Warrior, I Am

Chapter 5: Squall

Disclaimer: If I owned Kingdom Hearts, I would've made the sequel less craptastic. And if I owned Mulan I would've put more romance into it.

A/N: Sorry for the delay. This site was being an asshole to me and wouldn't let me submit anything.

One, this chapter is very Squall-ified. Hence the title. Two, the "Yuffie Stinks" chapter has been put off for chapter 6. It just didn't feel like it fit in with this one. I promise it'll be next though!

Seifer hated his job.

He absofuckinglutely hated his job. It was as simple as that.

So what exactly did he do?

Well…

He was supposed to be the look out man. The "hawk". The sucker who had to stand on mountains all day and watch goddamn snow fall. Sephiroth said it was for safety purposes. Who the hell believed that ruse? Safety wasn't a problem when it came to Sephiroth. The man could butcher a town in a single night if he wanted to; and he had before.

Seifer snorted. No, he was too young to remember terrible shit like that. He had heard stories of it though; how Sephiroth had gone crazy and massacred his home town; how he'd set the whole friggin thing on fire to erase all memories; how he fucking left one kid alive so he could have a worthy rival…at least, that's how the stories went. Stories usually just equaled myths. And Seifer would be damned if he ever put his faith in a myth.

Anyways, back to having "safety". Sephiroth didn't really trust any of them. Sure, he called them all his "brothers", but everyone knew that Sephiroth would strangle his "brother" in his sleep if that were necessary. Sephiroth solely relied on himself. The rest of them were just lackeys to help him do his dirty work.

Seifer knew that; so why was he here, watching snow fall?

"Because of him," Seifer muttered sourly. "That sonnuva bitch that got promoted just because he was the general's son. He didn't even deserve it."

Seifer's strength was something to do reckoned with; also, so was his anger. His abilities probably even rivaled Axel's, one of Sephiroth's followers. Even though he could easily shove his way to Sephiroth's side, Seifer knew better than to do that. If he became one of Sephiroth's devout lackeys, then he'd be just like all the other suckers. Sephiroth would never let him out of his sight. As the lookout man, Seifer had many available choices. Even though his job was as boring as watching an old man hobble a marathon, he could leave Sephiroth in the blink of an eye if he had to.

He could chase after him at any moment if he had to.

Seifer sighed. Was he really just a fallen warrior? A man doomed to be caught behind his footsteps? He didn't want to consider that as a possibility. His life was filled with too much anger and determination for that guy to just win. That's why he was with Sephiroth. Not because he thought it was the winning side (because for sure it was); not because he even believed in all of the mindless killing. No, it was because of him.

"Squall. I'll get you yet."

Yuffie yawned and dragged herself out of bed. It had been a week since the camp had started; seven whole days since she had her harrowing episode on the pole of death.

Seven days since she'd "proposed" to Cloud.

Seven days…

"My life is starting to sound like some horror movie," Yuffie muttered, pulling out her normal garb. She waved out her shirt, frowning a little when a particular aroma hit her nostrils. Yuffie blanched a little and glanced around, as if there was an audience in her tent. Then, cautiously, Yuffie sniffed the left armpit of her shirt.

By jiminy, holy crickets! Yuffie nearly shrieked in horror. Holy pig guts, was that smell her doing? If you can imagine what a sour onion smells like, that's what Yuffie had just been subjected to. How the hell could her tiny little armpits generate such a stink? It was like shoving her nose up a horse's ass.

Yuffie, aware of her morning time constraints, hurriedly picked up her alternate shirt. She sniffed that one too. She was hoping for a rosy smell…but no. It smelled worse.

How was this happening to her? She didn't want to smell like poo poo! What would Cloud think? She was already envisioning the terrible scene. She would lift up her arm to block him, he'd get a big 'ol whiff of her stench, and he'd just plain faint on the ground. He'd slink away from her every chance he'd get! And her commander? His nose hairs would fall out the next time he talked to her! She was going to die…everyone would be appalled by her smell…

Wait.

What the hell was she talking about? She was in a camp with guys who didn't even wipe after they went to the bathroom. She, smelling like dung? Puh-leese! She had been in the breathing space of some men who smelled so bad it was almost acidic to her senses. And why did it even matter whether she stunk or not? She was supposed to be a guy. Maybe if she smelled some more people wouldn't think she was such a girl.

