Author's note:
I'm back again! FINALLY! I'm so sorry that I didn't update for so long! "Life" got in the way and I was really stressed out and didn't have any time to work on my fic ): So sorry that you had to wait for so long!
Anyway, here's the update!
As always, thank you so much, my beautiful and patient beta readers:
- hellostarlight (Ao3)
- Megara09 (Ao3)
- Everren (Ao3) or Everren327 (Twitter)
I hope you'll enjoy this chapter!
They did it! The Resistance has won and the First Order is no more.
Finn leans heavily against the panels in the control room of the Star Destroyer, vivid images still flashing in his mind. Stormtroopers storming control rooms, officers and generals holding their hands up in defeat. The enormous fleet stretching into the horizon, the Resistance just a tiny speck in an ocean of death.
Finn expels a long breath and lets his eyes wander about the room. Unmasked men and women are still in stormtrooper armor or beginning to strip it off. The sight throws him back to a place and time that seems like an eternity ago.
Back when the sun of Jakku mercilessly beat down on him, punishing him for his treason as he let the white armor fall from his body. He'd had nowhere to go, no one he could turn to. In the middle of nowhere, at risk of dying either of thirst or by being blown up by the First Order, he had been on his own.
But these people don't have to be alone anymore. The Resistance is their new family, and the whole galaxy is open for them to explore, to find a place and begin a new life. Even now, they already seem like completely different people - heads held higher, postures relaxed, and eyes shining. Some of them guard the handcuffed officers and generals of the First Order, others are standing in the middle of the room, a bit disoriented. Like Finn once, they can't yet fully grasp the freedom they have now.
The war is over and the galaxy is saved, but the dread Finn felt throughout the battle is still buried deeply in his bones. Over a thousand ships, each of them equipped with weapons able to obliterate entire worlds… It was a fight impossible to win.
His gaze drifts to the windows, where flashes illuminate the black sky of Exegol, each of them sending shivers down his spine. When he saw the tree of electricity emerging from the planet, clawing at every one of the Resistance's vessels, he was certain that this would be their end, that Palpatine had defeated Rey and that all was lost.
"Woohooo!" Poe's voice blaring out of his comlink startles him out of his revery. "Guys, we did it, we really did it!"
Finn blinks and hastily feels for the device. Cheers erupt from Jannah and her company as they enter the control room, and when their eyes meet, he nods and grins at them, then lifts the device to his lips and smirks.
"About time…"
"Buddy! Finn! You are a genius. Let's go home so I can give you a damn medal!"
Finn laughs and pushes himself from the control panel, watching his team as he strolls through the room. He spots Jannah talking to Rose, wide smiles transforming their entire bearing, as if the weight of the war had lifted to reveal their true selves.
Finn speaks into the comlink. "You should give them all medals."
"Damn right you are, Finn. See you back at the base!"
Finn barely has time to pocket the device when Rose runs at full speed to him. He opens his arms and she jumps into a hug, squealing and squeezing him tight.
"It's over, the war is over," Rose laughs. "I can't believe it!"
Finn groans, patting her back. "Me neither," he wheezes. "Rose, you're suffocating me."
When she finally lets go of him, he lowers her to the ground. Rose is looking around and shakes her head in disbelief. "It feels so surreal...like a dream."
"Let's hope it's not a dream, because I'm not going to do this again."
Her head snaps back to him and she shoots him a threatening stare. "If we do wake up and you jump into an escape pod or something…"
He guffaws and holds his hands up in surrender when she produces her electro prod and waves it in front of his face, the electricity crackling dangerously close to his ears. "Oh, then I really hope this isn't a dream!"
Rose chuckles, clipping the device back to her belt, and pokes him in the side. He puts an arm around her, pulling her close, and lets out a satisfied sigh. So this is what freedom really feels like, knowing that your friends are safe and that the future is full of possibilities, now that they are unconfined by rigid armor or the terrors of war. He can't wait to see Poe again, and to tell Rey everything that happened, how they took control of an entire Star Destroyer, how they—
Something tears in the middle of his chest. A gasp escapes his lips, and his knees buckle under him. He barely feels Rose's hands supporting him, and she's saying something, but he doesn't understand a word, her voice sounding distant and muffled, as though she's speaking from far away.
It can't be. No. It's impossible. He gasps for breath, clutching his chest, and leans heavily on Rose.
"Finn, what's wrong?"
He flinches, her voice suddenly too loud in his ears, and he screws his eyes shut for a moment. He frantically shakes his head, his mind a chaos of confusion and pain as cold spreads through his bones.
"It can't be," he pants, fighting to keep standing on his feet.
"Finn, tell me what's happening!"
Rose's face appears in front of him, wide-eyed, as she searches his body and face, then another joins hers. It's Jannah. His hand touches the cold floor, and he realizes they must have caught his fall. Warm fingers close around his, and he looks down at his violently trembling hands.
"Finn, please talk to us."
