Edmund cornered Lydia on the way back up to her room that night,
"I believe I owe you an apology" he said and Lydia arched an eyebrow.
"For not trusting me earlier?" She shrugged, "I don't really care either way."
"Well you should." Edmund said, his voice low and insistent.
"You've come to Narnia all alone, you were attacked the minute you arrived and now we've just expected you to adapt to this life." He cleared his throat. "So on behalf of me and my siblings, I apologise for not taking your own personal needs into account. We shouldn't have just assumed you were pleased to be here."
He seemed so serious it was easy for Lydia to say "Apology accepted."
She even managed a small smile when Edmund visibly sagged with relief.
"Did one of the others tell you to say that?" she asked and Edmund grinned guiltily.
"No but I'm sure they won't mind me including them in the apology. If they knew they'd upset you, they'd feel simply awful."
She shook her head, she didn't blame the Pevensies for not finding her a place in Narnia straightaway. It was just frustrating still being here, knowing that it wasn't her home whilst simultaneously trying to act like it was.
Of course this was near impossible to explain to Edmund, who wouldn't dream of going back to England.
"Nobody's upset me per se. It's just not how I imagined I'd spend my time." she looked down, not being able to meet Edmund's eyes. "I have a future in England but here I'm nothing."
Edmund didn't seem to have a reply for that and they stood watching each other until Lydia muttered, "I need to go get some sleep."
She made to move past him but felt a grab at her wrist as Edmund pulled her round to face him. She looked down at his hand and he immediately removed it, blushing slightly.
"I thought you should know" he said, his voice determinedly indifferent, "that earlier on, when you and Susan were in the grounds, we decided that it was for the best to execute the ringleader of the Calorman prisoner." He watched carefully for Lydia's reaction and whilst she couldn't contain a flinch at the word "execute", she stayed quiet.
"It's not normal procedure." Edmund continued, "But it sends a clear message to Calormen without threatening them directly, we can't exactly all go storming off to war."
He looked quite upset about the whole thing which was at least one consolation for Lydia.
"I think I understand." she said, "It's an extreme punishment for following orders but you need to protect your sister, I get it."
She attempted a smile but Edmund frowned as though he didn't believe her, well she couldn't blame him. The whole thing made her insides coil but as she'd pointed out to Susan earlier, it wasn't like she had a say.
"Good night." she said and this time Edmund made no attempt to stop her until she'd reached her bedroom door.
"Lydia," he called out and she turned round to face him, holding the door to her bedroom. "You're wrong." he said, "All because you can't see your future here doesn't mean you don't have one."
"Goodnight Edmund." she said quietly and then went into her bedroom leaving Edmund stood in the hallway.
The morning of the execution dawned bright and cold, the first cold day Lydia had experienced in Narnia. It was as if the weather was showing its disapproval, she thought but like her had chosen to remain silent.
They'd ridden into one of the little villages within Narnia and a small crowd had formed to see the execution; apparently there hadn't been one in a while.
Lydia stood with Lucy and Susan in front of a small crowd that had formed, staring at her nails that she'd bitten to stubs over the course of the morning.
Susan had told her last night over dinner that it would be more "proper" if she attended. "You won't have to do anything of course" she said as Lydia stared glumly into her fish, "But all of Cair Pavarel needs to be there really, this isn't exactly a common occurrence here."
So now she stood watching as two dwarves dragged the Calormen prisoner towards the block where Peter was waiting with a sword. The man was shaking under the grip of the dwarves that forced him to his knees, he looked paler and more gaunt from the last time Lydia had seen him, she supposed knowing you were going to die did that to someone.
How long has he known? She wondered. Did they tell him yesterday? Before that?
He was just doing a job, she supposed kidnapping a queen wasn't exactly the most honest line of work but it was still a job nonetheless.
She couldn't even remember his name.
Peter had started to read out the death warrant: "For the attempt to kidnap one of the Narnian sovereigns, I High King Peter of Narnia... do sentence you to die." He paused and looked down Do you have any last words you wish to say?
The kneeling man looked up and stared at Peter for a long moment then shook his head and slumped towards the ground.
Peter paused for a moment before unsheathing his sword, a metallic ring that pierced through the air.
The man was shaking now, there was no way he hadn't heard that, he must know that any minute now it would touch his neck
Why couldn't she remember his name?
