That evening, after a silent dinner, Calin decided to take his mother-in-law's advice. When he was through washing the dishes, he sat down beside Anna Elizabeth on the couch.
He took her hand in hers and began, "I think we need to talk."
Anna Elizabeth sighed before she pointed out, "We can't seem to talk without it turning into a fight."
"And we are both at fault for that. Not only do we owe it to our daughter, but we owe it to ourselves to work this out," he told her.
She took several long moments to consider his words before she exhaled deeply. She then nodded her agreement before she spoke, "What do you suggest?"
"Well," he began as he moved his free hand to rest on her stomach, "I think we should talk about the C-section. I know you're worried about the scar that the surgery will leave behind."
Anna Elizabeth sighed once more before she meekly admitted, "I know you're the only one who's going to see it once the surgery is over, but that only makes it worse."
"Why do you think it's worse?" Calin asked curiously.
"Because you're my husband. If anyone should think of me as the most beautiful, it's you."
"And I do think that. I thought it the first time I saw you, and I actually think you're more beautiful now. A scar isn't going to change that."
Anna Elizabeth took a calming breath before she told him, "That's what you don't get, Calin. You haven't seen the scar – you and I both know it isn't going to be pretty."
"Scars aren't meant to be pretty. But that's okay – they make us human. They show that we've fought and won."
"I don't think philosophy is really going to help us right now," Anna Elizabeth stated, with a bit of agitation in her tone.
Calin then took a deep breath before he carefully considered her words. He then asked her, "Did you think any less of me when you saw my scar?"
She visibly stilled at the question for a moment before she argued, "That's not the same thing."
"Of course it's not, but even you have to admit they're similar," he pointed out. When she didn't answer, he continued, "That car accident was not my fault, but I still got a ruptured kidney from it. Surgery was the only fix, and though the scar has healed, it can still be seen."
"You didn't tell me any of this until I saw the scar on our honeymoon," Anna Elizabeth maintained, crossing her arms as she did so.
"That was because I had somehow convinced myself that the fact that Mom and Dad gave blood just so I'd survive was my fault. I finally realized it wasn't – just like it is not your fault that Elsa breeched. Can't you see that?"
"I'm the one who's been carrying her for nine months! I know I shouldn't see the scar as anything than how I became a mother, but all I see is a scar! A scar that is a constant reminder of my insecurities!" Anna Elizabeth yelled before she buried her face in her hands.
As Calin heard her begin to sob, he was met with a realization: this scar had nothing to do with how he saw her. It had everything to do with how she saw herself.
He then pulled her into his arms and soothed, "I know that you're insecure, but I can't help but love you for it – it means that I get to spend more time making you see how beautiful you are on the inside and the out. But it's not going to mean anything if you don't see it yourself, and I hope with everything that I have that you will."
Unfortunately, his words did little to help her. She pulled away from him and argued, "You act like it's so simple but it isn't! If I knew why in the bloody hell I was so insecure, I'd tell you and we wouldn't be having this conversation! But since that isn't an option, I'll just go."
She then stood up and headed toward the bedroom with Calin on her heels. He didn't even have a chance to say anything before she slammed the door in his face. Again.
Anna Elizabeth stomped over the bed and sat down. She leaned against the headboard and grabbed a pillow. She buried her face in it as she began to cry.
Calin's words were replaying themselves in her head. And for the first time since they started fighting, she saw that he had a point.
It didn't matter how much he told her she was beautiful if she couldn't see it herself.
She had struggled with insecurity for much of her pre-teen and teenage years. She had set this internal standard that she believed she had to reach, and she felt let down if she didn't measure up.
She supposed she had inherited this perfection complex from her birth parents. But even she could see that Liam and Elsa wouldn't want her to be as hard on herself as she was – especially since they had struggled with that same thing themselves. The same could be said of Emma and Killian – for the most part, they had always made her feel loved and important, despite the fact that she wasn't their child.
She had only herself to blame for her insecurities. It had taken her so long to get to the place where she felt comfortable in her own skin and where she didn't feel as though she had to be perfect.
Or at least she thought she had gotten to that place.