"She's gone," he whispers, and his eyes well up with tears. "Rey is dead."
"What…?"
"How can you know?" Jannah asks, but then something flashes in her eyes, something like understanding, when it slowly dawns on her.
Finn looks away from her knowing look because it reflects a reality that's too harsh to bear, and he weakly pushes their hands away. He sinks into a sitting position, tears running down his cheeks as he struggles to organize his thoughts, desperate to find another explanation for this.
"Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe i-it's because of...of all the excitement, it could be!" he stammers. "I don't understand anything about it anyway. I'll have to ask Rey about it…"
Yes, he must have imagined it. Because it's impossible, isn't it? Rey is strong - he has seen what she can do, how she pulled that transporter back and healed a giant vexis on Pasaana! This must be a mistake, a sudden drop of adrenaline, his mind playing tricks on him.
But the hollow feeling in his chest tells him otherwise. The subtle warmth he's felt since the day he met her, which he became so accustomed to that it felt like a part of him, is gone, replaced by coldness. His mind is reeling, still looking for a way to escape the truth.
"Finn."
He looks up at the two women, concern and confusion written all over their faces.
Rose stares at him with wide eyes, shaking her head. "What are you talking about?"
"Rey is dead," he chokes out, his throat hurting and he swallows. "I felt it. I have the Force."
Damn the Force. If it means to feel like that, he doesn't want it. And what good has it done anyway? Rey is dead because of it! The Force is nothing but a cruel energy, playing with peoples' lives as if they were puppets, forcing people like him to feel pain a thousandfold. He doesn't want it.
Rose and Jannah keep staring at him, neither of them daring to move. His breath hitches and he throws his hands up in front of his face.
"I've known I had the Force for a while now." His voice is muffled against his hands. "I wanted to tell Rey… I should have—"
The rest of his sentence is swallowed by an onslaught of sobs tearing through him. His best friend is dead. She's gone. The words echo in his mind, hollow and cruel.
He should have prevented her from looking for the wayfinder on her own, insisted more on helping her, not let himself be distracted by Jannah and her company. He should have paid more attention, not let her out of his sight, and given her the feeling that she wasn't alone. Maybe if he had truly listened when she tried telling him about her fears, her visions, he would have seen it coming, could have— no.
He should have kept her out of this war from the very beginning. If only he had tried harder to get her to run with him on Takodana, maybe she would still be alive.
"There's nothing you could have done to save her, Finn," Jannah says and squeezes his shoulder. "She has chosen her own path. She sacrificed herself for the galaxy, for all of us. She's a hero."
"I'm tired of heroes," Rose says with vehemence, and Finn lets his hands fall away to look at her. Her face is blotchy, the tip of her nose is red, and tears stream down her cheeks. She's clutching her crescent necklace, knuckles white. "I'm so tired of seeing people I love die. I'm tired of people sacrificing their lives for the greater good. I don't want heroes." She almost spits out the word.
With that, she stands and stomps away, the sound of her sobs receding quickly. Jannah follows her with her eyes, then looks back at Finn. Her face creases with anguish.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to— I just wanted to help."
"No, it's okay," Finn says with a hollow voice and then rubs his face. "You're right. Rey has always gone her own way. And she is a hero. It's just"— He stops, catching his breath, and concentrates on keeping it even— "she's my best friend." Despite his resolve, his voice cracks on the last word.
"I'm sorry." She breathes out a long exhale and stares at the floor for a long moment before she rises and holds out a hand to him. "Come on," she whispers, and smiles when he grabs her hand to let her pull him to his feet. She takes hold of his arms and fixes him with a stare. "You are one of the strongest people I know. And you won't have to go through this alone if you don't want to."
Finn wipes his eyes with his sleeve and nods. "Thank you."
The sound of multiple pairs of feet approaches them from behind, and they turn around. The members of Company 77 stand tall, cuts and bruises all over their bodies and makeshift bandages wrapped around their arms and legs. Finn straightens and nods at them, then a woman steps forward.
"Jannah, Finn," she acknowledges them with a curt nod, then points towards the corridor leading away from the control room. "The injured have been cared for as best as possible, but there are too many of them and too little equipment and expertise to attend to them properly. We need to bring them somewhere safe... and get them something to eat, as well."
"Let's go home," Jannah says and lets her eyes wander about the room, taking in the weariness written into the faces and postures of former members of the First Order. "Let's take all these people home."
Jannah is right. What they all need most right now is a home, a place to belong and feel safe. They need their help now more than ever. So he's got to be strong. Just a little longer. He can break down later.
Finn takes a deep breath and squares his shoulders. "Alright. Set the course to Ajan Kloss and begin preparations for the transport ships. We can't land that huge thing, and we've got a lot of people to take care of. Let's take them home."
Author's note:
Thank you so much for reading! (*￣3￣)╭ Please don't hesitate to tell me what you think! Your comments mean so much to me
(づ￣ 3￣)づ