Marvel Comics 1000 Addendum
Disclaimer: "Hey! That was my favorite flamethrower!"
Chapter 6: Complaining
A living room
It started out as an ordinary day. Very ordinary. I had the day off from work, so I thought I could relax and play some Super Smash Bros. Ultimate on my Nintendo Switch. It had been a while since I played it, and I wanted to let off some steam. That...didn't quite go to plan. I didn't know how it happened, but here I was. I had found myself sitting next to the Mer-
"Hey I appreciate the help, author guy, but maybe you should let me introduce myself!" The man introduced himself. He grinned underneath his red-and-black mask and waved to the reader. "Hello, all you lovely readers! It's a-me, Deadpool!" He glanced at me. "Wow. Really? A Super Mario Bros reference?"
"Well, we are playing Super Smash Bros together." I smiled, holding up a blue Joy-Con. "Not often I get to have someone to play this game with."
"Yeah, yeah." Deadpool grunted. "...you play as Mario? He's not even top tier!"
"...I like Mario." I told him. "It's just for fun, man. I'm not a pro player."
"The way you play certainly shows that." The Merc with a Mouth joked, making me roll my eyes. He wasn't wrong, though. For all the craziness he had, the mercenary was actually a pretty decent Smash player.
Wow, that's real nice of you, pal. I thought. No wonder everyone loves you so much.
"Now why was I here?" Deadpool snapped his fingers. "Oh yeah, now I remember! Listen, I was looking at this little fanfic of yours, and I noticed something was...off."
I blinked in confusion. "Off?"
"Yeah. You know what the problem is? It don't got me." Deadpool explained. "I mean, this fic needs some freakin' star power, and..." He blinked. "Freakin'? Really?"
"I do want to keep this thing SFW, pal."
"So I can't say %&*(? Or $%)&?!" Deadpool growled. "...WHAT THE %&$^, MAN?! WHY AM I SWEARING IN %&^*$% SYMBOLS?!"
"It's called grawlix, and it's funny to me." I smiled.
"Aw, come on! This is silly!" Deadpool yelped. "I mean, you'd used some grownup words in your works before!"
"Yeah, but never to the level of your movies, man." I pointed out to him...while taking advantage of his distraction to send his Solid Snake flying right off the stage. God, I love the Lip's Stick.
"Well, my flicks are rated R for a reason, baby!" Deadpool whooped. "Hey, you killed my Snake!"
"You should have kept your eye on the game, man." I advised sagely. "And you still have three stocks left."
"...Imma get you for that." He grunted.
"You likely will." I shrugged.
"Yeah, I bet I will." Deadpool smiled fondly. "I certainly will...man, my vengeance on you will be delicious. Delicious like a chimichanga. You like chimichangas?"
"Never had them." I said to him. The Merc with a Mouth then made a very funny series of noises that sounded like a care engine sputtering its way out of existence.
"You...you...you. Never. Had. Chimichangas?!" Deadpool exclaimed.
"Never had the opportunity to try."
"...How?! How?!" The Merc with a Mouth flailed. "Ho could you never have the opportunity to never try chimi-" He looked at the TV screen. "Aw, come on! Not again."
"Keep your eye on the game. And just make your point already." I sighed.
"Alright. You see, you need star power. I mean, look at what you focused on with so far! I mean, Nightcat?! The Wolfpack?! Seriously?!"
"What's wrong with them?" I asked. "I mean, the whole point of that whole Marvel Comics 1000 thing was that it celebrated 80 years of Marvel's history. They're part of Marvel's history. Sure, they're obscure, but they still count."
"Pal, nobody cares about them." Deadpool responded. "I mean, I get that you have a thing for obscure characters, but they aren't going to get you readers."
"The one review I got for this fic complimented my reviving of Nightcat." I countered. "And I used her in another story I wrote."
"Yeah, one review." Deadpool argued. "I mean, who you going to dig up next? Ooh, I know! How about...the Steeltown Rockers?!"
"The miniseries from 1990?" I recalled. I was hoping they'd release it in trade. I mean, they collected the Wolfpack's adventures in trade, so I imagine that they'd do it for the Rockers, too...
Deadpool scoffed. "Yeah, that one." He turned to the readers. "Hey, anybody who's actually reading this thing. If there actually is anyone reading this. Have you ever heard of the Steeltown Rockers? Do you care? No? I thought so."
"If they did a trade collecting their miniseries, I'd get it, read it, and give them a one shot here." I said. "They're a part of Marvel history, too. Nothing wrong with reminding people they existed once in a while." I shot the Merc with a Mouth a smirk. "Besides, you of all people shouldn't be whining about me giving obscure characters some spotlight."
"Oh?"
"Yeah." I nodded. "Remember that 'bi-annual' you did that revived Brute Force of all things? Oh, and the Steeltown Rockers do have a Wikipedia entry."
"Bull." Deadpool snorted. I paused the game, and grabbed my tablet. I activated the Wikipedia app, and typed 'Steeltown Rockers' into the search bar. A smile crossed my face as their entry popped up. I showed the screen to the merc.
"See?" I smirked proudly as Deadpool's jaw dropped.
"...you gotta be kidding."
"Nope." I grinned. "Not quite as obscure as you thought, huh? I would love to read the miniseries myself."
