Exile
(inspired by the Taylor Swift/Bon Iver song, because I can't listen to it without picturing this scene.)
I can see you standin', honey
With his arms around your body
Laughin' but the joke's not funny at all
He's nervous. Harvey Specter doesn't do nervous. Uncertain, anxious, unsure, she's seen him display those emotions occasionally. But nervous, never.
"Did she say something to you about…"
"About what?"
Donna instantly regrets jumping on his words so quickly as she watches him reconsider whatever it is he was about to say.
She's looking at him, begging him with her eyes to just say something. To finish the sentence. She wants to shout at him. Wants to say to him "for once Harvey, just say what you're thinking, consequences be damned". Because she can feel it in the air, feel for the first time like just maybe he was about to step himself over that invisible line.
She wants to tell him if he doesn't, it might be too late soon. She wants to say she can't wait forever.
Donna holds her breath while a decade of time slides in the space between them, 14 years to be exact. Waiting. She feels like she's always waiting. Waiting for Harvey. Waiting for herself. To either move on, or take that step forward or to just cut him out for good.
She doesn't hear the arrival ding of the elevator, or the creak of the doors sliding open and she jumps when Thomas's hand grazes her spine, silently screaming out into the universe at his terrible timing. Donna thinks she introduces Thomas and Harvey, is aware of some sort of conversation happening, but everything goes a little blurry, fuzzy around the edges, no doubt due to the irregular thumping of her heart.
Harvey's looking at Thomas like he doesn't belong there, like he's stolen something that belongs only to him. And deep down Donna wonders if that's not, in fact, precisely the truth.
She leaves with Thomas, forces herself to step into the elevator while telling herself to relax. She's imaging things, reading too deeply into Harvey's words and his hesitation and his eyes that linger on her like a brand.
Thomas is who she's meant to be going home with. Thomas is her boyfriend, and she and Harvey, they're a maybe, a could be, an if only. So why does it feel so wrong to go with him and leave Harvey standing there alone. Why does every atom of her being want to run back to him.
Harvey holds her stare as the elevator doors slide shut. And she knows then she's not imagining things, because he looks at her like he never has before. He looks like he might finally be ready to fight for her.
I can see you starin' honey
Like he's just your understudy
Like you'd get your knuckles bloody for me