N: What's HeartofDragon planning? Who ELSE is gonna show up? R&R!)