Chapter 1
After talking to me, Watari stepped out of the room at once and went back to tend to Hisoka. I, on the other hand, stayed motionless for a very long minute. He reassured me that Hisoka's already out of critical condition and is already on the stage of recovery, and that he only needs a bit more rest. He'll be released from the infirmary three days from now too. That's a relief. But, I know how it feels to have an empty space in your mind. I myself don't remember anything about those eight years before I died, and it feels awful. No matter how much I force myself to remember, there's absolutely nothing. . . just a dark void.
I'm walking at a very slow rate towards the infirmary. It feels like I'm not really walking at all, but more like dragging my feet with iron balls chained to them. I feel so heavy. And the infirmary feels so far away, even if it's just exactly eight steps across the doorframe that I'm standing on.
Damn it all, what have you done this time, Tsuzuki no baka!
That's right. . . what have I done to my partner again. . .?
After what seems like hours, which was actually just two minutes, of walking thousands of millimeters towards the infirmary's cheap wooden door (*ahem* I'm happy Tatsumi didn't hear the word cheap), I grab the doorknob, then release it again because of the sudden hesitation that came to my mind.
What if. . . what if Hisoka doesn't want to see me right now? What if he wants to be alone? Surely, at his state, he needs company. . . but knowing Hisoka, he wouldn't want it. He'd prefer to be by himself and handle this all on his own. He's probably mad at me, blaming me for what happened to him. It was my fault after all, and he's smart enough to know that. Then again, that's impossible though, because in the first place he doesn't remember anything, and Hisoka's definitely not the blaming type. Argh! I hate thinking too much like this. Alright, I'll just leave him alone for now.
After five whole minutes of standing in front of the door, I turn my heel and start to walk away. It only took me three steps to turn back and stand in front of the infirmary's door, again. I really, badly need to see him. Okay, I'm exaggerating. I just want to see how he's doing now. At a time like this, Hisoka needs me more than anything. . . and anyone.
Softly open the door, then walk in with a smile, yup! That's what I'll do. So I turn the knob and quietly walk in so that I don't disturb Hisoka in case he's sleeping. He's awake. Watari's checking his condition. I think. He's talking to him in soft whispers, then turns and leave. He stops to whisper something into my ear for a moment.
"I'll leave you two alone for a while. Take care of him ne?"
He walks on, then stops for a minute and grabs my sleeve.
"Oh wait! Before I forget. . . I already filled him in on some things, like the shinigami stuff, but. . ."
He lowers his voice even more to something much softer than a whisper, but with a warning tone.
"I left the part about Muraki out. I think it's not a good idea to remind him about that just yet."
I give him a really warmhearted smile him for that.
"Sankyuu. . . Watari."
And he answers with a beam.
"Anything for bon ne?" he says with a wink.
So I walk towards Hisoka's bed. His pillows are positioned into a comfortable position and he's leaning on them as he sits. He's staring out the window, into the sunset. His deep green eyes are iridescent, softly reflecting the sunlight. He doesn't even seem to be aware that someone's approaching him. I extend my hand and gently grasp his shoulder, making him softly gasp. He looks at me with surprised eyes for a moment, then breathes a relaxed sigh.
"Tsuzuki, isn't it? You must be my partner."
I give him what seems to be the warmest smile I've ever shown.
"Aa. Daijoubu ka?" I ask, while settling myself on the side of his bed.
"Saa. . . Still a bit dizzy, but I think I'll manage." He replies, still as casual about his health as before.
'Taku sometimes I really wish that Hisoka will be more conscious about his condition. I mean, he's just too reckless. He keeps jumping into just about anything. He doesn't even care if it'll lead him straight into his second death! He's selfless, I know that, but why can't he give just a little more value to his life. . .? Right. Like I should talk. Me, who had successfully committed suicide more than seventy years ago, even after eight years of failed attempts.
