(A/N: I'M BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK! And gainfully employed! Yaaay for me! Unfortunately, Heartof Dragon couldn't make dis time, bit I filled in for her. So with that, ON WITH THE CHAPTER!)
"I love this show." Gir sighed happily, watching the TeVoed Scary Monkey Show while eating a bowl of extra crispy bacon.
"I hafta admit, this show is great." Shinigami remarked, chewing on a chocolate muffin as she watched, "Sadly tho', I must rip my eyes away from the screen so that the Evil Death Bee can choose another contestant!"
"…owchies!" Gir whispered, looking at her wide eyed before turning back to the T.V.
"Alrighty, Bee-mer!" Shinigami grinned, "Poke your favorite!"
"Lalalala! Lalalala! Lalalalalaa! Lalalala! Lalalala! Lalalalalaa!" the Evil Death Bee sang, flying from the booth and down into the audience.
It dove low, twisting around people's heads, drawing shrieks and cries of alarm as they did their best to fend it off.
Finally, it appeared as though the Evil Death Bee had chosen the first contestant…one assumes as much because it stung the poor fella in the eye.
And in the dead center of the pupil, through a corrective lens, no less.
And as the chosen chara let loose a bloodcurdling scream, the Evil Death Bee flew off, singing merrily, back to the control room.
"Ooo, excellent choice." Shinigami remarked as the overly cute cuddle bug landed on her head.
"ALLLLLRIGHTLADIES AND GERMS – THE EEBIL DEATH BEE HAS SPOKEN! OUR NEXT CONTESTANT ISSS…URASHIMA KEITARO! Get down here ya smarmy bastard!"
"Hey!" Naru and Keitaro cried as he rose from his seat, his eyeball now the size of a billiard ball.
"Say Urashima…you wouldn't happen t' be allergic to bees now wouldja?"
"Actually, yes. Yes I am!" he growled, marching towards the exit, "Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be on my way to the hospital n-!"
"I don't think so! This'll just make your roast that much more exciting!"
"WHAT?" Naru shrieked, flying up from her seat, "But he'll die!"
"Oh, I wouldn't let THAT happen! We'll just see how long he lasts before he blacks out! M.I.W.'s! The timer puh-leezuh!"
Two M.I.W.'s, who looked far too happy for their own good, wheeled out a huge stopwatch next to Keitaro.
"Please god tell me you're joking." Keitaro moaned as his eye continued to swell.
"Know Your Stars! Know Your Stars! Know Your Swellings!"
"Keitaro…his love for Naru is just a farce to cover his true obsession for Sera!"
"HUWAH?" Naru screamed, knuckles turning white, "For your sake, Keitaro, that'd better be a lie!"
"You sick fuck!" Keitaro shouted as his right cheek began to distend from the histamine reaction, "How dare you!"
"Yes, our dear Keitaro has a thing for the pigtailed nine year old ever since he first laid his four eyes on her!"
"What gives you the right to make up such sick lies about me?" Keitaro shouted as the inflammation began to reach his throat.
"Hey, it's not my fault you're a sick degenerate…with a foot fetish."
By this point, Keitaro was a very interesting shade of purple, his head was about the size of a Crenshaw melon and he was getting short of breath as his larynx swelled shut.
"Keitaro, you sick freak! Stay the hell away from Sera!" Seta bellowed as he kicked the poor boy in the swollen side of his head.
"Dad, chill out, he hasn't come near me…as if I would let'm." Sera snorted, rolling her eyes.
"Keitaro…his only true goal in life is to be a Tokyo U drop out with his buddies, Shirai & Haitani!"
Keitaro couldn't retort as he was clawing at his throat as his windpipe distended shut and he collapsed to the floor unconscious.
One of the M.I.W.'s leapt up and pressed the stop button on the giant sized stopwatch freezing the numbers in place as Keitaro's bloated skull connected with the floor.
"Johnny! Tell the audience what Urashima'-san's time was?"
"Five minutes and twenty two seconds!" the M.I.W. called Johnny cried, causing thunderous applause to erupt throughout the audience.
"Keitaro-san! Hang in there!" Shinobu sobbed, rocking the barely recognizable lump of flesh that had once been Keitaro back and forth as M.I.W.'s armed with a forklift swarmed around her.
"Now you know Keitaro! And, if we don't get this poor dope to the E.R. in the next half hour, it'll be KNEW Keitaro! Take'm away boys!"
Keitaro was then rolled onto the forklift and carted off, Shinobu sobbing after him.
