Disclaimer: So, I don't own Degrassi, the creator Linda S. does. Heck, I'm not even from Canada. So do what you will with that piece of info.
A/N: I know many of you have been spoiled already, and have probably seen HCYM, so I have to say that that one big spoiler about Sean, never happened in this story, just because I'm super sure it would screw this whole thing up.
Dedication: To all the Outcasts/Sellie fans and Sellie supporters out there :)
title: Hello, Again
setting: c/o 2007 graduation day
characters: Sean, Ellie (major), Spinner, Marco, Ashley, Paige, Jimmy, Kate (minor)
I.
"…and now, without further ado, I'd like to welcome to the stage, Degrassi's graduating class of 2007." Ms. Hatzilakos stands at the podium proudly as she begins to call the names of students alphabetically. In that mix are several students who because of their own various personal reasons are graduating a year late, but despite the timing, it didn't make their moment any less exciting.
Ellie was sitting, watching everyone walk across the stage, grab a diploma, shake the principal's hand, and walk back to their place. Memories of her own commencement ceremony came to mind; it was hard for her to believe that she'd been attending college for a year already. To her, it seems like just yesterday her and Marco were exchanging Dmail during their media immersion class.
Paige and Marco sat to her right, clapping lightly as each unfamiliar name was called, and then finally cheering with much enthusiasm when Jimmy, Ashley, and Spinner's names were announced. Ellie cheers loudly as well, mostly for Ashley, though when a certain someone else's name is called she smiles silently to herself.
Once the ceremony was officially over, everyone is led outside of the building to celebrate the accomplishments of the graduates, say their congratulations, meet with loved ones, etc. Ashley was sharing some moments with her parents, step parents, and step-brother and fellow graduate Toby when Ellie found her.
"Congrats Ms. Kerwin!"
Ashley turns around at the sound of a familiar female voice. "Ellie! You came!"
"Of course," the redhead responds as they hug, "I wouldn't miss this for the world."
"I didn't think you were coming, with work and everything…" Ashley was genuinely surprised, but happy to see her friend. With both of them having been at different points in their life it wasn't very often that they would be able to get together.
"I took time off. It's your day Ash," Ellie tells her.
"Ellie dear, how are you!" Kate exclaims upon seeing her daughter's longtime friend. "How's university going?"
"I'm doing well Mrs. Kerwin, and university is fine. I'm on break right now though, so I'm working for the summer," Ellie explains to the older woman.
"I'm so glad. It feels like just yesterday we got Ashley back from England and now she's going away again for school. At least we still have the whole summer, right?" Ellie smiles politely and nods her head, which Kate notices. "Oh, listen to me going on? Ashley, why don't you and Ellie go find your friends and have fun, we'll be right here."
"Um, Paige and Marco are also here somewhere too, probably with Jimmy and Spinner," Ellie informs.
"Well, I say we join them then," Ashley says to her friend with a smile, after giving her mother a quick look. "Shall we?"
Ellie quickly links her arm with the brunette's and agrees. "We shall."
Both girls depart from the large group of Kerwin and Issacs family members and soon find themselves with some members of their old gang. It was a pretty rare occasion to have so many of them together like this, with half of them having still been in high school, half off at university, and others exploring other aspects of life.
"Is it weird to say that I actually missed this place?" Paige questions as she stands between Marco and Spinner. With her hands on her hips she draws her eyes towards Ashley and Ellie who were approaching. "I even missed Ellie, as hard as that may be to believe."
"Um, I'd say the latter," Ellie suggests, jumping into the conversation. She then adds, "but, uh, thanks—I think."
Paige folds her arms and explains, "ugh, Kingston is no Toronto. I guess it's true what they say, you never appreciate something until it's gone. Or, whatever."
Marco laughs silently and walks over between Spinner and Ashley, asking, "so, what are the grads doing to celebrate?"