I think I got too lost in my pitiful thoughts coz I jump as I hear Hisoka's soft, pained voice.
"Ya. . . yamete. Tsuzuki. . ." he coughs out.
Hisoka's clutching my sleeve, and his eyebrows are creased with a frown. A thin layer of sweat is visible on his forehead.
Baka baka Tsuzuki! Hontou ni bakero!!! I should have known better than that. My emotions always tend to get too strong for Hisoka. I close the small distance between us and wrap my arms around him, stroking his hair soothingly. I love the feel of his hair. . . so soft. . . and so intoxicating to touch. It feels like, whenever I touch it, I don't want to let go. A silly metaphor really, but it's also the same with all of Hisoka. . . whenever I keep him in my arms like this. . . I just wish I would never have to let go.
"Gomen ne, Hisoka. Gomen ne. . ." I whisper softly to his ear.
"Betsuni. Watari-san told me about this. . . ability. Empathy or something. . . So this is how it feels, being able to sense other people's emotions."
Then he pulls away.
"It's strange though. It's supposed to be intensified by physical contact, but with you, it feels so. . . natural. It's as if your feelings are flowing steadily into me, not crushing me in its sudden intrusion." Hisoka tells me with questioning eyes.
"It's because I can shield. I only let you feel those things that you need to feel, and not those that might hurt you." I say calmly, to ease his discomfort.
"I see. . . I hope I can do that too."
"You can. You just have to learn it all over again." Just like the hundred other things you have yet to rediscover.
And he sighs in relief.
Just as I expected. He's too easy to figure out, Hisoka. I've known him long enough to know when something's bothering him, and what I have to do about it. However, there are still a lot of things I have yet to uncover about this mysterious partner of mine.
Like how he really feels for me.
But that will have to wait. For now, my priority is to help him gain back his memories. I really have to be very gentle with him from now on, especially because somehow, I'm the only one among us who understands what he's going through. And also, being his partner, I'm the one who knows him best. Truth be told, Hisoka never opened up to anyone else in the entire Meifu as much as he did to me. That's Hisoka for you. He'll never let anyone pass through his thick barriers, heck, even I had to be really persistent before he let me in.
No one can blame him though. He had a rough life. Not to mention a much worse. . . death. Oooops! Shields up! I can't let him see through that. Watari will kill me. Okay, change the topic.
"Say Hisoka, you want something to eat?" I say, with the first thing that comes into my mind. . . FOOD!
"Iie." He answers, softly shaking his head. "I'm not really hungry right now."
"You never were." I pout.
"Look if you're hungry, go out and eat. I just don't have the appetite right now." He says with a sigh. A weary sigh. . .?
"Hisoka. . . is there something wrong? C'mon, say it. You know you can ask me, or tell me, anything." I ask anxiously.
He stares out the window again. I continue to look at him inquisitively.
Then he finally speaks.
"It's like. . . I'm walking in the dark. I don't know where I'm going, nor where I have to go. I just feel so. . . lost." He says with a vulnerable look in his vibrant eyes. He's trying to look composed. I know that he hates the dark, but for Hisoka to admit his weakness like this. . . it must be hard for him.
Gently, I clasp his hand again.
"Then I'll hold your hand and guide you. Let me be your eyes until you find your light. I promise, I won't let you stumble, but I'll catch you if you fall." I say, then continue with a playful wink. "Besides, I told you this before- I have good night vision."
Hisoka gives me a weird look.
"I. . . get your point. I think."
"Yosh! I'll go get some food for you now ne? You just wait here."
I ruffle his hair then walk towards the door. I was just about to walk out the infirmary when he called me.
"Tsuzuki! Anou. . . arigatou." He muttered shyly.
He's blushing. Kawaii. . . I smile at him then close the door.
This time, I'll keep my promise. I won't let you down, Hisoka, no matter what.
