(A/N: Hey all! I'm back! And with a brand new chappie, too! I hope you all enjoy it!)
Shinigami Goumon sat in her office chair, tapping her foot impatiently.
The door to her booth was suddenly flung open, sending her flying unceremoniously into Banshee (currently fleeing Laith)
"Hey there, SG!" HeartofDragon grinned, taking no notice of the huge dog pile on the floor.
"Helll-lo there HoD!" Goumon smiled sheepishly as she clamored to her feet.
"Owwwwww." Banshee sobbed, "That hurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrt!"
"Ya know that idea I was tinkerin' around with?" HeartofDragon asked.
"Yeeeeah, and?" Shinigami pressed as Laith jumped over her head, still chasing Banshee with a flamethrower.
"Me an' Sparky here were wondering if you wanted to switch with me, just for kicks?" HeartofDragon smiled broadly, pleased at her brilliant idea.
"When are you gonna getta clue?" her helper mumbled under his breath, "My name is Loki, damn it."
"Switch?" Shinigami said, a lackluster expression on her face, "I don't Want to switch. I Like my studio."
"Are you surrrre?" HeartofDragon asked, wiggling her eyebrow suggestively, "I have something that might change your mi-ind!"
She whipped out a basket of chocolaty muffins.
"What's the big fuckin' deal?" Goumon asked dully, eyeing the muffins, "I have a sick obsession with chocolate muffins, sure, but I have a stockpile right here, thank you very much."
To prove her point, she pressed a chocolate brown button with a muffin stamped on it, causing a hidden door to slide open, revealing endless shelves of chocolately goodness.
"Ohh, but these aren't just chocolate muffins." HeartofDragon said seductively, "They're delicious…moist…melt-in-your-mouth…fudge muffins."
The audience outside could hear was-
"MINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINE!"
-as a copper-topped, black blur rushed through them and into a portal that had appeared out of nowhere.
"Thought you'd like my idea." HeartofDragon grinned, snatching a muffin out of the basket and snarfing it down (forgetting to take the paper off, I might add)
"Besides, I know you're gonna want to roast today's contestant, after all she's…(begins singing) Icky Vicky! Icky Vicky! Ick-eeee…Vicky!"
"Reffy?" Shinigami asked with her mouthful of muffin, "-glp- phweeh…but I bash ANIME charas! AN-NII-MEH! People will complain!"
"C'mon! You're doin' MY job 'member? I bash ANYONE!" HeartofDragon smiled.
"…true." The coppertop nodded
"Mmmhmm!" HeartofDragon nodded, "Besides, I'll even let you play with my toy as a bonus! I know you've been wantin' ta try it out!"
"Goody!" Goumon sang, face covered with crumbs.
-SG's thought's-
"Want more muffin! More muffin! Muffin more! Muffin! Muffin! MUFFIN!"
-These have been SG's thoughts-
"Well, I'll see you when your done!" HeartofDragon smiled, "And since you're doing my job as field correspondent, I'll roast someone in the audience!"
"I dunno…" Shinigami muttered.
"Hey SG! I'm letting you use my toy today!" HeartofDragon said defensively.
"Weelllllll…okay." Shinigami pouted, "But just one!…they'reMY unwilling hostages."
"WOOT! Got it! Don't hafta tell ME twice!" HeartofDragon cried joyfully, rushing out to the studio, mike in hand.
"Halllllrighty then! Hello there, audience!" she said jubilantly, "While SG's out stalking Vicky, howsabout I roast someone here? OI, JIN!"
"Aye lassie? Whatcha be wan'in nah?" said a distinctively Irish voice from the control booth.
"Ya got any good prospects for me?" HeartofDragon asked.
"Y' betcha!" he grinned toothily, "Thah bugger there 'tween th' sudo sam'rai an' th' needle noosed freak!"
HeartofDragon scanned the audience and quickly spotted him.
"Oooo! He IS a good roast!" She continued in a hyper and very sugar high fashion "And if you weren't my boss's main squeeze, I'd like to take you home and get you roastin' too! WOO!" (A/N: He marries one o' mah chara's in another fic, but just for kicks, Jin is married to the hostess!...please don't hate me)
Shinigami Goumon face suddenly blipped back on screen; gigantic and twelve kinds of pissed.
"You betcher ASShe's mine!" she snarled, "BACK OFF, SKANK!"
"HEEP!" HeartofDragon squeaked, "C-c-c'mon boss! I was just kiddin'!"
"Hunneh! Calm down!" Jin cried.
Shinigami's face went (le' GASP!) chibi, and her eyes filled up with tears.
