Now we see Snape's POV after the fallout with Lily.

I wanted to go through the entire POV but I decided to divide it into 2 parts. There's no story reason for it. It's just I am too lazy right now :3 Hopefully the next update will be soon.

Chapter 3: Everything Everywhere All at Once

Chapter Text:

Snape POV

I look down and see my hand bleeding and broken glass lay all around the washroom. The broken shard right by my feet is tempting me to pick it up and end it all. It's weird I haven't had the urge to harm myself in quite awhile. Despite the shitty quality of life in Hogwarts, the urge to bring harm to myself is only bound to happen when I am in cokeworth. I punched the glass in the washroom when I was feeling rage but now that I have somewhat calmed down seeing blood trickle down my fist, I want to just end it all. Maybe it's better this way. I have very much fucked myself and have barely any option to get out of this situation. I am surely getting expelled. Even by some miraculous chance I don't get expelled, I'll be in Dumbledore's debt which is even worse. My friendship with Lily is completely broken which is still painful to even think about. I need to think and I need to think fast. I know my ability in Dark magic is very good but is it enough to join the dark lord? I highly doubt someone who is trying to rule the wizarding world has any use for a 5th year Hogwarts student who couldn't keep his head and get expelled. Slytherins are supposed to be cunning and I went out and opened myself like a goddamn fucking Hufflepuff or worse a gryffindor.

I took another look at the broken glass and bent down to pick them up. Well I am a fucking stubborn bastard. I am not going to die like this. If I kill myself than I let the Marauders win hell maybe even Lily win. I feel kind of guilty but Lily is truly part of the marauders right now that means she is an thinking about her still hurts. I can't believe I loved her. Fuck I still love her. Maybe this is why it is so goddamn painful to even think about her. Well I can't think about her right now. I need to contact Lucious. Just as I dropped the broken glass in the trash and started to cast the healing charm on my arm I saw a phoenix in my peripheral vision.

"Hello Severus, this is your headmaster Albus Dumbledore. If you haven't slept yet then I was hoping that you can drop by my room. Don't worry about the curfew." said the phoenix. Is it the old fucker's patronous charm?

Fuck…..fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

I started hyperventilating. Right now? Right fucking now? I am gonna get expelled even before I have any time to plan my next step. This fucking situation is not fair! I haven't felt this level of anxiety since I was the age of 11. It was when Tobias's drunken beating went worse and my mother took the brunt of it. I don't remember too much but I remember being soaked in my mother's blood as I went from house to house to beg for help. To take my mother to a hospital. I remember sitting in that broken goddamn ambulance holding my mother's hand thinking she might not make it.

I quickly wrote a letter for Lucious asking him to meet me as soon as possible. I went to the Slytherin common room and was glad to see Narcissa there. I need her to send this letter.

"Narcissa, I need to get this letter to lucious as fast as possible."

My tone got her attention as she put the book down and looked at me.

"What happened severus? You're looking like you haven't slept in a year and what in the hell happened to your hand" she asked with worry in her voice.

"Don't worry about it. I just need to talk with Lucious" I hid my hand inside my robe.

"You know you can tell me if something is bothering you."

"I know. I know that. I just…I need some time to gather myself."

Narcissa looked skeptical but she relented and nodded, taking the letter from me or atleast that's what I thought she was going to do. Instead she took my hand and pulled me right beside her and whispered so nobody hears us, "Remember the North end corner behind the kitchen? Meet me there at 11? Lucious will be coming to Hogsmeade. We were supposed to have a romantic night but it seems like your need is more important than our promiscuous adventure."

Thank the fucking lord I can talk with Lucious today. Some color returned to my face as I nodded and headed out for the Headmaster's room with some hope.

As I walked towards the Headmaster's room I felt this odd melancholic feeling like once I have this meeting, nothing will stay the same. I always felt that excelling at Hogwarts was my destiny, to reach my full potential within these walls but it might ever happen. I might've screwed the destiny somehow and fell too far from my intended path or maybe this was the intended path. I didn't realize that I had reached the headmaster's room while deep within my thoughts. Once I reached there I finally remembered that I didn't know the password. Goddamn it, how am I supposed to enter now! But once I stood in front of the gargoyle it automatically opened.

