Tengoko: Sorry for taking so long. Classes have really been stretching me thin lately. That, and this chapter was especially difficult to write. I know I've said that before, but it is just as true now as it was then. Now, for those who screamed for Phoenix Downs from the last chapter, I regret to inform you that, if you read a few chapters back, there is a news report explaining a shortage of them. Just to clear that up. Besides, I wouldn't use the same solution twice. Well, anyway, please review. I'd love that.

Rated M for language and romance

Chapter 18: My Blood, Her Blood

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It had been five minutes since it'd been reported. At first they hadn't believed it. Tabloid media, Shera had called it. Anything to get a story. Of course, that was them clawing onto the last shreds of hope. Hope that they were wrong. They knew they weren't. And, Rude's call only confirmed their fears. Lena Mae was dead.

There was no describing what she felt just now. Actually, it was still unbelievable. She stared down at the picture in her hands of her and her little girl, and it just seemed like a bad dream. There was no way her darling child was dead. Not Lena Mae. She was too strong to die. Too full of life.

Shera sat next to Tifa, rubbing her back softly. She was watching her carefully, knowing that right now, it had yet to hit her. But, once it sank in, she knew that Tifa would be hysterical. There was no doubt about it.

Yuffie sat on the stairs. She really didn't want Tifa to see her crying. She had her hands covering her face, trying to stop the tears. She couldn't. Lena Mae had been such a major part of Yuffie's life. So happy, so blissfully innocent. All that was over. She'd been taken. Returned to the life stream along with so many others that Yuffie had grown to love. It wasn't fair. She was only a little girl.

"Lena," Tifa sobbed, holding the picture close to her chest. "Is this really happening?" she asked Shera. "My baby's never coming home?"

"Sweetie," Shera said softly. "I'm so sorry that this happened."

"She'll be okay," Tifa said. "I know it. Aerith will take care of her. Hayden will too. I don't have to worry about her. She's in a better place. I know that. I learned that after Hayden died."

"Tifa…"

"But, it still hurts. So much. She's gone. I can't hold her. I can't touch her. Can't watch her grow up. I'm…I'm going to miss her so much!" That did it. Tifa dissolved and broke into frenzied sobs.

Just as Shera pulled her into her arms, the door opened. Shera looked up and felt a wave of relief wash over her as Cid crossed the threshold and made his way over to them quickly. He took Tifa from her and held her in his arms, his own eyes filled with tears. "Oh Teefs," he said, over and over again.

Vincent stood behind them, on hand in case Tifa got any worse. He hadn't even noticed his wife standing behind him, watching the scene. You could tell by looking at him that he was angry; angrier than anybody had ever seen him. But as he looked at his friend, all he could feel was worry and sadness. He wished he could take it away from her. She'd suffered so much already. This just wasn't fair.

"Where's Reno?" Shera asked Cid.

"He's at the hospital with Wesley. He's fine," he said quickly when he heard Yuffie gasp. "It's just standard procedure. Wes didn't even want to go. Said he wanted to get back here to be with his mother. But, in the end, Reno finally convinced him to get checked out just in case."

"And Manning?" Yuffie asked quietly.

"Bastard got away!" Vincent snapped. It was so unexpected as Vincent rarely ever lost his temper, that both Shera and Yuffie jumped.

"He won't get far," Cid said. "Rufus has closed the gates in and out of Midgar. Nobody's getting out. They'll find him." He closed his eyes. "I certainly won't pity the man once Reno gets his hands on him."

"Did you see her?" Tifa asked through her tears. Cid nodded slowly. "Was she in pain when she died?"

"I wasn't there when it happened, Teefs. But, from what I heard, her passing was painless. Reno was with her."

"At least she wasn't alone. Do you know if she was afraid?"

"I don't think she was, Tifa. You know Lena Mae. She faced everything with so much courage. Why should this have been any different?"

She nodded. "You're right. I have…had…an amazing little girl."

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Wesley stared determinedly at the IV in his wrist. Three broken bones, but other than that, nothing too serious. Well, of course he'd lost quite a bit of blood and they were giving him some more via transfusion. The only trouble with that was, he was an O- blood type. Very rare. And, as it was, they had some on hand.

The fact that they were pumping his own sister's blood into him was almost too much to bear. Why'd it have to be hers. Why couldn't his father have just said 'no?' After everything that had happened, he now had to add this to the many marks against his conscience. His sister was dead because of him, and now, he will get well because of her. That thought brought him to tears.

It almost hurt to cry. It was almost as if everything he'd gone through, everything he'd tried to hold in was now coming out. The pain. The guilt. The anguish. And what's worse, Manning was still alive. How was that fair? Lena Mae dies, and a man so unscrupulous was still allowed to live.

