(A/N: Hey everyone! Yup, I'm still alive and kickin'! Just to letcha know, several authors are making cameo appearances in this chapter! So see if you're mentioned! READ ON!)
Banshee looked at Laith apprehensively.
"Is Shinigami-sama still at it?" she asked, cat ears drooping and tail switching back in forth.
"Yeeeeee-up." Laith drawled, face a mask of composure, but tail disclosing his tension.
"But…but!" Banshee sputtered, "It's green jello! I'dve thought she'dve given UP by now!"
"Actually, they've gained supporters." Laith groaned, massaging his temples, "And now, they're boycotting against fat men in Speedos and fat women in thongs too."
"...waiiiiiit a minute…they?" Banshee blinked as it dawned on her, "You don't mean-!"
"Mm-hm." Laith grunted dismally, "HeartofDragon joined her protest the minute she finished her last broadcast."
"Oh NO!" Banshee screeched, clawing at the sides of her face, "Who'll do the Field Report! This is a disaster! We're gonna be FIRED! WAAAAAAAAAAUGH!"
"Relax." Laith snorted indifferently, smacking the catgirl in the back of the head with a live raccoon, "We already have a stand in. Now let's get this over with."
"Okay." Banshee sniffed, rubbing the back of her skull.
"Okay all you KYS fans, Banshee and myself will continue our temporary hosting duties as Shinigami-sama is still on strike." Laith sighed into the mike.
"Our first Victim of the day isss…MOTOMIYA DAISUKE! COME ONNN DOWN!" Banshee whooped.
Daisuke swaggered down the stairs, blowing kisses to the girls in the audience (who promptly shrank back) as he made his way to the stool.
"Know Your Stars! Know Your Stars! Know Your Stars!" Laith began.
"Daisuke…he has toes so webbed his alias is…DUNDUNDUN-NUH-NUHHHH! The Amazing Frog Man!" Banshee cried.
"What th' hell?" Daisuke cried, "I do not have webbed toes! That's complete and total crap!"
Laith, smirking all the while,pressed a green button with a frog on it causing a tingle to shoot through Daisuke's feet.
"If you didn't before, you do now." He smirked.
"Whuh?" Daisuke blinked, tugging off his shoes frantically, "AAAAAAAAAUGH! WHAT DID YOU DO?"
He stared in horror at his froggy feet.
"What was that about webbed toes Amphibi-Man?" Banshee giggled.
"Sh-SHUT UP!" Daisuke screeched, "CHANGE ME BACK DAMMIT!"
"Now why would we do that?" Laith remarked.
"That wouldn't be any fun at all." Banshee laughed as Daisuke let loose a snarl.
"Daisuke…he's secretly been in love with Takeru since the first time he laid eyes on him!" Laith sneered.
"WHAT?" Daisuke shouted.
"Ahhh, so THAT'S why you always mess his name up!" Banshee squealed, "You were nervous! How KYOOOOOT!"
"DAISUKE YOU SICK FUCK!" Takeru shouted from the audience, "YOU BETTER STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!"
"It's all a LIE, T.M.!" Daisuke screeched, "WHY DOES ANYONE BUY ANYTHING THESE PEOPLE SAY ANYWAY? IT'S ALL A BUNCHA BULL!"
"Daisuke…" Laith drawled, "…he still sucks his thumb at the age of twelve!"
Daisuke's face went white.
"How did you-" he sputtered only to be interrupted by Banshee.
"And we have live action footage of you in your bedroom last night!" she giggled, "Let's roll the clip, shall we?"
"No, let's NOT roll the clip!" Daisuke cried in a panic as the wall sized T.V. slid down and blp-ed on.
Daisuke, lay splayed out on his bed, thumb in mouth, burbling happily to himself.
After a moment or two the thumb slid out of his mouth and Daisuke moaned out a name loudly in a voice choked with lust.
"Takeruuuu…pleease…morrrre…"
The distinct sounds of Takeru throwing up were heard emanating somewhere in the audience as the screen slid back up into the ceiling.
"Who's not in love with Takeru again?" Laith snickered.
"I-I'm NOT!" Daisuke stammered, beet red.
"Can anyone say, 'Denial'?" Banshee laughed.
"I am NOT in denial!" Daisuke bellowed.
"Somebody's in the closet." Laith smirked from the booth.
"Now You Know…Daisuke!"
"Th-They do NOT!" Daisuke sputtered, "It's all a lie!"
"Get off the stage." Banshee said, "You're wasting time!"
Simultaneously,Laith and Banshee pressed the eject button, sending the leader of the digi-destined through the roof.
