Inhale…pause…exhale.
Smoke slipped through chapped lips, curling upwards. The rain fell, pattering on the pavement. It had been raining all day, sky dark and grey, no signs of letting up. It was cold and unforgiving. Bleak. It was quiet, aside from the rain. Hardly anyone was out driving in this weather, only the occasional car driving past. Even the house was quiet, each of them moving about, going about their days. Relaxed.
Inhale…pause…exhale.
She had stopped crying. She hadn't cried since that night. It was exhausting being so sad and that sadness had faded. Everything faded. Everything was dull. Everything was grey.
Nari exhaled the smoke again, watching it leave her in a puff, watching it float upwards and disappear into the rain. The air was cold, biting. Her fingers and nose were numb. She sat on the porch anyway on her fourth cigarette. It was the first time she'd left her room since she had arrived. She was grateful no one had bothered her and when she crept down the steps and out on the front porch, she was relieved no one was there to stop her. She didn't want to talk and pretend she was ok. She didn't want to tell them what happened. She didn't want to rip open that wound again. She didn't want to tell them about Leo or Eric or the guitar.
Her thumb ran over the small piece of wood at the thought. She could feel the small ridges around it and then the glossy coat. She still hadn't let it out of her sight. Nari had laid in bed, only getting up to use the bathroom. She had only removed her shoes and coat. She lay there in her clothes, phone unanswered until the crushing weight of grief had alleviated. Eventually she was able to make her way to the bathroom. She drank some water, brushed her teeth, and let the hot water run over her, slowly bringing her back.
And now she was on the porch, hoodie pulled over her head, sweatpants tucked into Ugg boots, still damp hair in a bun. She had no doubt the bags under her eyes were dark enough to mock bruises. The taste of the cigarette stung as it clashed with the aftertaste of toothpaste. She could feel the heat getting closer to her fingers and picked up her box again. She pulled out her fifth and lifted it to the one she still had, lighting it that way and starting over. She stamped the old one out and set it next to the box and lighter.
Inhale…pause…exhale.
She wasn't too sure how long she sat there, but she was getting stiff. All the more reason to stay. If she went back inside, she risked running in to someone, having to assure someone she was ok. She didn't want it. She didn't want the pity. Nari just didn't want to talk about it. As well meaning as her bandmates were, she just…didn't want to deal with it.
But alas, all good things must come to an end.
The front door opened behind her and someone stepped outside. They said nothing as they closed the door softly. Nari took a drag, waiting for the questions. Slow footsteps thumped against the wood as he approached. Unrushed, unhurried. She exhaled. He stepped down onto the first step and Nari felt hope rising. He would just walk past her, leave her be, pretend she didn't exist. But instead he sat next to her. She could see his long dark hair out of the corner of her eye and she took in another drag. She waited for all the prying questions. She could feel the irritation building in her, ready to snap.
"Have one to spare?" his gentle tone cut through the silence. Nari blinked, startled. She looked at him, flicking her eyes over him. Had she heard right? He just raised his brows a bit, waiting patiently for an answer. She reached and grabbed the carton and lighter. Nari furrowed her brows as she watched him pull one out, light it, and take a deep drag. The carton and lighter rested between them. Itachi leaned back on his hand, looking out at the road. The smoke was exhaled and Nari couldn't think of another word to describe him: beautiful. Before he could catch her staring, she faced forward.
"Didn't know you smoked," she said.
"Only on special occasions." The corner of Nari's lips twitched upward for a moment. Silence fell between them again as they just sat there, smoking and watching the rain. It had been raining all day, puddles forming on the sidewalk, cars splashing unforgivingly. It pattered on the roof of the porch, ran through the metal gutters, splatted fat and wet at their feet. Nari was wary. Itachi didn't smoke, at least not often. Yet, here he sat, in the cold, smoking, and watching the rain.
"I don't want to talk about it," she said.
"I know," he said.
Nari turned and looked at him, looking him over, looking for any sign of deceit. Itachi just stared ahead, completely at ease, just watching the rain, at peace. She didn't trust him. Her brows furrowed and she scowled.
"Then what are you doing here?" she challenged. Itachi shrugged, exhaling.
"They're loud," he said. "There's a small café down the block." He stubbed out what was left of the cigarette before standing. "I'm going out for coffee. Would you like to join me?" Nari looked up at him, contemplating his offer. It was a trap, a trick to get her into talking about it. She didn't want to talk about it. She wanted to be left alone, not dodge uncomfortable questions. But coffee sounded good. And her stomach was starting to register hunger again. Of the group, Itachi's company seemed the most tolerable option.
