Nari grimaced as her third shot burned her throat. She could hear her friend laughing at her expression as the music pumped around them.
"Come on, boys, don't tell me the rock and roll shit's just an act," Temari challenged as she flagged down the bartender for another round.
"Oh man," Nari let out a laugh, "I don't know if I can keep up tonight."
"More for me, then!" Deidara interjected as he reached for her new shot. Nari laughed and swatted his hand away.
"I ain't done yet," she joked.
"This round's on me," Konan offered as she slid her card to the bartender. The sun had long since set and the group had made their way to the club. Drinks were passed around and even Pein had been coerced into a shot or two. Nari was convinced it was good for his health at this point. This was just as much his vacation as it was the band's.
The lights flashed around them as music bumped through the speakers. Temari ended up dragging Nari and Konan onto the dancefloor where they were joined by Deidara, Tobi, and a reluctant Sasori. As the evening progressed, more alcohol was served and memories started to blur. Several other band members joined them on the dancefloor before they decided to leave for the next location. Bar by bar they did shots and spent time on the dancefloor. They danced all through the night until last call.
She wasn't sure how she had made it back to her hotel room, but that's where Nari woke up. She woke up alone and in pain. She grimaced at the harsh light and rolled over, pulling the blanket over her head. Her head throbbed and her heart hurt though she couldn't remember why. Why was she so sad? Why did she feel so lonely? Her bandmates were just a few rooms down and she had spent two days getting hammered with Temari.
It had been amazing to see her old friends again, but something weighed heavy on her. It felt like she was in a different world from everyone, so disconnected. It only seemed to alleviate when she was drinking.
With a huff, she began reaching around for her phone and was surprised to find herself fully clothed. She usually at least took off her pants. Once she found her phone, she unlocked it and checked for messages.
"Some of us are heading to the beach," Konan's message read. "Pein is staying in the room if you need anything."
"Home safe," Temari had reported. "Hope it didn't kill ya. Call if you need anything. It was great to see you again!" Nari was sad Temari and Shikamaru had to work, but hey, not everyone could be on a week-long vacation.
She lay in bed for a while, having a small pity party and pouting. It was already past noon and she lay there, struggling to bother with getting out of bed. Her head throbbed and her stomach rolled. She had figured maybe more sleep would help, but no matter how much she tried, sleep never came. Instead, she was stuck there in her head.
He rapes you.
It wasn't like that, it couldn't be. He loved her, in his own way. He wouldn't do that to her. It wasn't like he was throwing her down or being violent about it. He wasn't blackmailing or threatening her. It was just a constant begging or guilting. That's not rape. That's not coercion.
Right?
Ok, but what if it is? What would that mean? Nari knew most of his games. She wasn't oblivious, she was just tired of fighting it. Why was she even bothering to stay with him? She was emotionally invested, that's for sure, and a part of her still had to love him but lately… he was draining.
They didn't date. They didn't spend good time together. Any time she did spend with him was usually spent fucking or fighting and it was tiring. She had found herself avoiding him, relieved to be traveling with the band, having an excuse to get away from him for a little bit.
With all that being said, she couldn't explain why she didn't want to leave him.
Once he gets a job, it will be easier. Once he gets help, it will be better, he will be better. Nari had been telling herself this for over a year and it never got better.
She was doomed to be weighted down by a deadbeat boyfriend she wasn't even sure she loved anymore. With that cheery revelation, she sighed and sat up, wincing a bit at the afternoon light shining into her room.
Nari showered and pulled on fresh clothes, though it was just sweatpants and a hoodie. Though the city was always warm, the hotel itself left her cold and she wanted nothing more than to bury herself back under the blankets. She figured she should at least make an appearance, let them know she was still alive, before spending the rest of her vacation in bed moping.
"You're up," Pein said as he opened the door, letting her in.
"Yeah, sorry about that," she mumbled with an awkward smile as the door shut behind her.
"Stop apologizing," he told her, heading back to his spot on the couch. "We're on vacation. You can sleep the week away for all we care." Nari chuckled to herself before heading towards the small kitchenette. Konan, Pein, Kakuzu, and Zetsu had gotten a small suite and Tobi had taken the liberty of stocking the kitchenette for everyone to use. She made a mental note to thank him as she opened the fridge and pulled out a Gatorade.
"How has your day been?" she asked, trying to be polite.
"Quiet," he told her, though there was no bite in his tone. If her presence bothered him, he didn't let it show. "It's a luxury with this group. Enjoy it while it lasts." Nari smiled at the advice as she made her way towards the sitting area and made herself comfortable in one of the chairs.
Pein had gone back to reading his book while she sat and sipped her drink. Every so often he would glance over to her, seeing her staring out the window. He could see the exhaustion in her expression, and he wasn't surprised. When was the last time she had gotten actual rest? Since he had met her, Nari had kept up with the rest of the band, going along with their shenanigans and he was surprised to see her here.
"You're free to do as you please," he told her, cutting through the silence and catching her attention. "They should still be at the beach for a few hours."
"I'm fine," she told him quietly, "I think I just need some quiet today." She had gone back to staring out the window. Pein debated on leaving her be. She didn't need to be questioned and frankly, he knew it was none of his business. But Konan had been so distressed at their new guitarist's situation and he hated seeing the woman upset. Nari ended up being the one to start the conversation again.