"S-s-so that's how it is? You defend HER but not your WIFE?" she hiccupped, "F-FINE! See if I care!"
"SG! Chill!" HeartofDragon cried, "I have Sesshy! I wouldn't touch your man!" (A/N: In HoD's fics, her OC's are usually paired with Sesshoumaru, hence the pairing here!)
"WAAAAAAAAAH-HAAA-HAAA-HAAA-HAAA-HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Goumon wailed (soooo not listening)
"Waiiit a minute…oh no, don't TELL ME it's your time of the month!" HeartofDragon cried.
"Y-Y-YEEEEEH-EEEHSSSS!" Shinigami bawled.
"JIN!" HeartofDragon shouted, "Get down to Toon world with chocolate, Lays and a box of Midol! STAT!"
"On me way!" the impish youkai declared zooming out of the building.
"Well…ookay." HeartofDragon said brightly, "Now that we've taken care of the um…technical difficulties…our focus today is Sanji!"
The arrogant cook had tried to slink down in his chair but was roughly picked up and thrown to the stage by Sparky.
"My name is Loki, damn it." the disgruntled assistant grumbled, "Get it through your skulls!"
"'ey! Whaddiz all dis?" the prideful cook snarled as the manacle clamped around his thighs.
"Now then, hope your comfy!" HeartofDragon grinned.
Sanji glared at her.
HeartofDragon then ran back up to the control booth and sat down.
"So this is how SG feels…hee hee! They look like ants!" HeartofDragon cackled as she began.
"Know Your Stars! Know Your Stars! Know Your Stars!"
"Sanji, he likes to sneeze in everyone's food!"
"Sanji you sick bastard, how dare you sneeze in my food!" Zorro yelled from the audience.
"I don't do that!" Sanji snapped, insulted, "She's lyin'!"
"Oh, you only WISH I was!"
"Chyeah…right." Sanji said, rolling his eyes.
"Sanji, his attraction to Nami is just to cover up his TRUE lust for his captain, Luffy!"
"Sanji! You're SICK!" The pirate captain cried, "Gumm gumm…"
"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! NO GUM GUMS!"
HeartofDragon zoomed out of the booth, snatched the stretchy man and swiftly tied him to one of the roof joists.
"I can't have you messing up the studio!" she cried, eyes wide with panic. "SG'd kill me! And while at any other time that should be taken as a joke, now that that she PMS-ing, I'm pretty damn sure she'd do it!"
She began to stride back to the control booth where Banshee had just evened the odds by somehow getting her hands on a live crocodile, when-
"Oooo!" Sanji growled, "I'm gonna KILL you, you bitch!"
-twitch-
HeartofDragon turned around, smiling a truly fake, creepy smile that was just too reminiscent of Barbie to be allowed.
"I…really hate that word, ya know." She said, now grinning insanely, "Just for that-"
She drew a deep breath, said loudly into the mike-
"Sanji! His food is so disgusting it would give FLIES dysentery!"
Sanji was crushed: it was the worst thing for any cook to hear.
He started crying almost as hard as Shinigami.
"Aww…feelin' crushed? You will be!" HeartofDragon sang.
She ran up to Shinagami's box and pushed the yellow button.
The Baratie came crashing down on top of him, complete with work staff.
"What th' hey's goin' on?" Chef Zeff growled, exiting the ship/resteraunt.
"Aren't these Sanji's shoes?" the new Soux chef asked, bending down to examine them.
"Well they're MINE now!" a cabin laughed, scooping them up.
"Now you know…Sanji!"
HeartofDragon decided to chance a peek on a mini monitor in the control booth to see if her pal SG had calmed down any.
"Hgk-'n-'n you de-defended huh-her!" Shinigami Goumon wailed through a mouthful of potato chips.
"'m tellin' ya, Ah di'in!" Jin cried exasperatedly.
"IT'S ALL THE AUDIENCE'S FAULT!" Shinigami roared suddenly, shooting to her feet.
"Huh?" Jin blinked.
"THEY TURNED YOU AND MY BEST FRIEND AGAINST ME!" Goumon screamed, "I'LL DESTROY THEM ALL! I SHALL MAKE THEM SUFFER AND DIE! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Shinigami Goumon then abandoned her search for Vicky and rocket back for her studio.
"Wuh-oh." HeartofDragon squeaked.
"Wuh-oh?" Laith asked, deserting his fight with Banshee, "Wuh-oh what?"
"Whaz goin' on?" Banshee asked, clinging to Laith, "Somethin' bad?"
"Obviously." Laith said tiredly, "Now get off of me."