But still….

Yuffie partly knew why she was in this dilemma. Exactly two days ago she had decided to stop wearing her girly deodorant. Cloud had commented that she smelled like decomposed vegetation, an insult that she still didn't quite understand, but one that bothered her nonetheless. Men didn't smell like decomposed vegetation….whatever that was. So she had stopped wearing it.

And of course…there was one other thing…

She hadn't bathed herself in ten days.

Didn't sound that bad yet? Well, this was Yuffie who was covered in sweat and grimy dirt everyday. And she hadn't washed any of it off since she had left her home.

It's not that she didn't want to feel sparkly-clean. It was just that she was terrified of someone seeing her in the water. She had no one to cover her back (no she would not ask Cloud, of all people). And she was too afraid of sneaking out of her tent during the night because she'd heard rumors that Vincent prowled at night. She didn't want to have to encounter those red eyes and that claw at two in the morning.

How long was she going to put off her sanitation? She wasn't sure. Forever, maybe.

She sighed, got dressed, and went to wake up Cloud.

Yuffie had worked out her own little system by then. Cloud had always avoided speaking to her about his sleeping problems, so she devised her own way of waking him up. So far (the past two days) it had been relatively effective, with only a few injuries on her part.

Three days ago Yuffie had discovered that Cloud was very ticklish in his feet. He would start squirming the minute her fingers touched his sole. He would throw his legs out so that it looked like he was trying to swim in the air. This was a good method (in her opinion) because his feet were very easy to reach…and it was so comical for her.

It was relatively effective for the past two days because the first time she tried it she got kicked again. (And then of course the same cycle would ensue: Cloud would wake up and find her doubled over in pain. He'd become quiet and morose and attempt in his own awkward way to apologize. But that time she didn't ignore him afterwards.) The next time she tried it, she brought her pillow out and used it to cushion his foot. It worked; her stomach was still intact.

Not that she still couldn't feel the kick through the pillow though.

"Tickly-tickly," said Yuffie, running her hands over Cloud's feet. They began to flail like fish out of water. She always had to watch herself when she did this. If she didn't, she might end up with a mouth full of Cloud's icky toes.

"Come on Cloud, wakey wakey…"

Yuffie was laughing now. He always looked so dumb in the morning. She would never tell him that though, because she knew for a fact he wouldn't refrain from hitting her. "Get up…"

"What're you doing?"

That wasn't Cloud's voice.

It was too calm…

Too stoic…

Agh! Yuffie's heart flew in a million different directions. Agh times ten! She gripped Cloud's pale feet (darn boy needed to tan some more) like a steering wheel. She was too afraid—not to mention embarrassed—to look up.

It was Leonhart. In all of his commander-like glory.

'Well, say something, you dope!' Her mind chided her. She didn't even want to imagine what she looked like right now. She, crouching outside of her partner's tent, holding onto his feet for dear life. She glanced down. Yep. She was so nervous she was squeezing the life right outta his toes. And of course he slept on, unawares.

Geez.

Wasn't the "partner" contract to "watch each other's backs, at all costs?"

Well…

Damn bloke wouldn't even wake up when she needed him.

Yuffie slowly, eventually, glanced up at her commander. She steeled herself for the most awkward of stares. She was also perfectly prepared for feeling disarmed (his looks did that to her). So cautiously, the girl in disguise looked up.

HOLY SHIT--!

What in the world was he wearing? Yuffie glanced away quickly, coloring slightly. Gosh darn that man. Here she was, trying to be a man as best she could, and this guy comes over wearing leather pants. Leather pants. The only other time she'd ever seen a man wear those…well, it definitely wasn't for kid's eyes, that was for sure.

"Good morning, sir," she stalled for time, even when she wanted to scream, "What the hell are you doing here?" Didn't he have to get ready for training? Prepare himself for the onslaught of idiocy (like hers) that he had to deal with every day?

"Kisaragi." She figured that was his way of saying "Good morning."

Oh. There it was. The awkward stare. "What are you doing?" He asked.