I looked around to see if anyone was around. Why did the gargoyle automatically open? I thought you needed the password to open it. I am not even sure if I should enter or not. With slight hesitation on my steps, I entered the chamber. There was Dumbledore sitting, sipping his tea while reading some book that I couldn't see the cover of. His majestic blue eyes slowly looked up and met my black ones. Despite my absolute hatred of the man, I cannot deny the graceful aura he exudes. Something I want to achieve. To have the type of presence that commands everyone's respect and attention. This is something I have craved for as long as I can remember. Maybe it's because I grew up being shunned but I want to achieve this by any means necessary.

"Good evening, Mister Snape. Would you like some lemon ginger tea? It is incredible, especially for this weather."

I politely shook my head.

"I am sure you already know why I have called for you."

"Yes, I know."

"Since you know, I think it makes the process much easier."

Hearing Dumbledore's almost nonchalant tone pissed me off. He was talking as if everything was fine! My entire life will be destroyed! He is condemning me to a life of mediocrity and he cannot even be bothered to show any goddamn empathy. I want to shout at him, throw the fucking tea that he sips so gracefully in his goddamn face. Curse him till my hands bleed but I can't lose my head. I have to keep everything in check. Still I can't stop my cold rage sipping though as I said, "So, that's it? You don't even want to know who I told your precious gryffindor's secrets or why I told them?"

Dumbledore stood up and went to his window. He didn't say anything for a few moments and looked back at me with a bit more emotion than he had shown in the first few minutes of this confrontation. He finally said, "I have an idea as to whom you might've shared it with and I can understand why you might've finally decided to share it. Looking back, I feel very disappointed at myself for how I have handled this situation. I feared that you were beyond saving, maybe you still are but that doesn't excuse what I did."

I would've given everything to hear Dumbledore admit his mistake, to show me this compassion, to finally apologize but now that it is happening it is making me more and more angry. Maybe it's because I know that it's worthless. I am still going to be expelled and Dumbledore is only apologizing to clear his conscience. Why couldn't it come today morning? Yesterday? Any time before I had the godforsaken meeting with Lily? But it came after I destroyed everything. Just another cruel joke my life has played with me. My feelings might've been clear on my facial expression because Dumbledore gives me a knowing look and tells me, "I know you think I am saying it for myself but I am genuinely sorry for where we are right now. You have to understand that there is a war going on and the conflict rises within this school. Especially with what happened to Miss Mcdonald. You have a gift, Snape and you should use it appropriately."

I couldn't say anything, think anything. What am I supposed to do with this gift if I have no opportunity to showcase my abilities? What are we doing? Is he trying to make me feel better? Well it isn't working. I feel like vomiting.

"Sadly we are bound by an oath. I cannot let you continue your study at Hogwarts."

Hearing it made it all the worse. It was like maybe I had a small part of me that believed that somehow Dumbledore would not give me this ultimate punishment.

"Still it pains me to see such an incredible talent going to waste so I can arrange your NEWT and OWL through the Ministry. I am sure you are aware that Hogwarts holds NEWT and OWL for students that are not able to join any institutions."

I looked at Dumbledore with shock and a bit of hope. Maybe not everything is lost. Maybe I got excited too soon because the next sentence pulled me back to earth.

"But I cannot arrange it without a proof of statement from a Ministry member who is willing to vouch for you. This complication arises due to you officially being expelled from Hogwarts."

Oh well fuck. I didn't even properly hear whatever Dumbledore said afterwards. It was almost as if I was in a trance. I got an opportunity but I had no way to take it. This is just the absolute worst. Once I got out of the Headmaster's office I took the stairs downstairs. Once I knew that I was alone, I fell to my knees. It was as if all my energy left my body. I was exhausted and I couldn't think of anything. From the corner of my eye, I see a Slytherin walk out of an empty classroom and a Gryffindor follows with her blouse not even properly tucked. They kissed and the Slytherin, who is probably a year younger than me, took her hand and they took the stairs. It started as a chuckle but it grew to a hysterical laughter as all my emotions started hitting me. The possibilities, the missed chances and what my future holds.

Recommendation number 3 is A different path series by dtill359, Moonybird ( /series/1315952)

There are some really great time travel fix-it fanfics of Snily and this series is one of the best.