(A/N: Sorry this took so long! Writer's block is SUCH a BITCH! Anyhoo, here's the next instalment of Know Your Stars peeps! ENJOY!)
"Hum dee dum, it's soooo hot." Shinigami sighed, leaning forward so she was physically on the A/C unit, "Doncha think so Gir?" Shinigami sighed,
The hostess's newest partner in crime, Gir the robot and the Killer Bee, smiled up at her cutely.
"I don't…know." He said slowly, smile transforming into a grin before smacking himself repeatedly in the head while laughing hysterically.
"Gir, you are just to cute!" Shinigami sighed, hugging the robot she pilfered from Zim tight, "Now then, see anyone in the audience you like?"
"Is th' taco man out there?" Gir asked hopefully, "If I don't get a taco soon, I'll explode. I do that sometimes."
"Sorry. No taco man t'day." Shinigami sighed, handing her companion a taco from seemingly no where, "But no matter. You see anyone?"
Gir munched away on his taco and peered around the audience.
"OoooOOOO!" Gir squealed, "Mr. Bee says he doos not like that guy!" (deliberate misspelling)
Shinigami followed where Gir was pointing and a sadistic smirk filled her face.
"Excellent choice Gir." She snickered, flicking on the mike.
"ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLRIGHTY all you crazy fans! It's Time forrrrrrrr-KNOW YOUR STARS FREE FOR ALL!"
The audience erupted into cheers but knew better than to cheer for long and settled down before they faced the wrath of Shinigami's Pretty, Pushable buttons.
"I'm your hostess with the mostest, Shinigami Goumon! And while my co-hosts, Laith the Kitsune and Banshee the Hanneko are on vaca, I have my ever faithful sidekicks, Gir the Urkan Automaton and the Killer Bee!"
There was another round of applause as Gir plastered himself against the two-way glass and waved frantically, before turning to Shingami, smiling broadly.
"I love this show." He said blissfully as the Killer Bee buzzed around him on a string.
"Today's show is slightly different, humans and demons. Why you may ask? Because there are only TWO guests this round!"
Murmurs broke out among the audience members all wonder what Shinigami had been smoking.
"I know, I know! HIGHLY irregular for me. BUT! It isn't without reason, boys and girls. Because today's first sacrifice is none other than-HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEROOOOOOOOO YUY!"
The audience exploded with loud screams and clapping as the emotionless Perfect Soldier descended from their ranks and sat down coolly on the Stool O' Doom.
"Know Your Stars! Know Your Stars! Know Your-OOO! Something shiny!"
Heero twitched as the Mysterious Voice From Nowhere that had driven Pilot 2 into a mental institution filled the air.
"Heero Yuy…he thinks a duckling named Fred is his mother."
"No. I do not." Heero replied crisply, "Whom my mother is is strictly classified information."
"Did you hear that? He's ashamed of his own mother! Poor Fred! And she works so hard!"
"I told you, and I needn't remind you I hate repeating my self-" Heero said coolly, "-whom my mother is…is really none of your business."
"She even pulled triple shifts at Deja' Vu to feed you! You ungrateful child, you!"
Heero pulled out a detonation device and prepared to send the KYS: FFA! Studios sky high, when-
"Ah-ah-ahhh! I don't THINK so!"
Shinigami inwardly cringed as she forced herself to press a sickeningly pink button.
Relena Peacecraft materialized out of nowhere landing just feet away from Heero. Her sudden appearance horrified Pilot 1 to the point where he lost his grip on the detonator.
"HEERO!" She cried passionately, launching herself at him, "Are you finally going to kill me now? I'm ready! Go right ahe-!"
-BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZTTZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZTTTZZZZZZZZZZZZZTTTTZZZZZZZZTTZZZZZZZZZZZT-
Relena appeared to hit an invisible wall as electricity coursed through her body, making her do the jerkiest, most spastic dance anyone in the audience (Heero included) had ever seen.
"Oooo! She was goin' all like dees!" Gir said happily, doing a very accurate interpretive dance to simulate Relena's movements while being fried.
"Heero…he's the Hippie King of Santa Anna!"
"Repeat that." Heero said coolly as a Flower Child in the audience cried out, "Make love not war, dude!"
