Author's Note: Here's another chapter, hope you like it!
I was really unsatisfied with this chapter so it will probably end up being the one with the most edits. There shouldn't be any major plot changes, but the dialogue is being heavily reworked. Feel free to read (or re-read) and enjoy.
Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, including it's characters, plots, and characters. I do claim ownership over my own, however!
REWORKED AND REUPLOADED ON 11/17/2022
XXXXX
Chapter Two
The sun was high in the sky and the weather was generously warm. Leah felt particularly animalistic as she denied the urge to stretch her long body out in the grass and fall asleep in the sun. The grass underneath her was soft and plush, smelling of summer and life. She savored the feeling of a Washington summer, trying to force herself to enjoy it fully despite her inner turmoil.
Suddenly, the sunlight was blocked. She cracked open an eye to see a dark form standing over her.
"Hey, mom," Leah greeted. She thought her mother would be at Charlie's today. Sue spent as much time as possible with him since they entered into their steady relationship. Her mother didn't want to force Seth to move into Charlie's home, nor did she want to force her boyfriend to move into hers, so she stretched herself (quite thinly) between the two.
"Leah, I know that I'm not your father," her mother sighed, sorrow in her voice. Leah sat up, propping herself up on her elbows, peering up. "You came to him about everything and anything. But I'm still your mother. I could tell something was off with you last night."
Leah hadn't talked about her issues with anyone. except with her therapist. Even though most of the wolves were once inside her head, listening to all her worries and thoughts, no one knew the extent of her pain, not about this.
She didn't want anyone to know - even now. It felt like if she spoke about it, the truth of it would be all the more real.
Leah would never have children.
She didn't feel like making the over hundred mile trip to Dr. Castleman's office for a revelation she'd already had long ago. She could handle this on her own.
Still, it hurt and no amount of reasoning could do away with the hurt.
"I'm fine, mom," she said finally, knowing Sue wouldn't leave until she gave her an answer.
It was a surprise when her mother lowered herself down, sitting next to her in the green grass.
"You were so happy when I first saw you yesterday. I hadn't seen you smile like that in years, Leah," Sue spoke softly and candidly, with a reminiscent quality to her words. She shook her head, brow cinching. "But that smile was gone when you came home last night." Leah swallowed, but didn't say anything. Birds chattered from the trees in the nearby forest, filling the following silence.
After a while, her mother sighed and reached a hand out, placing it on the she-wolf's shoulder. "Honey, I love you - I've missed you - but if being here causes you pain, I would never hold it against you for leaving again."
The she-wolf let out a heavy breath. She felt relief in her mother's words. It was clear how concrete her support for her daughter was. Even if Leah decided to disappear somewhere halfway across the world and never returned, Sue would love and accept her all the same. There was freedom found in that kind of selfless love. Leah couldn't help but take solace in it.
She didn't want to leave though. She wanted to stay.
"I'm through with running away, mom. It was time to go home. I like being home. I have a lot of memories here - both good and bad." Leah didn't want to think of La Push and only be reminded of the pain it brought. From her time with Sam, to her father's death, to becoming a wolf, so much had happened that made her hate it here - hate everything. Leah didn't want to hate anything anymore - especially not when she loved her home and the people in it so much. It was time to put the bad in the past behind her, to finally lay it to rest. "I want to start making new memories - happy ones," she echoed her thoughts, decision resolute.
Leah couldn't bury her issues and hope they never resurfaced again. They always would - they always had.
She resolved to talk about them, as much as she didn't want to.
"Emily's pregnant," Leah blurted suddenly.
Sue was startled by her sudden and loud declaration, eyes widening. She cleared her throat, looking away
"Yes… I know. I wanted to tell you…" she trailed off, guilt heavy in the resounding quiet. She finally continued, seeming desperate in her explanation. "But it's like I said, you had just come home and you were so- so happy, Leah. I didn't want to be the one to ruin it."
"It's okay, mom," she assured the older woman.