"How did you and Konan meet?" she asked, her dark eyes still staring out the window. Pein was startled by the question and just watched her for another moment before answering.
"We grew up together," he explained. "We lived in the same area, just down the street from each other. We were friends in school, but we lost touch in high-school."
"What happened, if you don't mind me asking?" Nari pushed. Pein closed his book and set it on the coffee table.
"We had a mutual friend," Pein began, "he died early on in high school. After that, we drifted apart, trying to heal from the loss in our own ways. I must admit my ways of grieving were not what you could call constructive." Nari snorted at that, cracking a smile. She said nothing else and Pein continued. "I ended up dropping out and starting a piercing apprenticeship, though it wasn't exactly legal. Konan graduated and went to college for a while."
"How did you guys reconnect?" Nari asked, turning to look at him. He held her gaze as he continued.
"When the band began to pick up popularity, I knew I would need someone to help with the publicity," he explained. "My experience was in the underground scene. Most of our marketing was word of mouth. Akatsuki had the chance to go bigger. I couldn't think of anyone else better suited to the task." Nari smiled at the story. So, he had used the excuse of the band to pull her back into his life.
"I'm sorry about your friend," she told him, earning a nod from him.
"It was a long time ago," he tried to dismiss.
"Do you still miss him?" she pushed.
"Yes," Pein told her without hesitation, making her flinch a bit.
"Does it ever go away, then?" she asked, feeling the ache in her chest deepen.
"Not fully, no," he told her honestly. What would lying achieve in this moment? It wouldn't help her. "But it gets easier," he assured her. "It gets more manageable. You can start to move on with your life. The hurt is still there, but it doesn't consume you." Nari looked back out the window and Pein could swear she as tearing up. He said nothing about it.
"Thank you," she said as he leaned forward to retrieve his book. Pein paused and looked at her. Nari kept her gaze on the ocean view. "I don't know if I ever took the chance to thank you. For everything." Pein smiled a bit to himself at that as he leaned back against the couch, returning to his reading.
"My pleasure."
Nari spent the rest of the night in her room. She had grabbed something to eat and then retreated to her room, settling in and watching something until she had started to doze off. Pein's words had brought both comfort and pain. Seeing her friends again had made her acutely aware of her brother's absence. Perhaps that's what had been bogging her down.
Leo wasn't there with them. He wasn't there at the bars. He wasn't there to drive her home. He wasn't there to see her play.
She missed her brother. Seeing him in the hospital and telling him stories about her life wasn't the same as having him in her life. It was a shitty substitute and some days she wondered if it made the hurt worse. She wasn't ready to let him go. He was the last piece of family she had left. If Leo was gone, then that meant she would be completely alone.
Wasn't she already alone?
The next day, Nari had woken early in the morning and rolled herself out of bed. She had somewhere to be this morning before the rest of her bandmates woke up, so she pulled on her clothes for the day and shoved her phone and wallet in her pockets. She stepped out into the hall and quietly closed her door before moving the elevator. As she waited for it, she popped in her earbuds, switching on some music.
Though there was still a heaviness around her, it felt a little easier today. She wasn't going to spend all day laying around. She started off on her trek through the city she had been raised in. She stopped by a coffee shop for that sweet caffeine and something to eat. She took her time and let herself take it all in again. She was in no hurry this morning. The sun was just rising, and the city was only just starting to buzz to life. People passed her, hurrying off to their jobs, and cars flew past, honking at pedestrians and other vehicles alike. Cyclists zipped by on the roads and sometimes the sidewalk.
Nari turned down street after street, slowly moving away from the busier side of the city, finding herself in the more residential area. Tall sky-scrapers shrunk to tall buildings and stores. Restaurants were still closed though some small shops started to open. She passed a school she knew well, and stores turned to homes and churches and bodegas.
At long last, she had reached her destination. Nari stood at the entrance with a sad smile on her face. She stepped into the quiet space, relieved to find herself alone. She popped her earbuds out and walked along the brick path. Time seemed to stop here, as still as the headstones that lined the space. It always seemed so detached from the rest of the city, a quiet haven, a place of rest.
"Hey, guys," she greeted gently, stopping in front of two headstones. "It's been a while, hasn't it?" Nari sat down on the grass in front of the two headstones. There were no decorations, no pictures or flowers left. Nari hadn't visited since before her brother's crash. Really, the only reason she had bothered to was because Leo had insisted. Now, he was practically gone. His body was still there, kept alive by the machines, but Nari doubted he would ever really wake up. Idly she wondered if she should visit her parent's graves more often. Would he even want to be buried here?
She shook her head to clear the thoughts. It had been years since they passed but the headstones didn't look as worn as she had expected. Nari twirled the strands of grass around her fingers as she gently tugged on them. She could feel anxiety swelling in her chest. Perhaps there's always that dread when you have to tell your parents something.
"Mom? Dad?" she said quietly, "I have to tell you something."
I LIVE! Damn, it's good to be back. I haven't been on this story in a hot minute. Thank you guys for still reading and if you're new here: hello and welcome! I hope to be able to get back into this story. I have some already written too, so here's hoping i get it done!
Thank you guys for reading this story as it is a very special story for me. Please feel free to leave a review and let me know what you like/dislike. Stay cool!