"Eh heh…" Yuffie murmured, finally releasing Cloud's feet. "Well, sir…" She said in her best man voice that she could muster. Oh, did she mention that? She'd gotten pretty good at it since she'd first got to camp.

Should she spill? She wasn't sure that Cloud wanted his little "secret" to be known by the commander. And she'd feel bad for using him to protect herself from Leonhart. Hey, it wasn't Cloud's fault that Yuffie felt so vulnerable around Leonhart. She was pretty sure if Leonhart wanted to rape her she'd only ask, "outside or in the tent?"

It was that bad.

Eh heh…think man thoughts….think man thoughts….

Ok, so she had developed a slight infatuation for him. Who wouldn't? (Cloud.) She tried to convince herself it was only because he was so mysterious…

But Cloud was mysterious to her too…along with all of the other men…

So what was it about him that made him so special?

"Well, sir, just having a little fun with my partner." Yuffie tried her best to sound jolly. She looked like a moron. She slapped Cloud's feet heartily as if they shared some inside joke together. "Yep, that's us…" She smiled weakly at him.

Leonhart (more comfortably known as Squall) arched his eyebrow at her. She knew in an instant that he didn't believe her. She averted her eyes away from his eyes and to his pants. And then she had to avert her eyes back to his face, because she very couldn't well be staring at those pants!

"Is he sleeping?"

"Uh, no. He's just pretending to be asleep."

Yuffie hoped that didn't sound too ridiculous. Cloud pretending to sleep for her amusement was as common as seeing a green moon in the sky.

"And he lets you do that?" Squall's face was on the borderline of being bemused.

"What're you doing here, sir?" Yuffie tactlessly changed the subject. "Training starts…" 'Now, practically.'

"I cancelled training this morning," Squall said coolly, finally tearing his searing eyes away from her. He was looking far into the distance.

Yuffie's mouth made a small 'O' of surprise. She forgot the formalities for a moment. "You can do that?"

Squall looked at her with a small quirk of his lips. "I can do a lot of things…" He trailed off, and his eyes were digging right into her again.

Yikes. If she didn't know any better…

Was he suggesting something more…lewd?

But she was supposed to be a guy!

"Why?" Yuffie had a lot of questions now. Why'd he just cancel? Weren't they on a tight schedule or something? What about Sephiroth? What were they going to do if they didn't have training?

Squall stared at the younger Kisaragi. Unknowing to her, but she had just voiced all of that out loud. She seemed to be accustomed to talking to herself. Squall interrupted her before she could babble any more.

"Would you like to take a walk with me?"

'Walk? Walk? My legs are jello right now. You'll have to carry me…'

She didn't mind the sound of that.

AH! What was she doing? What was she thinking? She was starting to tread on very dangerous ground. For someone so cold, Leonhart sure made her feel like she was on fire. Did he know that she was a girl? And if not, then what was he doing? Was he gay? Did he realize what he was doing?

Was she just over exaggerating his actions?

"Sure…" Somehow she'd forgotten to say sir. She carefully tucked Cloud's feet back into his tent (she didn't want them to get too cold) and stood up next to Squall. He looked down at her and nodded his head to the side. He began to walk and she followed.

Yuffie attempted to keep up with Squall as he walked calmly through the camp. She lagged behind a little, her eyes trained on his hair and how it went swish, swish as he walked. Also, it would be impossible for him to smell her if she was behind him and the wind was blowing her way. She, on the other hand, got to get a nice big whiff of Squall's cologne, which smelled a little spicy.

"Like tacos," Yuffie muttered, drooling to herself. Oh shoot. She was hungry—but only for tacos. The chance of those grumpy chefs making tacos was very slim though. All they ever made was cereal, canned goods, and soup. Or rather…all they ever made was soup. Couldn't they spice up the menu a bit?

"—say something?" Squall cut into her train of thoughts. He wasn't looking at her. He didn't sound like he cared whether she really did say anything or not. Why'd he invite her to walk if he didn't want to talk? Unless he was the "I-Like-Long-Walks-On-The-Beach-With-Sustained-Silence" sort of guy.

Argh. Her mind was all over the place. She sounded senile to herself.