Sue was only placing her child's best interests at heart, trying to protect her in what little ways she still could. Leah took a deep breath, glancing up to the blue sky above. "It's really not because of Emily. I'm not mad at her or anything. Actually, I'm kind of… happy for her. In a way, I suppose," she told her mother truthfully. There was a therapeutic effect calming her more and more as she spoke and it gave her the courage to continue. "Emily always wanted kids - Sam too. Its not… them. It's me. I'm jealous that she-" Leah suddenly stopped and swallowed, finding it hard to speak as memories overcame her. Conversations held with Sam about children. He was scared to be a father, but he was confident that he would be a more successful one than his own. He wanted the chance to prove that he was a better man than his own father. Leah planned to wait as long as she could, to build a life for herself, but it was something she desired as well. Now, it really didn't matter if she wanted to have a child today or in ten years from now. "She gets to have a baby - and I never will."
Sue was quiet for a long moment, her brow line creasing then relaxing, then doing it all over again.
She finally spoke. "You know, I didn't want kids." Leah gasped, reveling in her sudden proclamation. Sue laughed. "Well, I didn't." She hastily went on to add, "Don't get me wrong. I love you and Seth more than anything in the world. You two are my biggest accomplishments in life."
Sue was right when she said Leah had always been closer with her father. This was something about her mother she'd never known about - never thought to ask.
"What changed?"
Her mother sighed, then smiled softly. She tilted her head back in the sun, her long, black hair - so similar to Leah's though it was now graying - falling behind her. "I did. People don't stay the same. You're wise enough to know that." She continued to look up, her eyes on the wispy clouds above. "One day I woke up, my husband beside me, and I realized the life that I saw for myself was no longer permanent. The things that I wanted changed - the things that I needed."
"I know what I want mom, and I can't have it," Leah said quietly. She brought her knees up to her chest.
Sue reached over, patting Leah's shoulder.
"The things we want sometimes are not always what we need. The things we need we don't always know we need. I do believe in fate, and as confusing as the spirits are, I believe there is a reason for everything." Leah scoffed, resting her cheek on her knee. She found no comfort in her mother's assurance. Perhaps, the older woman sensed this. "Everything will work out, honey. If you're meant to be a mother, and I do think you are, fate will find a way. The spirits have not abandoned you. Family has not abandoned you. Your life is still only beginning."
"The spirits would do better to leave me the hell alone," the she-wolf grumbled moodily. Although Sue spoke words of truth and wisdom, it was hard to listen to them when trusting in fate had caused her nothing but pain.
Sue snorted and laughed.
"Leah, the spirits gave me you. They gave me Seth. They gave me a bountiful and blessed life." She smiled faintly. "I'm not saying that it will be easy - it wasn't for me either - but you have to trust that in the end, life will work out how it's supposed to."
Leah sighed. "What if it doesn't? What do I do then?"
"I know with everything that's happened, you've kind of given up on the spirits dealing you a fair hand, but there is a plan for you." Sue placed a hand on her daughter's forearm, ensuring her words were heard. "And if this imprinting business is really to produce a stronger werewolf lineage, I guarantee that you're meant to pass on the gene. You are one of the strongest people I know, Leah"
Her words finally brought with them some comfort. If by some chance Leah did have a child, it would be the one prayer the spirits actually answer for her. Maybe this time, if she wished for it hard enough, they would actually listen.
But if her prayer went unheeded - as many of them did - she would be okay.
Life had thrown so much at her. She'd fought her way through all of it and more. If she could find her way back to the light then, she could do it again now. The person she'd become today was not someone a Leah a few years ago would have envisioned in her future, but maybe this was who she needed to become. She used to be naive - young. Life had to knock her down so that she could prove - to herself - that she could get back up and keep going. She was proud of who she was today - she was someone that was resilient. She was strong.
This wouldn't crush her - it would only make her stronger.
Leah threw an arm over her mother's shoulder, holding her close.
"Thanks, mom."
After her mother left for Charlie's, Leah found herself in the woods. For the past two years, she took up numerous activities that allowed her to be outside. She went camping - sometimes for weeks on end. It was all she could do to bring back the intoxicating freedom of being in the wild. A part of her craved her wolf - she supposed it always would. An instinct deep and animalistic within her told her to run and hunt and fight. Being in nature subdued some of that urge, but it didn't satisfy it.
