Notes: Sorry for the delay. I had my exams and went on a little vacation in India so I couldn't update the story. I think it was too ambitious of me to target weekly updates. I'll try and post two chapters a month but knowing my lazy ass it will most probably be like one update a month. Also, I know the Snily fandom will be upset with the content of this chapter but I ask you to trust me. I want to fully explore the dynamic of Snape-James-Lily that means all of them will have their own arc and that also means that I will explore the relationship between James-Lily. Rest assured Snape and Lily will bang at some point in the storyline. The thing is I still don't know how :3

Chapter 5: Dazed and Confused

Chapter Text:

Lily POV:

I've been staring at the gargoyle in front of the Headmaster's chamber for the last 30 minutes. It's been a routine for me for the last few days. I can't quite gather the courage to talk to the headmaster. I feel both rage and helplessness. I haven't talked with Sev too much in the last 5-6 months but suddenly knowing that he isn't in Hogwarts anymore is too much for me to take. I can't even cry. It's just that I feel so empty. I have no way of contacting Sev nor do I know his whereabouts. I suspect Headmaster Dumbledore knows.

I really should've asked him when I had seen him that day when I last saw Sev but I was so emotionally wrecked that I couldn't think straight. Sighing, I went towards the stairs. I am still not sure what to say to the headmaster. Does he know? He knows, right? How could he do this? Sev is one of the most brilliant minds in Hogwarts, he might even be the most brilliant student in our generation.

I didn't pay attention as I bumped into someone while going downstairs. I see that it was Narcissa Black. Her book fell from her hand. She bent down and picked it up as I tried to mumble an apology out. She doesn't even look at me or acknowledge me in any shape or form. It was as if I wasn't even there. She picked her book up and started to move away.

Wait a minute….she might know about Snape! She was also there! I am starting to think my Brain has permanently malfunctioned. How could I forget that she was there as well. I could've just asked her instead of dillydallying in front of the Headmaster's office for the last 1 week!

"Excuse me. Do you know where Sev is? I need to-" as I started to say she looked at me with such an icy glare that I couldn't even finish what I was saying.

"I don't like when some filth talks to me and don't bring Severus's name in your rotten mouth"

I was gaping like an idiot. I couldn't even respond and before I even processed she was already quite a bit ahead. Shit she is going away! I didn't even process what I was doing but ran and quickly stopped her holding her hand back. Fuck I was doing it instictively but after wasting my opportunity by not following my heart, I had all the intention of following my instinct. I have already lost Sev but if I don't fix it soon, I think our friendship will be broken beyond any hope of fixing it.

"How dare you touch me! Let go of my hand now!" Narcissa Black practically spat those words with a venomous tone that is telling my mind to let go unless I will have to face serious consequences. Thank god that my brain is not functioning properly so I basically ignored the threat. I can take any repercussions as long as I know where Sev is.

"Please, I beg of you. I know you hate me because of what happened to Sev but I am trying to fix it. Please can you tell me where he is?" I pleaded as my voice started to crack. It's hard to hold the tears back

Narcissa Black took her hand and fully turned towards me.

"What will you do with that information? Send him a letter and lecture him about his choices? Well that's the only thing you can do while fucking your precious Gryffindor who cannot even man up to face Severus one on one."

"No, No. You got me wrong. I had made a mistake. I am not in any relatio-" She again cut me off before I can finish what I was saying

"You know it's pretty ironic that you used to lecture him saying how his friends were toxic and had a bad influence on him when it turns out that you were the toxic one and cutting you off is what will help him achieve his full potential."

Fuck this hurts! The way Narcissa Black was accusing me it hurts because I can feel that under her ice-cold exterior she is hurting just as much. I had no answer to her accusations. What can I even say? Seeing that I couldn't come up with any reply she started walking away.

"Well, Severus is still at home but I highly doubt that information will help you. He finally realized how bad you were as a friend." she says as she walks away.