"Erm, no. Just talking to myself. Sir." Somehow she had gotten a hold of her formalities again. She glanced up and saw that Squall just kept walking as if she didn't exist. She suddenly wanted to be back with Cloud. Being with the commander made her feel giddy, but also nervous—so much that she often wished she could be rid of his presence. She acted like an idiot around him.

"Do you have a sister?" Squall finally asked, still not looking at her. His hands were in his pockets. (Leather pants have pockets?)

Yuffie frowned, and she felt her heart thud double-time. How in the world did everyone know about her? And she thought that she was just the ambiguous little twerp that no guy ever looked at. If she knew about all this attention earlier, she might've attempted to look nicer in public.

In a camp full of men with her breasts bound, and walking with her very attractive commander, Yuffie figured it was too late for that now.

"A twin." Yuffie told him, just like she told Cloud. "She's at home." Did she tell Cloud that "she" was at home too? Yuffie couldn't remember what she had said. Whoops. "She's..uh…." Yuffie figured now was the time to fluff her feathers a little. "She's really talented."

Did Squall just chuckle? What was he giggling about? She didn't say anything funny.

"How so?" He asked in that deep baritone of his. Unknowingly, he had fallen in Yuffie's trap.

"Well…" Yuffie thought for a moment. "She's a very accomplished ninja." Half lie; Yuffie, at some minor point in her life, had trained to be a ninja. Squall didn't need to know that she gave up after two years. "She's a good artist too. She paints murals." If fences were considered murals. "And…she's very good with her mouth."

Whoops.

Exactly what did she mean by that? It kinda just slipped out.

Squall had stopped walking.

"Oomph," Yuffie blew out. She had walked into Squall, her nose buried in his back. She stepped away hastily. Darn it, why'd she have to say that. She was thinking of talking, singing and public speaking—fer chrissakes—when she had formulated that sentence. Never in her right mind was she thinking about how it would actually come out. She never intended it to sound so…dirty.

And really…it had extremely dirty connotations.

"Well, what I mean is—" Yuffie sputtered.

"How would you know that?" Squall asked, voice low. Yuffie blinked in confusion.

"Know what?"

"That she was good with her mouth."

Yuffie blinked again as his words sunk in. How would she know…--OH EW! EW! What was going on in that man's head? Oh no, oh no. Was he asking what she thought he was asking? Now not only did he think she was helplessly stupid and girly, but that she also chronically engaged in incestuous acts with her non-existent twin sister.

She wanted to world to swallow her up right there.

'Dear heavens, just let me crawl back to my tent and forget I ever took a walk with him…'

"I don't—it's not like I—what I meant to say was—" Yuffie stuttered. Damn her mouth. Damn it. Her deceitful orifice exploded with an explanation before she could live in any more embarrassment. "She sings! Sings like a professional."

Squall stared at her for a while, watching her fidget helplessly. Yuffie was completely unaware of this, but Squall found it amusing to make her uncomfortable. People like her—perky and loud—often irritated him, and antagonizing them was a favorite pastime of his. It was a perk in his normally strenuous and frustrating itinerary.

"She seems very talented," Squall finally agreed with her. Yuffie sighed. Thank Ansem he believed her. Squall looked back at her, a small quirk to his lips. An eccentricity that normal people wouldn't notice if they weren't walking so close to him like she was. "I'd like to hear her sing."

"Eh heh…" Yuffie muttered, scratching the back of her head. That was a nice enough request if he wanted to go deaf. Not to mention that—again—she did not have a twin-sister that was amazingly talented. Only herself, with her bad ninja skills and currently stinky clothes. "She's…"

"At home," Squall completed for her. He was walking and looking back at her. Yuffie hoped he didn't walk into a tree. "That's what you said."

Oh darn it, the man happened to have a very good memory. She couldn't even remember that she said that. This was going to be a problem. Maybe she should keep a book of her lies so she could keep herself straight.

"That's what I said," Yuffie repeated. "Yeah." She stared dumbly at him. "At home, at home…" She muttered. She had a bad habit of repeating things when she was lying. Squall didn't know that though.

Squall arched his eyebrows at her. He had taken her to the lake. He was planning on bathing, and was soon going to send Yuffie away. Sure, he believed that Yuffie was a boy, but Squall still didn't like the idea of having the young kid standing there while he scrubbed himself.