Spinner's face lights up. "Beer, women, and spray cheese dude!" Paige throws him a quick glare and his face changes. "Uh, beer and spray cheese?" Her face does not change. "Spray cheese?" Finally, she cracks a smile.
"Well, I don't know about all that, but," Jimmy begins, "ah, my parents are going away on business tonight, so… casa Brooks is available for a last minute graduation shindig tomorrow. So who's game?"
"Hm, a high school party hon?" Paige questions. "It sounds, so…"
"Perfect! We'll all be there," Marco quickly interjects, as he smiles over at her, watching her face change from a slight grimace to a smirk followed by a shrug.
Ellie smiles to herself at the fact that some things just never change. As the rest of the gang goes on talking about several things, none of which she was paying attention to, her eyes find themselves looking through the crowd, secretly searching for someone in particular. It was what she'd been doing for most of the time she was out there, discretely, hoping no one would notice that fact that she did hope to spot him.
Earlier at the ceremony she saw Sean receive his diploma, and she had to admit to herself that she was proud of him. But being their, among all the other graduates and their family and friends, she knew that there was this possibly that she might run into him. Since the moment she found out he was back the subject of him was completely avoided, though she knew she couldn't ignore it forever.
But finally she spots him, by Degrassi's front steps. He's in what looks to be a rather intimate embrace between him and Emma. Were they back together? Ellie actually wonders this, and then questions herself as to why she would care. Because last time she saw him he told her he loved her, that's why, she tells herself. Because since the moment he'd decided to stay in Wasaga Beach she'd been missing him and wishing he would come back. No matter what she did or who she was with, a piece of her always thought about him.
But, what did that mean? She was over him, right?
"So El, you in?" asks Ashley, not realizing that her best friend hasn't at all been following the conversation that was going on within the group for the last few minutes.
Ellie swallowed hard and shook her head. "I'm not…" she says, not at all answering Ashley's question.
II.
After having seen that Sean'd disappeared and telling the group that she had to go, possibly meeting up with them later, Ellie finds herself making her way into the school building. She roams the halls that she inhabited a little more than a year ago. Many parts of it held different memories, many of which at that moment she wished would leave her in piece.
The most prominent one was the Saturday spent in detention, when she met Sean. Going through the building she retraces some of the steps from that day in her mind as she passes the cafeteria, the classrooms, and the same hallways they wandered through. Then somehow, she finds herself with the keys to the roof in hand, climbing up the stairs.
It all looks the same from that day; nothing's changed, the memories are still there.
Ellie makes her way over, almost without thinking, to the same spot where she and Sean sat that day, exchanging words and making a connection. She takes a seat and begins to stare at her wrist; a single rubber band adorns it. Though she hasn't had the urge to cut very often or the need for the coping technique as of late, she brought one along just in case. After the overwhelming amount of emotions she was suddenly facing, she's glad she made the decision to bring one.
In silence she sits there, snapping the rubber band several times, letting out tears she hadn't released in years over Sean. She wishes she understood what it was about him that made her get that way.
At the same time, like some sort of twisted fate, Sean makes his way up to the roof. He's surprised to see Ellie sitting there, and wonders why she's not with her friends, who he suspects she come back to see. Upon getting closer to her, he realizes she's crying.
"Congratulations on graduation," she says to him, as she wipes her tears. She doesn't have to look over, somehow she already knows it's him; she just has that kind of luck. "Shouldn't you be downstairs celebrating?" Ellie can't look at him, and just hopes that by not doing so he gets the hint to go away, as much as she doesn't want him to, and even though she knows he's not the type of person who would.
"Maybe I'd rather be here with you," he simply states, and he takes a seat next to her.
"Wouldn't Emma be jealous?"
"She doesn't have reason to be," he tells her. Ellie finally looks at him and he explains, "we've been broken up since last year."
She looks down, smirking just a bit. "Sorry."
"I'm not. We weren't what we once were. We've both changed too much for each other. I just wish we'd realized it sooner, that's all."
Taking his words in, she wonders if maybe he thinks of them they same way. If maybe after all this time he thinks that they were too different for each other at this point in time.