"Yes, Heero, the Hippie King, has ruled over the province of Santa Anna for many a year."
"I. Am not. A hippie." Heero said, looking nervously back and forth, "Frankly, they frighten me."
"And the hemp fields sway gloriously to and fro in the wind, the sky perfumed with Yes-I-Can-nibus smoke."
"I'm not the Hippie King." Heero said tersely, sweating quite a bit as a whole camp of them form around the Stool O' Doom singing anti-war songs and weaving flower wreaths that were all tossed in his general direction.
"They seem to think differently, your High-ness. Hee hee hee!"
"I'm no Hippie." Heero growled, as ring of lowers landed on his head, "I am a terrorist. Ter-ror-ist. Spell it out you fool. T-E-R-R-O-R-I-S-T."
"It's nice to know you can spell, your High-ness. But, there's still the matter of your subjects to tend to! Hee hee!"
"We'll defend you, dude." A female hippie named Strawberry Dreams said dreamily, getting up close and making Heero verrrrry nervous.
"Fight the power, man!" a male hippie named River Dance (pffffft!) said following Strawberry Dreams lead.
"Hee hee hee!" Shinigami laughed from the booth, "The hippies are working out almost as well as that Pink Witch Relena."
Gir who had been sitting peaceably in her lap uptil now, hopped off and stared up at her.
"I'm gonna roll around on the floor for a bit, kay?" he asked, the Killer Bee still buzzing away on the string her held in his hand.
"'kay!" Shinigami grinned as she watched Gir flop onto his side, dragging the Killer Bee down with him as he spun around in circles.
"I don't what Zim's problem is." Shinigami sighed, watching him happily, completely inattentive to the situation outside (Heero finally lost it and was going on a hippie killing spree), "He's just so kyoot!"
After awhile Gir stopped ooked up at her, smiled and said-
"Yay! I'm gonna be sick!"
"Hee hee!" Shinigami giggled, turning back towards the two-way mirror and, seeing the situation of Heero on his Hippie killing tangent, pressed the button that called in the M.I.W.'s (Yay! They make their triumphant return!) who quickly ushered out the remaining hippies (they numbered three) and forced Heero back into the stool.
"There! Now that THAT'S all settled, Heero…he thinks that mechas are the source of all evil!"
"…I am the Pilot of Wing Zero, you insufferable ass." Heero said monotonously, perfectly calm now that the hippies were gone, "How on earth could you draw such irrational conclusions?"
Shinigami pressed a psychotically reflective silver button, transporting a very sad Gir in front of Heero (if a teary-eyed Gir don't meltcha, nothin' will)
"Nnn…nnn…" Gir sniffled, his lower lip quivering (no idea how he does that since he's a robot)
"OOOOOOOOO! Now you've gone and done it! You went and made Gir cry! AND managed to piss of a huge fan base in the process!"
Gir disappeared from in front of the Perfect soldier as a huge horde of enraged Gir fnas loomed up behind him.
"Nnn…I-I miss my taco." Gir whimpered, staring at the crumbs littering Shinigami's floor as the Horde descended on Heero.
"Now you know-I mean knew, Heero! And now, on to our Field Report with HeartofDragon! HoD? You ready"
As the screen came down, you could see the dragoness currently gliding on a pair of roller blades, totally slacking off.
"Ehem... HoD?"
The dragoness tripped over her own feet at the loudness of Shinigami's voice.
"Oops...um, hey there everybody!" HoD grinned, "I was just, sliding around town, gee you get the funnest looks from people when skate circles around them, not too mention make the most delightful sounds when you run over their feet!"
"How true! But, who are you gonna roast today" Shinigami pried.
"Me? Well, we have to find the lucky fella! I'll give ya a hint, he sure likes "the flame" in things!" HoD winked, now traveling at an humanly impossible speed down the streets, nearly colliding with multiple pedestrians.
"Hey! You there! What are you doing? Stop running into people!"
"Well what do you know?" HoD cried, coming to a sudden halt infront of his face, "Just the schmuhhhh-I mean guy I was looking for!"
"What? Who are you? And what are you doing!" he demanded as she began skating tight circles around him, making him very dizzy.