"...I'm sure." Deadpool shook his red-and-black masked head. "Look, I'm a pretty popular guy. I got a couple of movies, for crying out loud!"
"Yeah, I know." I nodded. "I watched them. I liked them."
"So, I'm just saying. You should put me in this thing." Deadpool said. "It'd get you some readers. And I never noticed you used me in one of these stories. Not even a mention."
"It's nothing personal." I assured. "I just never came up with a good story to use you in, that's all."
"So, when do you plan to do a story with me?"
"I have no idea, 'Pool." I answered. We then heard a knock on the door. I blinked in curiosity. That's weird.
"Oh, you have guests over!" Wade grinned happily. "Hooray, maybe we can throw a party!"
"...I didn't invite anyone over." I said as I went over to the door. I opened it, and saw a young redheaded woman standing there, her angular face showing a smile. "Oh. Hello, Marie."
"Bonjour, monsieur author." Marie-Ange Colbert smiled.
"Wait, aren't you dead?" Wade blinked.
"You and Spider-Man battled her in issue #11 of your team-up book together." I reminded.
"Oh, yeah." Deadpool recalled. He muttered something about me and being a continuity nerd as he glanced at Marie. "How exactly did you come back to life after that whole Necrosha thing, anyway?"
"And you make fun of me for being a continuity nerd." I muttered.
"I'm...I'm not sure." The French redhead admitted. She looked at the deck of cards in her hand. "Maybe it has something to do with my cards?"
"That would make some bizarre sense. Although if you ask me, it's more like unwillingness to research the continuity." I grumbled in frustration. I so hated it when writers did not do continuity research. It especially was ridiculous in this day and age, when doing such research was easier than ever.
"Whaddaya want here, Red?" Deadpool snorted. "Can't you see we're doing some Smashing here?"
"Oh, for Pete's sake..." I muttered, pinching the bridge of my nose. Can't he be nice for five minutes?!
"I...I had heard you were planning a one-shot focused around me." Marie said to me. "Is that true?"
"Yeah, I do want to use you in a one-shot, but I need to do another one to set it up." I confirmed. "I hope you can be patient."
"Oh, of course." She nodded happily. "Thank you."
"Yeah, no problem." I nodded.
"Considering how slow you freakin' are..." Deadpool muttered.
"Knock it off, 'Pool." I groaned.
"Uhm..." She smiled shyly, tucking some of her red hair behind her face. "I do apologize for asking you this..."
"Marie, I assure you. It'll be fine." I told her.
"...where is your kitchen?" She asked me. "I'm feeling a bit hungry..."
"Over there." I pointed down the hall. "Help yourself."
"Except for beer." Deadpool chimed in, helpful as ever. "Turns out author-boy here has got no taste for it."
"Oh, give me a break, 'Pool." I groaned, rolling my eyes. "Have you never heard of a teetotaler before?"
"What's that, some kind of weird cult?"
"It means I don't drink alcoholic beverages."
"Why? You got some weird allergy or something?"
"No, I tried beer once, didn't like it, and I never touched anything alcoholic since." I explained.
"What, so you've never had tequila?"
"No."
"Margarita?"
"No."
"Bahama Mama?"
"No."
"Long Island Iced Tea?"
"I'm not even into regular iced tea."
"...Man, you are boring."
I frowned. "Dude, you busted into my home, whining about you not being in this story, and I let you play Smash with me. I can kick you out of here any time I want." Deadpool snorted.
"Yeah, right." He laughed. "Dude, I'm a martial artist, swordsman, king of guns, and you're...you."
"You're a fictional character in a story I am writing." I countered. "If I wanted to, I could make an anvil fall on your head. Watch." I snapped my fingers.
Bonk!
An anvil fell from the ceiling and landed right on Deadpool's noggin. It comically sat on his shoulders for a few seconds before falling to the ground. He then popped his head back up, his mask showing a large bump, and little yellow stars and Cable-styled cherubs flew around his head making tweeting noises. The funniest bit was that the white eyepieces of his mask turned into spirals. I loved that.
"Pretty birdies..." He mumbled in a daze. "Fuzzy grilled cheese...I don't wanna go to Hoover Dam, mommy..." He shook his head really quickly, making one of those noises from the Hanna-Barbera sound library. Which is funny, as Marvel is owned by Disney. He glared at me. "Looney Tunes? Really?!"
"Hey, it works." I snapped my fingers again, and this time, a safe fell on him. "I trust this time, you get my point?"
"Imma bull of duh woods..." Deadpool muttered. He shook his head again. "Yeah, yeah. I was just suggesting."
"It really is nothing personal, Wade." I assured him. It really wasn't. I never really hated the guy, but I'd never say I was a big hardcore nut for him, either. Oh, well. Maybe I can get back to my other projects...
2015 – The origin of Deadpool's ability to break the Fourth Wall is revealed in Deadpool's Secret Secret Wars #4.
Deadpool looked up at that, and he put two and two together. He then shot me a glare as I held up my hand to snap my fingers, a smirk on my face.
"Oh, you clever son of a-"
Snap!
I hope everyone enjoyed this little one-shot. It was fun for me, as I got to experiment with writing in first-person for the very first time. Don't you worry, folks! There are more one-shots coming.