Without realizing it, Leah found herself running. She pushed herself faster and faster. She would never be as quick as she was in shifter form, but she chased the memory of it, trying to recreate the feeling anyway. Her wolf begged to be released, but she kept it safely at bay.
The scent of another wolf hit her before she heard the gallop of feet alongside her - Paul.
Besides Jacob, Paul was probably the quickest wolf from their pack. She wasn't including herself anymore, but if she had, she knew she beat them both by a long shot.
He ran alongside her, his dark eyes darting over at her before he bared his teeth and pushed ahead.
It was a race.
She smiled devilishly back, accepting the challenge.
Still not having broken a sweat, she pounded her feet against the ground with new fervor. Even in her human form, she held up next him, her body a blur through the trees.
"Come on, Paul," she yelled, grinning. She caught a little lead, throwing over her shoulder at him, "Are you holding back on me or are you really as slow as I remember?" He let out a sharp bark, taking a bounding leap so that he came up beside her. She could see the muscles and sinews in his legs moving beautifully and gracefully under his coat as he picked up speed, passing her. "That's more like it!"
She pushed herself to the point her heart was practically beating out of her chest. Despite being human, she kept up a good pace in their race, but she could see Paul gaining more and more lead. With one last burst of adrenaline, she pushed toward him and rammed into his side.
She was successful in causing him to stumble and with a raucous growl, nearly fell.
If he hadn't been caught off guard, she might not have pulled it off. He was double her size in wolf form, and compared to her human one, he was absolutely humongous.
Leah shot past him easily. When she was about fifteen feet in front of him, she stopped.
"I win," she grinned wide. He growled, this time louder. "Oh, don't be a sore loser, Paul." The she-wolf laughed, her breath now short with how much she had exerted herself. "That was fun. I've had to hold back for so long, I almost forgot what it felt like to push myself."
He whined and bared his teeth. He was angry - she could tell. He let out another growl, clearly aggressive.
She leaned against a tree, crossing her arms and quirking an eyebrow at him. "If you're looking for a fight, phase back. I don't do wolf anymore."
Phase back he did. Unashamedly naked, he glared at her with fire in his eyes. She was careful to keep her level gaze above his chest - not that she hadn't already seen everything that the guys in the pack had to offer far too many times. Still, that didn't mean she was dying for another peek.
He stalked towards her. She didn't particularly want to get into a real fight, even if the need to unleash her energy and animal like violent tendencies was so tempting her fingers twitched and a familiar tendril of energy coiled in her gut, readying her body for an attack.
Leah doubted her inner wolf would ever disappear, even if she had left that life long behind. It lurked in her body, ready to take over at the slightest weakness of her calm psyche.
"Just chill out, Paul. It's not my fault you're so slow," she told him, smirking.
"Seems to me you're the one who's slowed down. You had to resort to cheating," he accused hotly, getting in her face.
She shrugged. So what? If he wanted a fair race, then they would both need to be human. She knew who would come out on top in that scenario though, so she didn't offer it up. Beating him once more would only result in an even angrier Paul.
His nostrils flared and she saw his fingers tremble. She didn't particularly want to pander to Paul's hothead temper, but she decided to try and diffuse the situation anyway. "Look I'm sorry, okay?" His dark eyes stared at her, the iris black. She was almost uncomfortable under the intensity of it, but couldn't look away elsewhere, not while he was still naked. "Really, Paul. I didn't mean to upset you."
There was quiet for a moment, but then he sighed and looked away, apparently some sort of silent version of accepting her apology.
Leah watched as Paul bent down to put on his shorts, tied to his ankle by a tan cord. "Aren't you on patrol right now?" she asked curiously, wondering why he was bothering with his human form for long if he was on duty.
"Yeah," he answered, short and sharp.
"Shouldn't you be doing that now, then?" she inquired further, her voice unwittingly antagonizing.
He glared. "Shit doesn't happen around here anymore. It's fine."
Despite the bite in his words, she was relieved to hear them. The Cullens leaving must have made the wolves' lives rather boring. Still, boring was something to be appreciated, especially after the hell they'd all been through over the years. There was no constant worry over whether they would be able to protect everyone - families and friends. There was no wondering if one of them might bite the bullet one day. There was no deciding who would be the one to deliver the news to one of their mothers or fathers.