"Well, Mr. Mustang...I am HeartofDragon." she smirked, going faster, "And I am a Field Correspondent to a very popular show called...Know Your Stars: FREE FOR ALL! which we'll start as soon as my camera man gets here."
The distinctive huffing sounds of someone whose been running for some time could be heard coming from not far away.
"Well there you are Sparky! What took you so long?" HoD taunted as all he could do was return her a dirty look.
"Shall we get started then?" she chimed as a very confused Mustang scratched his head.
"Look you freakish chimera, I don't know what you're up too but..." Mustang began…but was cut off when he found he was trapped in strange round device and a feeling of dread started to grow in the back of his mind.
"You were saying?" HoD asked absently, fiddling with a few more levers, "This is my own little world in here! And in here my word is law, now lets start the show!"
"Ehem...Know Your Stars! Know Your Stars! Know Your Stars!" HoD began, a happy grin on her face, "Roy Mustang…is totally against women wearing mini skirts because he hates the sight of their legs!"
"What!" Roy snapped, looking very pissed, "I totally love skirts!"
"Ohhh…so your a tranny?" she asked innocently.
"NO! I MEAN SKIRTS ON WOMEN!" Roy bellowed.
"But then you gotta see their scary legs, aren't the such a turn off to you?" HoD asked sympathetically.
"HELL NO!" Roy snapped, "I LOVE SEEING THEIR LEGS!"
"But not as much as you like seeing a nice, shaven mans leg…like, oh say, Edwards perhaps?" HoD asked, twiddling her thumbs.
"YOU SICK BITCH!" Roy screeched, turning red, "I HAVE NO INTEREST IN MEN!"
"The louder you yell, more it sounds like blind denial." She smirked, "...you don't like Ed though, do you? You wouldn't care if I were to do something to him?"
"Of course I like Ed!" Roy growled as a huge grin spread across HoD's face, "... but not in that way! And you better not anything to him!"
"Really?" she asked not-so-innocently, "It sure sounds like you like-like Ed."
"AAAAAAAAAAAUGHHH!" Roy screamed, tearing at his hair, "QUIT CONFUSING ME!"
HoD snickerd at the ailing man and decided it was time to change subjects.
"Know Your Stars! Know Your Stars! Know Your Stars! Roy Mustang…is really a perfect name for him." HoD said happily, "Particularly the 'Mustang' part because in a prior life he was really a horse named Mister Clippity Clop! They just channeled him into this human body!"
"WHAT!" Roy fumed, "I'm not a horse!"
"But Mister Clippity Clop?" HoD asked in feigned worry, "What about Misses Clippity Clop? She's gotta miss you! Oh wait…thats right! You left her for Ed!"
"Thats it." Roy said in a far too calm voice, "I'm gonna burn you too cinders."
"Whoooooaaa there, Nelly!" HoD said with a feral grin, "You forget, this isMY world!"
She reached over and pulled down a lever with a horse shoe on it and -poof!- Roy Mustang was a horse in the state uniform.
"NEIHHHHHHH!" Roy whinnied in panic, rearing up in fright.
"Ha!" she laughed, "Well, and I didn't forget what you called me so I'm gonna leave you like that cause im running outta time! Oh! And I called Misses Clippity Clop! She's waiting for you..."
HoD released him from her special toy and just out side was Ed, Armstrong, and a angry looking mare, who heard the whole thing.
"Uh ohhh..." Roy thought as Armstrong cracked up.
"Well horse butt, I suggest you get running." HoD said cheerfully, "Because I think Eddo and Misses Clippity Clop are a little ticked!"
"MUSTANG! YOU SICKO! I'M GONNA KILL YOU FOR EVEN THINKING ABOUT ME THAT WAY!" screamedthe blondelittle bishi, followed by furious stomping mare.
All you could see next was the whoosh of blue as mustang tore off from the taunting lieutenant and the angry little man on the back of a furious mare.
"Well that was fun! Wonder how long it'll be before the catch him?" HoD wondered an evil look on her face, "...well anyway that was the show today! I hope you liked it! But i gotta go see this! Bye!"
(A/N: Whose up next? R&R to find out.)