Author's Note:
Thank you all so much for your reviews! I read them all and they have really been brightening my days. And thank you to everyone who is reading, favouriting and following. I appreciate you all :) And I hope you've all had a great week.
Colleen S: Thank you so much for saying that you hope I'm doing well - I was actually having a rough few days at work, and it really made me smile to know that someone cared. I hope you're doing well, too :)
There will likely be a bit of a gap after this chapter, as I'm finding I need to re-plot after every few chapters, based on where the story has ended up. For context, I had originally guessed that this story would have about five chapters, but I'm now projecting about 16-19, so I'm having to re-pace some of the elements. But I'll try to get another chapter out this weekend!
Chapter 10 - Darcy House - A New Light
Since the compromise, Elizabeth's opinion of her husband had been steadily improving, partly due to the clarification of past misunderstandings and partly due to the kind behaviour Mr Darcy had shown Elizabeth and her family.
But one last major stumbling block was about to come back into focus as Elizabeth prepared to receive her sister Jane for a visit - the situation between Jane and Mr Bingley.
Elizabeth was reluctant to start an argument when she and Mr Darcy had been getting along so well, but she felt that they would not be able to avoid a discussion on the subject, when the 'subject' was staying with them. However, Mr Darcy had already given her a slight indication that he regretted his behaviour, so, rather than immediately address the situation, she would give observe his behaviour and give him a chance to improve.
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Mr Darcy was likewise apprehensive about Miss Bennet's visit. He owned that he may have erred in his judgment of Miss Bennet's feelings towards his friend, likely due to his preconceptions of the Bennet family, so he was determined to be more objective in his observations during this visit.
However, he and Elizabeth had not revisited the discussion since it had been brought up so disastrously at Rosings, and he was concerned that it may reignite some of Elizabeth's negative feelings towards him. He had considered addressing the situation directly, but he was not sure how that conversation might go. He decided it was best to wait.
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Elizabeth was elated to see Jane again, as it had been some weeks since they had been together.
The two spent several days visiting with the Gardiners, walking in Hyde Park and catching up on their respective news.
One evening, Elizabeth and Jane were talking in Jane's bedroom.
"Lizzy," began Jane, "How are you really finding marriage?"
Elizabeth wanted so much to confide in Jane about the true state of affairs: her 'marriage of appearances' with Mr Darcy, the truth about Mr Bingley, her confusing feelings about her husband.
But she settled for some half-truths.
"I hardly know where to begin," replied Elizabeth, "Fitzwilliam is not at all what I expected - it seems I am surprised by him every day. He's ever so kind to me and to his staff and to almost anyone with whom I see him interact. He has been so thoughtful and considerate of my needs and my feelings. And I haven't detected any improper pride in him at all. He has been wonderful with our aunt and uncle Gardiner - he seems to genuinely enjoy their company."
"I was also wrong about his dealings with Mr Wickham. I will not share the particulars, as Fitzwilliam has not authorised me to do so, but I am now thoroughly convinced that Mr Wickham is a scoundrel."
"Well!" replied Jane, "I won't ask about Mr Wickham then. But, all is well? Have you and Mr Darcy grown close?"
"We have," replied Elizabeth, smiling, "That is to say, closer than we were previously. We have not yet spent very much time together, as he is often busy with matters of business, but we have spent some pleasant hours."
Jane blushed at this comment, which mortified Elizabeth, when she realised the implication of her words, but she did not correct her sister.
"You seem much more settled than when we last spoke," mused Jane.
"Yes, I believe I am," replied Elizabeth, "I hold a lot of hope for the future."
As she stated this, Elizabeth realised how true it was. Jane was always able to help her to recognise her true feelings.
"Oh, Lizzy, I'm so glad," smiled Jane.
The exception, of course, was the situation between Jane and Mr Bingley. Elizabeth did not see how she could ever truly be happy when Jane yet was not.
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Elizabeth, Mr Darcy and Miss Bennet were sitting down to breakfast the next morning, when Elizabeth was called away to confirm some dinner arrangements.
Mr Darcy's heart swelled with pride as he considered how quickly Elizabeth had taken to her role as mistress of Darcy House.
He also saw an opportunity to discuss some upcoming plans with Miss Bennet.
"Miss Bennet," Mr Darcy began, "Would you mind terribly if I asked you for some advice on a birthday surprise for Elizabeth?"
"Oh," replied Miss Bennet, serenely "Not at all."
"Excellent!" Mr Darcy smiled, "I was hoping to invite you and perhaps some of your family to stay at Pemberley. As it's Elizabeth's first birthday since leaving Longbourn, I thought that may help to prevent any homesickness."