That, and he happened to not believe Yuffie's lying ass one second.

"When in vice, say it twice," Squall muttered in reference to her "At home, at home." He didn't believe that Yuffie was telling the truth about her sister; he wasn't even sure if Yu Kisaragi had a sister, or even if Yu was his real name. For being such a klutzy, useless boy, he was very keen about covering up something big. Squall just didn't know what it was.

"Sir?" Yuffie was standing awkwardly behind him, glancing at the lake. Why'd he bring her out here? "Why'd you cancel practice this morning?"

Squall didn't break eye contact with her as he slipped off his jacket. Alarm signals went throughout Yuffie's body. Had he come here to rape her? Agh! She remembered what she had thought before about letting him do such a thing. She was just joking then—no way was he going to get near her! She'd pummel his face into a tree!

"To get ready for my father." Squall was pulling up his shirt. Yuffie was torn between wanting to run away and wanting to watch him strip. Just standing in front of him made her feel insanely perverted.

Squall was moving closer to her. Their chests were almost touching now. "Actually, you should be helping to clean up. Your section of tents is assigned to clean the horse stalls." As if she didn't smell enough already.

Yuffie trembled. He was shirtless and she was trying her hardest to keep looking at his face. There was something weird about him. She almost found it flattering that he felt this comfortable with her, but it bothered her too because she was a guy. If he was gay…well, then she definitely had no chance with him. He seemed to like Yu, not Yuffie. He thought Yuffie was a great singer and an amazing ninja. What would he do if he knew the truth?

Yuffie had to know.

Her big mouth got her into trouble again.

"Sir, do you like me?"

Squall's eyebrows rose up. He stared at her for a second, eyes wide. Then his eyes closed tightly, and Yuffie suddenly feared that he would hit her. Instead he put a hand on her shoulder, making Yuffie jump at the contact. His mouth was pulled into a thin line, as if his face was frozen half way through a smile. The hand on her shoulder squeezed.

"Oh course I do," Squall said, almost conversationally. Yuffie's heart nearly exploded. Did he mean that? No, wait. Even if he did…it was Yu he was saying it to! Not Yuffie. She wanted to cry in indignation.

But then, her annoyance now was nothing compared to what she felt next.

Squall looked levelly into her eyes and said, very seriously,

"I like you like a brother."

Yuffie could've fainted.

Did an atomic just go off in her head?

She must've made a sound like a dying squirrel because Squall gave a small chuckle then, pushing her away. "You have duties to attend to, Yu."

"Sir," she began, knowing her face was one big livid tomato. Squall looked back at her, halfway to the water. His eyes were stony.

"Duties," Squall reminded her, turning back to the lake.

End of discussion.

Yuffie couldn't have been angrier.

A brother!

"Sir, we have successfully sent a messenger to Lieutenant Leonhart's camp. We are less than twenty miles away. Our surveyor has informed me that after we pass the next row of mountains, the trip will be easy even on foot. We should arrive at the camp by tomorrow night." The soldier finished with much gusto, bowing deeply to his commander.

"Hm…" The aforementioned man said, assumingly mulling over the news. He was leaning far over his desk so it was difficult to see exactly what he was doing. "Tell me something, soldier Jaskow…."

Jaskow straightened attentively. It was his duty to provide any sort of information that his commander asked for. Any sort of information. As long as it came from his commander's mouth, his request was law. It didn't matter if he was asking about battle plans or what shirt to wear that morning. Jaskow would devoutly answer any question his commander fired at him.

The commander whirled around so quickly that a flurry of papers fluttered off of his desk. The commander's face was grim and sweaty. He held two large pictures in his hands. "Tell me…"

Jaskow bit his lip. Oh no.

It was going to be one of those days again.

The commander was waving the two pictures furiously in his face. "Tell me honestly, Jaskow, because I just can't decide myself. Which girl do you think is prettier?" He thrust the first picture in Jaskow's face. It had a slim, pretty brunette with large brown eyes and noticeably tight spandex shorts. Jaskow was forced to stare at it for a full two minutes, taking in the girl's highlights and long blue cape-thingy.

