Take My Hand
(set in 6.10)
But it's not my firm anymore.
I'm saying I've decided to step down.
He has to admit, he didn't see it coming. He had always felt he and Jessica were the same, ambitious, power driven, placing work above all else. The realisation that this was not the case had rocked him. The revelation caused him to question his own self beliefs.
He stood at the window of his office, the spacious powerful office that he loved, for what it said about him as a lawyer, as a name partner, as a physical representation of his professional achievements, looking out at the view others would kill for. He allowed the knowledge that he had reached the peak of his professional ambitions to wash over him. Name partner and now Managing Partner. Jessica stepping down meant the role was up for grabs and God knows he wasn't letting Louis take it.
He should feel on top of the world, but he only felt hollow. Of course the loss of Jessica weighed heavily on his shoulders. She was his mentor, one of the most important people in his life. He knew there wasn't a chance he would be where he was today without her. Her decision to leave had been so incredibly unexpected. But it was her reasons for doing so that had him in an emotional free fall.
Her decision that there were more important things in life, choosing a chance at love over the power fight. It went against his whole world order, the structure of his existence. This wasn't some weak, random associate who couldn't hack it. This wasn't even Mike who was the biggest bleeding heart he'd ever seen, or Louis and all his emotional chaos. He could have expected something like this coming from them, wouldn't have been as shocked, and undoubtedly less affected.
But to see Jessica make a choice like this, to let go of the power and the fight and the firm, to step away from what she had worked her entire life for in the pursuit of what, love, happiness, a chance to do good? He always believed they were cut from the same cloth and because he had always believed he and Jessica were so similar, so on the same page, he began to wonder if in this instance she was right. Right to prioritise life above work. Suddenly he was forced to question the decisions he had made in his life, the direction he wanted to go in the future.
What sort of man was he, what did it say about his character that he had tried to insist Jessica desert an innocent man in the middle of trial, potentially leading to him being executed, all to save the firm from collapsing. He wasn't proud of who he had been at that moment, embarrassed in himself that he believed a law firm was more important than a human life.
Jessica was giving it all up for Jeff, for a chance at the happily ever after. He could never imagine doing such a thing, giving up his career, his firm, his name on the wall for the sake of someone else. It was unimaginable. And yet there was a part of his brain that whispered to him, that he had in fact done that very same thing before, risked everything, crossed every line imaginable, for her. To protect her, keep her safe and out of prison. In the end it hadn't cost him everything, but he also knows that in that moment, if it had come down to it, he would have sacrificed himself to save her. It was a clarifying moment.
And then she appeared, asking if he wanted to be alone, when in fact Donna was the one and only person he wanted to be with at that moment.
Their hands dangling next to each other felt magnetised. Unable to repel the attraction to each other. He's not sure whether he reached for her, or she him, or if it was an unspoken joint decision.
The moment their hands connected it felt like a current was running through them. By some unspoken rule they never touched, ever. And as he felt the heat of her palm in his he was reminded of why. The innocent contact immediately had him wanting more. It seemed ridiculous that such a simple action could cause such havoc through his body.
He held her hand tight, feeling her palm rub gently over his skin, and wished that he could hold it forever.