~)-0-(~
Let's see. . . I think some fruits would be good. Hisoka doesn't like sweets, which until now I still find really bizarre, so it wouldn't do to get these creamy chocolate-sprinkled muffins. Ooohh but they're soooooo irresistible!!! I'll get them for myself then. Weee! Sweets are my life!! Chocolates, cinnamons, muffins, cakes, cookies, pocky. . . and the list goes on and on. . . Waiii!!! Okay, I think this is enough. Got to go back to Hisoka now.
I wanted to grab as many as I can, so it took me quite a while down there. Hisoka must be pretty annoyed by now. I'm almost at the infirmary. My arms are loaded with sweets and. . . oops, I forgot the fruits that I'm supposed to get. Sou na, now I have to go back to the break room. Geez, I think I got too distracted by all those luscious treats.
Ack! So now I'm on my way back to the break room again. Walk, walk, walk. Phew! Silly me. To actually forget what I really came here for. Right, that's the break room now.
I come closer to the partly opened door, and I notice through the yellowish beam on the floor that the light's on.
Are??? Someone's here. But, isn't it past office hours now? Wonder who it is. . .?
"So. . . how did it go?"
It's Tatsumi's voice. There's someone else with him. . .?
"It was a close call, really. I told bon just right before Tsuzuki came in."
That's Watari's voice. I wonder why they're talking about Hisoka though. . . and myself. Hmmm. . . EEP! NO! What am I doing? This isn't right. . . but. . . but. . .
"We'll just see what happens then." Tatsumi has this naughty tone in his voice. And his voice seems to be getting louder.
"Yes. I think it'll turn out pretty well. Really, it's about time those two. . . are???? Tsuzuki-san!? What are you doing here???"
Watari's voice sounds startled, but he's trying his best to keep calm. AH! I didn't even notice that they were coming closer! What do I do. . . What do I do. . .
"I. . . hehe. . . um. . . was going to. . ." Shoot, I'm stammering. . . caught in the act. . .
"Steal all those sweets again?" Tatsumi cut in with narrowed eyes.
Yikes! I failed to notice that I still have my armful of sweets. Uh-oh. . . I'm in BIG trouble.
"Anou. . . I was going to bring some food back to Hisoka. . . and, well um. . ."
Luckily, Watari's interruption saves me.
"Ah!" He slaps his forehead. "Sou desu ne! I forgot to check on him before leaving. Oh well, might as well go now. But, Tsuzuki-san, I'm sure you know better than I do that bon will definitely no like those." He points at my arms.
"Wakatteru yo. That's why I came back!" I answer defensively with a pout. "Matte, I'll go get those fruits now."
"I'll go with you two. I want to see how Kurosaki-kun is doing as well." Tatsumi says, fixing his spectacles.
I open the cupboard and take out the tiny basket filled with assorted fruits, then walk with Tatsumi and Watari back to the infirmary.
~)-0-(~
Upon entering the infirmary, silence greets us. Not that it's a big trend, considering it is Hisoka in there. But, it was rather too quiet. And dark. Watari traces the wall for the switch then flicks it, turning the lights on.
"Hisoka. . .?"
I quietly approach the bed, Hisoka's sound asleep. He probably dozed off while waiting for me. Okay, now I feel a bit guilty. If only I came sooner, then he could've at least eaten something. . .
He squints at the sudden emergence of light and groggily opens his eyes.
"Baka. . . what took you so long. . .?" His voice is soft and sleepy.
"Hisoka!!"
He sits up and rubs his eyes. So cute. . . he really looks like a child when he does that.
"Who were those two?" He gestures to the door.
His question suddenly makes me turn my head, only to find the room empty.
Tatsumi and Watari were with me just a while ago, mou. . . they should have at least said something if they wanted to go.
"Where are they?" I ask myself out loud, making Hisoka think the question was addressed to him.
"Well, they stood there for a while then went out. Didn't you even notice?" Hisoka tilts his head to the side curiously.
