"It was revenge," Christian said quietly as he grabbed his cup of coffee with shaking hands.
Him and Sean were together in McNamara/Troy's sitting room and drank coffee. They were still suffering from the after-effects of the shock that Abby's murder caused.
Sean looked at Christian scrunching his forehead, "you speak in riddles."
"Abby had to die because she had been with me," Christian declared, "and Kimber also had to suffer because of me."
"That's non-sense! And what was with the other victims, Rhea Reynolds for example? She didn't have a relationship with you."
"She was my patient."
"You can not make yourself responsible for mankind's fate, Christian!" Sean said adamantly, "Quentin is sick, a psychopath, schizophrenic. You are not responsible for what he does!"
Christian lifted the cup again and stared into the coffee grounds, "have you ever really seriously doubted you should live?"
Sean shook his head.
"I have," Christian put his elbows up the table and his head between his hands, "I sometimes think it would be better if I was never born."
"Now stop right there!" Sean said crossly.
"No, really. I think that some people would do better without me existing," he cleared his throat, "I had a lot of time to think over the last few weeks. About the meaning of life. And do you know what I reckon?"
Sean shook his head.
"There is no meaning," he said shrugging, "I have no idea why I am here. My mother wants nothing to do with me, Kimber left me, and I'm a crap surgeon, an asshole who only uses women..."
"...and the best friend one can ever wish for," Sean finished the sentence. He put a hand on Christian's shoulder, "no, you are more than that. You are like a brother for me! My life would be half as colourful and exciting without you," he added grinning.
Christian couldn't hold his tears back anymore. He let his head drop onto Sean's shoulder and he started to cry.
"Just cry. Lighten your heart," Sean said quietly.
"I'm sorry," Christian lifted his head after a while and looked at Sean perplexed, "I don't know what came over me. I don't usually let things like that happen."
"You're going through a lot just now," Sean gave his opinion, "and you are still suffering from shock."
Christian cleaned his face, "right enough, it doesn't happen everyday that you get to pay a visit to the woman you have slept with a few days ago at the morgue!" He said bitterly.
Sean looked at him sympathetically, "you shouldn't think about it that much," he cleared his throat, "what do you think Myers will do next?"
"He mentioned he wanted to go public," Christian replied.
"Good decision," Sean nodded, "I hope they will catch this bastard soon!"
"Yes, before he slits more women's throats."
"I ask myself over and over why Quentin came back," Sean said meditatively, "he was safe in Spain after all."
"He wants me," Christian answered dryly.
Sean shook his head vehemently, "I told you that was complete non-sense! What can he reproach you?"
Christian shrugged clueless, "I don't know."
"Then forget the whole thing already."
"Forget it?" Christian shook his head, "don't you expect a little bit too much from me there? This nutcase is roaming free out there and kills innocent women. Who's next?"
"Look at it positively for once," Sean said, "if you can not find Kimber, then Quentin can not either. How can he find her if you can't even? Don't worry. Kimber is safe."
Christian nodded, "maybe you're right. Maybe I worry too much, that's all."
"That's better," Sean said smiling, "chin up! We don't give up that easily!" He gave Christian a friendly pat on the back, "and now come on! Distraction is the best medicine. Our patient is waiting."
"Go ahead, I'll come in a minute," Christian said.
Sean looked at him sceptically, "are you all right?" He asked concerned.
"Yes, I'm okay," Christian forced a smile, "I'll just clean up here."
Sean nodded, "don't be too late. You know that patients don't like to wait."
Christian sighed relieved when Sean left the room. He went to the medicine unit and opened it. He carefully took a syringe and a little glass bottle out.
If Quentin had really had him in mind he wanted to be ready this time. It was too painful to remember the last time when he put him out of commission with the anaesthetic and climbed on top of him. This time Christian will fight back with his own medicine.
He regretted he never acquired a fire arm certificate. He was sure he would not hesitate to shot Quentin. He thought about Abby. She was an annoyance-a control freak, and he would've not liked anything else better than her out of his life. But she really didn't deserve to die this way either!
Christian suppressed a sigh. He was a bit ashamed because of the relief he felt when it became certain that it wasn't Kimber lying under the winding sheet, but Abby. He pondered what he would have done if it was Kimber. Would he have cried, shouted, raved, would he have lost it? Christian closed his eyes. Sean was right. He merely tortured himself with these thoughts. Kimber was safe. He only needed to believe in that strongly enough.
Christian deposited the syringe and the anaesthetic into his jacket pocket and left the room.