The Cullens were a curse in their own right, but Bella by herself was a magnet for trouble. Leah was glad she was gone - hopefully for good. They had never been friends and they likely never would be. The she-wolf might have been prepared to die for her, and for Jacob's imprint, but it wasn't really about them. Leah was putting herself on the line to protect life itself. It was for the people of their tribe and all of the other innocents caught up in a supernatural battle to the death.
The remaining wolves of the pack kept phasing for a reason - and that reason was to defend the people of the Quilette Reservation. It didn't matter if their personal motivations to keep transforming were something different than that. The one and only reason their kind existed was for the sole purpose of protecting La Push.
Leah began to walk, casually following the well worn path made by the continuous patrols of other wolves. They were currently close to the treaty line. The treaty no longer really existed now that the Cullens moved away, but it's designated border still stood as a trustworthy perimeter to stick to surrounding their small Reservation.
Paul fell in easily beside her. It didn't matter that he was in human form and she was no longer a shifter, if there was a job to do, it had to be done. She wouldn't let someone get hurt - not because of her.
"I've been wanting to talk to you," she spoke, listening to the soft press of their shoes on the mossy forest floor and to a bird fluttering its wings up high in the trees. "I want to ask you how you've been."
Everyone knew each other's problems in the pack mind - their every worry and thought. Paul's problems were a great many, but if he'd ever caught one of them pitying him, he would have given them hell for it.
If she was honest with herself, he had been too much of an asshole for her to adequately sympathize with him back then. Just like Leah, he had used anger as a defense mechanism.
Anger kept people away. When the only thing most people had caused you was pain, it was better to feel angry than to feel anything else.
His life had been a difficult one - more than most, but less than some. Leah found herself hoping that it was better now - easier - if only by a little bit. She hoped some of that anger was gone, never to return.
His answer was less than meaningful, his bored tone indicating how little regard he lent to his words.
"Same shit, really. Running patrol, kicked Jared's ass for beta. His head is really too wrapped up in Kim to really give a rat's ass about it anyway."
Kim Jones was a sweet girl, but just like with everyone else, Leah never really considered her a friend. Kim only knew the bitter, angry version of her from bits and pieces fed to her from others or witnessed briefly at pack get togethers. That version of Leah was just barely scraping by in the pack, with insults and bitchiness as her only ammunition. Her anger kept Kim (and everyone else) far, far away from her.
Leah decided to try again. "Yeah, yeah. That's just pack stuff. What about you though?"
Paul scowled, then shrugged. "Dad's renting me the house. He moved in with some lady in Forks - I don't know her name. I've been working at a garage fixing up all the shitty cars around here. I get by. Can't complain, I guess."
Paul's father was hardly ever home. He was only a father in name, not in action. There had never been any groceries in the Lahote house. His dad usually forgot to pay either the electric or water bill each month. Though it was a place to sleep, it was never a home - not to Paul.
He, and many of the other wolves, practically lived at Sam's house. Back when the Volturri was a threat and with so many vampires around, no one in the pack could hold down a job. The ones in school could barely make it to class, let alone were able to pass. It was enough to have a bed to sleep in and food on the table.
"That's good."
"Yeah." Paul glanced over at her and shoved his hands in the pockets of his shorts. "What about you? How'd you manage to stop being such a bitch?"
Leah laughed, not taking offense. Paul was one of the wolves that consistently saw a particularly nasty side of her. She was sure that when he thought of her, he thought only of how badly she once treated him.
"Well, it helps I no longer transform into one." He cracked a smile. Paul always displayed such an angry, unforgiving expression. He really was rather handsome when he showed genuine happiness. The harsh lines of his face softened out, leaving behind only dimples in his cheeks and the upturned curve of his lips.
Paul's beauty wasn't an exception. Everyone in the pack was gifted genetically, with chiseled chins and high cheekbones and muscular bodies. All of the girls, both of La Push and Fork, drooled over them, fawned over them. She'd seen their appreciation in all of the boys' minds as well - much to her displeasure.