"So, why are you up here alone instead of downstairs with everyone else?" When he asks this, he looks for some sort of nonverbal response from her, possibly a facial expression giving something away, but doesn't find any.
"I just needed to figure some things out, that's all," she explains. "And, I think I kind of just did…" She doesn't say anything for a bit, but then finally asks him the same question. "Why are you up here?"
"My parents didn't show. I thought they would, but, I guess I was wrong." Sean simply shrugs it off, as if no big deal. Though, the truth being, a part of him thought that maybe, after everything, they'd actually come to his big day, show their support, and act like true parents.
"Parents suck sometimes," she begins, "but we have to try our best to grow up and not be like them." He gives her a look, knowing that she must be speaking about her mother. "My mom didn't show up to my graduation either."
Both stay silent, neither able to look at each other. So many things seem to be wanted to be said, but nothing is spoken.
Sean finally speaks up. "I wish I didn't have to leave things like I did."
Ellie takes a deep breath. There it was, after so long, they were finally going to talk about what happened. She wasn't prepared for this moment, but she knew this might be their only chance.
"At first I was really mad at you for leaving me alone, to fend for myself. I had this empty apartment that we use to share… all that was left was Bueller, and then he died. I tried to hold to every last piece of you I had, until it was all gone, and I was officially alone." She let out a sigh, after having realized that it'd been awhile that she had kept that in and waited for the moment that she could tell him. "But then, I realized that maybe you going home was what you needed. It just sucked to know that being without you was what was best."
"Wasaga did do me good, but things weren't perfect," he began to explain. "My parents were having a hard time in rehab, and I was having a harder time in school. It didn't matter how far away from here that I went, my reputation followed me."
"I'm glad things turned out okay for you though. And for what it's worth… I'm proud of you."
"That actually means a lot to me," he tells her, noticing her letting out a smile, and then snapping her rubber band once. "Guess I got to you huh?"
She looks back at him and says, "dream on."
Both of them smile, remembering the exact same exchange in the exact same place years back.
"I still think about that day, in detention. And being here, on the roof," Sean admits.
Ellie nods. "I do too."
"I wish things would have ended differently," he begins, "and I meant it when I said I loved you, you know. I think I still do." He sees her snap he rubber band once more, and realizes that this in fact did get to her, and maybe he might've said more than he should have. But he meant all of it. "Ellie…" She gets up to walk away, unable to look at him, and he tells her, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…"
"It's not that Sean. It's just… I thought I was okay. I thought I was over you, but I was wrong. Seeing you today made me realize that their still there, those feelings I had for you, they haven't left," she admits.
"Well, I'm here for good this time. I won't be going anywhere, I promise." Looking into her eyes, which seem to be trying to grasp for answers, he leans in to kiss her.
She barely feels his lips on hers when she pulls away and tells him, "I can't." She sakes her head, and notices a hurt look on Sean's face. "I'm sorry. This is just, too soon."
His head drops and he nods it lightly. "I understand." Quickly he stuffs his hands in his pockets and he stares at the floor.
"Maybe I need to figure out what I want… what we both want," she explains. This was all more than she was expecting, and she realized she needs time to sort things through.
"I already know what I want."
"I do too…" Ellie admits, "but, I don't want us rushing into things because we're caught up in this moment. I want to get to know Sean Cameron again, and for you to know me."
"I would love to get to know you," he answers her with a smirk on his face.
"So…" She looks at him, and smiles, suggesting, "how about we take things slow?"
He nods and she smiles back. "Could you handle, hand holding?"
She reaches out and grabs the hand he's already extended for her. "Yeah, I think I can."
"You… wanna go back down?" He looks at her, but inside, already knows the answer.
She shakes her head and tells him, "I think I rather hang around here a little longer."
He agrees. "Yeah, me too."
-END-
Oneshot, there it is, thanks for making it this far. I hope you enjoyed. Reviews and constructive criticism are love.
