Notes : I know the updates are slow but Uni has been pretty ruthless the last few weeks and I am also a lazy sack of shit. I literally had the entire thing written with just the final portion remaining yet it took me 4 whole days to get off my ass and finish it. I made a mistake in the last chapter. I was supposed to have Dumbledore confront Snape about the deal properly which I totally forgot and when I started this chapter I was like oh crap. So, I had to kind of improvise. I am writing it as I go with just some bulletpoints in my head for where I want the story to go. Also, I know that I am pissing the Snily fanbase because Snape more or less comes across as very cold specially regarding her and the story still doesn't focus on the pair. I promise that there will be a lot of time for that. I just need to put everything in place for the story to move forward with the pairing. I reckon it will be 2-3 more chapters so please be patient :3 also kudos and comments are hugely appreciated. I know I don't immediately reply but I am still grateful for them and will try to reply when I am on my laptop to update :3
Chapter 4 : Dances with Wolves
Chapter Text :
After I laughed and slightly cried with all the self-pity and anger, I finally got up. I need to go to the washroom to freshen up before I meet up with Narcissa and Lucious. Instead of just washing my tear stained face, I took a shower. Letting the cold water run down my body was starting to break me out of my trance. I tried to wash my hair and get rid of the oil that it piled throughout the day. The more I stress, the more I sweat which makes my hair so oily. I really need to take better care of myself. Maybe I can give the shampoo that Narcissa has been bugging me to try but I highly doubt I can afford such luxury and if Narcissa finds out that I am not trying it for financial reasons she will just buy it for me. I don't want that. I don't want to feel like a charity case….what the fuck is wrong with me? I have just gotten expelled from the biggest wizarding education institution and I am thinking about my greasy hair but try as I might, I can't bring myself to fuss over this entire fuck-up atleast not anymore. I am done for the day and possibly this month. I just want to get this over with and plan my next move.
As I approached the corner behind the kitchen, I saw Narcissa standing by the backdoor with great elegance holding a book. It never ceases to amaze me how graceful she looks so effortlessly. It was as if she instinctively knew someone was watching her and she looked up. Her Blue eyes pierced me with a glare and her face contorted to an almost angry pout.
"Well well well, look who finally decided to show up." Narcissa says in her ice cold tone.
"I just had a date with the devil and it left a sour taste in my mouth."
"What do the muggle society say? You don't dance with the devil because you get burned"
"Well I have always been a stubborn idiot who doesn't heed the red herring even when it is shoved right up my face."
"Well we should move on and talk about your sour date after we meet up with Lucious. Poor guy has probably been waiting for an hour. I can already imagine his expression when he realizes that the romantic night he has been planning is all for naught."
"Yes, being a third wheel to your datenights is definitely my favorite hobby. I plan on building a career out of it."
We fell into an easy conversation as we moved through the secret passage to Honeydukes. It was easy. So easy to lose myself in this mundane conversation as we both talked about how utterly bad our curriculum was and how most of the students were Grade A dunderheads.
The workers in Honeydukes know us as Lucius,I and Narcissa went out quite often. It was our little escape from all the shitstorm that was happening in and outside of hogwarts. We walked out of honeydukes and went towards Three Broomsticks. There we find an irritated Lucius waiting for us in the second floor booth. His scown and the 3 finished drinks on the table suggests not only he waited for quite a bit longer, he also had quite a bit to drink as well. Lucius's face lit up when he saw Narcissa only to have it return to irritation when he realized that Narcissa is not alone. Hopefully Lucius's drinks didn't cloud him too much because I damn need him to be sober for the entire night.
"When I said to keep in touch, Severus I meant during the holidays. Not when I have goddamn date night."
"Darling behave.I believe our dear Sev is in quite the conundrum. He looks as if he has the weight of a thousand mountains on his shoulders."
"He's a goddamn teenager. I am sure his problem is he still didn't get laid."
"Men and their pig heade-"
"I got expelled from Hogwarts."
It was as if time itself had stopped. Both Lucius and Narcissa looked at me to see if I was joking or not. After 30 seconds of both of them staring at me flabbergasted, Lucius finally said, "I need a stronger drink." and asked for a waiter.