She grabbed her cigarettes and lighter, stuffing them in her pocket with her phone. Itachi stuck out a hand and she glanced up at him, only hesitating for a moment before taking it. The warmth of his hand wasn't shocking against her cold skin. It was comforting and she almost didn't let go.
"Let me grab my wallet," she mumbled, turning, but a gentle hand on her arm stopped her.
"My treat," he said. Nari paused, thinking over the offer. Free food? Fine. But no questions. She nodded and he pulled the umbrella out. She hadn't noticed it. It popped open and he stepped into the rain, waiting for her. Nari took in a deep breath and stepped next to him.
The two made their way down the street at a leisurely pace, stepping around what puddles they could avoid. They both fit under the umbrella, but just barely. They were stuck close together, their arms brushing almost constantly. Somewhere inside her, the flutter of a crush stirred, but she was too tired, too grey, for it to really be present.
The café was really close and Nari made a note to remember it. She was struck by the warmth as she stepped into the café. It wasn't just the warmth of the air. The lighting was that gentle soft light that gave a warm ambience, the music was gentle and calm, low enough to be just at the edge of focus. It was thankfully, mostly empty. There were plenty of small, empty tables around. The warmth was a startling contrast to the cold grey. Color, there was color.
After shaking off the umbrella, Itachi stepped in behind her. She felt his hand gently tap her back, telling her to go ahead to the counter. She peered through the glass, trying to see if there was something she would be able to stomach.
"The lemon poppy is good if you are looking for something light," Itachi suggested, pulling her attention to it. She had been looking over the rest of the baked goods with a grimace. Chocolate, fudge, brownies, cupcakes. Red velvet, all types of muffins, including lemon poppy, but they all seemed too big. When she looked at the loaf slices he was indicating to, it was a different story. They looked soft and fresh and suddenly, the taste of lemon didn't seem too bad.
"Sounds good," Nari said, turning her attention to the warm drink options. She requested a simple coffee and Itachi ordered for them, paid and tipped, and the two waited in silence. Nari let her eyes wander. People sat reading or typing on laptops. Any conversation to be had was quiet, hardly louder than the music. She could see why he would appreciate a place like this. After traveling with the band, Nari suspected they would be just as loud at home. They weren't exactly quiet, but she also suspected they were trying on her behalf.
As annoying as the special treatment was, it was sweet.
"Thank you," Itachi said as the order was handed over to them. Nari and Itachi eventually ended up at a table for two next to the window, once more watching the rain. Nari took a sip of her coffee and oh, damn did it make a difference. Her fingers began to thaw while wrapped around the cup and as she drank it, she realized how fucking cold he was. The first shiver ran down her back and she suddenly wanted to go back, crawl into bed, and sleep again.
So while the coffee thawed her, the lemon poppy made things a little brighter. It didn't cure her of her grief, but more color seemed to return to the world. She sat there, focusing on her food and drink for a while. She glanced up at Itachi and took the moment to take him in. His chin rested on his hand and he stared out the window. He seemed completely at ease, but lost in his own thoughts. Nari let herself look him over for a moment, seeing the pale skin as smooth as marble, inky black hair falling behind him, a few strands escaping over his shoulder. Though he was beautiful, he seemed so ordinary now, off the stage, away from the lights and the screaming fans.
He was human.
"Thank you," she said quietly, catching his attention.
"Hm?" His black eyes turned to her as he dropped his hand.
"For the coffee," she said, nodding a bit. She shifted a bit, almost uncomfortably, and tried a small smile. "And for getting me away from there," she joked. "Quieter here." She saw the small twitch of a smile on his face and felt more color starting to fill her world.
"They can be a bit much," he said, picking up his drink for a sip. "You'll learn to tune them out. But I figured you could use some quiet."
"I still don't want to talk about it," Nari said, quickly growing defensive.
"I'm not asking you to," he assured. Nari's brow pinched in thought. "We've all had our own losses. Most of us know better than to pry."
"I don't…" she struggled, "I don't really know what to do now."
"What do you mean?" Nari chewed the inside of her cheek. She felt her eyes burning again and took a sip of her coffee, letting her eyes dart around the room. The worn leather seats weren't cracked and magazines were stacked on the coffee table. Someone was typing on a laptop, the soft click of the keys almost inaudible. In the ambience of the coffee shop, she found warmth, color. She didn't want to talk about her brother, she didn't want to talk about Leo, but maybe she could talk about this.
"I don't know where to go from here," she said.
"Where do you want to go?" Itachi asked slowly.
"What do you mean?"
"Where do you want to go from here?" Itachi asked. "You can go in any direction. Which one are you thinking about the most?" Nari opened her mouth to speak but closed it quickly. It seemed so obvious. He was right, of course. She didn't have to go in any specific direction. She could just do. She didn't have to stay in the city for her brother or worry about Eric and his approval. Hell, she could move to the other side of the globe and no one could stop her. She'd never really had the opportunity to have so much control over her own life and suddenly it felt more intimidating to face. Maybe this was something to explore another day.