"However, I have two problems. The first is that I'm not sure whom I should invite. I considered perhaps your father, as I know he and Elizabeth are close, or perhaps Miss Mary, as Elizabeth had expressed a wish to invite her to Longbourn to spend more time with Georgiana. And the second problem is that while I would like to surprise Elizabeth, and to show that I've taken the time to think of what she might like, I also want her to know that I value her opinion and would not wish to give the impression that I have deliberately excluded anyone from the invitations."
"I see", replied Jane, thoughtfully, "It is wonderful that you wish to surprise Elizabeth and I think you are right - I know that I would prefer a visit from family to fine gifts, and Elizabeth is much the same."
Mr Darcy blushed as he remembered his previous assessment of Miss Bennet as mercenary, but she was too polite to acknowledge the change in his countenance.
"I think you can solve both the problems," Jane continued, "Why do you not suggest two plans and ask her to choose between them? That will show that you've thought about what she might like, but also that you value her opinion. And you could also mention that if she prefers to invite the whole family, you would welcome that as well. But I do not think she will choose that option."
Jane smiled very slightly, and Mr Darcy smiled back, sheepishly.
"Then," Jane continued, "You could plan some surprise activities during the visit."
Mr Darcy smiled and nodded.
"I think that sounds perfect, Miss Bennet. Thank you very much," he said.
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Later that day, Mr Darcy encountered Elizabeth in the hallway.
"Elizabeth," Mr Darcy asked, "Would you join me in the library?"
"Of course, Fitzwilliam," replied Elizabeth, following him.
They entered the library, and Mr Darcy closed the door behind them. He led Elizabeth over to a settee, and they sat beside each other.
"I owe you an apology," Mr Darcy began, "Or, truthfully, I owe several people apologies, but I will start with you."
Elizabeth raised her eyebrows.
"I was completely and utterly wrong about your sister's feelings. I can see now how reserved she is, how little of her emotion shows on her face. I should not have attempted to judge the feelings of one I knew so little. It was unpardonable of me, and I'm truly sorry."
"Thank you, Fitzwilliam," replied Elizabeth, "I truly appreciate that you've taken the time to think about this. I accept your apology."
She smiled and took his hand.
"I've also been thinking about Jane's temperament, to try to attain an idea of what one less well acquainted with my sister might see, and it was quite enlightening. In fact, Fitzwilliam, I saw you."
Mr Darcy had a look of such bewilderment in response to that statement that Elizabeth could not help but laugh.
"Let me explain," she said, smiling, "Jane has a tender heart, but she does not often display her feelings on her face, causing those who don't know her to perceive her countenance as cold or unfeeling. Did I not make the same mistake with you? You also mask your emotions from those you do not know well, and I was quick to judge you as proud and disagreeable. I'm truly sorry too."
Mr Darcy smiled in relief.
"There is nothing for which you need to apologise, Elizabeth. I'm afraid you have been a bit too generous in your comparison of Miss Bennet and me. She is simply reserved, where I know that I was dismissive," he said.
"In any case," he continued, "I've also come to appreciate what a wonderful women Miss Bennet is. I was too hasty in my assessment of her, and in fact, I think Mr Bingley would have been lucky to have her as a wife. Might still be, in fact."
"I, I don't know what to say," replied Elizabeth, "Thank you."
"I'll speak to Charles," Mr Darcy said, "He noticed, of course, at the wedding breakfast, that your sister had been in London. I have not yet had the occasion for a private conversation with him, but when I do, I will let him know my role in keeping the two of them apart. And I'll tell him that I was wrong about Miss Bennet's feelings towards him."
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A week later, after Jane had returned to Longbourn, Elizabeth and Mr Darcy attended a ball.
Elizabeth had felt some trepidation at the idea of attending a grand ball with the ton. Would it be a ballroom full of Miss Bingleys?
Upon arrival, she felt she had never in her life seen such a collection of beautiful gowns, each adorning an equally beautiful woman who seemed to know Elizabeth's husband quite well. Were these simply ladies who had aspired to marry Fitzwilliam? Or had he known some of them better than that?
Elizabeth and Mr Darcy joined the couples dancing, but Elizabeth was deep in thought. She was surprised to recognise that what she was feeling was jealousy. Did Fitzwilliam think these women were more beautiful than her?
As the dance continued, she focused on her surroundings once more, and felt as if every eye in the room was upon her.
"It feels as if everyone in the room is staring at us, Fitzwilliam," observed Elizabeth, "Even married, you're still the most desired man in England!"
"They're staring at you, Elizabeth," Mr Darcy smiled, shaking his head, "You're the most beautiful woman in the room tonight. No man has been able to take his eyes off you, least of all me."
