Flip Turn

Chapter Five: Sinks

Raven hated swimming, anyway.

It wasn't her fault that her mom had made her, had said it would be fun, hadn't listened when Raven offered to clean the whole house and wash the car and mow the lawn if she just wouldn't have to be on the swim team. And it wasn't her fault that the coach was mean and huge and had a loud voice that Raven didn't like.

But now, she was in big trouble. And that was kind of her fault.

She was supposed to "talk" to Coach Bruce after practice. They'd already done a whole lot of talking—except Raven hadn't really gotten a chance to speak because he was the kind of man you just didn't interrupt—and none of those talks had been good ones. Raven pretty much knew what he was going to say, but it was still awful, having to just stand there next to the fence, waiting for him, like there was a giant stamp on her forehead that said 'Bad Girl.' It was like in school, when the teacher would sometimes ask one of the other kids to see her after class, but Raven had never had to do that; all her teachers liked her because she was quiet and always did her work quickly, and would sit at her desk reading a book after she'd finished. That was another thing that made swim team so horrible: Raven was used to being good at things, like reading and geography and multiplying. She didn't like being the worst one.

And she had to be the worst one, didn't she, because nobody else had had to talk to the coach after practice.

"You wanna play Sharks and Minnows, Raven?"

She jumped, chest tightening with fear and slowly realized that Vic was the one who'd asked her the question. Letting her whole stomach inflate with air like the doctor said (Raven had a doctor, but not the kind that gave you shots—sometimes she thought that kind would be better), she tried to put on a calm face as she slowly shook her head. "I…I don't feel like it."

"Aww, c'mon, Rae-Rae, we have to get ten people at least," said Gar, appearing behind her almost out of nowhere and flashing a smile at her that was probably supposed to be convincing.

"I don't feel like it," said Raven.

"Please, please, just for a little while? You know you wanna!" Gar whined, taking her elbow and making to drag her in the direction of the deep end. The deep end where lots of people dove in and splashed water everywhere, and they'd expect her to dive, too, and she wouldn't, couldn't…

"I don't think she wants to, Gar," Vic said calmly.

"Sure she does!"

"It's fine; we'll go ask Jade." Vic smiled at Raven. "Maybe you'll feel like it later." Then he started to lead Gar away from the fence, ignoring his protests that Raven really did want to play.

"…And besides, I'm not asking Jade! She kicked Roy last week, and didn't you see that bruise?..."

Raven watched them go and hoped they hadn't figured out that she was in trouble. Hoped the stamp on her forehead hadn't given it away, which was kind of like hoping that one plus one would stop being two. She adjusted the strap on her bathing suit, made sure it was in the right place, wondering if her mom would buy her one of those suits that had long sleeves if she promised to be good.

But she didn't have long to wonder, because a big hand fell on her shoulder, and her brain knew exactly whose it was, even though her body mostly wanted to cringe back and see if there was any way to hide.

"The Titans were bad, you know," said Raven, staring at a little puddle on the pool deck.

"What?"

It was the only thing she could think of to say, and plus she'd been wanting to make sure he knew it, so she continued. "The Titans. The name of our swim team. They were bad. Zeus had to put them in jail."

"You're right," said Coach Bruce. "Of course, I didn't choose the name."

"We shouldn't be named after bad people." Raven reached up to scratch her head. "We just shouldn't."

He was silent for a few seconds, as if he wasn't quite sure what to say—but it wasn't an angry kind of silence, wasn't the bad kind. "That's a good point. But it's not why I asked you to stay after practice."

"Why did you ask me to stay after practice?" she recited, looking up at him and trying to fill her stomach all the way with air again.

"Raven, will you get in the water, please?" He didn't answer the question and that already made her cautious, and she edged slowly towards the pool as if he might forget that he'd asked if she could just take enough time getting there. "It's okay," he added, the words a little strange coming from him.

She bit her lip and went down the steps one at a time, holding on to the metal bar until she couldn't hold it anymore, until she was standing at the edge of the shallow end with the water lapping at her chest. Coach Bruce sat down on the edge of the deck with his feet dangling in the water, and he wasn't quite as scary that way, for some reason.

"I need you to put your face in the water."

He went right back to being scary.

Raven gasped for breath, but an apple had decided to grow in her throat when she wasn't looking and she couldn't find any air. She backed away from him, well aware that she was backing into deeper water, but she didn't care, because she could handle deep water, she knew how to swim, but she couldn't handle big hands and a loud voice and the way her heart tried to jump out of its chest when she saw the water pouring out of the faucet into the sink and the counter cutting into her stomach as he held her there…

"Raven?" Coach Bruce was staring at her, a strange look on his face, and Raven had to blink a few times to make sure he was really there.

She finally found some air. "I can't."