Honestly, no.
"Well, they'll come back. Here! I brought you some fruits! You must be pretty hungry. Pick what you like and I'll peel it for you." I exclaim cheerfully.
"A. . . aa."
So here we are, him quietly eating and me munching on my sweets. Mmmm. . . sooo good! Sweets are the best things humans ever made!!! I better thank who ever it was that first came up with the idea of making these treats! Life's not worth living without 'em! Yum! Yum!!!!
"Ne, Tsuzuki."
"Eh?"
Hisoka's mellow voice takes me out of my sugar bliss and takes me back to reality.
"I. . . want to ask you something."
He's blushing. I wonder why. . .?
"Yes?" I ask gently.
"I. . . I don't mean to offend you or anything but. . . it's just. . . I can't seem to bring myself to believe it. . ." He trails off.
Okay, this seems to be really disturbing him. Push aside my sweets first then focus at him. Yes, even after what happened earlier, I can honestly say Hisoka comes first before sweets. Honest!
"Go on." I try to make it sound more like an encouragement, not a demand.
" Watari-san, he. . ."
His blush is deepening. What the. . .
"What did he do to you?" I ask unperturbed, but with a protective tone.
"He told me that you. . . me. . ."
He's really hesitating, and I don't need to be an empath to tell how much this is disquieting him.
"Yes?" I inquire gentler this time.
"Am I really your. . . koi?"
The last word came softer than a whisper, but powerful enough to actually throw me off the bed and into the floor. I don't think I heard that correctly. I clumsily push myself up and sit back on the bed. Hisoka just can't possibly be serious.
"Hisoka. . . what was that you were asking me?" I ask with an obviously forced grin. The fact that my voice faltered when I asked that doesn't help me in hiding my uneasiness.
"Don't make me repeat this!" he snaps, but then restates it all the same. "I said. . . is it true about, you know, 'us'?"
If I still heard that wrong, I better have Watari check on my ears. What the heck. . . if this is a joke, it's not funny. Wait a minute. . .
"Hisoka. . . did you just say it was Watari who told you?" I ask him gravely, and he's perplexed by my sudden change in demeanor.
He nods mutely.
Then something clicks inside me and I recall what I accidentally overheard earlier.
~ "It was a close call, really. I told bon just right before Tsuzuki came in."
"We'll just see what happens then."~
Without even thinking, I step out of the room and look for Watari to confront him and Tatsumi. They were together in this after all.
~)-0-(~
Translations:
Ø shinigami ~ god of death
Ø sankyuu ~ Tsuzuki's vain attempt to actually say "Thank You" in English ^^;;
Ø aa ~ yes / sure
Ø daijoubu desu ka ~ Are you alright? (courtesy of GomaMizu-san)
Ø saa ~ well…
Ø 'taku ~ short for mataku which means really (as in the one in italics, which somehow denotes exasperation)
Ø yamete ~ stop
Ø baka ~ idiot
Ø hontou ni ~ really (literal sense of the word ie. Hisoka wa hontou ni kirei = Hisoka is really beautiful ^^ *heart*)
Ø betsuni ~ it's nothing / nevermind
Ø Meifu ~ world of the dead
Ø yosh(i) silent 'i' ~ good!; alright!; ok!; right on! (courtesy of Crystal Rose-san and Artemis-san) .
Ø anou ~ Um…
Ø kawaii ~ cute
Ø sonna ~ Oh no (courtesy of Crystal Rose-san)
Ø are? ~ denotes mild surprise upon noticing something. Again, another failure to translate. (See how poor my Japanese is??? T.T )
Ø sou desu ne ~ that's right (can also be "I agree" (?) )
Ø wakatteru yo ~ I know!
Ø mou ~ denotes mild annoyance
Ø koi ~ short for 'koibito' which means "lover"
(If I made mistakes in my translations, please feel free to correct me. It'll be much appreciated. =^w^=)