A/N: People, I am VERY sorry for taking so long. Before I start rambling, did I ever get to apologize to an author called "Shadowrules" for accidentally misconceiving her gender? Sorry babe I will now tell everyone that you are a girl. (Hey, everyone, she's a girl! My mistake! I messed up) Okay, now I'd like to see a show of hands of who wants to kill me for waiting the length of time for three whole ice ages, a war, finding a political leader in a spider hole, and Michael Jackson having sex with 100 underage boys before updating. (allegedly, of coarse) Hmmmmm…okay, so that's about everybody. In fact, it was so long, that the author I mentioned a little bit ago even changed her pen name a couple of times. It was "Shadowrules," then "Dante's Awakening," and then "Arya the Hedgehog," and now it's "Isis of the Turks", but in any case, she has quite an impressive collection of FF VII, FF VIII, and Sonic the Hedgehog stories, (as well as others) so it would be good for your health to check them out! Well, I hope this chapter satisfies you for the time being, because I'm supposed to be doing homework right now. But I just love you people sooooooooo much! Hope you are ready for:
Chapter Six:
The Dope Show"Okay guys, I have this all totally planned out. Alright now, there will be a competition, and I have all of it figured out." Selphie said ecstatically. No one seemed to be listening though, Quistis was talking to Irvine about how disgusting it was that Gneo brought a T-Rexuar heart to the cafeteria, and Zell and Gneo were laughing and eating like monsters, making it look like a zombie had better table manners. Squall was being his normal anti-social self, slowly chewing a piece of turkey that was already liquefied in his mouth until he finally swallowed and took another bite.
"Hey there, beautiful. Wanna bite?" Gneo asked a girl passing by, holding up the bloody heart in her face.
"Gross! No thanks!" The girl power walked away. Zell laughed so hard he nearly choked.
"Um, guys…" Selphie tried to direct her friend's attention to her.
"Gneo, stop harassing people as they walk by." Rinoa said as she sat down at the dinner table next to Squall. She then began picking at her deformed chicken leg with her spork.
"HELLO?" Selphie yelled.
"Hi." Gneo greeted.
"Alright, smart ass…anyway, people, I have the plans all ready!" Selphie announced.
"Does it have anything to do with Christmas coming up in a couple of weeks?" Quistis asked. Selphie was silent for a few seconds.
"…AAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Selphie screamed, pounding her fists on the table.
"Hey there, calm down, Selphie." Irvine cooed, rubbing her back.
"Waaaahhhhhh! I have no ideas for Christmas! This is terrible! I'm no good!" Selphie cried.
"There, there, that's not true-"
"I HAVE IT!" Gneo stood up and yelled, dropping his T-Rexuar heart.
"Have what?" Selphie asked through a sob.
"Plans for the party. Okay, It's going to be what you earthlings call 'Christmas' right?" Gneo waited for everyone to nod his or her head in agreement. "Well, why not have a four day weekend?" Gneo suggested.
"Unacceptable." Xu retorted. Quistis nodded in agreement.
"Let me finish. I've studied your human celebrations, and I thought about something, have it be two days-"
"But I thought you said four days." Selphie Interrupted. Gneo glared at her, so she stopped talking.
"Okay now, like I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, just have two of the four days overlap the weekend. So even though we would get four days off, two of them we would have off anyway." Gneo suggested, picking up his bloody heart again. "That way, only two 'school days' would be taken up."
"LET'S HAVE SANTA COME!" Selphie jumped up and yelled. Everyone was now staring at them at their table. Zell began banging his head on the table, repeating the words, "There's no place like home, there's no place like home," over and over again. Gneo sighed, grabbed Selphie's arm, and walked her away from the table, near the entrance to the cafeteria.
"Listen, uhhh…Selphie. I-uh-"
"Now commencing listening sequence!" Selphie blurted, and saluted.
"…I-…errr…do you do any fucking drugs, human? Pot? Meth? Angel dust?" Gneo asked.
"Tee-hee! Rinoa has angel wings on the back of her shirt! They're pretty! Tee-hee!" Selphie giggled. Gneo gave her a blank stare.
"Right…I'll…just…pretend that you never said that…but let's get this over with. I've studied human holidays and religions. There's something about 'Christmas' that I want to tell you about. This might be a shock to you, but Santa is fake." Gneo said with an uneasy felling in his voice. A tear swelled in Selphie's eye. She started crying and screaming at the top of her lungs. She ran back over to Irvine.
"WAAAAAHHHHHH! IRVY! Gneo, he-he-he told me Santa wasn't real! Waaahhhhh! Give me another fix, Irvy, please?" Selphie sobbed.
"Wait, a WHAT!" Zell yelled.
"Fix? Damn, you do drugs, Selphie?" Squall asked, as something more exciting then a dancing naked Rinoa entered his thoughts.
"Shut up, Selphie!" Irvine yelled. Selphie passed out over Irvine. Slowly, everyone started to stare at Irvine with a scared look of disbelief. All but Irvine knew what to do.
. Three minutes later, in front of Irvine and Selphie's dorm room 0.0
Zell tried opening the door, but it would not budge. He tried pulling harder, but still nothing happened.