I finally sat down and took off my Hogwarts robe and threw it on the other side of our seat. With no intention of wearing it anymore. I folded my long sleeve and as Lucius walked with his drink and set it on the table, I took it and gulped it whole before Lucius could even complain. Yuck! I still do not like the flavor of alcohol but I need something strong if I am to survive this night with a sane head.
"So, will you be adding more to your statement or do we just ignore the big elephant in the room?"
"Well, remember how I was in the infirmary with a lot of injuries for close to two weeks? And I didn't really say how I got there? It was because of the Marauders. I am pretty sure that part you can guess. The part that you couldn't know was that they specifically Sirius Black tried to murder me."
"Something might happen to me when I tell you the next part. I might cough blood or have a hard time breathing. So pass me some water and give me space if that happens."
Both of them looked confused but Narcissa nodded and I looked at Lucius who was still scrutinizing me with his glare as if he could understand why I said it if he looked at me hard enough.I was glad that neither said anything and let me continue. I need to finish this sobby angst backstory as soon as I can because I have much more complicated matters that need to be addressed.
"For awhile I had my suspicion that Marauders were trying to hide something with Remus Lupin. It was like clockwork that he vanished right around the full moon and came out all sick and the marauders used to go missing around the same time. I had the suspicion that they were doing something illegal or maybe Remus is a dark creature. I decided to confront Sirius about it and he told me to meet me at the Shrieking Shack where he can talk properly." I can already feel my throat aching but I decided to take some water and continue.
"Turns out that it was a trap. Lupin is a werewolf and he transforms there. I would've died if not for bloody Potter suddenly realizing that he and his band could go to Azkaban if something were to happen to me. So, he got me out."
I took another gulp from the drink that the waiter delivered. My throat still burned and I had a little difficulty taking breath but it wasn't as bad as the first time "So guess what Dumbledore did? He made me take a vow and put on a fucking choker on my throat so that I don't spill his precious griffyndor's secrets."
Fuck I told myself that I wouldn't cry but opening up was bringing me close to tears.
"That fucking bastard! How dare he do something so cruel to a student! Fuck fighting for the peace! That hypocrite will sacrifice his own child if it means serving his self righteous justice!"
I was surprised that it was Narcissa who blew off and not Lucius who was still looking as he was contemplating the entire situation. Finally Lucius asked, "Who did you tell?"
"You already know."
"For fuck's sake Severus! I've been telling you that the mudblood bitch isn't worth your time."
I got irritated when Lucius called her Mudblood but I can't really think too much about it right now.
"Me and Lily had a massive fight and she was practically on Potter's lap like a lovesick puppy for the last few months especially since Potter went around saying that he saved me. I finally told her the truth. We are done. She has lied enough and broke my trust"
"So I am guessing you saw Lily in Hogsmeade last week. That's why you suddenly stormed off. She lied to you about being sick?"
I couldn't find the strength to vocalize my answer so I just nodded.
"Something tells me that's not the only thing that you came here to tell us." Lucius finally said.
"Well Dumbledore called me to his chamber a bit after my fight with Lily and gave me a chance despite my oath bound expulsion. He told me that he can arrange for my OWLS and NEWT because supposedly he feels bad about me but I need a ministry member to vow for me."
What I have to do next would kill me if I was sober. My arrogance and pride probably wouldn't let me do it if I didn't have some alcohol clouding my judgment but I cannot take any chance. I have to let go of my pride. I cannot live in the muggle world and if I have any chance to stay in the magical one, I have to swallow my pride. So I got out and got to my knees and kneeled my head down. I didn't say anything. God I can't beg verbally. At the very least I can't shatter my entire pride. I know Lucius knows why I got down.
"Severus, what the hell are you doing?" Narcissa asked incredulously
Lucius still doesn't say anything. After a full minute he finally said, "I need to talk to my father. No promises but if I am to salvage this situation then it is very big, you do realize that don't you?"
Me and Lucius are friends but we are also Slytherins. We don't do anything without our self interest. Our friendship is basically built on that principle. I know that I will owe Lucius far too much but I have no other choice. It's the lesser of two evils.