Outside the KYS Studios:
"NO STOUTS IN SPEEDOS! NO THICK WAISTS IN THONGS!" Shinigami screeched in to a bullhorn, holding up a huge picket sign.
"STOUTS IN SPEEDOS ARE SCARY! THICK WAISTS IN THONGS ARE JUST WRONG!" HeartofDragon screamed, punching the air with her fist.
"DOWN WITH THE GREEN JIGGLING MENACE!" HokageMastersShortaii and the crazy Kitsune-chan shrieked, marching around the soapbox Shinigami Goumon stood.
"PEOPLE WHO WANNA WEAR BUTTFLOSS NEED TO GO THROUGH AN APPLICATION PROCESS!" Shinigami bellowed into the bullhorn.
"RICHARD SIMMONS NEED NOT APPLY!" HeartofDragon yelled.
"GREEN JELLO IS THE SOURCE OF ALL THINGS EVIL!" Ashen Rose cried.
"DOWN WITH ROSIE WANNABE'S IN G-STRINGS!" BaDDtotheproverbialbone'DL screeched.
Laith and Banshee watched all this through a monitor and sighed exasperatedly as more and more people joined the cause.
"This shows no signs of stopping." Laith grumbled.
"Yuh-huh." Banshee nodded.
"Okay everyone, Let's go to our Field Correspondent." Laith drawled, "Can you hear us out there?"
The screen flew back out from the ceiling and a familiar, but different face appeared, "on location": a gorgeous silver haired man standing indignantly with a microphone.
"Well…phwuhhh…hello foolish mortals." Sesshomaru muttered irritably, "Obviously, I am not my wife. She is still on strike with your psychopathic hostess. So I have regrettably been forced to fill in. Damn you Loki..."
"Hehehe." The youkai looked out from the camera and shrugged, "Its not ALL my fault, Fluffy. HoD made me make you."
Sesshomaru regarded the camera youkai icily.
"Only HoD may address me as Fluffy." He murmured frostily, "Do so again and the audience is going to know what the inside of your rectum looks like you miserable fool."
"-glp-Okay." Loki gulped, "You're obviously in a bad mood. So folks! We're not far from the studio now and we're about to sneak up on a certain little black bird demon! And with the mood ol' Sesh here is in, I think its gonna be some good bashin'!"
"Loki?" Sesshomaru said quietly, turning his head slightly to regard the shorter youkai.
"Yeah?" Loki replied nervously.
"Shut up." Sesshomaru murmured coolly approaching the target.
"Ehem!" he cleared his throat directly behind the youkai, making him jump.
"Wha-what?" Karasu sputtered, whirling around, "What do you want? Who are you anyway, you handsome devil..."
There was a decidedly disgusted look on Sesshomaru's face as the crow demon promptly began to hit on him.
"I am filling in for my wife today, as field correspondent for a show called, Know Your Stars: FREE FOR ALL! and you are my victim for today." Sesshomaru replied.
"Ohh victim…" Karasu purred, "You sound so tough big guy..."
"Ughhh this man is disgusting..." Sesshomaru thought in revulsion, "I think I will enjoy 'bashing' him..."
"Well now, let us begin." Sesshomaru muttered, "To start, HoD lent me her favorite toy..."
He pulled the silver ball form his pocket and activated it, sucking all three into HoD's trademark.
"Know Your Stars…Know Your Stars…Know Your Stars…" Sesshomaru drawled.
"Karasu...he wears a mask because he actually has horrible halitosis!" Loki started, not wanting to be left outwhich irked Sesshomaru into peling him with a rather large rock he just happened to have in his pocket...
"Excuse me Loki." He murmured, "But I do believe that I am filling in for my wife…not you."
"Sorry, couldn't resist... eheheh." Loki laughed sheepishly as a welt formed on his head.
Sesshomaru rolled his eyes at Loki and proceeded with his roasting.
"Now then…Karasu…he really doesn't like birds." He said, smirking ever so slightly, "Especially large black ones. Truth in fact, he actually throws rocks at them whenever he sees one because they frighten him so."
He smiled slightly as the horny demon started tp grow enraged.
"Damn it, you stupid mutt!" Karasu cried, "I'm a crow demon! I would never hurt my own kind like that! Or be afraid of them!"
"Ahhh, that's what you say." Sesshomaru smirked, "But I know what you really think... '
"You..." Karasu growled ferally, balling his hands into fists.
"Hehe…" Sesshomaru snickered softly, "Karasu…he absolutely adores bald men. In fact, he makes out with Renkotsu whenever he gets the chance."