"I don't know," she said. Itachi nodded and sipped his coffee. "I can't really see myself doing anything right now."
"That's alright," he assured. "It's not something you have to decide now." His phone buzzed on the table and he checked the message, brows raising a bit as he read it, sipping his coffee more. Nari almost asked but he spoke before she could get a chance. "We should head back. Konan is on her way and I have a feeling she will want to check on you." Itachi rose from his seat and picked up the umbrella once more. Dread filled her stomach at the fear of questions but she stood, coffee still in her hands. With a grim look on her face, she let Itachi lead her away from the safety and warmth of the café.
They meandered down the street together, huddled under the umbrella, back into the world of grey. The world was cold and bleak but the warm coffee in her hands was fighting off the grey. In her hands was the warmth of life and it brought her some comfort.
Nari's arm brushed against Itachi's once more. After a few more blocks of the awkwardness, she gave in. Nari leaned in a little closer. Once their arms touched, she did not pull away. Neither did he. He was solid, real and warm. She took comfort in it, letting him ground her, help her to know the world wasn't ending. She let herself feel ok if even for just a little. For a little while, she wasn't so alone.
The cold puddles soaked through her boots and bit at her skin. By the time they reached their street, the coffee had been drank and the cup discarded. The warmth and comfort it brough was gone, useless now. And what do you do with things you cannot use?
Nari wondered how long she would be welcomed. They had been so kind to her, carrying her through the performances, through her brother's death, getting her away from Eric. They had done so much and she had done the bare minimum. She glanced up out of the corner of her eyes at Itachi. He had a brother and two dead parents. Aside from that, she didn't really know much. She didn't know much about anyone but they had front row tickets to her world shattering. She hoped it was worth the show because now she couldn't play.
Nari was useless.
She would be discarded.
It wasn't personal. It was just business. She tried not to take it personally. Hell, she tried not to think about it. She already lost her family, she didn't want to think about losing them too.
Nari was wrapped up in her head as they made it to the house. She paused at the foot of the driveway, seeing Pein's car and their guests on the front porch. Pein and Konan saw her first, Konan giving a sad smile and small wave. But Nari didn't give a response and Konan wondered if Nari even saw her.
Itachi had stopped, staying next to her and keeping her out of the rain. She just stared straight ahead at the four people on the porch who didn't belong.
"Temari," she choked out. She hadn't told them yet. She wasn't ready to tell them, she couldn't.
"Nari," Kankuro called gently, waving to her. Her eyes flicked from him to his younger brother, Gaara. Even he had come to see her. She swallowed thickly as she and Itachi started walking up the long drive again. Shikamaru removed his arm from Temari and the blonde woman stepped towards the stairs. Nari was panicking. She didn't tell them. They don't know. Why are they here?
"I can't," she choked in a hoarse whisper and Itachi stopped walking, looking at her panicked and pale face. "I can't tell them." He looked back to the group, all dressed in black.
"I think they already know." A sob ripped through her throat and Temari couldn't hold back. As Nari's hands flew to her mouth to try and silence herself, Temari was off the porch, running through the rain towards her friend.
Nari rushed to meet her, arms open, desperate for comfort. Itachi hovered, trying to keep the three of them dry with the umbrella. The two women didn't seem to mind. Nari crashed into her friend, gripping her like a lifeline and Temari snapped her arms around her friend. With her face safely hidden in Temari's shoulder, the damn broke.
"It's alright," Temari said to her, gently running her fingers through her hair. "It's ok, Nari, we know."
"I'm sorry," she cried, shaking, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so fucking sorry. I couldn't- couldn't-"
"Shh," Temari cooed, "It's ok. We know. We've known for a while, hun."
"What?" Nari choked, leaning back to look at her friend. "How?"
"He's been in a coma for years, Nari," Temari said sadly, rubbing her arms. "Sweetheart, he was brain dead. We just…" she pressed her lips into a thin line before speaking again, "we didn't think you were ready to let him go."
"I wasn't," Nari admitted, "I'm still not." The tears fell faster, her chest heaving as she struggled to catch her breath. "I miss him. I want him back. I want him back, Temari," her shoulders shook and Temari pulled her close again. "I just want him back."
"I know, Nari," Temari said, rocking them gently as her friend broke down in her arms. She shared a look with Itachi, both recognizing they were out of their depth. Temari pressed her cheek against the red hair, holding her a little tighter. "I know."
Sorry guys, I didn't realize I had uploaded the unfinished version!