Lucius walked out of the booth leaving me on my knees and Narcissa behind.
"I still don't understand something. You got expelled and even with a ministry member vouching for you, you still aren't supposed to sit for exams in Hogwarts. Why is Dumbledore giving you that opportunity?"
Oh that son of a bitch! It suddenly thing is I was a bit confused about that part as well but my mind was in too much mess to even think clearly but now it seems so fucking simple. I told Narcissa that we needed to go right now and I'll meet up with her in the Slytherin common room later. Narcissa gladly didn't question anything. We both reached Hogwarts and she went towards the dungeon while I went towards Dumbledore's chamber.
"Oh man, what is this smell? I can sense a filthy Snivellus walking towards us."
Sirius Black was in the hall and I couldn't care less about his antics. I kept on walking ahead and he tried to stop me.
"Wait. What is the hurry? Your filthy fucking ass needs to know that you belong below us in the dungeon where you can gig a hole-"
Before he can even finish his sentence. I punched him with every bit of strength I have. I am sure I broke his nose but I don't look back and keep moving towards my destination. I could hear from behind Sirius cursing and grunting but I couldn't care less with all the shit happening for the last few hours.
I got to Dumbledore's chamber and saw that the entrance was still open. That fucker knew that I would be coming back. I got inside and saw Dumbledore sitting and drinking his tea still with that same level of grace. It was almost as if I never even left.
"So, that's your plan, huh? I knew that it was too good to be true. You want me to keep quiet about the fact you are literally letting a dark creature roam around the school who almost mauled me to death in exchange for letting me sit for the exams!"
Dumbledore doesn't even say anything. His expression remained blank and he took another sip. Every moment that I look at him makes me want to bash his head in with a baseball bat. I am too tempted to try it. Even if I were to go to Azkaban for the action. I got to his table and slapped the cup away. It broke when it fell to the ground. Dumbledore didn't even flinch.
"ANSWER ME GOD DAMMIT!"
"Yes, I would like for you to keep Mr. Lupin's identity a secret. I know that you have told Mister Malfoy and Miss Black about it and I am sure that Mister Malfoy senior will hear about it soon but I would prefer to not let any more people in on this little secret."
"Do you think it's a game? My life is so worthless that you can just play around and use me like a pawn?"
"I don't and I hope you will realize it one day. I am doing it for the best interest of the student-"
"So what am I? Where is the suit of my best interest? Where's my justice?"
"Do you know what's the punishment for an unregistered wolf, Mister Snape? Lupin and his parent's lives would be destroyed. Hundreds and thousands of students who seek a safe solace would lose their place here because the ministry would close the institution down. I am trying my best here. I know what Mister Black did was cruel but I had no option."
"Don't you dare fucking say that. You could've punished them even without letting their secret out. But you didn't because you think Potter will be the leader to your gospel preach and be a mindless fucking soldier in your war and me? I was the enemy."
"Mister Snape that is not-"
"Save it! You win. I can't throw away my fucking life for this." I stormed off to my Slytherin dorm. I see Narcissa waiting but I don't have the energy to talk to her. I went to my room and started packing my bag. After I packed my bag I tried to sleep but no sleep was going to be blessing me on this wretched day. So I finally went out and ran around the lake to take my mind off. It didn't help. I went back to my room and saw a note on my bed. It's from lucius. It says to meet in front of the Headmaster's Chamber before breakfast. I still had 2 hours to spare. So, I decided to go to the library. I don't think I will miss any part of Hogwarts as much as the library. A lot of what I am today is through the knowledge I gained from spending hundreds of hours within these 4 walls. I walked towards the corner that :Lily and I share but I stopped when I realized someone was there. It was Lily. Oh wow! That's just great! She can't leave me alone even after she ruined my life. Gladly she didn't see me and I walked out of the library to sit in the room of requirement.
I went towards the headmaster's office and saw Lucius standing looked at me and just said, "Father's inside."
I leaned against the wall beside Lucius.
"You do know that your expulsion will taint your reputation. It will take awhile to earn that back."