Peter took a deep breath, lifted the sword and swung it through the air...
"Karo." Lydia whispered, "His name was Karo"
A silence had fallen on the crowd, many had gasped when it actually happened. Even Susan and Lucy had visibly flinched.
Lucy looked over at Lydia "Are you alright?" She asked in a slightly shaky voice.
"Yes I..." Lydia stopped and stared as Peter grimly wiped the blood from his sword. "I can't be here, I'm sorry."
Lucy opened her mouth to speak but before she could Lydia had turned on her heel and ran through the crowds and into the village around her.
She had no idea where she was going, Cair Pavarel wasn't an option.
She could hear Lucy running behind her calling her name she dodged behind one of the little houses and watched as Lucy jogged straight past her.
She took a deep breath and tried to calm her breathing. The reality of what she'd just witnessed had just started to sink in. The world started to tilt sideways as Lydia replayed the execution over and over again in her mind and her last thought was of his face as the world turned to black...
Everything was white. Lydia felt as if she was floating, weightless then a voice called out to her,
"Daughter of Eve" it said and she looked round to see a lion stood in front of her.
"I...whats happening?" she asked, "Who are you?"
"Have patience child" the lion said, "I am Aslan and I brought you to Narnia."
At the word "Aslan" Lydia smothered a gasp and on seeing her expression, Aslan let out a deep laugh.
"Yes the trees have been trying to warn you of this, I was hoping to have this conversation whilst you were conscious, once you arrived in Narnia."
"But I don't want to be in Narnia!" Lydia said, fighting to keep her voice level. "You have to send me back."
Aslan shook his head, "I cannot do that Daughter of Eve. As with those who came before you, you have a job to do in Narnia, a job only you can do."
Lydia scoffed, "They're doing fine by themselves. They don't need me messing things up for them. I can't stay , I can't cope with it all."
Aslan stared at her for a long moment, "You must Lydia."
"But why?"
"You have something that the others do not." Aslan said, "You have a connection with my land, you can come here for reflection whilst the others cannot. You are, in a way, the messenger."
Lydia was taken aback by this and nothing was said for a while. Aslan kept his distance but watched her closely until she asked him quietly.
"Will I ever feel at home in Narnia? I seem to feel like a stranger all the time."
The lion stepped forward and said gently, "You must try, child. The others will be in great need of you in times to come."
"Yes but how do I become all this for them when all I want to do is go home?"
Aslan shook his huge mane and began to step back and for a moment Lydia thought she had upset him until she realised he was actually fading away in front of her.
"Until you let go of your old world, you will never truly belong."
The words were faint but they rang in Lydia's ears as everything slowly changed to black...
"Lydia!"
She was laying on the ground and someone was slapping her arm.
She opened her eyes blinking against the sunlight and saw a crowd gathered round her with Lucy's eyes peering into her own.
"You passed out." She said offering an arm as Lydia sat up shakily. "You've been out for ages."
"I had a conversation with Aslan." Lydia said and no sooner had the words left her mouth did the other Pevensies pop into view.
"What did he say to you?" Peter asked, crouching down beside her. He looked desperate, almost angry that Aslan hadn't spoken to him.
"He said I was going to be like a messenger and that I could talk to him in a way that you can't." She said looking down at the ground guiltily.
The Pevensies exchanged looks then Lucy clapped her hands seemingly in delight.
"But this is brilliant!" She said brightly, "Normally we ask Aslan for help and hope that he's heard us but now we'll be able to talk to him directly through you."
She helped pull Lydia to her feet then said,
"I'm sure you'll feel right at home now!" she said despite her siblings worried expressions.
Lydia nodded and allowed herself to be led back to the castle, the word of Aslan still bouncing around in her mind.
She continued to dwell over them long into the evening when the others had gone to bed and she was sat by her windowsill, thinking. Lucy had taught her some of the constellations of Narnia and she spotted some of the bigger ones now, the Leopard, the Hammer.
She suddenly had an image of a ten year old Edmund, sat looking at these Narnia star constellations, so far from home. He clearly wanted her to belong and stay in Narnia, all the Pevensies did and what had happened today would confirm it.
Lydia sighed and looked down; staying here just wasn't an option.
Not for her. Not with what she had to lose.