But with this C-section, the insecurities she thought she had buried reared their ugly head. That scar would be a physical mark that would always be there, and it would serve as a reminder that she couldn't give birth naturally. The mere thought made her miserable. Because of that, she had taken it out on Calin, who really had been only trying to help.
She then lifted her head and wiped her eyes. Her eyes wandered to the empty space beside her, and she began to think about how hard it had been sleeping without him. The distance – physical and emotional – had been killing her. She had known that giving birth wouldn't exactly be the easiest experience of her life, but adding surgery to the mix made it more difficult than what she was ready for.
She then took a deep breath before she caught sight of something on Calin's nightstand. Upon further inspection, she realized it was photo that was facedown. She figured it had fallen out of his wallet, which really isn't that surprising considering the way he just throws it.
Curiosity had gotten the better of her, so she scooted over on his side of the bed and grabbed the photo. Confusion marred her features as she furrowed her eyebrows and scrunched her nose. It was a photo of her, but it was not the most flattering.
She remembered that day as though it was yesterday. She was always very prompt when it came to her college classes; however, there was the one morning she had overslept. Anna Elizabeth had stayed up late studying the night before, and she didn't hear her alarm go off the next morning. And since Emily slept like a log and didn't have a class until the afternoon, she couldn't help. And so, Anna Elizabeth woke up with only 10 minutes to spare before class started. She kept the Bon Jovi shirt on and threw on some sweatpants; her curls were quite messy, so she put them in an even messier ponytail. She chose brushing her teeth over putting on make-up – her saving grace was that she didn't wear much of it anyway. But she still looked as though she had quite literally just woken up.
As if that wasn't bad enough, after class she ran into Calin – who had only been her boyfriend for about three or four months at the time – who still tried to insist she looked beautiful when she complained. To prove his point, he had taken a photo of her and told her he was going to keep it. At the time, she knew he was only trying to make her feel better – she didn't think he'd actually keep the photo. Apparently, she had been wrong.
When she had brought herself back into reality, she was trying to fathom why that picture of her was the one that Calin kept in his wallet. She didn't really look like anything of beauty – she would think he would keep one from, say, their wedding. She felt every bit as beautiful as she looked that day.
Just as that last thought crossed her mind, her wedding vows came to mind: It took having my heart broken and a lot of growth for me to realize that love isn't perfect, but love is beautiful.
She then began to cry once more, and her tears wet the photo. Though Elsa was coming into the world a little differently, that doesn't change the fact that the love that she and Calin share is what created that beautiful baby girl. Their love was just like their wedding song: perfectly perfect for them. She's stubborn, he's a bit messy. She's insecure, he's a basket case. She's independent, he's overprotective. On paper, it doesn't look it would work between the two of them. But it is their imperfections – their scars – that made them fit together so well. She'd just been so blind because of fear and doubt, but now, she was seeing clearly.
And more than that, she was finally seeing herself. She was kind and compassionate, as well as strong; she had a great sense of humor (even if she tended to be sarcastic); she was intelligent in multiple ways; she was an amazing teacher, and her students adored her; she was a loving wife, daughter, granddaughter, niece, and friend – and soon-to-be mother. To top it all off, she truly was beautiful, and her physical appearance was only part of the equation.
Why it had taken so long for her to realize all of this, she doesn't know. But now, she could learn to truly love herself, and she would pass on that most important lesson to her daughter.
Despite herself, Anna Elizabeth then began to laugh as she placed both hands on her stomach. She spoke, "Oh, Elsa, Mommy's been missing a lot of things, haven't I?" The baby kicked as though she were in agreement with her mother. This only made the mom-to-be laugh even more.
Calin had clearly heard her as she heard him ask through the door, "Anna Elizabeth, are you laughing?" with a tone that told her he was hopelessly confused.
So, she got up and made her way to the door. When she opened it, she grabbed his shirt and pulled him as close as physically possible before planting a passionate kiss on him. Though he was clearly stunned, it only took him a moment to respond, and he deepened the kiss by threading his fingers in her curls and tilting his head.
When they pulled away, they both took a minute to catch their breath before Calin asked, "So, I take it that you're not mad at me anymore?"