Paul's face, with a dignified bone structure and a strong jawline, held a particular appeal to it. He clearly knew it too. Women threw themselves at him and with each goo-goo eyed girl that fell into his bed, it only stroked his ego further.
"You really don't phase anymore?" he asked her. Unlike the accusation in Sam's voice, Paul's was simply curious.
Leah sighed, feeling some sort of regret she couldn't place.
"No. It was time to put that behind me. I couldn't move on from La Push if everytime I phased in all I could hear was what was going on here. Plus, we both know Sam was a problem for me. And I was a problem for him. It's better this way."
He looked her up and down, giving her an appreciative stare, his mood lightening considerably. "You look good, Clearwater," he said with a wiggle of his eyebrows. "Your body hasn't changed at all, at least not that I can see."
She ignored his flirtatious comment, moving on from it easily. "Yeah. I don't really know what the deal with that is. I guess my wolf genes are so strong that not only did it make me the first female shifter, but now they don't quite want to let the human part of me take over completely yet."
He didn't seem to give it much thought, but his next words were surprisingly wise and thoughtful.
"Maybe you've got some unfinished business with your wolf or something."
Leah frowned.
Was there something left untouched in her that not even she was aware of - a part of her that was connected with her wolf? It wasn't hard to imagine, especially after everything she had gone through. Therapy could only help so much in terms of human healing, the animal side of her was left to deal its own.
"That's actually kind of helpful." She cocked her head, giving him a thoughtful look. "I always thought you were kind of dumb."
He cast her a grin that was all teeth.
"And I always thought you were kind of a bitch," he countered. "But maybe we were both wrong."
She looked to his dark eyes, noting they seemed serious.
"Maybe," she agreed.
It didn't surprise her that Paul was unable to keep from being an asshole for very long. "Of course, you're still not that nice, you know."
"You're not Mary-fucking-Poppins yourself, Lahote," she said dryly.
He growled at her, not really seeming angry.
She growled back, baring her teeth.
"You trying to start something, Clearwater?" he baited, clearly itching for some sort of fight.
She laughed sharply, shaking her head. "Even if I was, I don't phase anymore. And I don't think you want anyone to see a girl kick your ass while you're human," she taunted, an air of superiority in her words.
She didn't actually expect him to take her up on her offer, but as soon as she spoke the words he lunged at her, his heavy form knocking her to the ground.
She landed with a thud and he grabbed for her arms, pinning them with a cocky, triumphant smile.
It was only for a second though, because with ease, she kicked his feet out from under him and flipped the both of them around. She sat on top of him, her lower body pinning his hips securely down. With the tables turned, his arms were now shackled in her clutches. He was unable to move - at least for the moment.
She stared smugly down at him, satisfied she had bested him so easily.
"I win," she boasted.
She found lazy eyes and a lackadaisical smile peering up at her. He eyed their predicament, her suggestively on top of him, body flush with his as she leaned over him to keep him pinned.
"I'm not so sure," he drawled.
She scoffed and immediately jumped off of him.
"You're a pig," she said, aiming to put enraged conviction in her voice. Instead, she only ended up sounding embarrassed.
He rose and stretched languidly. The corner of his mouth quirked up. "No," he disagreed, "wolf."
She scoffed again, but found she couldn't really find it in herself to be all that angry with him. This was the same old Paul. As much as he had always tried to pick a fight, he'd also tried to get in her pants.
All of the guys had tried to - or they wanted to try - but most of them were too afraid of her to even consider the idea. Paul was the only one with enough gall to not only anger her into a fight, but also try to seduce her into bed, which typically ended in a fight as much as his attempts to piss her off did.
There was something different about it now that they were technically no longer packmates - something had changed between them.
She didn't like this line of thought, so she switched the subject.
Leah cleared her throat, moving a few more steps away from Paul to put distance between them. "I'm trying to find a job. Is your place hiring?"
She needed to find work now that she was back. It drove her insane being confined in a stuffy building, doing menial, mind numbing tasks. Sitting at a desk for eight hours a day had been her life for the last two years. A change from that - any change - was welcome.