Shinigami Goumon suddenly burst back into the studio.
"YOU!" Shinigami roared at the spectators, eyes blazing ferally, "YOU TURNED THEM AGAINST ME! PREPARE TO SUFFER MY ARMY OF RABID, RADIOACTIVE SQUIRRELS!"
A battalion of green, glowing squirrels scampered into the studio, all foaming at the mouth.
"ATTACK MY FROTHY, FURRY MINIONS! ATTACK!" Goumon bellowed, eyes glazed with an insane light.
"Destroy the Fleshbags for the Leader!" The Alpha Squirrel squeaked.
"LEEEEEEEEEEEEADERRRRRRRR!" The droned in unison as the viciously assaulted the audience.
Behold a force more powerful than our hostess…PMS!
Without warning, the Midol Jin had hidden in a bit of chocolate took effect.
"Whuh-what?" Shinigami blinked taking in the sight of her hellish (yet still somewhat adorable) army killing off her audience.
"SQUEAK!" Goumon called out sharply, "SQUEAKER-SQUEAK-SQUEAK-SQUEAKEDY!"
The evil rodentia stopped their attack and dashed out of the Studio.
"Whaddid ya tell'm SG?" HeartofDragon as over the PA.
"That Karasu had stolen their store of acorns!" Shinigami smirked.
"Now, time ta go find Vicky!" Goumon smiled, flashing her overly long K-9's, "C'mon Sweets!"
"Aye!" Jin grinned, leaping in the vortex after her.
The big screen slid down and flashed on.
"Hey all!" Shinigami grinned, "I'm your lovely hostess with the mostest, Shinigami Goumon, on location with Icky Vicky…of course-SHE DOESN'T KNOW THAT! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"Phwew." HeartofDragon sighed, "Back to normal!"
"YAY!" Banshee squealed, bouncing up and down, stomping on Laith's foot.
"…you…" he smirked, reminding HeartofDragon of Dr.Muraki, "…hurt…my…FOOT!"
He brought down a sink (when and where did he get that?)
"YAAAAII!" Banshee squealed, "'MSORRY! 'M SORRY!"
HeartofDragon refocused her attention to the screen, where Shinigami Goumon had just located Vicky.
The copper headed…human?…slunk up behind the evil red-head (who was currently burning Timmy's college fund) drew a deep breath and-
"HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII VICKYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!" she screamed, directly into the babysitter's ear no less.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!" Vicky screamed, flying five feet in the air and land in the middle of her self-created bonfire, catching fire, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
HeartofDragon laughed hysterically, almost falling out of the borrowed chair.
"Sweets? Wouldja be a dear?" Goumon smirked."A course." Jin smiled.
He created a small tornado, putting out the blaze.
"Who're you?" Timmy asked.
"I am Shinigami Goumon!" she declared proudly, "Host of Know Your Stars: FREE FOR ALL! And today, I'm here to bah-I mean roas-I mean critique your lovely babysitter!"
Shingami gave the pink hatted boy a big wink.
"Ohhhh…I getcha." Timmy smirked.
"Now then Vicky, here's your stool!" Goumon smiled, pulling a lever, causing a stool to appear out of nowhere.
"Uhhh…thanks…I guess." Vicky said, raising an eyebrow.
Oh Vicky!
You should know better than to thank a clearly psychotic human? being!
Shinigami pressed the invisible button and all went dark, spotlights circling around the red-headed teen.
"Know Your Stars! Know Your Stars! Know Your Stars!"
"Vicky…she's a child's rights activist!" Goumon smirked.
"I AM NOT!" Vicky shouted, "I believe kids have the right to sit down and shut up, but other than that-!"
"Did I give you permission to speak?" Shinigami snapped, pulling down another lever.
A giant hand appeared and bitch-slapped Vicky ten times in rapid succession.
"Weh-oo-ooeh…" Vicky slurred dizzily, teetering on the stool.
"AWP-AWP-AWP!" Goumon snarled threateningly, hand on the lever again (ain't PMS grand…NOT!)
Vicky sat up ramrod straight and clamped her mouth shut.
"That's what I thought; now then-Vicky…she's really a Teletubby in disguise!" Shinigami cried accusingly.
"WHAT?" Vicky shrieked, "I AM NOT!"
"DON'T DENY IT!" Goumon shouted.
"I'M NOT A TELETUBBY!" Vicky screamed.
Shinigami yanked down on another lever.
Instantly, Vicky was transformed into an orange teletubby (BLGH!..BLRGH-HLGH!)
"Izzat so?" Goumon sneered, wrenching down on another lever, making a mirror appear.
"YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!" Vicky screamed, flying off the stool.
"Who's nodda Teletubby again?" Shinigami asked mockingly.
"Vicky…her REAL name Bwee Bwee!" Goumon snickered.
"It is NOT!" The orange teletubby that had once been Vicky screamed.
"Bwee Bwee…-" Shinigami sang cheerily.
"STOP IT!" the orange teletubby snarled.
"-…is about to get a visit from some ollllld friends!" Goumon laughed, tugging another lever.
Instantly, the entire Teletubbies gang appeared, looking thoroughly irked.
"So we've FINALLY found you Bwee Bwee!" Dipsy growled.
"Heep! Uh-eh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh! Huh-hey…Dipsy." Vicky-koff-excuse me! Bwee Bwee stammered, "Huh-how're th' wife 'n kids?"
"Cut th'crap Bwee Bwee!" Po snarled, "Barney is royally T'ed off!"
"He wants you outta th' picture…for good." Tinky Winky murmured.
"Whuh-what?" Bwee Bwee stuttered, "B-but Baby Bop! Sh-she always had my ba-!"
"Baby Bop's tired a you!" La La growled.
"You're done." Dipsy growled.
"Bwee Bwee…she's about ta get capped! Ah shit, son!" Shinigami snickered as the orange creature fled into the darkness, the other four creatures, armed with Glocks, chasing after her.
"Now you know…Bwee Bwee!" Goumon laughed, "HeartofDragon? Be with ya in a second!"
The vortex reappeared in the control booth and the hostess and her hubby rematerialized.
"Well, that was fun." HeartofDragon said brightly.
"Let's not do it again…for a reeeeeeeally long time!" Shinigami grinned, handing HeartofDragon her toy.
"Agreed." The blood-haired youkai laughed, "I prefer the field!"
"And I like my spinny chair!" the penny head chuckled chewing on a muffin and scanning the audience as her buddy left.
Oh, so many lovely candidates.
All ripe for the slammer.
But whop to pluck from the proverbial tree?
Then she spotted her target and began to giggle vindictively.
"Hee hee hee...your ass is grass." Goumon snickered.
"Our next contestant issss...NIWA DAISUKE! COME ONNNN DOWN!"
The red head stumbled with forced clumsiness down the stairs, blushing slightly.
"Know Your Stars! Know Your Stars! Know Your Stars!"
"Daisuke...is deeply in love with Dark!"
"HA-WHAT!" Daisuke cried, "No I'm not!"
"That'd better be a LIE, Daisuke!" Riku shrieked.
"Which means, in a way,he's in love with himself!"
"I'm NOT in love with DARK!" Daisuke cried, face tomato red from screaming.
"Damn right your not!" Dark snarled.
"Stupid lil' Shishi wannabe!"
"HEY!" Shishiwakamaru barked from the audience.
"You wanna come up here pretty boy?"
Shishiwakamaru abruptly sat back down.
"Daisuke...he started the main branch of the We Love Shishi Fan Club!"
"I...did NOT!" Daisuke shouted, first eyeing Riku, then Shishi, and turning even redder.
"Mr. President! Mr. President! No need to be ashamed!" a random Shishiwakamaru fan girl cried.
"That's right Mr. President!" another said loudly.
"We all love the work you've done!" arandom Shishiwakamaru fanboysaid, running up on stage and glomping him, tears streaming down his cheeks.
"We're all so proud of you!" The Vice President sobbed.
"Th-thank you." Daisuke said, tears of pride glistening in his eyes.
Riku sank low into her seat.
"We are soooo broken up." she muttered.
"Daisuke..he wishes he were as pretty as Risa and steals her make up when he thinks she's not looking!"
"...do not." Daisuke muttered.
"You little CREEP!" Risa shrieked, leaping out of her seat, "I've been blaming RIKU all this time, but it been YOU whose been-!"
"Yeah, so what?" Daisuke said defensively, "You won't share your beauty tips with me!"
"Cuz you're a GUY!" Risa shrieked, "Guya aren't suh-POSED ta be pretty!"
The Beautiful Suzuki, Hotohori and Ayanojou Aburatsubo all rose as one.
"WE RESENT THAT!" the shouted.
"...okay." Risa said carefully, "BUT I STILL WANT MY MAKE UP BACK!"
"NO!" Daisuke cackled, "IT'S MINE! MINE! ALL MINE!"
Daisuke leapt off the stool, Risa andthe M.I.W.'s chasing after him.
"Now you know...Daisuke!"
(A/N: Who will be next? I have a vague idea, but requests are always welcome! R&R!)