Anna Elizabeth smiled widely as she shook her head. Her smile faded a few moments later; she then told him, "I think we should try that talk again."
Calin nodded before he took her hand and lead her over to the bed. When they had both sat down, they simultaneously spoke, "I'm sorry."
They couldn't help but chuckle lightly before Anna Elizabeth, "Let me go first." He nodded once more and she took a deep, calming breath before speaking.
"Like you said earlier, we are both at fault for all this fighting coupled with the silent treatment we've been doing the last few days. But I know I did not handle the news of the C-section the best – you were right, I was scared. Not of the surgery, but this scar that it would give me. I was afraid it would make me less beautiful – though some of that did have to do with you, a lot of was – as you also said – how I saw myself. I hated the idea of having a physical blemish on my skin that would be permanent; I just knew it was going to haunt me."
Calin then intervened, "But it doesn't have to – you are so beautiful, Anna Elizabeth. I know you get tired of me saying this – but you are every bit as beautiful on the outside as you are in the inside."
"I know," Anna Elizabeth responded with a smile.
"You do?" he asked with that same confused tone from before.
She happily nodded before she elaborated, "This C-section re-escalated those fears of insecurities that I struggled with for so long. And those insecurities had nothing to do with anyone else – it was all me. But I see that my imperfections – and my scars – are part of who I am. They are part of what makes me beautiful, and part of what makes me strong – nothing will ever make me be less than that."
She then took another deep breath and apologized, "And I'm so, so sorry that I took all of this out on you. You really were only trying to help."
"I forgive you, Anna Elizabeth," he told her. He then continued, "But you are not the only one to blame. I lost my patience with you when I should have been trying to help you – part of that was because I was scared to admit what was really wrong."
"Which was?"
"That I didn't think I was strong enough to help you. I couldn't bear the fact that I might let you down – it killed me."
"You could never let me down," Anna Elizabeth assured him as she took his face in her hands. She then kissed his forehead before she continued, "And you are stronger than you give yourself credit for, Calin."
"Yeah – your mom helped me to see that," he sheepishly admitted as he bit his lip. Anna Elizabeth couldn't help but giggle in response.
She then smiled once more and told him, "You're forgiven – for everything," as she moved her hand to run her fingers through his brown locks.
He returned her smile before he kissed her forehead in response. He then grinned and suggested, "I say this calls for a make-up date."
Anna Elizabeth grinned back as she asked, "What did you have in mind?"
"Well, I was thinking we both change into our pajamas, I'll pop some popcorn, and you pick out a movie for us to watch."
"That sounds perfect."
Calin smiled at her once more before fetching some pajamas from the chest of drawers. He quickly changed before he headed into the kitchen.
When he returned to the bedroom, his wife had changed as well and was perusing the movie closet. After a few minutes, she grabbed a DVD and walked over to the TV.
She put the movie in before she climbed on the bed and snuggled with her back against Calin's chest.
He put the popcorn where they could both reach it before the title screen popped up. He couldn't help but grin as he observed, "Ever After. Can't say I'm too surprised."
She rolled her eyes before she told him, "This is the best version of Cinderella."
"I'm fairly certain that Kimberly would argue with you on that."
Anna Elizabeth couldn't help but laugh before she agreed, "She actually probably would – especially considering that Jaq and Gus are her favorite characters apart from Cinderella."
Calin only chuckled before he reached over to grab the remote on the nightstand. Once he pressed play and set the remote aside, he placed his hand on Anna Elizabeth's stomach. He smiled when he felt Elsa kick.
As the kicking continued, he told Anna Elizabeth, "I believe that someone is excited to get here."
She smiled as she responded, "I think you're right." Her smile grew as she continued, "And in a few more days, she will be. I can't wait to meet her."
Calin smiled as well as he conceded, "That makes two of us." He then kissed the side of her head before both of them turned their attention to the movie.
Within an hour, the exhaustion had caught up to the young couple, and they were both peacefully sleeping. They were both dreaming of their baby girl, the love that made her, and how the strength they held in themselves and each other could get them through anything.
Hey! I just wanted to let y'all know that I will be publishing "The Clash" either Saturday or Sunday! Be on the lookout for it!