"You want to work on cars?" he asked incredulously.
Leah raised an eyebrow at him. "I know you've been in my mind. I know my stuff. I worked with my dad on that shitty Honda he used to have. Mom still calls me every time she thinks something's wrong with her car."
He gave her an appraising look. "Well, if you're serious, I'll put in a good word. But it's crappy work and it gets hot as hell in the garage in the summer." She shrugged. If she could run patrol all day on the hottest days in La Push, she could stand working in a place where there was at least shade and rest.
She nodded. "Yeah, I'm serious. Thanks, Paul."
They resumed their patrol along the border. An olive branch had been offered, with both sides taking it. Leah found herself feeling even more comfortable with Paul as they walked, as if he was an old friend to her, instead of an old enemy.
"You know, if you ever wanna do something, besides work and pack shifts, I'm usually free," he offered.
Leah was sure she looked incredibly stupid with her mouth hanging open. She had to work to close it, she was so surprised.
"You want to hang out? With me?" she asked incredulously.
He rolled his eyes. "Don't go getting a big head about it. It's just… out of the options, you're not too bad. Quil and Jared mostly talk about their imprints when I'm around. Embry pisses me off - a lot - with how stupid he is. And Sam, well-" He paused, his brow furrowing. "Sam's been kind of an asshole since you left."
Leah didn't comment on that piece of information - she didn't let it affect her at all.
She did, however, respond crassly to Paul's offer. "I guess I'm your best, worst, option then." He side eyed her, frowning. "Thanks a lot."
He was silent for a moment. "I didn't mean it like that," he finally told her, sighing. "It's just hard to make friends outside of the pack - no one really understands." Leah sympathized with his words, spoken in raw sincerity. "You understand."
And she did.
It was hard to make friends, even in the two years she had been gone and human. She felt so out of depth with normal conversation sometimes. Most people held no idea the dark secrets of the world and the only real problems they ever faced were superficial. They didn't worry whether they'd die in a vampire's clutches at any second or if a loved one would be slain in battle.
That made it a little hard to relate to people - the fact they knew nothing of blood and death and war.
"Yeah," Leah smiled faintly. "We can hang out sometime."
It was strange how easy it could be with people - with Paul - once she let down some of the angry front that had kept her protected so long.
At least, she thought it had been protecting her. It kept her isolated, it kept people hating her. It protected her in a way that never fully allowed her to heal.
Leah hadn't wanted to let anyone in after the people that she trusted most in this world had hurt her. She didn't want to care anymore - she wanted to hate and to be hated. It was easier to be treated badly by someone who hated you, than by someone you cared about.
That barrier she had so often used to shield herself, also brought her loneliness and unhappiness. She briefly wondered if her time in the pack would have gone by a lot smoother if she had given people more of a chance, worked to let them in.
Leah considered herself lucky, after spending so much time hating and enraging Paul, to have a second chance at possibly being his friend.
"Hey? What are you doing tomorrow?" she asked.
Paul looked surprised for a split second before a smirk settled onto his features. "That eager, huh, Clearwater?"
"Don't flatter yourself too much." She rolled her eyes. "The weather is going to be nice, so I was just seeing if you wanted to go cliff diving with me tomorrow."
"Sounds like a date," he smirked.
"It's not," she deadpanned.
"Whatever you say."
She gave him a half-hearted glare, but he didn't heed it at all.
"I'll meet you at the top of cliffs, say one o'clock?" she suggested.
Leah was sure he knew where she would be. It was the highest point at La Push beach, several meters above the ocean. Only she and the other wolves dared to dive from that high.
"I'll be there," Paul agreed. He crossed his arms, leaning over her to demonstrate his height. He was almost a head above her, despite the fact she was still taller than almost any non-werewolf, male or female, she'd ever met. "Hopefully, you can still handle it," he taunted with a smirk.
Chuckling, she shook her head. "Don't worry about me, Lahote. I can handle any challenge."
XXXXX
Okay, so this chapter has had a pretty extensive dialogue update. Hopefully, you still like it and enjoyed the read. I'm a lot more satisfied with how it plays out, anyway. Remember to follow/favorite/review! It means a lot to me!