I guess it was a success. I know where sev is but I don't feel any hope or joy. I just feel empty. Maybe because I was thinking in my mind that Sev will be okay with me despite all the issues between us but hearing directly that Sev is moving on from our friendship shattered a fragile hope that I was carrying for the last week.

One Month Later :

"-AKE Up, Lily! We are going to miss our Potions class!"

I groggily opened my eyes and saw Mary was already ready for the class. I looked at the clock and saw that the class would start in less than 5 minutes. Great, another breakfast missed!

"Come on, sleeping beauty! This is the 6th time you have been late this past month! What the hell happened to you?"

"It's nothing! I am just a bit tired." I get up from my bed and somehow go to my class. Great, now I have to sit with James Potter. Since Sev has left, Slughorn decided to pair me up with James and pair James' former partner Sirius with Lupin in order to get better results from them. Well James certainly isn't causing trouble for the class. He is just constantly flirting with me.

"The class is so boring! Hey! Wanna come and watch me practice quidditch after class?" said James with way too much enthusiasm. Gotta hand it to him, despite my constant rejection he is still willing to stick with me. Since the whole debacle with Sev, I looked at all my relationships and decided to be honest with my own feelings. That means admitting to myself that despite all the bullshit, I, Lily Evans, feel at least some level of attraction towards the bullying toerag called James Potter. I mean I am just a teenage girl and James despite everything is genuinely a pretty thing to look at. He has a very easy-going energy that makes it so natural to fall into a conversation. Still, it's a shame

"Ummmmm…. Lily, why are you looking at me so intensely?" Said James with a slight blush on his cheeks.

'Crap! I have been staring at him the whole time. Damn my airheadedness. My mind has been in total turmoil over the past few days

"It's nothing." I mumbled as I looked away.

My initial decision was to not confront my feelings about James before I fixed everything with Sev but he has not replied to any of the 36 letters that I sent and yes I have been keeping count. The letters have ranged from me begging him to forgive me to cursing him for ignoring me. I realized that sending a letter isn't going to do anything and I have to sit down with him properly to fix our problems. That means I have to wait another 2 months before I can talk with him. So now I decided that I will fix everything else. I'll give James one proper shot and see if there is anything under that surface level. While I was knee-deep on my thoughts, James once again looked at me with a smug.

"So, since you haven't said no. can I assume that you will be coming to my prac-"

"No, I am not interested to see you sweating and chasing a ball in the sky."

"Fine if not practice, will you join me after class in Hogsmeade? We can escape together and have some butterbeer and snacks?"

"That is against the rules and in case you don't remember, I am a prefect. I cannot allow you to break the rules." I said sternly but man escaping for a butterbeer does sound nice especially with all the stress.

It was almost as if James could read my mind, "I know you want to. All of us need a break and this will be nice. It's not a date I swear! Just a friendly meeting."

This made me look at him thoughtfully. I mean I did plan on going with him on a date to test the water and the offer to escape to Hogsmeade does sound appealing. Fine let's play the cards.

"So it is a friendly meeting? So, I can assume that you don't want to go on a date with me anymore?"

The smug fell off Potter's face which gave me a slight satisfaction. Well, atleast I can rattle him still. But he soon recovered and said, "I mean do you want it to be a date?" he said with a slight blush and a bit of a smug smile.

"I don't know. Well, pay attention to the class."

I decided to ignore James during the entirety of Slughorn's remaining lecture. I don't want to give him too much hope. Once the class ends and I start packing James tapped my shoulder and said, "So, meet me in the Gryffindor common room at 3?"

I slightly nodded and went towards the great hall hoping that there are some leftover foods.

Recommendation No.5

i will always love you (for what it's worth) by angelica_barnes ( /works/37976290)

This is a very unorthodox Snily as it's from Remus Lupin's pov and is mostly about him but goddamn this fic is the perfect shitload of angst I needed. A pretty nice read even if the Snily is very mild with this one.