Title: Home
Author: j-chan
Theme: lyrics #41 9/50
Rating: PG
Warnings: few words here and there, slight Ryuichi bashing
Disclaimer: Gravitation and characters mentioned are not property of me, though I wish they were because then Suguru would be in the remixes, damnit! Lyrics are Tech Romance from Her Space Holiday.
Summary: Tatsuha gets a strange package on Valentine's Day, but who could it be from?
Home
The fights just never stopped anymore. Three years together, two years of which was fight free, and now they couldn't stop yelling at each other. When did things change? When did the happiness fade away to nothing but tears and screaming? There was nothing; no sign that this would happen. Just one day… it happened. Like a truck blindsiding a car one day because the diver accidentally fell asleep.
Uesugi Tatsuha could not figure out how things started to go back between them. He and his lover, that was, Sakuma Ryuichi. The papers had praised their love, saying it was a fairytale type ending. A boy, madly in love with someone unattainable, finally gets his wish. It was love everybody said would never die, including those who were close to them.
"Everybody was wrong," Tatsuha muttered to himself as he reached to get the mail. "Everybody was so fucking wrong…"
It was Valentine's Day and, as usual these days, Ryuichi was not home. There had been a note left saying that he needed to be in the studio and wouldn't be home until later, but Tatsuha didn't bother with caring. He would come home, they would argue, and then he would sleep on the couch. The only reason they hadn't broken up yet was the media. Ryuichi did not want to taint his image.
"You picking up the mail, Uesugi-san?"
Tatsuha glanced up at the young mail worker, giving her a smile. "Yes ma'am, I am."
"You've got a package. Delivered with instructions to only give to you when Sakuma-san wasn't around." She disappeared into the mailroom and began to search until she came back with a box. "I'm also not allowed to say who it's from, because you'll figure it out."
Curious, Tatsuha took the box and turned it over a few times. He murmured his thanks before dashing up to the apartment, closing and locking the door after he got in. A package only for him was rare and special. He hadn't ordered anything, but that didn't mean somebody ordered it for him. Indulging in his curiosity, Tatsuha gently opened the box.
There were two notes and a CD. That confused Tatsuha even more, but he decided to read the notes first. One of them said 'Read Me First' on the outside, so that's exactly what Tatsuha did. Turning on the CD player as he did so, he unfolded the paper and began to read.
Dearest Tatsuha,
I know that today is a special day, Valentine's Day, and I know that your lover won't do anything for you. So, this is my gift to you. Listen to the CD, the lyrics in Japanese is on the other letter. This song is my feelings toward you. When you have figured out who I am, come see me. I will be waiting for you.
All my love, and I'm forever yours.
There was no signature. Tatsuha frowned and turned the letter over, seeing nothing there as well. Shrugging, he put the CD into the player and pressed play. Unfolding the other letter, he let his eyes widen as lyrics started coming out.
I'm sick of seeing you cry
And wasting all your time
On someone who will never care enough
To make you feel loved
To make you feel safe
I would drop my life to take his place
To show you just how good
Being touched could be
Commit these words to memory
For when you find yourself
Pinned under his demands
I am still an option that you have
Air was barely coming through Tatsuha's body. He knew this song… and he knew who it was from. There was only one person who took him aside and started going on about the different tones and beats to this song. He had heard it before, but never with this feeling. He knew who this was from, now, and he cried.
So carry me around
Like a picture in your purse
Pull me out when things are at their worst
You can show up at my house
Completely unannounced
We'll have that movie kiss we talked about
Where there are no words
Just a soft and gentle score
Our ears will ring from all the strings
"Why?" Tatsuha asked the empty apartment. "Why me? There are people so much better than me…" He let the letters drop on the ground, his hands moving up to cover his face. Tears were still coming down, but he didn't dare wipe them away. He needed to cry, just once, when he wasn't angry. He needed to cry because someone was offering him a better life, one he wasn't sure he deserved. "Why?"
We'll let the screen go black
And watch the credits run
And see the names of every one
Who we ever met
And who we ever missed
Each one had a role in this
It's just another film that won't get made
I'm sick of seeing you cry
The lyrics died out slowly in Tatsuha's head, leaving a burning imprint there. He didn't understand, yet understood all to well at the same time. Somebody thought he deserved better than what he had right now. Somebody wanted to take him away from the fights and the screaming and the crying from pain. Somebody who he knew would be waiting right now, possibly forever, for him to show up. Somebody who he should have realized loved him long ago.
Choking back more tears, Tatsuha stood up and moved to stop the CD player as it started to repeat the only track on it. He didn't deserve to make them wait, but what about Ryuichi? What about the media and the tabloids, what would they say? They still believed in the fairytale romance that didn't go on anymore. What would they say if he just left? He couldn't leave, not now anyway. It wouldn't be fair.
Sighing, he moved to pick up his box; his only Valentine's gift and it was from somebody who loved him. Tatsuha was about to shake his head and forget that thought when writing on the bottom of the box caught his eyes. Frowning, he lifted it closer and read what it said.
You shouldn't have to care about what the media thinks. If he truly cared, then he would have let you go a long time ago. Come home, Tatsuha.
Home. This wasn't home, not with the screaming. Home was in loving arms and somebody who wouldn't be afraid to tell him. Home was… home was with him. Home was… "Hold on, and I'll come home." A smile passed across Tatsuha's lips then, as he knew. "There's no place like home… and home is you."
He should have realized it three years ago when his best friend had given him the most hurt look he had seen on anybody's face. He should have realized that he had someone who loved him the entire time. He should have realized… so many things, and he would take no more pain. He would take no more screaming and no more fights. Ryuichi, no, Sakuma-san be damned. "Hold on, Suguru, I'm coming home."
fin.