"That's it. I'm busting it down." Zell said. He backed up some, then charged the door with his shoulder. The door snapped in half, then slid in.
"What the heck was that for? It was unlocked!" Irvine exclaimed.
"No it wasn't. Look. I think I know when a door won't open without a bit of force. I couldn't pull it open." Zell informed. Irvine sighed.
"That's because it was a sliding door…" Irvine whimpered, twitching as he spoke.
"Who cares about the door, let's find the blow." Gneo said, stepping into the room and began searching for drugs.
"Oops. I guess it does slide open…" Zell slid what was left of the door back and forth.
"Blow? You are a pervert, Gneo. However, I do know a girl that's into that kinda thing…besides Quistis I mean." Rinoa said, looking under Irvine's bed.
"WHAT!" Quistis screamed, taking her attention away from searching the closet enough to yell at Rinoa.
"No, no, human. I do not mean oral sex when I say 'blow'. I mean the other word or form of cocaine." Gneo replied. Irvine stood in a speechless terror as his friends eagerly searched his room for drugs.
"Oh. Okay…oh! Oops, never mind, it's just some powdered sugar. Sorry, false alarm everybody." Rinoa said as she put the bag back in the dresser. Everyone gasped.
"Wait! Lemme see that 'powdered sugar' Rinoa." Zell hopped over the bed and ran over to Rinoa. Rinoa opened her hand, reveling a small bag made of dragon skin.
"What have we here?" Squall asked as he peeked into the bag as Zell opened it. BAM! Handfuls of confetti lurched out of the bag and blasted Zell and Squall in the face.
"AHHHHH! Ib in by nobe! Ib in by nobe!" Zell yelled as he frantically blew the paper confetti out of his nose.
"Ow! It stings! This is worse than when Rinoa hugged me, and a broken piece from her wire bra jabbed me in the eye!" Squall complained as he rubbed his eyes. Irvine and Gneo burst out laughing.
"Tssshahahahahahahahahahaaaaaa! This is too much! I can't believe you guys fell for it! Selphie isn't on drugs!" Irvine laughed.
"Then how do you explain how Selphie's been acting?" Quistis accused.
"What? It's Selphie. I don't have to explain. It's just…you know…Selphie. You just don't ask. Because there is no true answer."
"Good Point."
"Wait a second," Gneo intervened. "Poked you in the eye with a wire bra? You are taller than Rinoa, Squall. There's no way you could have been just 'hugging'. You were so going straight for her breas-"
"Alright then, let's put this to the test," Rinoa cut Gneo off. "Get out of the room everybody, I have a plan." Rinoa said, pushing everyone out. "Stand back." Rinoa called forth the spirit of Leviathan. There was a rumbling sound behind them. Everyone turned around to see the center fountain move and take shape into Leviathan. It surged forward into Irvine's door room, and washed up everything in sight.
"Woaho-ho! That is one sweet monster!" Gneo chuckled. Leviathan stopped rampaging inside the dorm room. It began to turn around.
"Hey! (hic) Who-you call'en a monster, ugly?" Leviathan spoke.
"Who are you call'en ugly, monster?" Gneo replied.
"You, you blue freak."
"But you are blue too. At least you were a few seconds ago…"
"What happened to my Leviathan? Irvine, what in the world was in there?" Rinoa asked.
"Top quality-"
"Rotgut." Squall cut him off.
"Right, how did you know?" Irvine asked.
"I'd know that color anywhere." Squall replied. Meanwhile, Gneo and Leviathan were staring each other down.
"What color is that thing now? Fuchsia? Is that stuff even legal to have in a Garden?" Zell wondered aloud.
"Okay, now I don't even care how legal it is or not, Irvine." Quistis barked. "What I care about is the fact that we have a gigantic drunk water serpent on our hands. And the fact that you had enough alcohol to make a gigantic water serpent drunk."
"Oh-yeah? Well, your mother wears army boots!" Gneo yelled.
"But me mother doesn't even (hic) have any legs!" Leviathan yelled back.
"Yeah? Well-uh…err-you don't even, um…what the hell are you, anyway?" Gneo asked.
"Your demise!" Leviathan surged towards Gneo, mouth wide open.
"Heh." Gneo grinned. "Nice try." Gneo leaped up into the air, evading the creature's attack. Leviathan slammed into the ground, splashed into a water form, and leaped high upward to snatch Gneo in mid air.
"Oh no you don't!" Gneo melted himself into water, along with his sword. He unsheathed his sword with a splash, and pointed the sword directly downward. Water parted from Leviathan as it leapt up and met the liquid tip of Kazama. Gneo landed with a gush, while Leviathan landed with a sickening thud, having changed back to it's normal physical form after being cut in half lengthwise.
"Wha-wha-what just happened?" Rinoa said with a look of horror as her GF faded away into pyreflys to go to the farplane.
"I killed it." Gneo answered. Everyone stared at Gneo in a ghostly silence.
"You WHAT!" Rinoa yelled.
"Awww crap…" Gneo thought.
"Shhhhhhhhhhhhit! Were are so totally screwed if we run across a monster that is only weak against water!" Zell bellowed.