Elizabeth blushed, and Mr Darcy, emboldened, continued.
"Truthfully," he said, looking into her eyes, "You are always beautiful, but tonight, you're absolutely breathtaking."
Elizabeth felt her stomach flip. He had professed similar sentiments a few times now - could he really mean it?
"Fitzwilliam, I…" she began, "I thought you only found me tolerable?"
Mr Darcy's face fell. The dance ended, and he and Elizabeth left the dancing space, standing near the wall.
"At the assembly in Meryton, you said that I was not handsome enough to tempt you," Elizabeth continued.
"Elizabeth," said Mr Darcy, tenderly, as he ran his fingers gently down the side of her face, a look of adoration on his face, "I am so sorry that I said that, and that you heard it."
"I was in a terrible mood that night, as it had not been long since the incident with Georgiana at Ramsgate, and I was not in the mood for company. I had barely glanced at you when I responded to Bingley - I was simply trying to end the conversation."
"Did you truly believe I felt that way? Even after I proposed?" he asked.
Elizabeth looked down, avoiding his eyes. Mr Darcy lifted her chin gently.
"When I finally looked at you, I was immediately struck by your beautiful eyes, then the whole of your beautiful face, both of which have only continued to improve on me each day."
He was looking at her so intensely, so adoringly, that Elizabeth could not fathom in that moment how she had ever doubted him. He stepped slightly closer to her, looking at her lips, then back at her eyes. Was he about to kiss her? She mirrored his gaze, looking first at his lips and then back to his eyes. She felt her heart pounding. She wanted so much for him to close the distance between them and kiss her.
A yell nearby brought her back to their surroundings, and she and Mr Darcy both stepped back - they were in a crowded ballroom, and this was not the proper place for a kiss. She felt intense disappointment as the moment passed.
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The yell had brought Mr Darcy back to his senses as well. Once again, he had been on the verge of kissing Elizabeth, but it would not have been proper to do so in public.
And he was still not at all sure that Elizabeth would have wanted him to kiss her. Sometimes he felt as if she liked him and may be on the way to loving him, but other times, it was not so clear. He could not risk driving her away again by kissing her if she did not feel as he did - he would need to be sure.
Before he could resume the conversation with Elizabeth, the two were joined by Mr Bingley and Miss Bingley.
"How are you enjoying the ball, Mrs Darcy?" asked Mr Bingley.
"Oh," replied Elizabeth, still a little distracted, "It has been lovely."
"It must be quite a shock for you, Eliza," stated Miss Bingley, "To be among such company when you are used to country balls."
"Not quite a shock, Miss Bingley," replied Elizabeth, evenly, "It's a slightly larger, and perhaps more fashionable, gathering, but the essentials of a ball remain the same."
"I suppose, Eliza," Miss Bingley continued, "That you are not familiar enough with superior company to observe the degree of difference. While your family may blend into a crowd in Meryton, they would certainly stand out in a ball such as this."
Mr Bingley seemed about to respond, but Mr Darcy beat him to it.
"I find, Miss Bingley," he replied, tensely, "That the balls I attended in Hertfordshire were just as enjoyable, and the company just as pleasant, as any I've experienced here in London."
Miss Bingley looked aghast, but Mr Darcy barely noticed. He turned to Elizabeth, to find her smiling at him in admiration.
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"I find, Miss Bingley," Mr Darcy replied, tensely, "That the balls I attended in Hertfordshire were just as enjoyable, and the company just as pleasant, as any I've experienced here in London."
Elizabeth was surprised at his speech, albeit less than Miss Bingley seemed to be, and when Mr Darcy turned to look at her, she could see he was sincere.
As they rode home in the carriage that night, Elizabeth rested her head on Mr Darcy's shoulder, as she had on that first ride to Darcy House.
Mr Darcy put his arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer, then he kissed her hair, his lips lingering for a few seconds before pulling away.
She smiled, enjoying the feeling of being close to him. He was so tender and loving with her, always, and she realised, finally: she loved him too.
But how would she tell him? Would he still want a true marriage, like he had originally hoped?
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As the carriage departed, Elizabeth rested her head on Mr Darcy's shoulder. He felt his heart flutter, and he wrapped his arm around her shoulders, gently pulling her closer to his side, revelling in the warmth of her body.
He kissed the top of her head, breathing in the floral scent of her hair. He had told Elizabeth that he found her increasingly beautiful day by day, but his love for her seemed to grow minute by minute.
He could not continue in this way, living as man and wife without living as man and wife. His love for Elizabeth had proved stronger than he had conceived possible, making this challenge decidedly impossible.
He resolved, as she slept peacefully on his shoulder, that he would win her over. But he had failed so miserably the first time - how would he do it this time?