"I know. If I could than I'd go back and change it but I made a stupid mistake and I have to live with the consequence."
"Just to be clear Snape, your idea to expose that worthless werewolf is understandable but your outburst despite a bloody unbreakable oath is the stupid mistake."
I didn't say anything. Now that I look back, getting expelled for Lily wasn't the right course of action. Seeing that I wasn't going to say anything, Lucius stood up and went towards the stairs.
"I am going to get Narcissa, otherwise your pleasurable companionship will be the death of me."
I snorted after hearing that and looked away.
A few minutes later Lucius returned with Narcissa beside him.
"You know I am constantly surprised that I got stood by you twice now!"
"I am sorry Narcissa, I was too tired after my talk with Dumbledore. I am not in the right headspace."
"I'll forgive you this one last time." Narcissa says with a glare but I can see that she has concern in her face as well. She continued "So, the deal is to keep the gryffindor's secret and you get to take the exam, huh?"
Lucius looked surprised hearing that and he looked at me for confirmation and when I nodded he exploded.
"What the fuck Severus? How could you agree to that! We can take it to the ministry and ruin him! Don't you want revenge?"
I gritted my teeth to not have another outburst but still replied with as much cold fury as possible, "Don't patronize me Lucius! If I could than I would personally deliver that senile bastard to Voldemort himself but I have no other choice. You yourself said that I need to earn that reputation and without my education, I will have nothing. I am a half-blood who is tainted for the slytherins to accept and filthy for the gryffindors to show any compassion! I cannot deny Dumbledore this! Not now atleast."
Hearing this Lucius slumped down. He looked away and after a few minutes of silence he finally asked, "What now?"
"I don't know."
After almost an hour The door opened and Abraxas Malfoy and Dumbledore stepped out. The man is the spitting image of Lucius but more mature and has a royalty sense to him that makes you want to bow down. He looked at me and I felt a shiver run down my spine.
"You must be Severus Snape?"
"Yes, sir."
"Well you have caused quite the mess, young man. Than again the Prince bloodline are prone to making such stupid mistakes."
I feel naked under his piercing glare and this statement doesn't help the situation. Even Lucius and Narcissa are uncomfortable under this circumstance.
Dumbledore suddenly says, "Well we all make mistakes but the most important thing is to continue despite the stumblings." He is saying it with that sickening sweet smile that has a mischievous aura to it.
"Well whatever. I am taking care of your case for now Mr. Snape and I expect you to meet the standards of my expectations. I don't tolerate sloppy work nor do I tolerate mediocre effort. If I find that you are not worth the trouble then I will revoke my signature."
"I cannot express my gratitude for this chance. I will give my everything to meet your expectations." I say it as I bow down. I am slightly sweating, my hands are slightly shaking. Abraxas doesn't say anything and moves forward.
We move towards the gate. Going down the stairs feels so odd. Even a week ago I wouldn't have thought that I would not be able to continue my education here. It was such an odd feeling. I don't know where I will stay. I have to go back to cokeworth and to Spinner's End. That place is just filled with misery. I have to get a job. I decided to not think about those things for now and just take in the views of Hogwarts one last time as a student. Funny how I thought that getting in Hogwarts would've changed my life for the better but now that I think about it, it might've changed it for the worse. This place was supposed to be my field of redemption but it turns out as my personal hell. I couldn't escape the tortures from Marauders, the discrimination and humiliation of everyone else and I lost Lily's friendship.
Just as I was going to take the step outside Dumbledore put a hand on my shoulder. I looked at the man who still had a slight smile on his face. He whispered in my ear ""Great men are not born great, they grow great."
Ending Notes: My next recommendation is my favorite current running fanfiction which is The Path Not Tread by BoxyP, SilenceoftheSolitude ( /works/5803846/chapters/13376221).
Most of the great Snily fanfics especially the ones that are long are usually time travel fics so it's a breath of fresh air when we find a bigass fic that has Snape getting it right on the first time around. Just because he gets it right the first time doesn't mean that he doesn't go through struggles. It's a great fic that portrays Snily in a very different light with great complexity and the right amount of angst :3