"No…that's not good…" Squall said.
"Noooooo! My girl next door magazine! It's soaked!" Irvine whimpered. Rinoa ran over to Gneo and grabbed him by the neck of his tank top.
"So, how are you gonna repay me for my GF? Huh? And money won't bring back a helping hand, either!" Rinoa screamed.
"Then I shall fill in the place of that helping hand!" Gneo yelled back.
"Huh?" Rinoa let go of Gneo. "Yeah…that's it…I'm making you my bitch!" Rinoa announced.
"Wa-what?" Squall gasped.
"Not sex-bitch…my slave! Now sit boy!" Rinoa commanded. Gneo sat. "Bark for me, bitch!" Warily, Gneo let out a couple barks.
"Oh my…what's going on? Did I hear someone bark?" Selphie regained consciousness, but no one seemed to care too much.
"Grrrrrr…BARK!" Gneo let out one last miserable bark.
"Good boy…I mean bitch. From now on, I may call you on command by the sound of this whistle." Rinoa took a whistle out of her shorts pocket and blew on it hard. Gneo's ears perked up, and then he began screaming in pain.
"AHHHHHH! Okay! Stop it! I get it!" Gneo helplessly squirmed on the ground, covering his ears.
"What is that, Rinoa? And where did you get it?" Quistis asked.
"Oh, it's just the same whistle I use for Angelo. But for some reason, it doesn't affect him any more. Oh yeah, he went deaf after time compression." Rinoa pouted. "Wait a second…why can you hear this? We can't. Come to think of it, I don't think we've ever seen your ears before…" something on the side of Gneo's head made a dreadlock flick this way and that. Rinoa tried reaching for Gneo's ears, but he ducked away from her hand.
"No! Get away!" Gneo yelled, clapping his hands over his ears.
"C'mon, let me see your ears…" Rinoa tried grabbing again, but missed. "Hey, Selphie, Quistis, hold him steady, will you?" Rinoa asked. Selphie grabbed hold of Gneo's left arm, while Quistis held the right. Rinoa tried once again to reach for Gneo's ears.
"Ah, hell no." Gneo melted into water, and splashed through Quistis and Selphie's grip. He was making his way for the center pool, as to blend in with all the other water, when Selphie stopped him dead in his tracks.
"I know what to do!" Selphie took out her nunchaku, and swung them around, then thrust them in font of her. "THUNDAG-" in a split second, Gneo leapt out of the puddle he was, solidified, and clapped his hand over Selphie's mouth, stopping the spell she was about to cast on him.
"NO! Don't you damn dare even think about using that spell on me. It'd-" but before Gneo could finish, Selphie suddenly grabbed Gneo's ears. Selphie's eyes widened. So did Gneo's.
"What in the…?" Selphie pulled away some dreadlocks that were covering his ears, and two blue furry dog ears perked up. Selphie gasped.
"How CUTE!" Selphie screamed, and started playing with his fluffy ears.
"Oh my…" Quistis stared at the odd pair of furry ears.
"What the hell?" Squall could not believe what he was seeing.
People began forming groups around them to see what all the commotion was, and to point and laugh at Gneo. He tried walking away.
"Where do you think you're going, mister dog ears? Get back here!" Rinoa ordered.
"Hey! What makes you think I will obey your every whim?" Gneo asked.
"I didn't say that…but it does sound like a good idea." Rinoa agreed with herself.
"What? No, no this can't be happening. Screw you guys, I'm going to go kill something." Gneo muttered as he turned and headed for the training center.
"Are you going to let him get away, Rinoa?" Quistis asked.
"I don't need him this very second." Rinoa replied, watching a few sophomores start picking on Gneo.
"Bark for me bitch!" One of the sophomores said.
"I bark…for no man. I you have a problem with it, let's settle it in the training center." Gneo replied.
"Fine with me, bligger." The sophomore spat.
"WHAT…DID…YOU…JUST…CALL…ME!" Gneo growled.
"I called you a bli-"
"AAAAHHHHH!" Gneo created a portal right behind the sophomore and tackled him into it. Everyone stared at the portal where the two were sucked into in an awkward silence. Suddenly, someone spoke.
"FIGHT! LET'S GO!" a junior yelled.
"What should we do? Do you think they are in the training center?" Quistis asked, facing Rinoa.
"I don't know," Rinoa answered, "but I hope my bitch is doing okay."
"Don't worry, I am. How is mine doing?" Squall asked. Rinoa didn't reply.
A/N: Erm, hello. How was this chapter? I try to include as much action and humor as I can, as that is all that goes on in my head. Besides music, TV, movies, hentai, video games, hentai, friends, martial arts, hentai, fighting, blood, gore, hentai, weapons. OH! And, before I forget, please do not give me a sexual harassment lawsuit Lauren, I call all my female friends "babe". (no, I'm not a womanizer, so don't anyone even think about it, it's just a friendly gesture. Live with it) By the way…wanna know something funny? I had from here on out to the end—the whole story figured out, just not typed. Now I forget. Crap…
But I did fix my piece o' crap computer!