"I should know." Loki said, looking a little green, "I've seen him do it!"
"You've seen nothing!" Karasu screeched, "I love hair! Long, smooth, silky, soft hair..."
Karasu eyed Sesshomaru's long mane with lust in his eyes.
"…you have issues." Sesshomaru murmured, "It's probably why no one wants to associate with you."
"I am so liked!" Karasu cried indignantly.
"No. You're not." Sesshomaru muttered derisively, "But I can make it so you are. Now which lever was it..."
Sesshomaru scanned the many levers lining the walls when he spotted a bright pink one with a bow on it.
"There we are" he smirked.
Sesshomaru quickly pulled the lever and in a flash, Karasu was a living chibi.
"I've heard from Shinigami and HoD that girls love chibis." He drawled, "You'll soon be swimming in them..."
"WHAT?" Karasu cried, "GIRLS? I like men! MEN! NOT GIRLS!"
"Awww, but your sooo adorable now." Sessomaru taunted, now thoroughly enjoying himself. "Karasu…he only hits on men because he believes it to be amusing."
"No I DON'T!" Karasu screamed, "I LOVE MEN! I AM NOT STRAIGHT YOU STUPID, FLEE BITTEN DOG BREATHED-!"
"Temper, Temper." He taunted, "You wouldn't want to make yourself cry because you got violent now would you?"
"What the hell are you talking about?" Karasu shrieked.
At this time the audience was rolling in laughter at the protesting chibi man on the screen, and Sesshomaru continued, enjoying every minute of it.
"Now I see why those two like this job." He thought to himself.
"Karasu…he is a pacifist." Sesshomaru smirked.
"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?" Karasu bellowed.
"He would rather settle things in a peace circle than fight." He continued, "I mean really…does he look like he would want to fight anyone?"
"AAAAAAAAAAUUUUUGHH! Karasu screeched, "YOU'RE THE ONE WHO MADE ME LOOK LIKE THIS YOU IDIOT! AND I SOOOOOOOO LOVE BLOWING THINGS UP! I'm not non violent! I'M TOTALLY VIOLENT!"
The chibi jumped up and down flailing his arms about, which just about sent Sesshomaru into a laughing fit; he looked just that stupid!
"Awww come on." Loki snickered from behind the camera, "Just admit that you're a hippie!"
"NO! I'M! NOT!" Karasu screamed, "I AM NOT AHIPPIE!"
"Thats not what your hippie friends say..." Loki sneered in a singsong voice, happy that Sesshomaru was letting him get away with this.
Some where off in the distance... "Make peace not war, little dude!"
"I'M NOT A HIPPIE OR A CHIBI GODDAMN IT!" Karasu shrieked.
"You clearly are, you delusional rat with wings." Sesshomaru smirked, "But unfortunately I believe I am out of time. Back to you in the studio!"
He smiled as Loki snickered at how much Sesshomaru had enjoyed himself and the focused returned to Laith and Banshee in the studio.
"Alrighty, I think we have time for one more." Banshee said, checking the clock as Shingami and HeartofDragon's screams blared out of the monitor on the control panel.
"Agreed,." Laith nodded calmly, "Let's see….we have a request for…huh?"
"What izzit Laith?" Banshee blinked.
"It's a request that we bash…Sesshomaru and Jin Kaze Tsukai." Laith murmured.
"Th-the hostesses husbands?" Banshee replied shakily, eyes widening in fear.
"Mm-hm." Laith nodded, paling somewhat, "This is policydictates that we never turn down a request."
"We're gonna die…aren't we Laith?" Banshee mumbled numbly.
Outside the KYS Studio:
"THE OVERWEIGHT MENACE IN THE PINK T-BAR MUST BE DESTROYED!" Shinigami bellowed into the bullhorn, pointing her picket sign at Rosie O'Donnell, who was now parading around with several retaliation protestors in nothing but bras, thongs and Speedos in almost every color of the rainbow.
"On th' count a three everyone!" Rosie yelled, "ONE! TWO! THREE!"
All at once, every overweight person, whipped around, bent over and mooned the protestors.
"AAAAAAAAAAAUGH! IT BURRRRRRRNNNS!" HeartofDragon howled, "SG! SG! WHERE ARE YOU?"
"I DON'T KNOW!" Shinigami sobbed, "WHERE DID EVERYBODY GO?"
"DON'T GIVE UP!" Duskmon Kimura shouted, "WE CAN'T LET THEM WIN!"
"KEEP FIGHTING EVERYONE!" TeenAnimeLover shrieked.
(A/N: Up next...Sesshomaru and Jin. R&R!)