And why was it Shinobu and not Naru? Well Lil' Naru was a little too busy making out with a propane tank (handily located in the seat next to her) at the time to care about her quote-un-quote boyfriend.
"Wow…he lasted a lot longer than I thought he would." Shinigami remarked, "Huh…what's the betting he survives?"
"I've got a pickle!" Gir cried, slamming a jar of Vlasic Dill pickles in the middle of a table that had randomly appeared.
"And I've got my collection of roadside shoes!" Shinigami bragged, displaying the shoes collected from the edge of the highway (my friend Roxanne actually has one of these), "So It's agreed! If he dies, I get your pickles, if he lives, you get my shoes!"
"Mm?" Gir blinked, having finished off the last one and was now downing the tail end of the pickle brine.
"Never mind." Shinigami shrugged, pulling the automaton onto her lap and addressing the insect perched on her head, "Alrightee, Evil Death Bee! Time t' poke your favorite!"
"Lalalala! Lalalala! Lalalalalaa! Lalalala! Lalalala! Lalalalalaa!" the Evil Death Bee sang taking flight and soaring out into the audience to find another victim.
It looped and it dipped causing shrieks and yells as it zoomed in low towards their heads until finally it spotted someone it just couldn't ignore, flipped around, annnnnnd-!
"OW! Sunnavabitch!" a brown haired boy with headphones hissed as the Evil Death Bee flew merrily away, leaving him with a large swelling on his wrist.
"Ooo, good choice. You're on a roll today." Shinigami smirked as the insect landed on her hand, "I can't recall bashing anyone from their series yet. Excellent work."
"ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLRIGHT ALL YOU CRAYZEH FANS! OUR NEXT GUEST DE JOUR ISSSSSSS…ASAKURA YOH! COME ONNNNNN DOWNNN!"
The shaman came shuffling down the stairs in a very lackadaisical manner before hopping up on the stool with a transparent samurai flanking his left side.
"Hey there Ghostbuster, are you ready?"
"Yup!" Yoh grinned, "Let's get the ball rollin' okay? I'd like to get out of here before Anna finds me."
"But of course. Who are we, the common man, to deny you your request?"
"Thanks for the understanding." You smiled, sitting back on the stool as The Disembodied Voice got started.
"Know Your Stars! Know Your Stars! Know Your Stars!"
"Asakura Yoh…he's deathly afraid of ghosts!"
"Umm…no I'm not." Yoh said lazily, digging around in his ear for wax.
"Yes, Yoh has a horrible case of spectrophobia! So severe in fact, that doctors deemed him a lost cause!"
"You know she's lying right?" Yoh said listlessly to Amidamaru, who was sobbing hysterically behind him.
"All this time and you never told me!" He sobbed.
"That's right! So his 'Guardian Ghost' is what scares him the most. If that aint irony, I don't know what is!"
"Can we hurry it up please?" Yoh asked as a sudden bout of familiar chills, that were always a precursor to an unexpected appearance by Anna, went shooting through his spine.
"Y-you're so cruel!" Amidamaru sobbed shooting towards the ceiling and phasing through it and into the night (…it's noon, idiot)
"Yoh…he's an insensitive rube who gets off on the pain and suffering of others."
"No, that would be you." Yoh sighed, beginning to twitch slight out of anxiousness.
"Oh yeah! You're right! Typo! You actually get off on your OWN pain. My bad!"
"God, can you please just wrap this-!" Yoh never got to finish because the stage doors flung themselves open and a very scary Anna came striding in.
"Yoh…I called your fiancée!"
"YOU DID WHAT?" Yoh cried in horror, trying to leap up only to be pinned down by the manacle.
"Yoh…also has no idea that Manta and Hao are in cahoots in their plans to take over the world with their subordinates, Pinky and the Brain!"
"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?" Yoh screamed as Hao rode up on his Fire Spirit, sitting in a spot lower than Manta, who rode on the spirit's head.
"It's all true, Yoh." Manta smirked, "In fact, I'M the one pulling all the strings! Isn't that right Hao, you miserable worm?"
"Yes, teiohsama!" Hao said respectfully.
"Later, Yoh." Manta said offhandedly, "People to see, cities to destroy and all that."
"At last, Pinky. Our dreams shall be realized." Brain cackled evilly, rubbing his paws together.
"Really, Brain? We're gonna eat the world's largest pastry puff? NARF!" Pinky cried happily.