Wesley felt a hand on his forehead, moving his bangs out of his face and then another wiping away his tears. He'd almost forgotten that his father was still there. And why was he being so comforting? Especially when his son was the reason his daughter was dead.

"I'm about to call your mother," Reno began quietly. "Is there anything you want me to tell her?" Wesley couldn't bring himself to answer. All he could do was stare at his wrist. "She probably needs to hear from you. Hear from your own mouth that you're alright."

"I'm not alright," he responded finally. "Never again."

"Wes?" Wesley could see the concern on his father's face. His eyes filling with worry. It was so strange. He'd seen his father when he was angry, sad, annoyed and depressed. But never scared, and certainly never worried. Now he was both. "Talk to me," he pleaded.

"Why don't you just tell me the truth, father? Tell me that it's all my fault that she's dead! That everybody's going to blame me! There's no point in hiding it! Just tell me! Tell me the truth!"

By that point, Wesley had sat up and was shouting. He was about to go on, but Reno suddenly pulled him into his arms. Wesley couldn't speak anymore. He was just crying. "Wesley, you listen to me. What happened to Lena is not your fault. Nobody is going to blame you."

"So, am I the only one who isn't lying to myself?"

"Wes! Stop it! It's not your fault! Do you understand me?"

"If I hadn't left that night. If I had just made her stay home, she'd still be alive."

"There was no way you could have known what was going to happen. What happened to her was horrible, but you can't blame yourself. You'll just end up getting sick."

"I put the blame where it belongs!"

"The blame belongs on Manning! He's the one who did this to her. Not you. Not you." Reno looked down at him. Blue eyes meeting blue eyes. And Wesley gasped. Tears. His father was crying. Really crying.

"I should have been me," Wesley said. "She should be the one sitting here with you, not me. It never should have happened. It should have been me all those years ago. You should have buried me instead of Hayden."

He actually felt his father stop breathing at that. The grip around him tightened painfully until Reno finally held him out to give him the most moving, most heart wrenching expression Wes had ever seen. "I never want to hear you say that again!" Reno yelled. "Ever!"

"He never would have gotten shot if I hadn't been there. Mom tried to pick me up, but I wanted you to. That's why I got fussy. If I had just let her pick me up, Hayden would be here and you and mom wouldn't have felt so responsible. I know you blamed yourself, dad, but it wasn't your fault. It was mine."

"Wesley, there are things about that day that you don't know. What happened to Hayden, and what happened to Lena had nothing to do with you. Wes, I realize that Manning must have told you what I used to be. And that…had everything to do with it. Your brother and sister aren't dead because of you. It's because of what I was."

"A Turk. Manning told me that you were the one who dropped the Sector Seven plate."

"In this case, Wes, he was telling the truth. But there isn't a day in my life that I don't regret what I did. Hell, if anything, I'm the one who deserves to be in a casket. I certainly didn't deserve anything else. And I'd resigned myself to that, was ready to continue living as a Turk until I died. But then…something good happened to me. The best thing in my life."

"What's that?"

"Your mother fell in love with me. Even when we both knew she shouldn't. She changed me, Wes. She made me believe that I could make things right. And I'm still trying to. But…do you know the best thing of all?"

"No," he said, shaking his head.

"We had a son. The happiest day of my life was the first day that I held you in my arms. And if I ever lost you Wesley," he paused and looked away from him, almost as if he couldn't bear the thought of it. "If I ever lost you…"

In that moment, everything that Wes had come to know about his father's emotions, the walls that he had put up, all came crumbling down. And Reno was crying. Not like before. A helpless, uncontrollable lament. Tears fell. Unstoppable. And the sobs. Wesley had never seen his father look so vulnerable. And it was heartbreaking. So heartbreaking.

"Father?"

"Wesley, forgive me. I don't mean to be like this." He turned away from him and began wiping his eyes. "Y'know, there were moments when I had thought that I would never see you again. I was so afraid that by the time we found you, it'd be too late. I've had so many dreams…dreams that no father should have. I wouldn't wish them upon my worst enemy."

Wesley looked down and clutched his blanket. "I feel like I have died," he said. "It's almost as though I'm watching this from the outside in. Like a scene. And yet, I know that I'm a part of it. But what scares me, dad, is that I'm beginning to think that maybe things would be better if I had died."

Reno didn't move for a second. He jammed his hands in his pockets before turning back to face him. "I don't want you to feel that way any more, son. You shouldn't feel that way."

"It's like a dream. It's going to take me a long time before I accept that Lena Mae is gone. It's so hard to take in. I can't…I can't…" And he was crying again. Reno pulled him back into his arms and sat on the edge of the hospital bed. "She didn't deserve to die."

"I know," Reno whispered. "I know."

"I should've been able to protect her," he said quietly. "I failed."

Reno shook his head, one last tear falling from his eyes. "No, Wes. I did."