"Or…this one!" The commander swiftly placed in front of him another picture, this time with a mature-looking blonde with a beautiful face framed with glasses. Her blue eyes were stunningly piercing.

"Take your time, Jaskow," the commander muttered lowly. Jaskow exhaled slowly.

He needed another job.

"I honestly don't know, sir," Jaskow said candidly. "If I had to choose, I'd take both of them."

The commander let out a loud guffaw. "Ho, ho, that's probably what I would say." The commander slapped Jaskow heartily on the back. "But seriously, in this situation only one can prevail. So which'll it be?"

"I honestly don't know," Jaskow repeated. He glanced up at the commander's face. His commander looked so wrought with indecision that he looked absolutely constipated. "What's this for anyways?"

The commander beamed a thousand-watt smile, and Jaskow hoped in one sickening moment that the answer wasn't going to be illegal.

"My son," The commander said simply. "That weenie will never get married if I don't choose for him."

"Now sir, weenie is a strong word," Jaskow warned, knowing that the commander did not curse unless he was very upset. "And I don't think that's a very bright idea. Squall already despises you enough as it is. Choosing a wife for him just seems a little over the top."

Commander Laguna shook his head. "No no no, Jaskow, now don't take my son's side on this issue. I've already given the stubborn boy a choice. He had his chance to go skirt chasing, and he wasted it. He is just unwilling to accept the fact that he needs to carry on the Leonhart lineage. Now I'm having my way."

Jaskow sighed, knowing that Laguna meant the best but that this sort of thing would only end in disaster. "I'm telling you, commander, Squall hates being screwed with. And if he doesn't love the girl, who knows what he'll do? To you? Even worse, to her?"

"Heaven forbid if he does anything to her," Laguna said in one of his rare moments of extreme sarcasm. "That boy has the sex drive of a comatose walrus. I'd be lucky to find out if he's even interested in one gender."

"Sir! That's too harsh!"

Laguna sighed, waving away Jaskow's words. "Well…maybe you're right. That was a little below the belt. But what am I supposed to do? I don't know how I can make him accept me…everything I do just makes him angrier with me. There's no way I can go about the marriage issue without making him upset."

Jaskow listened assiduously, nodding his head. He was nearly the same age as Squall, but having been a subordinate to Laguna for so long, he nearly felt like he was Squall's father too.

"Maybe…" Jaskow thought carefully. An idea was formulating in his head. "Maybe you can give him…an ultimatum."

"An ultimatum?"

"You know, a challenge to seal a negotia—"

Laguna stomped his foot. "I know what an ultimatum is, you weenie! But what kind? My son doesn't get baited into challenges very easily."

Jaskow smiled, his sly side slipping out. "Oh, he'll have to agree to this one."

"Do tell."

Jaskow leaned closer. Laguna had put his ridiculous pictures down to listen conscientiously to his subordinate. "Well," Jaskow began. "When you arrive at camp tomorrow, before your son even goes to bed, you have to lay down the law! Tell him that he either picks his own wife or you'll pick for him."

Laguna nodded slowly, digesting the plan. It sounded pretty good. "But what's the time limit?"

Jaskow thought for a moment and then smiled wickedly. He leaned over to whisper in Laguna's ear.

"One month. Squall will have one month to find a wife."

A/N: Somewhat short chapter. I hadn't planned half of the stuff in this chapter, but I felt like I needed it because Squall just wasn't gettingany action. Anyways,the events in this chapter are sorta likeacatalyst becausethey're going to get both Squall and Cloud to start questioning feelings that they didn't even know were there. (Especially for Squall.)And it'll only become more confusing for them as the story goes on…he he…torturing those two is going to be so much fun.

I laughed while writing Laguna. For those of you that don't know, Laguna is Squall's (biological?) dad in FF8. And yes, he does say "weenie" a lot.

Thank goodness Seifer revealed Squall's name. Haha. Yuffie doesn't know his first name though, cuz I'm saving that for a special occasion!

Also…I just want to say that I don't throw in these author notes just to fill up space. I've gotten a lot of questions that were stated previously in author's notes. Even if my author notes are boring, there are still things in them that would be useful to know. Next chapter I will attempt to answer any questions so…ask away!

Next chapter: Yuffie takes a bath! I swear it this time!

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