"That's what you keep telling me, but you've yet to tell me why. You've seen everyone else on the team go underwater and nothing bad has happened. There's no reason to be afraid."

"It's different," she insisted, shaking her head.

"How?"

"It is!"

"Alright," he said, and for a moment she thought that he was finally going to leave her alone, but then he'd hoisted himself into the water in one powerful movement and his hands were holding her still, not tight enough to hurt but strong enough that she'd never get away. And suddenly she couldn't find her balance.

"Take a breath."

Then she was under the surface, water roaring around her head, slithering into her ears, her nose, water that she couldn't control, and the faucet was still running over her head, pounding around her hair, water that smelled like old vegetables and wanted to keep her down at the bottom of the sink just like the hand on her back and never let her breathe again, and that voice was asking why, why did she make him do it, why was she a bad girl, and Raven didn't know why but she was bad, she was always bad, and maybe it would be better if she just let herself breathe in, feeding her lungs water until they didn't work anymore and she wouldn't have to—

But she was too bad to even do that, because it was air she was breathing, not water, and they weren't her daddy's hands, they were Coach Bruce's, and he was hauling her out of the pool and why was she crying, why was she screaming, she shouldn't do that, Daddy hated it when she did that, he was going to be even madder…she had to get away, somehow, so she tried to wrench herself away from the hands. Except that just made her suit pull a little to the side, down so it stretched over her shoulder.

Then she gasped, the shock kicking the tears right out of her body. It was Coach Bruce. And those were his eyes, wide open in horror as he stared straight at her, right in the middle of her shoulder at the line of pale skin that was normally covered up—at the circular burn she knew was there, from that night she'd made Daddy really mad and he'd taken his cigarette and—

"Raven, can you hear me?"

She could, so she nodded, but she could also see the little circle of kids that was starting to gather, all of them staring at her. And Raven just wanted to hide. To hide somewhere that didn't have any water.

A yell from the deep end, Vic's, filled up with real panic—and Vic would never pretend that something was wrong. Raven's head jerked around to see what it was, and her eyes hardly had time to focus before she realized that Coach Bruce wasn't holding her anymore and the other kids were staring at something else now…and Raven didn't really want Gar to drown, but if he had to do it, this was just the right time.

She just sat there watching as he got Gar out of the pool, as easily as if he were picking up a soda can—but after that she couldn't see much because a crowd had gathered all around them in a tight, dense circle.

A crowd that did not involve Vic, because he was right behind her asking if she was okay.

"No," said Raven.

"Sorry, dumb question." Vic moved to sit beside her. "Gar's alright, don't worry. Way too tired for playing in the deep end, it turned out. Coach has it under control, though—he's good at that, y'know. He'd never let one of us get hurt."

"Yeah," said Raven, shrugging, the movement reminding her to readjust her bathing suit—but not before Vic must have had time to see. The shudder that he couldn't hide fast enough told Raven that he'd seen.

"Listen, I'm not very good at this…but if you ever need to tell me anything, you know where to find me." He hesitated, staring at his legs, and Raven tried not to stare, too, even though she knew that he'd had operations after his car accident. "And you shouldn't give up on swim team just because of—whatever it is."

Raven nodded slightly, folding her hands in her lap, concentrating on the way the sun felt as it dried her back. Then Vic didn't say anything else, just sat with her on the lounge chair as a few long, quiet minutes passed by. Raven didn't mind. She was good at being quiet.

At some point, she looked up to Coach Bruce walking toward her—Gar was right next to him, holding his hand, a green towel wrapped around his head that made him look like a brightly colored ghost. They both looked tired.

"You okay?" Vic asked, looking a little guilty, for some reason.

"Uh huh," said Gar. "It was kind of c—" A glare from Coach Bruce cut him off. "I mean it wasn't cool at all and I will never 'exert myself beyond my ability' ever again."

"Good answer," Coach Bruce said humorlessly. "And see that you don't."

Gar dropped his hand, face a bit red as if he'd suddenly realized he'd been holding it. "I won't, I promise. Hey, Vic, can we play with your torpedo?"

Vic nodded and was off the lounge chair before Raven could blink, but he tossed a meaningful look at Raven before he went off to follow Gar. "Just remember what I said," he whispered, and then he was gone. And she would remember—it just wouldn't do any good.

"Gar, stay in the shallow end—and no running!" Coach Bruce yelled after them. He sighed heavily then turned his attention back to Raven, who felt her heart start beating faster again as she tried to make herself invisible. "I'm sorry about that," he said, voice a lot softer.

She wasn't sure what he was apologizing for. It might have been for more than one thing. But it didn't matter. "It's alright," Raven murmured. "You don't have to be sorry for anything. I'm quitting swimming."