"No Pinky, we're going to take over the world." Hao smirked as they smashed through a wall.
"And I'm taking over your world." Anna said coolly, "And if you thought you're training was bad before, well you haven't seen anything yet!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Yoh howled, as Anna dragged him off, stool and all, "AMIDAMARUUUUUUUUUU!"
"Now you know…Yoh!"
"Gotta remember to have the staff replace that stool." Shinigami said offhandedly, "And since HoD and Sesshoumaru are on a second honeymoon, I guess it's up to me and the Evil Death Bee to find a third roast."
As if on cue, the yellow critter took flight out of the control room to seek out another victim while the stage crew replaced the stool.
"OooOOOOoooo!" Gir squealed suddenly, pressing himself against the glass, "How come his head so big?"
"Whose head? Whatcha lookin' at?" Shinigami asked, picking the automaton up, and peering through the two-way glass.
"Whyyyyyyy is his head so big?" Gir asked again as he pointed out the two-way mirror at a person in the audience.
"Because whoever created this great universe need a good laugh that day." Shinigami smirked as her eyes fell on a certain Pokémon breeder…that the Evil Death Bee just happened to choose to sting in the back of the neck only seconds later.
"Oh, mah deeya sweet chaild." Shinigami grinned as the insect returned to her, "Mama's so prowd a yew!"
"OKAY KNOW YOUR STARS FANNNNNNNS! IT'S THAT TAAAAAAAAHME AGAIN! OUR NEWEST SACRIFICE ISSSSS…TAKESHI! COME ONNNNNNN DOWN!"
The Pokémon breeder swaggered down the stairs, head whipping around wildly to take in all the woman surrounding him in the audience on both sides before taking a seat, head reeling, on the new stool.
"Know Your Stars! Know Your Stars! Know Your Stars!"
"Takeshi…he's a sick reprobate who enjoys chopping off people's feet with a hacksaw!"
"What? No I'm not!" Takeshi sputtered, "I enjoy learning all I can about Pokémon care! And I don't even own a hacksaw!"
"See? The exact words a twisted degenerate like him would use to lull you into a false sense of security!"
"I don't cut people's feet of with a hacksaw!" Takeshi fumed, "That's Kasumi! Not me!"
"You TRAITOR!" Kasumi screamed from the audience, blue eyes flashing, "YOU PROMISED NOT TO TELL!"
"Bite me." Takeshi replied dully.
"Takeshi…he has a bite-fetish!"
"WHAT? No I don't!" Takeshi cried, attempting to leap off the stool…only to be struck by ten tons of Jell-O brand gelatin.
"Of all things to turn your crank – isn't that just sick?"
"Ish jush an eshpreshin!" he blubbered through the gelatinous orange mass.
A bolt of lightning then struck the Jell-O, flooding the stage with the stick, gloopy mess and sending Takeshi tumbling back onto the stool.
"Takeshi…his obsessive behavior surrounding women is just a cover up to hide his true feelings for Satoshi!"
"Wh-what?" Takeshi squeaked, turning the color of day old oatmeal.
"D-d-dya mind…repeating that?" Satoshi sad warily, edging his way towards the exit where five M.I.W.'s were waiting just in case.
"Takeshi…is in love with Satoshi!"
Satoshi went white and bolted for the exit only to be hauled on stage by the M.I.W.'s.
"Awww…init that kyoot? They're so shy!"
Yaoi fangirls in the audience squealed in sheer delight and held up banners of "LONG LIVE YAOI!", "YAOI FOREVER!" and "YAOI IS LIFE!"
"T-T-T-Takeshi…please tell me she's lying." Satoshi begged, struggling against the burly M.I.W.'s with all his might.
"…not…in this case." Takeshi mumbled, staring at the floor.
"HA! I KNEW IT!" Kasumi cried victoriously, "NO WONDER PROFESSOR TSUTA TOSSED YOU OUT ON YOUR ASS!"
"I…let you…share a bath with me…YOU SAW ME NAKED!" Satoshi cried in horror, "GET A-WAY FROM ME YOU FREAK!"
"Oh come on honey, don't be like that." Takeshi said with a smile, "We can make this work."
"NO WE CANT!" Satoshi shrieked, breaking free of the M.I.W.'S
"Now you know…Takeshi. Wow, lookat that lil' man ruh-oop, my mistake. The M.I.W.'s got him. GO FOR IT TAKESHI! GOGOGO!"
(A/N: Who's up nect? R&R to find out! Til later dudes!)